Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

It’s Been A Long, Cold, Lonely Winter


My beloved friend Carlynn tagged me ages ago for a meme. She’s been noticeably MIA from her blog lately, which leads me to believe that she is fulfilling her dream of becoming the Yak Lady without me.

She’s one of my favorite bloggers, and I envision a life being The Friend Of The Yak Lady, and we will sit on a large front porch somewhere together, knitting and writing her memoirs as The Yak Lady. I heart her. AND I WOULD LIKE IT VERY, VERY MUCH IF SHE WOULD UPDATE SO THAT HER FRIEND AUNT BECKY DOESN’T WORRY.


The rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Shit, it’s a good thing I have an amazing collection of interesting quirks (shut up, they’re interesting TO ME AND IT’S MY BLOG. *sticks tongue out and blows large raspberry*)

1. In our marriage, I am absolutely the picky one. Really, about most everything and anything that I can think of (purses, keychains, fucking scarves, food, oh food), save for one teeny thing: coffee.

I love coffee so much that I would probably marry it and make bean-ish babies if I could, so great is my adoration of it. As previously stated somewhere in the archives, My Great Plan After Birth was to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts and grab an extra large coffee. And another. And possibly a third. Then I would wash it all down with another.

(I wasn’t concerned about caffeine intake during gestation, but more about regurgitating the contents of my stomach in completely inappropriate places.)

As much as I love, love, love coffee, I’m pretty satisfied with any and all forms of it. I’m not even slightly picky about brands. I’d probably happily drink instant stuff without batting an eyelash or three at it.

But not The Daver, who, in the time that I have known him, has gotten a total of 3 coffee makers, each more ridiculous than the last, AND some fancy bean grinder.

Problem with all of this stuff is, I cannot figure out HOW to use ANY of it. Which leaves me brewing it with toilet paper and a tea kettle on the days when he doesn’t make it.

2. I’m freakishly OCD about my blog. I must update every day (although rarely about what I ate for lunch unless it’s Cap’n Crunch, in which case I will talk about it because I am Captain AWESOME) or I feel like I’ve been walking around without pants on (which I do frequently indulge in).

I had a blog before, and when I didn’t update it, it didn’t bother me in the slightest. Now, however, it drives me a wee bit bonkers if I don’t at least say SOMETHING.

I’m similarly OCD about checking on the blogs I read religiously. I must check them all once a day and leave some sort of comment, even if it’s something cheesy and stupid. It’s my way of saying “Aunt Becky’s Been Here.”

Any and all blog recommendations are appreciated.

3. In a stunning array of bad luck for The Daver, I have recently realized that I am allergic to all low quality metals, and can only tolerate platinum/high grade gold on my skin. Thankfully, all of the jewelry that he has bought me (because he is a much better person than I) has been of either of those.

I grew out of wearing costume jewelry ages ago, so this wasn’t such a big blow to me, save for the fact that I cannot purchase or wear any funky jewelry.

So, sadly, no plastic hoops for me, no matter HOW funktified I might look in them.

4. In a stunning fit of excellent judgment on my part, I wrangled The Daver to take me to buy myself a new video game on Saturday, once I realized that he was not going to be available to me like I’d hoped (wink, wink).

Now, I’m not at ALL someone who plays video games (although I don’t mind watching someone else play them) save for Lego Starwars (lest you imagine me to be someone who wears heavy makeup and goes to GenCon and dresses up like Princess Leia on a regular basis–I am going to have to start putting pictures up for you all. Specifically YOU, Mrs. Prufrock, who thought of me as someone in heavy eyeliner and likely listened to EMO music. For shame on my part!), but I was just_so_bored.

And no one was updating their blogs.

So, I gave The Daver a raging boner when I asked him to take me to The Video Game Store that I normally avoid like a hippie avoids a shower, and promptly began to discuss the merits of possible games with the guy that worked behind the counter.

(as a complete aside, for anyone looking for a good old ego boost who doesn’t want to pay the $100–and a kidney– to go to Great America, walk into a Video Game Store and talk to the dude behind the counter. He will be so enthralled that a Real! Live! Girl! is talking to him that he will make you feel as gorgeous as Britney Spears before her meltdown. Those dudes are like putty in your hands.)

I picked out the one game that he specifically told me sucked, figured that was as glowing a recommendation as I could want, and bought it. I imagine AARP will be sending ME a mailing next, Magpie, as I’m sure my purchase triggered some sort of mailing.

It was Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” for my Wii.

Soon, I’ll be telling those damn kids to get off my fucking lawn, until I realize that those are MY kids.

5. I have a massive obsession with spicy food.

Indian, Thai, Chinese, Mexican. Bring on the damn spice.

(I was getting rather long winded. Sorry).

6. I adore bourbon yet hate scotch. And I am the only one of my friends who can still drink tequila (but NEVER Tequila Rose. Ew.).


