Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

It All Matters


The first time I got a blog troll, I ate a celebratory cupcake and washed it down with a tall Diet Coke on the rocks. It was probably, in hindsight, a spammer (just like my first comments , which I think I framed somewhere, were) but I didn’t care. I’d made it! Someone, somewhere hated me!

Then, I got someone who copied bits out of my blog posts. Actual bits of my posts removed and pasted onto hers, like it was no big deal. Someone else, a watchdog, alerted me. My daughter had just been born ill and I wasn’t about to deal with it right then. Talk about bigger fish to fry. I like to think I would have fist-pumped, though, and perhaps celebrated with a tasty bowl of edamame or a wee Uncrustables.

Later yet came the loon who created several blogs composed of entirely stolen posts filched neatly from other bloggers, myself included, who I did fight. Google claims they shut her down, but I don’t care to check because I don’t want to drive her traffic up. I still have, somewhere on my desktop, screenshots of all of your comments on her blog, just because they were so full of the awesome, by the way.

You don’t fuck with the Pranksters.

Since that first Internet Mole Person (troll), I’ve gotten a handful of others.

Generally, they make me laugh.

There are weeks when they do not.

Like anyone, I’m a person, and I have bad days, and bad weeks, and sometimes I say and do the wrong things. In fact, if I had to describe my blog, I’d say something like, “THIS is where I bow to the alter of my wrongness.” I don’t have a publicist or an adviser to tell me not to do something because, uh, why?

This week, I’ve gotten a couple of nasty-grams that hurt my feelers. I know we’re “supposed” to pretend like it doesn’t matter; like we don’t care, like it doesn’t hurt our feelers when people call us names or insult us, but it does. Of course it does.

Like it or not, this is my life.

Certainly, it’s my steaming pile of guts spilled here, my wrongness on display, and my inconsistencies on the table to be judged and if I don’t like it, I can absolutely pack up shop and go somewhere else. That’s the answer, right? To delete my blog in a stompy flourish? Go back to being Becky, In Real Life? That’s how to handle hurt feelers?

Not so much. At least, not for me.

Blogging is an act of bravery. When you put yourself out there, especially waaay out there, you stand a very real chance to be very hurt or very disgusted by human nature. The farther you stick your neck out, the worse the inevitable hurt will be.

What I think is worse than anything are the people who get you entirely wrong. Because you’re left standing there stuttering, “but, but, BUT, that’s not what I meant AT ALL.”

These are the sort that make me sort of question myself in a way that I seldom do (perhaps I should): Did I say it wrong? WAS I wrong?

And most importantly: why the hell do I do this at all? I see that typed out here, on my screen and it looks like I’m being all 15-years old and dramatical feet-stamp *woe is me, OH NOES* and I’m (for once) not.

I mean that genuinely: why do I do this? Why do ANY of us bother?

It’s certainly not for the billions of dollars in my bank account that still haven’t been deposited, nor is it for the notoriety and free swag, or to be able to tell someone that “I blog, and it’s really, really cool.” Because I swear, if I told someone that, they’d be all, “um, huh? Did you just insult me?”

No. It’s not for that. It’s because it all matters. Every word I write matters. To me. These words are what define me, what make up my life, and what bring me joy. Whether or not someone else finds them and finds joy in them too is inconsequential because it brings me joy. I write because I love to. I write because that is what I do. I write because it matters.

Everything we do. It all matters.

101 Comments to

“It All Matters”

  1. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:48 am Scatteredmom Says:

    I said it in an email to you. You summed up exactly why I blog too.

    Big squishy hugs.

  2. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am Lauren Elyse Says:

    My blog is still in its infancy and I did a similar victory dance when I had my first troll. Not only that, but I actually laughed victoriously because said troll happened to have left a nasty comment which perfectly related to my gripes in that post. I even went so far as to write a follow-up post addressing those that told me I should delete the comment to explain exactly why I enjoyed such a nasty, hurtful comment.

    My blog is my heart, laid out for the internet to see. Sometimes someone’s going to try and step on it. Be like a duck and let it bead up and roll off your back, as water does of their beautiful, oiled feathers.

    Plus, you know, us Pranksters will tear that troll a new one on your behalf if you’ll let us 🙂

  3. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am Lisa Says:

    Tell them to suck it. Why read a blog if you just want to be a hater? Haters be damned to hell. Mean people suck. And definitely SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH to the evil trolls. Aunt Becky Rocks!!!

  4. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:


  5. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:58 am Wordgirl Says:

    I don’t know how it is that I’ve just found you — I love your blog, your voice — and it does take guts — vulnerability always does.

