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Lesbian Valentine’s Day


I started work at age sixteen (no, not uphill both ways in the snow) in a fancy restaurant. Before I could serve tables, I had to turn 18, so I spent those years as a hostess. I’m telling you – you’ll never learn more about people than you do if you are forced to massage egos – very expensive egos.

It was there, at the now-defunct Mill Race Inn, that I learned about Valentine’s Day.

That’s not to say that I didn’t know about VD Day before working there – I simply didn’t understand the great lengths people went to to create the “perfect night.” I also didn’t understand the ire that was evoked by having a “perfect night” go awry. I don’t know how many people pitched fits when they didn’t get sat at the perfect table, but it had to be in the hundreds. One perfectly normal looking woman actually got down on the floor and began kicking and screaming. In the middle of a crowded restaurant. With no shame.

Valentine’s Day was always a cluster of fuckery.

I personally haven’t had a typically romantic Valentine’s Day regardless of relationship status – one year I ordered us a heart-shaped pizza. Other years, I went and purchased myself something shiny. It never mattered to me much.

Most importantly, it never changed the way I felt about the holiday – I love Valentine’s Day. Pink, puffy, glittery hearts type of love.

When Ben was a baby, my best friends and I found ourselves (rarely) single at the same time on VD-Day. Rather than mope about our doomed relationships, as we could easily have done, we decided that it was high time to start a new tradition: Lesbian Valentine’s Day.

No, no, we didn’t do a Four Girls One Cup kinda thing – that’s for amateurs. Instead, we fed my (now-deceased, overly large and awesomely adorable) cat bacon cheeseburgers. We ate Wendy’s there in my living room, the lot of us together, laughing and talking until late in the evening. They’d interrupted my studying for the evening – something that I rarely allowed to happen – and we had one of the best Valentine’s Days ever.

So what if we weren’t drinking Cristal atop the Hancock building? So what if no one had purchased us baubles and trinkets? So what if we didn’t have a special someone to tell us all the reasons we were worth loving?

We had each other.

We had Lesbian Valentine’s Day.

We also had Big Pink.

Yep, my best friend bought the lot of us Big Pink – the world’s best vibrator.

I will tell you here and now, it was by far, by FAR, the best Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever gotten.  Even better than the heart-shaped pizza and the diamonds.

Although, I’d have been pretty happy with a Shut Your Whore Mouth Shirt (that’s the perfect VD Gift, I’ve seen), had I created any at that time. P.S. I started a Zazzle Store, which I’ve been working on in pieces. That shit is confusing.

What’s your favorite VD-Day memory?

28 Comments to

“Lesbian Valentine’s Day”

  1. On February 14th, 2012 at 10:55 am Andie Says:

    A few years ago I started making a point to love myself on Valentines day.. booking a pedicure and pampering myself.

    A few years ago I got a couple girlfriends together and had what was probably my FAVORITE valentines day ever:

    Best VD/Flag Day/Family Day Weekend EVER

  2. On February 14th, 2012 at 10:57 am Uncle Danny (daddy) Says:

    Did you all use Big Pink together?

  3. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:05 am HMM Says:

    Love this! We do “VD” with a group of friends on whatever date we can make it work. Tonight. I celebrate VD with a Girl’s Night Out.. dinner and the theatre.. Best Valentine’s night ever 😉

  4. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:21 am BakingSuit Says:

    2002 or 1998

    Last year was pretty good too, my friend @sue215 and I went shoe shopping and to dinner and shared dessert. We were celebrating our friendship, our love of shoes and our love of dessert.

  5. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:25 am toywithme Says:

    Best part of Valentines Day – VD sex! Glad you got some 😉

  6. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:43 am Jonah Gibson Says:

    I think I understand why women would do this. I know of a certainty why men would never. We are happy, mostly, to be unattached at Valentine’s day because we thus escape another opportunity to fuck things up under the considerable duress of women’s expectations. A Valentines Day without a significant other is a near miss – a WHEW best appreciated alone with one’s thoughts.

  7. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:52 am Mayor Gia Says:

    I wish I could google big pink right now but ALAS, i am at work.