You deserve a cookie if you made it through that. Seriously, I applaud you.

Who to tag, who to tag? I’ve made my poor readers tell me a fact about them in times past, but I think people like to be tagged. So here I go. Tagging away.

I tag YOU:

KC @ Sarcasmatic

Heather @ Bubbles ‘n’ Ducks

Niobe @ dead baby jokes

B and K @ Baby Mommas Drama (dude, I had to. I have a category of the same name. Because we are BOTH Captain Awesome)

The Milk Maid @ Milk Induced Coma

Ames @ In Her Shoes, whose video made me cry AND give money. This may be a first.

Mrs. Prufrock @ Barren Albion

Cali @ Creating Motherhood

Shit, I’m cutting MYSELF off now. And if you don’t want to do this because you’ve done it already, trust me, you can do it again. I think I’ve done this like 4 times.


My dear friend Magpie (whose name gives me a thrill for some inexplicable reason) gave me an award that I get such a charge out of. I haven’t posted about it, because I cannot figure out how to make the graphic work. I’m not that SMRT, apparently, or my blog needs some configuration or something.

The award is called I-Less-Than-Three Your Blog. Get it? I <3? It’s a HEART, people! High-freaking-larious.

So, thank you Miss Magpie, for thinking of me.

And I’m thinking of YOU:

Carylnn @ Still Passing Open Windows

Charmed Girl @ Living A Charmed Life?

kalakly @ This Is Not What I Had Planned

The Divine Miss M @ Wheels On The Bus

Ames @ In Her Shoes

Angela @ Reality Testing

Mrs. Prufrock @ Barren Albion

I have to stop myself before I list my entire blogroll. See, Aunt Becky hearts you, bitches.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
21 Comments to

“It’s Been A Long, Cold, Lonely Winter”

  1. On March 19th, 2008 at 11:10 am kbreints Says:

    Ack- hate coffee.. but LOVE the smell of it. I even worked as a barista at many a coffee shop and never developed a taste for it…

    I can make a mean mocha though!

  2. On March 19th, 2008 at 11:34 am Rayne of Terror Says:

    If you are not already using a feed reader you shou,d start. It does the OCD blog checking FOR you. And then, you can manage MORE blogs. Cause that’s just what one needs – more blogs to read. Gah.

  3. On March 19th, 2008 at 12:12 pm b Says:

    Thanks for the tag! :::drip drip drip::: <—-sarcasm is just dripping off of that statement. I used to like you. : )

  4. On March 19th, 2008 at 12:18 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Not that you asked for a point by point response to your meme, but you’re getting one because I didn’t go to the gym today and typing is all the exercise I’ll get until this dratted sinus plague lets me be.

    1. I love coffee. I don’t make it often, but when I do, I grind whole beans and use a french press for it. Ye, I am that kind of snob.

    2. I feel that I must write on my blog every day, too. Why is that?? Also, I have certain blogs that I read daily – even when I know they haven’t posted in a week, I still look. Some of them (ahem, this one among them) I look at more than once a day.

    3. I only wear silver. I would wear platinum, if it weren’t so danged expensive. Does the Daver have a rich uncle looking to adopt??

    4. Ahem. I am part hippie, and I’ll have you know I shower on a regular basis. With soap and shampoo and everything! I used to play video games…loved the Final Fantasy and Zelda ones. Sigh. Not lately…something about Evil Genius maintenance precludes video games right now

    5. Hot. Chinese. Table. Mustard. Yeeeehaww! Mmm, Thai food… Mmm, cheese dip with extra peppers… Mmm, Polynesian pineapple chicken with red pepper flakes…

    6. Tequila makes me ill, but Goslings Black Seal rum makes me so very happy…la, la, la…

    I hope your friend posts soon.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  5. On March 19th, 2008 at 1:22 pm Doc Says:

    Wheew… Somebody is on a serious caffeine rush today !!

    Good reading Auntie B.. I have to agree that I am seriously OCD about my blog too (to the extreme freakish OCD)… Especially since I have several others who contribute to it’s madness… I have a little “schedule” of who can post what and when…and they better be funny dammitt!!

    Anyway I really wanted to thank you for not tagging me because since I would probably never answer I don’t want death and destruction and loss of money and all that bad stuff to happen if I don’t answer… BTW – I am not even sure I know how to pronounce meme

  6. On March 19th, 2008 at 1:42 pm Manny Says:

    A Wii? A friggin Wii??? Come onnn! You could have at least gotten an XBox 360 and we could have TODULLY rocked out on Rock Band with you!! You take that damned Playskool game system back THIS INSTANT and demand that the Daver cough up the extra cash for the 360 and Rock Band. Marissa is a kick ass drummer, and I am the Godhead of the guitar. Just sayin’. Rant over. Smoooches!