    Those mean comments — inevitably it is about the other person and their fear — or their inability to get context — or their total and utter stupidity. (Ooops. That slipped out — but have you ever noticed the transposing their/there? Nuff said.)

    As my father would have said: “don’t let the bastards get you down”

    So glad to have found you.


  6. On February 18th, 2011 at 11:58 am Karla Telega Says:

    I’ve been fortunate enough not to get any evil comments on my blogs – but a few misunderstandings. It is kind of cool when somebody copies one of my posts on another website. As far as I know, they always give me the credit.

    I really liked this post. It’s your blog, you do what you want.

  7. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:01 pm Laura Says:

    Okay…first of all…Aunt Becky haters make me see red. What you do, here, on Band Back Together and even Mushroom Printing is so valuable to so many. It’s a way for people in some pretty dark places to have a few laughs, to know that, finally, SOMEONE GETS IT, to not feel so alone, and anyone who can’t see the value in it, needs to shut their whore mouths before I punch them in the taco.

    Secondly…thank you for reminding me why I blog at all. You’re full of the awesome!

  8. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:02 pm Liza Says:

    people are unbelievable sometimes. i can’t understand why someone would copy and paste someone else’s postings and use them as their own. i think it’s good that you blog for yourself, i blog for me too. don’t let the haters get you down. there are many more people that love what you write. 🙂

  9. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm Kristin (MamaKK922) Says:

    Well fuck the people that hurt your feelers I want to hurt theirs! Cause I LOVE you and your blog so trolls sleep with one eye open!

    But what you say matters to me. You say what I can’t say at times. You inspired me to create what is my blog. I don’t care if it’s read. Like you I write to feel better. I get it out. I probably over share. But it’s what makes ME feel better. It is what matters to me. And it all does matter!!

  10. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm cagey Says:

    The lovely part of having few readers is that I have had very little nastiness in my comment. Oddly, I have had the worst experiences on Facebook with so-called “real life” friends.

    Yes, our words DO matter and we must not keep them silenced.

    Keep truckin’, Becky. Great post.

  11. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:07 pm Chag Says:

    People suck. Sorry they’ve decided to turn their attention to you.

  12. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:11 pm injaynesworld Says:

    As a writer, if you’re not pissing someone off you’re not doing your job.

  13. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:13 pm Lessons in Life and Light Says:

    I haven’t ever had a troll or even a mean comment. A commenter who disagrees with me? Sure. But never in a mean or disrespectful way. So, I’m sorry, my friend. It sucks you got your feelings hurt.

    Try to remember all the people who LOVE you though. And try to brush off the bullies.

    Come visit me soon. I miss you! I’m 23 weeks on Monday with what we think is a baby girl!

  14. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:15 pm Amanda Says:

    That person is a slore (slut-whore) you write for you, as most of us do. (Sorry for the wicked cool rhyme) No one has a right to judge that. Sorry about your feelers. 🙁

  15. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:15 pm Mrs. Jen B Says:

    You’re speaking directly to my heart, and to the hearts of all bloggers. Of course it matters. I wonder why I do it, too.

  16. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:15 pm Bell Says:

    I remember once when I was in high school, a girl called me a really nasty name. I thought it was funny, and told my friends, and we laughed about it. And then, when I got home, I went into my room, curled into a ball, and cried, wondering if I really deserved it. It didn’t matter that earlier I had thought it funny, and a small victory to get someone so flustered they could only illogically call me names, but later, it hurt.

    Being hurt by things that you can brush off is normal and human and, well, I’d probably be a little worried about someone who could take internet trolls without ever flinching. Those kinds of people tend to either be the ones who just rage back, or who are so wrapped up in their own self-importance they never stop to think they could be wrong. Doubting yourself is normal and healthy so long as you know your own worth and have confidence, as well as a support system.

    And you have one hell of a support system on this blog, Aunt Becky. Pranksters forever <3

  17. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:15 pm Wendy Says:

    I had only gotten one troll on my blog, and it did hurt my feelings, too. Enough that I cried, and I hate crying. As I dealt with my divorce, I let my blog go because there was absolutely NOTHING I could write that I would want to read again later. Time passed and I tried to go back to it, but then I was worried about the ex finding something on it that he would twist and use against me. So I tried to start a new blog, but only posted a couple times before I wrote something a few good friends misunderstood and it caused a very painful loss of friendship (since mended). Then I forgot to pay the domain fees on the original blog and it was deleted. I tried again to start another one, with the same Notes name, but it’s just not the same. Your words ARE important. All of the posts put together are the story of your life, and it is priceless. I’m sorry you hurt.

  18. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm Jennifer Says:

    Not even sure how anyone can hate what you write. Just b/c they don’t like uncrustables? Not worth being a bitch about. Thank you for writing and being you-you say it like it should be and you make me laugh my ass off. How could anything be bad about that?