  8. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:52 am injaynesworld Says:

    Men come and go (literally), but girlfriends are forever.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, girlfriend.

  9. On February 14th, 2012 at 12:05 pm Kate Says:

    My husband proposed to me on Valentines Day 5 years ago. It sounds like a cliche but mostly it was funny because we’d already booked the church and the reception site. Plus he did it on a cookie cake so it was delicious 🙂

  10. On February 14th, 2012 at 12:34 pm AngstyJen Says:

    This year, my husband and I are ordering a heart-shaped pizza and watching “Lady and the Tramp” with our daughter. Low-key but fun. My favorite romantic Valentine’s Day, though, was the first year we were married, when we spent a weekend at a B&B in Austin and it actually snowed. Between the snow and the champagne and the newlywed-ness…it was good times!

  11. On February 14th, 2012 at 1:04 pm Pete In Az Says:

    Valentine schmalintine…

    Happy Statehood Day!!1!!!1!!!! Whoot, Whoot, Whoot…

    We’re one hundred today. At 2 PM our time, I think.

    Go hug a cactus or kiss a snake or something…See ya… I’m off to celebrate.

    Gonna go lasso a saguaro…

  12. On February 14th, 2012 at 1:04 pm meekasmommy Says:

    I’ve never been a huge fan of V-Day… not a hater, either, just not a huge believer. Don’t know that I’ve ever done much to celebrate, regardless of relationship status – which, indeed, makes for the perfect V Day for me. (HOWEVER. This is the anniversary of both my first date with my now-husband, AND the day we got engaged. Both entirely by chance. SO. Yeah.)

  13. On February 14th, 2012 at 2:01 pm jade Says:

    Big Pink sounds like the best fucking Vday gift ever

  14. On February 14th, 2012 at 2:36 pm Denise Says:

    My Valentine this year turns out to be my seven-year-old cousin, Sophie, who I’ve only met a handful of times but who I get on better than most of the other people in my family. She sent me a card in the actual, real post and I was delighted to find it was from her, and not a grown man with the hand writing of a seven-year-old girl.

  15. On February 14th, 2012 at 3:05 pm Mrs. One Day Says:

    I mentioned it briefly on my blog, but one of my favorite Valentine’s Day memories was when my now ex-husband surprised me by bringing me to a showing of Breakfast at Tiffany’s at an old theater in downtown Austin. It’s one of my favorite movies and it was a really fun night. Not expensive at all, but just right.

    The now husband is the best at really thoughtful gifts. Things that aren’t necessarily romantic, i.e. The Twilight Zone set, but they make me squeal with glee. All of our Valentine’s Days are awesome because he’s the love of my life. Jesus that was sappy. Meh. Who cares! I love my man even more than I love pie.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Becky! Mwah!

  16. On February 14th, 2012 at 3:45 pm Blazngfyre Says:

    I’m not a V-Day kinda gal.
    Never have been.
    But for me, the best V-day ever was 17 years ago ….
    I was in the hospital celebrating the birth of my first born the previous night.
    (He came VERY close to being a V-day baby … but decided the 13th was better!)

    He’s my forever Valentine.

  17. On February 14th, 2012 at 3:55 pm Uncle Danny (daddy) Says:×350.jpg

  18. On February 14th, 2012 at 7:04 pm Brett Minor Says:

    My wife and I went to a wedding one V Day. When we got home, I drew her a hot bubble bath, poured her favorite champagne and lit dozens of candles around the tub. I slowly bathed her and afterward dried her slowly. Pat dry, not rub. Took her to the living room where I gave her a full body massage with the special oils I had bought that day. The night ended with a great time in the bedroom.

    I was very proud of my accomplishments.

    A few days later I heard her talking to a friend about it on the phone. I started listening because I wanted to hear her bragging about how great I was. The phrase I remember was, “You will not believe the lengths my husband will go to keep from spending money.”

    The next year, I got her a card.

