It’s Becky, The Slack Jawed Yokel
I stood hunched over the sink for what had to have been close to twenty minutes, while I celebrated my entry into the homestretch of my pregnancy. In that sink, I created a horror scene that would rival any low budget slasher movie, and I was sort of sad that Halloween had passed.
You see, an oft ignored side effect of pregnancy is that you can still get your period. Only it comes out your nose. And since I’ve been getting chronic bloody noses since I was a wee lass, I get them especially bad.
It’s finally stopped, as even I’m not a die hard enough blogger to type a post out while hemorrhaging out my nostrils, mainly because I might ruin the computer with my spattering blood.
Oh yes, it was that bad.
Well, couple the now-stuffy nose with the “I just lost a fucking ton of blood volume and woozy” and add in the fact that I’m suddenly very short of breath–and thereby panting–as my lungs are being compressed by my fetus due to my lack of torso, and you have the ultimate recipe for Hotness.
I’m sitting here on the couch, reclining slightly, slack jawed and panting, obviously a fucking ton of bricks short of a load, and I can’t help but laugh that at one point, my husband saw fit to knock me up. Hehe. Poor guy didn’t know the depths of Ultimate Hotness he’d see his lovely wife turn into.
And by Ultimate Hotness, I mean Slothy and Mouth Breathing.
HaHa! I suffer with nosebleeds myself due to having horrid sinuses and living in a moldy old house.
Let’s just say that Paddycake at five years old, knows that tampons are for bloody noses.
Ultimate Hotness indeed. I’m fanning myself over here. Phew! 🙂 Nosebleeds, mouth-breathing and moon boots are the new sexy, didn’t you know?
There’s nothing like a tampon shoved up your nose to bring the sexy back!
Welcome to the 3rd tri…:)
xxoo
Oh you poor thing! You should see the doctor, sometimes they can do a very simply procedure in your nose that cauterizes the vein so you will stop having so many nose bleeds. My niece is going through this now, but they are hoping that since you stopped using her nasal allergy spray, they will get better. Do you use anything like that?
Isn’t pregnancy GREAT? I’ve been suffering from the nosebleeds during this last trimester as well (I’m blaming mine on the fact that I had to turn the heat on in the house too soon on top of the fact that pregnancy just makes nosebleeds that much easier to get – damn New England weather).
So…what on earlh are you going to do in the next three months to top the last six? You’ve had the most um…interesting pregnancy evah!
wow~and I am wishing to be pregnant again? ~WOW~
yet another reason illustrates why men could NEVER bear children…
sorry for you – the nose bleeding part, I mean
Don’t forget the gimpy foot. You are one HOT bitch, Becky. Sssssmokin.
Well that sucks… you’re certainly having a rough go of it!
At least you can (allow us to) see the humor in it, right?
Your wee one is worth it. And I’ve decided that after all you have been (and are going) through, she must be getting out all her crap now so she can be a perfectly sweet baby once she’s here.
Oh boy. I have never had a bloody nose in my life. I am sort of scared of them.
The body’s a funny thing when that blood flow starts channeling somewhere else. Feet up, you. (No picture of you avec cotton balls jammed up nostrils? We might just find it rather fetching.)
Aren’t those fun? I had one 2 nights ago, but it wasn’t all that bad to get stopped. But I know about the panting over the sink.
Okay, see, that was me except add dibilitating sciatica that had me randomly falling to my knees and an ice eating addiction so bad that I’m not sure my molars have any enamel left at all.
But you have fun with that.
The depths of my hotness came after no 2 was born. That just happens to be the day no 1 decided naps were for suckers, and no 2 decided sleeping at night was for suckers. So, no sleep and no showers makes for a seriously hot wife!
That is the one symptom I was spared in my pregnancy. I had massive post nasal drip instead. 4 months with a permanent lump in my throat & clogged sinuses.
I hope the wooziness passes soon
Gosh, Becky, the way you describe pregnancy makes me green with envy. That lovely pregnant glow and all. All you need to do is start describing your hemorrhoids and the men are gonna swoon. 😉
Seriously, I sure hope you feel better soon.
damn it. not another pregnancy symptom!! i thought i was smooth sailing after the nipple leakage. and now i hear it gets worse??
Yikes. Those can be really scary!
I totally forgot about the spontaneous fonts of blood that shoot from your nose! Awwww… I miss being pregnant.
I have never had a nose bleed and it sounds like I never want one.
Geez, I was lucky. I only had chronic congestion for months. Make that congested at both ends… stuffy nose and constipation.
Don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon. Then you can have some new crap to deal with…. episiotomy stitches and cracked nipples. This is why men don’t have babies.
Holy crap, you’ve got it bad. Between the pregnancy, shitting pets, moon boot and now the bloody nose, it really sucks to be you.
I present to you, “Mom who puts up with WAY too much shit” award. It is a bronzed turd.
What, you can’t post a picture? I want to experience your hotness.
Wow… bloody noses are common? Seriously? My wife had NONE with either kid. She must have been lucky.
Ai carumba – and I want to get myself into a state of ultimate hotness? *sigh* yes I do…
Just look at it this way…..it’s YOUR brand of sexy, and no one does it better!
Ooo, sorry you’re going through that. And what a shame to have to worry about your appearance in the process. It’s very hard, going through pregnancy (I’ve been told), and you should give yourself a break from some of that nonsense. Hang in there!
I love the blog b/c it is so honest. No where can you find warnings that in the 3rd trimester blood my shoot out of your nose for an inordiante amount of time. So thanks. For preparing me for all the really GOOD stuff that happens when you get knocked up. Lol!
I know you weren’t really asking for advice, but sucking on a peppermint has been shown to stop a nose bleed. Just another good reason to eat some candy.
I still have fingers crossed that your third trimester will be easier than the first two…
But in the meantime, sorry it’s been so rough!
I’ve never had a nosebleed that bad. Yikes.
And yes, tampons up one’s nose is the Ultimate in HOT. You Hotty Hot Hottie.
Man.
If this post doesn’t get me breathing hard, I don’t know what will.
Dude, I’m going to be totally rotten, because that’s what I do best. I’d rather be bleeding out my nose and mouth breathing than the hideous crap that comes out the other end after baby is born and your tits are leakin’ all over the place.
So sorry, so very sorry…
wow – I had no idea. I guess I should be grateful that I only have the stuffiness without the hemorrhaging!