  19. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:19 pm Beth Says:

    There are a vast amount of sucky people in this world and I haven’t yet figured out how to not have to deal with any of them and still get to enjoy life. I guess it helps me to remember that I’m doing the best I can do and if they don’t get it, it’s not my responsibility to fix that. I just gotta keep doing the best I can and living the best I can and taking responsibility when I screw it up. And if someone comes along and tells me I suck… well, everyone’s got an opinion, right? There are usually 10 people behind them telling me I don’t suck. So that helps. 🙂

  20. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:20 pm jillsmo Says:

    “Blogging is an act of bravery. When you put yourself out there, especially waaay out there, you stand a very real chance to be very hurt or very disgusted by human nature. The farther you stick your neck out, the worse the inevitable hurt will be.”

    This is one of the coolest things I’ve ever read. May I quote you on this? Or, maybe I’ll just pretend I said it…. HA HA HA HA HA HA… no, but that’s really cool….

  21. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:32 pm Penbleth Says:

    If you write for yourself and truthfully then let haters say what they like, you can hold your head high.

    Don’t let them see they have upset you.

  22. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:32 pm Penbleth Says:

    If you write for yourself and truthfully then let haters say what they like, you can hold your head high.

    Don’t let them see they have upset you.

  23. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:33 pm Tershbango Says:

    Of course the nastygrams hurt sometimes. Some days you can call me a flaming skanky whore and I’ll laugh it off and some days it makes me cry (incidentally, it may have something to do with where in my cycle I happen to be)…

    You rock. Fuck the haters. For every haters, there are a zillion lovers. Remember us. Reread OUR comments when you’re having a bad day. Or come read MY blog and make ME have a good day, which in turn while make you feel good for having performed a selfless deed. 😉

  24. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:33 pm Sara @ Life with the Two Says:

    A to the Men.

    Mostly, I blog because I’m vain, and I like to pretend people care about the words coming out of my head.

    I also do it because the majority of the blogosphere is full of the awesome.

  25. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:42 pm Teala Says:

    Aunt Becky, you pinpointed precisely why I started blogging (even though mine is still a wee babe), why I’m studying literature, and why I read your blog and those of others. Writing matters. Words matter. According to Toni Morrison, language is holy; it is sacred. Words do in fact hurt, and they should not be used to hurt. Writing, words, should be used positively and for good, as you and so many others use them. I feel privileged that you open yourself up to the internets and us Pranksters.

    Every day you share something makes me smile, and I say to myself: “She’s like me. She loves words. She loves writing. AND She’s fucking hilariously awesome!” You can’t ignore the hurtful things people say with their words, but you can choose to stand up (or sit, or how ever yo choose to do your writing), hands on keyboard, and keep writing.

    Also, if you ask any writer why they write and for whom they do it, I can almost guarantee they’ll say they do it because they love it, because it matters, and they do it for themselves.

    Keep on keepin’ on. You make me all warm and fuzzy in the place where the doctor tells me my heart should be. 🙂

  26. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:43 pm Yo is Me Says:

    dude. totally. TOTALLY.

  27. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:44 pm Tweets that mention It All Matters - Mommy Wants Vodka | Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky and, Shannon Laackmann. Shannon Laackmann said: RT @mommywantsvodka: Why I write even when people tell me that I suck: ( I do not think you suck) […]

  28. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:45 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    So, you mean, you actually READ all those emails I sent? I thought that was a fake address.

  29. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:47 pm andygirl Says:

    I’ve been struggling with the exact same thing lately. and you’re SO RIGHT! it matters. it matter for you and your voice. it matters for those you connect with. it matters because blogging is revolutionary and you’re a HUGE part of that.

    also? blogging is an act of bravery. love that. spreading that around like wildfire. you’re so geniusy.

  30. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:52 pm triplezmom Says:

    I bet that hater wears tight pants every day. And I hope they leave ugly red welts.

    What a great tribute to blogging. The next time someone asks me why, I am sending them to this post. Thank you.

  31. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:53 pm Frannie Says:

    Mean people really suck. It’s not like there aren’t a billion other options to read. If you don’t like what’s on the screen click NEXT. Seems so simple to me.

    I’m about to tempt fate here and say that in the 2 years I’ve been blogging I haven’t had a troll, some weird spam but that’s about it.

    I’ve probably just invited the annual troll convention to my blog but whatever…bring it on!!