  19. On February 14th, 2012 at 8:28 pm Kelly Says:

    This year, my husband worked late, I ate cold, boxed mac and cheese out of the pan for dinner, my middle child barfed her ice cream sundae up all over the dinner table, and I am having a period that I’ve dubbed ‘CSI My Underpants’. So, I would say, not this year. But I still love them. <3

  20. On February 14th, 2012 at 8:37 pm V Says:

    thanks for the notes on your best vd day….made me feel so much better about my v day – I just drank a bottle of Chateau St. Michelle and thought about gigolo’s since my QBFM (questionable boyfriend material) failed to present a card, or show up to say I am the light of his life. Better I face reality and realize men are men and fantasies are fantasies…never the two shall meet. Thanks for the bright spot in my “Look, she is single and can’t even get the janitor’s attention” day! You are awesome!

  21. On February 14th, 2012 at 11:08 pm alfred lives here Says:

    ” a cluster of fucker”…. classic quote!!!

    I am recently (2 yrs) and happily married, and today was a lovely quiet evening at home just the two of us. So a typical night, but with dessert!

    In my many single years, my female friends and I would either go out for dinner and a movie, ro would order in a HUGE meal and have a fun night at home. An anti-Valentine if you will. Those were awesome nights. I gotta call them….

  22. On February 15th, 2012 at 12:51 am nellie vaughn Says:

    What the fuckity fudger fuck! I want awesome friends like yours. But nooooo,my friends talk me into taking a bad situation and making it worse. That’s it! I am giving them away on craigslist.

  23. On February 15th, 2012 at 2:12 am Janis Says:

    For most of my life, Valentine’s day was not very romantic…until five years ago, when Hubby and I got married. He picked the day–maybe so he’d always remember the date, but what the hell, I always get flowers. 🙂 This year, we both worked all day and were getting over being sick, so we were too tired to go out, but leftover chicken soup with my sweetie (and our little begging dog) was very nice.

  24. On February 15th, 2012 at 6:31 am Mental Manic aka Pam Says:

    Damn, this is pretty embarrassing but I think my fav vd was in grade school. We got to put our books away, the room mothers would walk in w/ the goodies and we got to open valentine cards.

    I read yesterday that a womens website was promoting an event w/ your girl friends…Galentine’s Day (gal+valentines). A celebration not unlike lesbian vd, which would be celebrated the day before vd.

    Next yr I may do bboth…galentines AND lesbian valentines day(s). (Double the candy)

  25. On February 15th, 2012 at 9:15 am Grace Says:

    I think my best ever was this year! My hubby had ordered me a really fancy new drill back in November for my Christmas gift. Many months later and many EXCUSES later from the guy he ordered it from, I still don’t have my drill. I was really upset about it a couple days ago. When the hubster came home for lunch yesterday, he had his hand behind his back. I was pleased, but slightly annoyed that he’d gotten something after I told him specifically that I didn’t care about Valentines Day this year. I expected him to have flowers or something in his hand, but NOPE! He handed me a new drill!!! Not the fancy one he’d ordered, but still a good one. He’s the best!

    His co-workers are jealous that he’s got a woman who was super excited about getting power tools for the “romantic” holiday!

  26. On February 15th, 2012 at 11:53 am Rachel Says:

    first of all, cluster of fuckery is now my new fave phrase!!

    I’d have to say yesterday was my favorite VD day moment. I met up with some friends at a local dive bar and sang karaoke. Yeah, I’m dating someone, but it’s new still. He didn’t send me flowers, or anything for that matter, and strangely enough, I didn’t turn into a giant girl over it. I am finally confident and strong enough in my own skin that VD day didn’t send me spiraling down into that deep dark abyss of depression. Good times with great friends is all I needed, and not the validation of love, like, or lust from a man!!

  27. On February 15th, 2012 at 12:49 pm Mental Manic aka Pam Says:

    Cluster of fuckery…that’s a fine expression…I wanna use it too!

  28. On February 15th, 2012 at 10:28 pm Marta Says:

    wait a grown up seriously kicking and screaming in public? That’s ridiculous.

    I’m a big fan of VD myself. And heart shaped pizza, we ate some yesterday in fact.

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