Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Looks Like It’s Suicide For Me. AGAIN.


You guys are too nice. You need to make me work a HELL of a lot harder for your votes. Come on, make me post about something. Ask me to write about something you’ve been up nights wondering about. I’ve now moved above the grocery blog which is rad, but I’m going to lose to Dooce. Doesn’t everyone?

Because I was raised by a couple of stinking hippies, I was singing “We Shall Overcome” and “Blowin’ In The Wind” while I toddled around in my cloth diaper, occasionally being stuck by a rogue pin. I was forced to listen to both Pink Floyd and Peter, Paul and Mary by my mother, who would frequently play a record over and over ad nauseum until my ears bled. I still tremble at the thought of having to listen one more fucking time to “If I Had A Hammer.”

It probably wasn’t until after I was in college before I realized that I could listen to music and like it just because it made me feel good. Not because it had a deeper meaning or because it meant something or because it protested something. Just because it made me happy or made me want to get on the table and dance my (white girl) ass off.

In that vein, I happily dragged my husband out to get the new Britney record on the day it was released. While he wondered if his testicles had been put into a jar on a shelf in our garage somewhere, I (pathetically) bopped out to some funky fresh jams. It beat the hell out of the emo shit Dave normally plays, or as I like to call it “Suicide Rock.”

Shockingly, though, I don’t only listen to bubble gum pop. On my I’m Feeling Acutely Sorry For Myself Days (oh, like YOU don’t have those days too), I like nothing more than listening to Leonard Cohen.

I remember ages ago watching a Saturday Night Live episode with my dad late one night (perhaps on a SATURDAY NIGHT? Get it?!?) and they did a sketch on a Leonard Cohen Fan Convention. I hadn’t been introduced properly to Mr. Cohen at that point, but I do remember that everyone was wearing mournful black clothing (berets even, perhaps, if my mind serves me) and many of them committed suicide while they listened to his music.

It’s only funny if you know his music. Because it’s true.

While I’m not a big Take To My Blog To Piss And Moan kind of person, these past couple of months have been excruciatingly rough for me. I’ve honestly hit the point where I’m wondering, Hey, is this LIFE? Is life really just one stupid fucking crisis after another? Because yeah.

So, what does a person at her wits end do?

a) Consider joining a nunnery

b) Sell herself to the gypsies.

c) Pay the gypsies to take her away

d) Listen to depressing ass music.

While the other three options are great choices, I chose number d. Because I like sex and I hate moving.

And my poor daughter has now grown up on a steady diet of Leonard Cohen, which cannot possibly be good for her development. I should probably switch to Pantera if I want her not to grow up to be an emo chick, right? So now, whenever I put on some “Hallelujah,” Amelia smiles her ever-loving head off.

Guess that’s better than contemplating suicide.


See! Look! She’s trying to decide how best to get upstairs and get some black eyeliner and the new Cure album (is there a new Cure album?).

47 Comments to

“Looks Like It’s Suicide For Me. AGAIN.”

  1. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:48 pm Badass Geek Says:

    Here’s an emo joke for you.

    My lawn is so emo, it cut’s itself.

    Get it?

  2. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Susan Says:

    At least your readers voted! In spite of shameless begging, I’m only up to a whopping 13 votes. Where’s that fucking Leonard Cohen cd?

  3. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:29 pm Ames Says:

    We will not let you lose to Dooce…no way no how. I’m going out to vote again right.this.moment.

    I too listen to music when I’m depressed, usually something like nine-inch-nails, stonesour, or radiohead… you get the picture.

  4. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Amanda (@mom23greatgirls) Says:

    We totally have that outfit too, in fact it was one of my favorites until baby grew so damn slow that she wore it for ummm… like 6 months. Now, it’s not one of my favorites anymore and it looks ratty and I can’t even sell it at the consignment store.

    But, on the bright side I did vote for you in both your categories.