  32. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:54 pm Why do I write? « Melt into the Text Says:

    […] Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka pinpointed precisely why I started writing and blogging (even though mine is still a wee babe), why I’m studying literature, and why I read blogs. Writing matters. Words matter. According to Toni Morrison, language is holy; it is sacred. Words do in fact hurt, and they should not be used to hurt. Writing, words, should be used positively, for good. […]

  33. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:57 pm Fuzz Says:

    /me stands up form my seat in the back row and starts applauding…

    Excellent words dear! You rock…

    But Diet Coke? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

  34. On February 18th, 2011 at 12:58 pm Titanium Says:

    You can feed me the trolls. I like ’em minced and lightly sauteed in a little olive oil.

    In all seriousness? I’m sorry you got a dose of the haters. You don’t deserve anything but big squishy virtual hugs for the GOOD that you do.

    *Turn The Pranksters loose. We will eat the trolls.*

  35. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:01 pm txjennk Says:

    I love your blog and your work on Band Back Together and Mushroom Printing so personally I think any trolls you might have are inbred morons who probably spend all there time looking for ways to entertain their pea brains. But that’s just my opinion. I’ve only had one “mean” comment on either of my blogs and that was from a relative that has mental health issues and she meant no harm in what she said. She’s just a little “different”.

    Thank you for so eloquently describing why I blog and why I should be blogging. You rock AB.

  36. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:09 pm Kathryn Says:

    You already know how I feel about this… ignore the haters and keep on keepin’ on. So glad you aren’t letting the cowards, who are hiding behind their keyboards, bring you down.

  37. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:17 pm Kristi Dorson Says:

    <3 this! I write because I can't imagine NOT writing. I was 'blogging' before blogs even existed, lol. I would write a journal and give it to my close friends to read and they would write comments on what I wrote and give it back to me to write more. I can't imagine NOT doing this.

    You do it because you were born to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, and you look like you were born to be a wonkerer.

    or something like that.

  38. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:21 pm Alex@LateEnough Says:

    Words do matter. And when someone chooses to use words to hurt another person, it’s sad and human and frustrating.
    I think that your love of words and writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it.

  39. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:21 pm Alex@LateEnough Says:

    Words do matter. And when someone chooses to use words to hurt another person, it’s sad and human and frustrating.
    I think that your love of words and writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it.

  40. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:22 pm Dana Says:

    Here’s the thing: some people are just thick. It’s not kind to put it so bluntly but there it is. The people who don’t understand you, who make you question whether you said something incorrectly or got it wrong, they’re probably just not so bright.

  41. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:27 pm Hamlets Mistress Says:

    What you say matters to a lot of us. So thanks.

  42. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:27 pm Hamlets Mistress Says:

    What you say matters to a lot of us. So thanks.

  43. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:30 pm Colie Says:

    Ack! There are trolls?! You realize I’ve got a fear of garden gnomes and now I’ll have to add trolls to the list.

    Who would mess with Aunt Becky anyways? Losers, that’s who.

    Your writing matters. You are hilarious and smart and just plain awesome. When I grow up and get more than 11 dedicated readers I want to be just like you! But ummm…if a troll comes after me, can I send Aunt Becky to kick its ass? Bring that Sharpie of yours!

    Suck it meanie pants TROLL!

  44. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:34 pm Faery Chaos Says:

    Everyone has said and it’s true. YOU ROCK. You matter. Your words matter. You matter to us. I know this sounds corny, but since I started reading your blog I feel like I can breathe easier. I have 2 blogs, 1 super private and 1 for the world and writing helps me think…helps me remember who the fuck I am and who I want to be. So thank you, Aunt Becky, for everything you do. You inspire.

  45. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:37 pm TheTameOne Says:

    I’ve got nothing to go on here except the smile I get from someone who tells me that my blog made them laugh. That’s good enough for me. If I never ever make one red cent, that is enough.

    No one puts Aunt Becky in the corner. Blog away baby!

  46. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:38 pm April Says:

    You matter to me :)In fact–You are the first blog I read today. And Yesterday in fact. I have also opened Mushroom Printing to read next!
    you bring the Sarcasm to my life that I have been desperately lacking.

    And? We should totally be ‘Offended by people Who offend Aunt Mother Fucking Becky who offended THEM!’

  47. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:39 pm Joy Says:

    Blogging is indeed a huge act of bravery (and I exist in the chickensh*t stage still, so… am working on the bravery thing) and I appreciate, very much, that you share your words with us, because it matters, and thank you, very much, for doing this, despite the trolls and flaming emails and all the rest of the nasty that goes with it. I would miss your words if they were not here.

  48. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:40 pm Aimee Says:

    Ah Aunt Becky, I have nothing else to say, but I love you so hard. <3

  49. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:44 pm annie Says:

    Wow, thanks for this post. On a particularly soul baring day I needed to read this. Really,thank you!