  7. On March 19th, 2008 at 2:14 pm Judy Says:

    You say AARP like it is a bad thing – sigh. The day when the card comes in the mail WELCOMING you to AARP is a poignant day indeed. A whole new world opens up: discounts at the grocery store on Tuesday, cheaper auto insurance, the early dining specials. But there is a downside – stuff I will refrain from sharing because I like you too much.

    One day missy the card will come in the mail – and maybe your boys will get you the same birthday cake mine did – you know the one that says “YOU’RE OLD.”

  8. On March 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pm becky Says:

    Becky, you are the absolute coolest. This post just cracked me up so many times.

    For the record, I love, love, love that every single time I turn on the computer, there’s a 99% chance that there will be a new Mommy Wants Vodka post for me to enjoy – no matter the time, no matter the day.

  9. On March 19th, 2008 at 2:25 pm As American as Apple Pie Says:

    I love reading your posts!!! I am a coffee addict as well, and somewhat snobbish about it. I also share the love of spicy foods!!! I make a mean jambalaya! Bummer about the costume jewelry. But Hey!, now you have a great excuse for GOOD jewelry.

    I can attest to Doc’s OCD about his blog as I am one of those contributors.

  10. On March 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm Ames Says:

    Aww…I heart you too! Sorry about making you cry though (I suppose that means my video gets the point across though right?)

    It’s a good thing that I have a lot (and I mean a LOT) of strange quirks, habits, etc. I think this will be the third time I do this one! I’ll get to work on my new list as soon as I get home from work. 🙂

  11. On March 19th, 2008 at 6:51 pm niobe Says:

    And I thought you weren’t being serious when you said that you purchased And Then There Were None. I mean, as I recall, the book is about a psycho judge who tricks a dozen murderers into hanging out on his isolated isle where he manages to off them all in increasingly gruesome ways, then gets the last survivor to kill herself. So, how does this translate into a video game? Wait. Don’t tell me.

  12. On March 19th, 2008 at 6:52 pm Dolores Says:

    You so rock!
    I do love coffee but, as you can see from my other blogs my body was reacting very badly from it so… I had to cut down… But, damn… I so wish I could dirnk like three cups of dunkin donuts coffee a day… Life would be so flippin complete! I am a spicy food addict…

    And I am the QUEEN tequila drinker… hehe…

  13. On March 19th, 2008 at 7:18 pm magpie Says:

    you already know it, but i still <3 you!

    agatha christie on the wii, huh? will wonders never cease.

  14. On March 19th, 2008 at 9:38 pm Heather Says:

    I’m with Doc, not even sure I know how to pronounce ‘meme;’ but for you Aunt Becky, I meme-ed!

    And strangely I’m not so OCD about my blog (I do have a three day rule, though ;)), being OCD about every other facet of my life is far too time consuming to allow for it.

  15. On March 19th, 2008 at 9:38 pm Kristen Says:

    I want Agatha for my wii!
    My sis is also allergic to cheap metals, so much so that my bil had to get her another engagement ring, in platinum. And that somehow had a much larger diamond. Bitch! I want to be allergic.

  16. On March 19th, 2008 at 10:32 pm LAS Says:

    oh, I am totally OCD about things. I mean, really, literally, I have OCD. Anyway, no coffee for me – can’t drink the stuff. I started drinking it when I was 8 and had to give it up at 22. Sad, I know. My stomach can’t take it anymore.

  17. On March 20th, 2008 at 3:32 pm Carlynn Says:

    Becky, you are so funny and so cute, thank you, thank you for all the attention in your post, I’m lapping it up. And I finally wrote a post!!! How on earth do you manage to write something every day? I am in awe of your powers, in absolute awe.

    I love coffee too. I’ve drunk it so much it is giving me stomach aches but I still sneak it in. I can usually do up to two cups a day before my stomach packs up. And tequila is a great party drink. Fortunately I can still drink it too 🙂 And I am off to a video game store tomorrow.

  18. On March 20th, 2008 at 9:06 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    Tequila Rose is evil.

    (I know you wrote a whole long interesting post, but I can’t get over the thought of Tequila Rose. Ugggghhhhh. Sorry.)

  19. On March 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 am Emily R Says:

    Thanks babe! A very jet-lagged girl appreciates it.

    I used to be obsessed with reading the blogs I read, but that was before the move hit me.

  20. On March 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    I’ll take tequila shots with you any, old day, Aunt Becky!

    That would be a blast! 🙂

  21. On March 25th, 2008 at 10:10 am MsPrufrock Says:

    It took me long enough to comment, but here I be bitch! Thanks for the DOUBLE mention, and I will try to do that meme this week because there isn’t much I like more than blogging about myself. This is what blogs are for, right? I am also enamoured of the idea that I can also add yet another “At least some fucker likes me” button to my sidebar.

    Incidentally, not only do I break out in a rash with cheap metals, but I actually get a rash from my platinum engagement ring. My husband is screwed!

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