    Stop listening to that sad ass music and turn on…

    Miley Cyrus

    That’ll get you going for when Amelia is 9 or 10 or so – just think you’ll already be hip! Learn to use 🙁 as a smiley and you’ll even be ready for the middle school years…

  5. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:51 pm a Says:

    There is nothing better than listening to depressing ass music when life sucks. In fact, when I was in college, I used to make mix tapes (why yes, I am a dork) that I would title Songs for the Suicidally Depressed. I think there are 3 or 4 volumes. I have not heard the Leonard Cohen stuff, though, so I guess I’ll have to hit YouTube this evening.

    BTW, I’ve learned to never complain that life is boring, because the excitement you end up with (medical traumas, family fights) is not the excitement you were looking for (winning the lottery, trips to Italy).

  6. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:55 pm deb Says:

    Wow. When I’m depressed I listen to Ozzy. I must be doing something wrong.

  7. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:58 pm heather Says:

    She’s a blonde baby Alex! And I <3 her socks. I bought two boxes of them that Beans wore for her first year because her feet? Miniscule.

  8. On May 5th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Mimi Says:


    First off, I voted for you in each category like 3 times. I’m waiting for the website to ban my ass. Dooce is going DOWN, mother fuckers! Plus she’s not as funny as you are.

    As for being depressed – up the Happy Pill dosage and blast that Britney! Things will get better.

  9. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:06 pm Suzannah Says:

    I have no idea who Leonard Cohen is, but OMG that outfit is to die for!

  10. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:25 pm Mrs.Spit Says:

    Love Hallelujah, but Rufus Wainright has the best version. . . .

  11. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:27 pm lady lemon Says:

    Baby, I’m Your Man. My mother loves Leonard Cohen, too. When Amelia gets older I can counsel the poor child on the proper ways to apply black makeup.

  12. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:38 pm kbrients Says:

    oh dear! another adorable photo… I love them…

    and “number d?” You funny girl.

  13. On May 5th, 2009 at 1:47 pm Kendra Says:

    I grew up on the same musical diet you did–though it was mostly their old records I was listening to. My mom lost a lot of her hearing due to a car accident before I was born, so her musical taste sort of stopped at Johhny Mathis, because she didn’t have to strain to understand the words.

    I went through a long cycle of many boyfriends, many musical genres. I had the punk boyfriend, the rap boyfriend, the techno boyfriend, the list goes on. But the good news is that I ended up with an appreciation for a wide variety of musical styles. In the end, I married the punk(ish) boyfriend. And I have to say, for depressing rainy days (especially if you’re driving to Maine from Minnesota, through Canada), you can’t beat the Tragically Hip. I like “Scared.” I don’t know what kind of emotional future that foretells for our kids.

  14. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:00 pm ScienceMama Says:

    God that baby is gorgeous.

  15. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:00 pm Betty M Says:

    Hallelujah in this house is “the song from Shrek” I’m afraid. No cred whatsoever. We also have Abba on near permanent loop. Z is better at Mamma Mia than Twinkle Twinkle. Its embarrassing.

    How cute is she?

  16. On May 5th, 2009 at 3:03 pm lola Says:

    Can I vote for you more than once? If that be the case, then the game is on, Doocie! The bitch sucks all the ad money out of the Blogosphere, fortyfuckingthousanddollars a month, so she can’t have the awards, too!

    When I’m depressed, I don’t listen to depressing music. I hear my own sad tune bouncing around in my head, and then I put on something snappy to get me out of it, like Cher tunes 😉

  17. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:04 pm Eva Says:

    Hooray for Leonard Cohen!

  18. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:10 pm Inna Says:

    Yeah, they aren’t letting me vote twice. Sorry Becky! I’ll see what one can do about creating multiple profiles.. hhehehehe

    By the way, your daughter is adorable! And now to google Cohen – I have no idea who that is… (have I been stuck in lab too long?)

  19. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:18 pm Kristine Says:

    Ahh flashbacks, I haven’t heard Leonard Cohen in YEARS.

    Amelia is beautiful.

  20. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:19 pm Calliope Says:

    TOTALLY voted for you. you are so bad ass. Don’t jump until you see your landslide win!
    How are your readers NOT knowing Cohen?!? You need to do a youtube video post and school some people. 🙂

    And the girl- stunning. And clearly plotting to take over the universe.