  50. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:47 pm Hannah @ Peggy Ann Design Says:

    i lurve you.

  51. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:48 pm nic @mybottlesup Says:


    it’s one thing to be just an idiot… it’s different when what is said causes the blogger to question themselves. because just like you said, “it all matters.”

    well done.

  52. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:53 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    I figure I am only responsible for what I say, not for how others choose to interpret it.

    If I say “I only buy 100% juice” that is a simple statement of fact. The End. And I stand by that statement, because I really do only buy 100% juice. If someone chooses to interpret that as an attack on non 100% juice buyers, if they interpret that as me saying “You people who don’t buy 100% juice are POISONING YOUR CHILDREN!” well, that’s their own issue & nothing to do with me & they can rant in their pants all they want about it. It’s not my problem

  53. On February 18th, 2011 at 1:57 pm Pam Says:

    You’re right- it does take a lot to put yourself out ‘there.’ And I am so very glad that you put yourself out there! And glad I found your blog!

  54. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:01 pm Cainus Says:

    Just remember for that for every one hater, you have, like, twenty people who would kick the crap out of them for you.
    There’s maybe one guy who is a little too into it, so we save him for the especially stupid and mean trolls.
    He sits around in blue facepaint with a battleaxe by his recliner JUST IN CASE you call for aid.
    No, I don’t know if that person really exists but the mental image of some sort of barbarian slouched over a tiny laptop, muttering to himself angrily, is pretty funny to me.

  55. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:05 pm Willy Says:

    I hear you. I had a troll who turned into a full-blown cyberstalker. I ended up killing my blog and starting a new one, without my name on it.

    Because when it comes down to it, I do it becuase I enjoy it… and I’m not going to let the little f*$%ing troll stop me, dammit.

  56. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:07 pm Mary B Says:

    Keep on doing what you’re doing. Some people just like to make themselves feel important at another person’s expense, an on-line bully. They are pathetic. Just remember that there is a long line of people waiting to hump your leg. You don’t even need to shave. Now that’s love.

  57. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:13 pm Kimmie Says:

    Love ur post! The way I look at it is – pure jealousy. To put it bluntly – seriously some people have got way too much time to knock others down especially in our own space (blog) – their time should b spent on something worth wild but ur an easy target cause they r hidden behind their IP address – until they can stand up in person instead of behind an anonymous post – got no time for there comments – kill’em with kindness as mama use to say!

  58. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:13 pm Kimmie Says:

    Love ur post! The way I look at it is – pure jealousy. To put it bluntly – seriously some people have got way too much time to knock others down especially in our own space (blog) – their time should b spent on something worth wild but ur an easy target cause they r hidden behind their IP address – until they can stand up in person instead of behind an anonymous post – got no time for there comments – kill’em with kindness as mama use to say!

  59. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:16 pm Dora Says:

    Idiots! My guess is that these idiots think that just because you’re sarcastic and funny you don’t have a great big mushy, squishy heart. Fucking idiots.

    Love you!

  60. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:22 pm Sarah Says:

    I’ve had a few of those, but not even the one that called me a HOEE because I don’t like Justin Bieber hurt as badly as the one I got the other day on an entry I thought was pretty funny that just said, “This is dumb.”

    That hurt my feelings in a weird way.

    So I decided to no longer allow anonymous comments.

    Also, I’m going to try out hoee as a nickname for people who read my blog. You have your Pranksters, maybe I can have my hoees.

  61. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:24 pm anymommy Says:

    Every single word of it matters. Exactly.

  62. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:31 pm Kristin Says:

    The fucktards who hurt your feelings need a major attitude adjustment. You rock and so do your words.

  63. On February 18th, 2011 at 2:36 pm Heather Says:

    I think that people forget what a “blog” really is: a “web log”, which is really just an online journal. Journals are, for all intents and purposes, a way for you to express yourself or to document your life and no one can tell you that your expression of feelings about your life is wrong.

    If you don’t like a book, would you keep reading it? If you dislike a television show would you keep watching it each week? No, and thusly when people continuously read blogs they don’t like or disagree with and then feel the need to berate, judge, and talk badly about it I know that they have nothing better to do with their own lives and time.

    I, for one, am very glad to have you and many others as part of my blog community where I can share my life and share in the lives of others. It’s nice to know that other people are living in the real world with me even if we don’t think alike or express ourselves in the same way and that my bloggy friends will stand up for me when trolls come around. Keep doing what you’re doing because your friends far outweigh your “trolls”.

  64. On February 18th, 2011 at 3:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I agree wholeheartedly.

    Most weeks, it doesn’t bother me. The smug comments, the trolly ones, the mean ones, the ones that pick apart my words, they don’t bother me because I have my Pranksters and my Pranksters are like family. No, they ARE family.

