Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

I’ve Got Some Bad News For You, Sunshine.


For the first several months of winter, here in the Midwest, where winter lasts until you blink and oops! it’s summer again (and every year I wonder why we don’t move to a more temperate climate as I chisel ice off the windshield of the car while trying not to cry out when the boogies in my nose freeze), I love it. The first snowfall of year is always a day of magic and wonderment for me, it makes me want to bake Christmas cookies and listen to Christmas music and build snowmen and whitewash The Daver. Well, I guess that MOST things make me want to whitewash Daver, not just the first snow of the year.

Today was the first day that we have gotten any snow, and I got that annoyingly gushy feeling in my heart as I suggested that maybe we could do some Christmas shopping or something festive to commemorate the day.

It was as those words slipped out of my gaping pie-hole that it dawned on me, highly unpleasantly: I don’t have a winter coat this year.

Before you start chastising me for not taking proper care of myself, let me assure you that I do, in fact, own at least 25 winter coats. My hallway closet is filled to the brim, bursting at the seems, even, with the products of being a Midwestern native for my whole life. I collect coats in the way that some women collect shoes (I have plenty of those, too, but it my shoes are not the point here, as they happen to fit just fine thankyouverymuch.).

I could remedy this situation post haste, should I choose. The stores are chock full of sassy winter coats this time of year, and no one would fault me for picking up a new one. Problem is, I’m stubborn and don’t want to buy a coat in a bigger size (think circus tents here) to drape my 26 pounds heavier frame (12.5 down, 26 to go!).

It’s depressing enough that I STILL have to wear my maternity clothes (again with the stubborness), and/or shirts with a V-neck to allow my wee one access without having to pull my shirt completely up in public (I swear, I am NEVER even THINKING about wearing anything v-neck EVER AGAIN after I quit nursing. Those shirts will be burned along with my hideous nursing bras when Alex is weaned), thereby rendering those around me to have to throw up in their soup.

But having to pull out the damn maternity coat is just breaking my ickle heart today. It’s a nice enough coat, for sure, although since it’s a trench coat, it gave me a decidely Grimace-like (or Weeble, think Weebles) appearence when I was 9 months pregnant. Now, thankfully, Alex is no longer residing on my person (although he’d probably like that better. There are days when I’m pretty sure if he could find the entryway, he’d happily climb back inside), so the belly is gone which = no Weeble, but the boobs, HOLY SHIT ARE THEY CRAZY HUGE.

Oh well, I suppose it’s not the end of the world. At least the coat’ll fit.

4 Comments to

“I’ve Got Some Bad News For You, Sunshine.”

  1. On December 1st, 2007 at 4:09 pm Ashley Says:

    It is a super sassy coat though and I’m sure no one that doesn’t see the tag will have a clue it’s maternity. Sorry, that’s me looking at the bright side (which we both know doesn’t happen often). Love you!

  2. On December 1st, 2007 at 6:39 pm becky Says:

    Thanks, dude. I wore it today and it wasn’t the end of the world. I guess I’m just feeling discouraged today.

    Love you too!

  3. On December 1st, 2007 at 7:15 pm bri Says:

    Do you not do nursing clothes? They are the love of my life, however cheap and odd they may be. I like not having to expose so much skin.

    I always want to buy new coats, too, but rarely do. I was MIGHTY depressed by the coats at the outlets in CA because sometimes even the XL was not fitting. And I am not that fricking big. Wes tried to tell me it’s because they were outlet coats and therefore damaged in some way. Sweet man.

  4. On December 3rd, 2007 at 1:59 pm becky Says:

    Wes and Daver are of one mind. Both are sweet, sweet men.

    I do own some nursing shirts, but they fit all strange. Plus, I get all depressed when I go into the maternity store and am asked “how far along I am,” which, I mean, makes sense. I *am* in a maternity store.

    And I think Wes is right. Everything I’ve ever tried on at the outlet stores fit differently than they do in the real stores.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...