  21. On May 5th, 2009 at 3:21 pm Dora Says:

    Amelia is totally delish!! I agree with Cali. Edumacate yourselves people! I was in Starbux the other day and someone commented on the Talking Heads cd they’re selling and the girl behind the counter said, “I’ve never heard of them.” Fine! Order my walker and book my room in the nursing home! Oh, hell, just Take Me To The River!

  22. On May 5th, 2009 at 2:30 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Okay, seriously….did you hack into my account and read my drafts? Because I have a post that is so similar to this one in the works! But WAY less funny.

    My husband listens to the suicide rock as well and I love the pop/happy music. And Peter, Paul and Mary were about the only music we listened to other than the Safety Kids and G.T. and the Halo Express, because my mom loathed music for the most part. In 8th grade I discovered the radio (ZOMG where had it been all my life?!?!) and got hooked on the happy pop music. I love me some Cohen too (although I agree with Mrs. Spit that the Rufus Wainright version is awesome). And my daughter’s favorite music is Ozzy. When her daddy is singing to her and the words say anything about death, devil, killing, etc, she giggles.

    Pass us the black eyeliner and nail polish please!

  23. On May 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm amelie Says:

    Yep, Cure has a new album. We totally raised our oldest on them and the Smiths and New Order. (I’m dating myself aren’t I) Excellent suicide music. We totally scarred her for life with Sisters of Mercy – horrified screaming melt-down baby. Oops, who knew. Now she listens to top 40 – all that emo training gone to waste. Sigh.

    Don’t worry that adorable Amelia is sure to love the music you hate the most. Peter, Paul and Mary perhaps?

  24. On May 5th, 2009 at 4:46 pm The Mom Says:

    My son asks to listen to Rabiohead. It is his favorite. I would put my eye out before I listened to Miley Cyrus. And yes, I think the Cure has something new out, not sure of the name. It may be a best of kind of thing.

  25. On May 5th, 2009 at 4:43 pm Karen Says:

    Oh my goodness. She is so freaking cute.

  26. On May 5th, 2009 at 4:54 pm Sue Says:

    Your daughter is gorgeous.

  27. On May 5th, 2009 at 4:58 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    My boys think Distrubed is the greatest band ever. I don’t even know how they know who that is!

  28. On May 5th, 2009 at 5:23 pm Sara Says:

    Confession. I didn’t realize that “number d” is not correct, until someon pointed it out in the comments. But that could because I say, “for one (whateveri’mbitchingabout) and B. And things don’t have scents they have flavors…

    And I too love baby girl’s outfit.

  29. On May 5th, 2009 at 5:35 pm CJ Says:

    I love “Hallelujah” — I listen to the Rufus Wainwright version. I have a whole collection of depressing music (mostly Patty Griffin) that got me through Infertility: Part One. Some people don’t understand listening to sad songs when you are down, they think it makes it worse. But I think it helps me to work through it… serves as a soundtrack to help me move forward. Different strokes for different folks, I guess!

  30. On May 5th, 2009 at 5:43 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    That Leonard Cohen bit must be hilarious! I’ve got to hop on the old You-Tube and try and find it…

    I tried so hard for so many years to be a “music-snob.” But I like you–would horrifyingly catch myself busting out the Justin Timberlake jams! *GASP*

    Sometimes the crappy, bubble-gum pop, just sounds so good!!! (LOL)

  31. On May 5th, 2009 at 6:07 pm kate Says:

    what’s with the matchy matchy cute ass clothes on her? where’s her saggy cloth diaper and rogue pins?

    i’m listening to jezebel by two hours traffic right now, over and over until the little people’s ears bleed and i don’t care.

  32. On May 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pm mumma boo Says:

    “I just want you to know I was listening to the Cure when I wrote this, so, um, well, here goes…” Quick! Name that movie!
    My parents had Neil Diamond, Kenny Rogers, and Tina Turner on constant rotation in the car during my childhood. Ask me the lyrics to any of their greatest hits. I dare ya.!