    Sometimes, though, it hurts.

    There’s a big push now to rate/grade everything we do online. “Do you like this?” “Do you not like this?” “How can we improve this?”

    What people seem to forget is that, like you said, for a lot of us, this is a PERSONAL weblog. I’m not doing it to please the masses or sell a product. I don’t even HAVE a product, not really. I don’t want a grade on it. I just want a connection to other people. A community.

    And just like what we do matters, what the trolls do does, too. Eventually, it comes back around.

  65. On February 18th, 2011 at 3:32 pm Squatlo Says:

    The troll thing is part of the process, and yes, they can be hurtful and aggravating. Just gotta deal with them like idiots in traffic: try to ease around them without getting wrinkled up by them.

    Being misunderstood sucks, too. I posted a comment on a blog usually reserved for ranting women. The original post had been about plastic surgery and meeting society’s arbitrary “pretty” standard, and the cost therein. I linked to a vid I’d found on youtube in which a young woman at a poetry jam was going off about “Will I be Pretty?” (you can find it by that title) and her horrible plastic surgery experiences, which I thought would fit the topic and said (innocently, I thought) that it should be required viewing by all women everywhere.
    You’d have thought I had just slapped the host in the face with my pecker from the way they reacted to that comment. Don’t know if anyone even checked out the link, but they were mad as hell about my condescending “required viewing” comment, as if they needed my testicles to help them toward enlightenment. I honestly felt like Garp when he pissed off the “Ellen Jamesians”… Hostility beyond reason.
    I meekly backed away, and didn’t bother to defend myself. When the angry mob sees you as the asshole they all despise, nothing you say helps.
    Keep writing, a lot of us love your work.

  66. On February 18th, 2011 at 3:45 pm Varda (SquashedMom) Says:

    Aunt Becky: You matter. Your words matter. All of our words matter. Thank you for knowing and reminding us of this. That is all.

  67. On February 18th, 2011 at 3:52 pm A Vapid Blonde Says:

    I once thought I had a troll and now they are a regular reader commenter and not in a bad way.

    *snort and eyeroll*

    I am pretty sure that the trolls can’t be bothered with my crap. Also my loyal readers will skewer anyone who speaks ill. So maybe they are just afraid.

    I do it because it gives me personal pleasure. I know, I’m sorry for THAT visual.

    Rock on Becky!

  68. On February 18th, 2011 at 4:04 pm Maria Says:

    Of course you matter. *pats head* You were one of my first commentsers on my blog. I was so excited. Remember me humping your leg and proposing marriage? Hee hee.

    I try super hard to avod anything controversial and/or possibly offensive, but I’m sure I’ll get my feelers hurt eventually.

    Oh well I actually did. On an online group there was a discussion about a brand’s sized vs one size diapers and I, and others, said how much bigger the mediums were than the o/s. One person disagreed and I posted a link to my blog post where I showed pics of both. I figured hey, maybe she has a different style or something? Well she ripped me a new one saying oohhh you’re arguing with me because it’s your blog blah blah. She was a real bitch about it when I wasn’t trying to “argue” or anything. Now, I rarely link to my blog even if it seems applicable.

    I posted a post on another blog about allergen free baking for birthday parties (in fact, I thought of the hippie NUT ban school when I was writing it) and I really hesitated because gawd forbid I’d offend anyone!

  69. On February 18th, 2011 at 4:21 pm Karen Delaney Says:

    I yearn to fill the trolls’ bedrooms with hungry Polar Bears. The Bloggess wrote about bullys just recently.

    Bottom line…they’re assholes.

  70. On February 18th, 2011 at 4:26 pm AngieM. Says:

    i’m sorry your feelers were hurted aunt becks 🙁

    sending you great big squishy hugs

  71. On February 18th, 2011 at 5:34 pm Dr. Cynicism Says:

    Of course, everyone’s reasons differ. But I would venture to say that one common denominator (look at me and my big words!) is that people like to be heard. And no matter what some dicktard trolls about, you’ll always be heard by those that like your work/life/writing/opinion/etc.

    Keep on truckin Aunt Becky.

  72. On February 18th, 2011 at 5:48 pm Charissa Says:

    You write your blog (I imagine) in the same way that you think. Which not only makes you probably one of the coolest people I’ve ever not met, but also makes your blog real, entertaining, and favorite-worthy. As for the lames that say hurtful things, they’re filled with envy and they don’t matter. Oh and, they’re reading your blog.

  73. On February 18th, 2011 at 5:53 pm Mompetition Says:

    Standing on my swivel chair in applause.

  74. On February 18th, 2011 at 5:53 pm Kim Says:

    Lady, you’re a fucking rockstar.

    I’m sorry you have to deal with a troll infestation (at least you don’t feed the little gremlins).

    And you’re right. We matter. What we do matters. YOU definitely matter. What you do, to degrees yet unknown to measurement, matters. Keep on keepin’ on.

  75. On February 18th, 2011 at 6:33 pm Sunday Says:

    Hugs Becky, I love what you do!

  76. On February 18th, 2011 at 6:40 pm Ms. Wasteland Says:

    I will never understand what makes people do half the crazy/hateful things they do. I’m sorry people were nasty to you. You are a positive force in the blogging community and a gifted writer.

    Karma is a bitch and then she has puppies. Those trolls will get back what they put out in spades.

  77. On February 18th, 2011 at 8:35 pm Sherry Says:

    Sweetie, I’m probably way too old to be reading your blog but I do it because you remind me of myself when I was a wee lass. I don’t always agree with you but hey, ain’t that the way it works? You would most likely back up and gasp in awe at some of the shit I come off with. That’s how it is. Way back when I knew a young girl who was shy and continually hurt by people who made fun of her. I was an older student in college but both of us were freshmen in a creative writing class. She poured her heart out and it was obvious how much she hurt. Being the mother of two teenagers I couldn’t help but feel her pain. In the middle of class I asked her if she liked these people. She answered “No”. I asked if she intended to take any of these people home to meet her parents. Again she answered “No”. I shrugged and said “So, fuck ’em”. The younger members of the class gasped but the instructor laughed. That young girl and I are still good friends 20 years later. “Fuck ’em” was the advice I gave my children and it’s always been good. The asshats can’t hurt you unless you give them the power to do so. Aunt Becky (feels weird since I’m way older than you!) you rock. Don’t let anyone tell you different!

  78. On February 18th, 2011 at 8:56 pm KarenN Says:

    Bravo,Aunt Becky, well written, you rock.

  79. On February 18th, 2011 at 9:18 pm Melissa Says:

    Let me kick some troll butt for you? I NEED to kick ass right now. Plus I love you so much, and consider you my friend, and your family my friends as well.

  80. On February 18th, 2011 at 10:33 pm Denise Says:

    Right on dude. Haters can suck it. I will never understand why someone makes a hateful comment. What happened to “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?

  81. On February 18th, 2011 at 10:46 pm Lesley Says:

    Aunt Becky, I can only WISH that I could write hard like you. Seriously. So, fuck em.

    Seriously, here’s what I don’t understand. I’ve got gazillions of blogs in my google reader. And, every once and a while, I finally decide that I really don’t agree with the overall attitude, writing, preaching on a particular blog and I do this magic thing…I actually remove them from my list. That’s all. No writing them pissy comments. But, yet, my little reader seems nice and tidy without them. Yet, they are totally free to carry on without them knowing that I left their party. I simply left out the back door. So, I can’t figure out who these people are…that seem to have SO MUCH FREAKING TIME in their day to write assholish comments. Who has that time?

    Keep writing. I know you need it, but we really want it.

  82. On February 18th, 2011 at 10:54 pm Tracie Says:

    Ditto to all that truth up there.

    Words do matter. Pouring out our truth, however it helps us, matters. Telling our stories, from the serious to the silly, matters.

    Trolls suck.

  83. On February 19th, 2011 at 2:41 am If BY Yes Says:

    I got a new kind of troll yesterday – they searched for the term “if by yes blog makes light of people with real mental disorders”. FOUR TIMES. Did they want to comment on one of my posts? Nope. Did they want to send me an email with their beef? Nope. They wanted to do a search (as if there might secretly be a hate-group out there entirely dedicated to hating this unheard-of blogger) to makes sure that it came up in my top search terms.

    Trying to decide whether I want to make a post about it or let it go by unremarked.

  84. On February 19th, 2011 at 7:06 am Jolie Says:

    This is what I tell my kids.
    Cut out a paper doll. Now when you say mean things to it, crumple it up into a little ball. Now apologize and smooth it out. See the wrinkles? No matter how much you apologize (smooth) you can’t take away the pain (wrinkles). That’s why we should talk nice to each other, words do hurt. I just don’t know all of the trolls to email this to, or I would, just for you and all folks who get their feelers hurt by these meanies cuz I betcha they’re mean to lots, not just you, proving THEIR WORDS DON’T MATTER – and YOURS DO!!!
    Aunt Becky, you got a ton of pranksters here, to help you smooth out the wrinkles. And we WAY outnumber the crumplers!

  85. On February 19th, 2011 at 10:38 am Nanette Says:

    Haters to the left, yo!