  33. On May 5th, 2009 at 6:43 pm Betts Says:

    When I’m depressed, I read your blog. And not because misery loves company. It’s just because you make me laugh my head off. I hope your shitstorm ends soon so you can listen to happy music.

  34. On May 5th, 2009 at 7:22 pm Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy Says:

    Break out the Jeff Buckley, baby. He kicks Leonard Cohen’s ass and is way hotter.

    And your baby girl is GORGEOUS by the way!

  35. On May 5th, 2009 at 8:40 pm magpie Says:

    bestill my heart.

    i have six or seven covers of hallelujah on my ipod.

  36. On May 5th, 2009 at 9:16 pm charmedgirl Says:

    wow! she’s looking really big and beautiful!

    and i never say that unless i mean it…my standard ugly baby compliment is: OH! s/he looks just like YOU!

  37. On May 5th, 2009 at 8:23 pm Jenn Says:

    She is too damn cute.

  38. On May 5th, 2009 at 10:14 pm Stacie Says:

    Amelia is adorable! I grew up on Elton John and Fleetwood Mac (Mom) and Led Zepplin and ZZ Top (dad) and I turned out, um, okay bad example. Forget what I said. Except about Amelia being adorable because that is so true.

  39. On May 5th, 2009 at 10:22 pm giggleblue Says:

    she does totally look like the lady bits version of alex! i love it!

  40. On May 6th, 2009 at 12:42 am Cari Says:

    Cute photo. I think my Beauty may have that very same outfit (is it Dwell Studio for Tar-jay?) Forcing Amelia to listen to depressing music can’t nearly be as bad as my little baby being tortured day in and day out with her big brothers’ Elmo Sings cd, can it?! BTW, sorry for the rough couple of months. Hope there is an end to the crises in sight. Also, if I didn’t effing love you already, I would now since you have love for my girl Brit, Brit. I actually spent my 32nd bday as one of the straightest, oldest people at her Seattle concert AND I gave away a copy of Circus on my blog. Check out my concert pics here:

  41. On May 6th, 2009 at 4:06 am zelzee Says:

    Amelia is beautiful!!

    I couldn’t imagine a life without music, and mine reflects my mood, too.
    I am all over the place with my taste from Bon Jovi to Josh Grobin to Poison.

    I played my favorite songs over and over when my kids were little. My daughter can’t listen to a Rick Springfield song without thinking of summer, the plastic smurf pool, and our matching orange bikinis, while the ‘boom’ box blasted “Jessie’s Girl”.

    And she’s kinda normal…….

  42. On May 6th, 2009 at 6:37 am Stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    The thing about giving her emo music to listen to now is that when she is a teen she will have to rebel against her parent’s music and you will have whatever passes for pop cheesy chherfulness in the 2020’s to listen to.

    You’re doing a good thing. If she is all emo now she will have no choice but to be helpful, cheery teen.

  43. On May 6th, 2009 at 7:17 am heather Says:

    I thought for sure my daughter would be hardcore, but she’s a princess and a primper. She grew up rockin out to Papa Roach with me (on the way to third grade at her private Christian school) but that didn’t stop her from turning into one of those girly girls who’s always putting on makeup and making sure her boobs are displayed in the best light possible. Sigh.

  44. On May 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am Cari Says:

    I’ve already commented on this post, but saw this announcement in the blogosphere and thought of you: March 6-12th nurses can get a free Cinnabon! You need to show your ID badge. Details can be found here….thanks Money Saving Mom!

    See what you miss not nursing!

  45. On May 6th, 2009 at 10:41 am honeywine Says:

    You do know that pic was crying out for a black beret, right? lol

  46. On May 8th, 2009 at 5:18 pm DD Says:

    I’m only here to stroke my own ego: I know that outfit!!

    I can claim that if you win something, can’t I? “I clothed the daughter of the Award Winner Aunt Becky”.

  47. On January 20th, 2010 at 11:42 pm xxlauraxx Says:

    Cute kid. I listen 2 depressing music 2, but i`ve never heard of leonard cohen. When I first saw his name, I thought he was a classical musician. Wtf? Wen i`m sad i listen 2 stuff like the used, my chemical romance, etc. I am so voting 4 u.

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