  86. On February 19th, 2011 at 10:48 am Sarah S Says:

    Don’t let the trolls get you down! I’ve never understood why people treat others on the internet like they aren’t real humans with feelings.

  87. On February 19th, 2011 at 11:57 am Stacey Says:

    There are SO many times that I censor myself about what I put on my blog for fear of offending people or attracting the trolls. I hate that. I’m trying to be braver about putting myself out there. It’s my blog. Why can’t I write how I feel? So what if I’m not perfect?

  88. On February 19th, 2011 at 1:00 pm katrina Says:

    YES Becky!! As everyone has said…YOUR words matter, not just to you, but to us!! Words are magic, they have power and you know how to use them. You are a gifted writer, and anyone with a smidgen of a brain can see that. You bring joy and hope and downright fucking hilarity to the rest of us. I am sorry you got your feelers hurt tho….hope they mend soon!

  89. On February 19th, 2011 at 3:33 pm Ley Says:

    Holy mother of Tater Tots, you took the words out of my mouth. I’m very quick to point out to people that if they don’t like my blog, they shouldn’t read it. It’s as easy as that. No need for hate, there is enough of that in this world already!

  90. On February 19th, 2011 at 4:17 pm Anon Says:

    I’m sorry if it was my comment on the “create your own tea” entry that hurt you. I was genuinely providing feedback. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I’m sorry but dropping the f-bomb every few words and rambling, does not create humor, unless you are trying to appeal to fifth graders (or is that 1st graders, these days?). I did not mean to hurt you. I am not a writer, but an avid reader. I just wanted to provide some honest feedback. I know I don’t have to read this site, but I really did like it, in your earlier entries. I am truly sorry, if I hurt you.

    -horrible anonymous troll

  91. On February 19th, 2011 at 5:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    So wait, does that mean we’re not getting married?

    I’m not going to argue what the intent of your comment was (which, I’m letting you know I have to delete for the sake of selecting the contest winner, lest you wonder where it went) because I’m not you, but it certainly didn’t read as particularly helpful.

    Anyway, thank you for your apology.

    -horrible swearing rambling boring blogger

  92. On February 19th, 2011 at 4:25 pm KL Says:

    What you say matters to me. Please don’t ever stop.

  93. On February 19th, 2011 at 5:04 pm Jen Says:

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog Aunt Becky!! I especially love your twisted sense of humor that reminds me so much of my best buds. My latest post was definitely sticking my neck out but it was verbal diarrhea that needed to be purged from my body and now I feel MUCH better! 🙂 Hope you get a smidgen of time to read my brief post! I’ll keep reading!

  94. On February 20th, 2011 at 1:16 am Stone Fox Says:

    some of us are the Little Folk, and some of us are Big Deal on The Internet types, but i think the common thread we all share in our blogging is the sense of reaching out to others, and allowing others to touch our lives with their stories. it’s a sense of connection and community.

    and that shit DOES matter.

  95. On February 20th, 2011 at 7:40 am jess Says:

    This was a wonderful post. You basically summed up EVERYTHING a person feels when they get some nasty zingers. Don’t worry about it. I, for one, love your blog, and it’s awesome not only because it is entertaining, but because it’s actually about something worthwhile.

    Don’t let those anonymous assholes get you down. (:

  96. On February 20th, 2011 at 10:37 am chris in phx Says:

    “THIS is where I bow to the alter of my wrongness.” And I’ll happily bow down to you any time any where. Fuck the haters, I like you, and afterall isnt that really all that matters?

  97. On February 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am MamaRobinJ Says:


  98. On February 21st, 2011 at 10:15 am amber Says:

    You’re right, you’re right, you’re right. It’s why so many of us blog…I know I get my feelings hurt when someone’s mean to me, especially if it’s not a fellow blogger, because, hello? These words are me. So if you don’t like them, you don’t like me.

    But then, I do have self esteem issues, so you prob’ly shouldn’t listen to me.

  99. On February 21st, 2011 at 12:19 pm Satan Says:

    heh, i am so small time that all i get is spam.
    no trolls for me.
    then again, i think it would be hard to find something to pick on me about. except for maybe “spilling all the gory details all the time” or whatever, but i agree:
    it’s celebration time (with brownies!) when i get the first trolly.

  100. On February 21st, 2011 at 9:06 pm Shell Says:

    It does matter. And I think it’s normal to be hurt when the assholes come out to play on our blogs. If we really and truly didn’t care at all what people though, we wouldn’t enable comments. The truth is, we want a conversation. But, we want respect, too.

    But, people hide behind their computer screens and say things they’d never say irl and forget that those they are saying it to are REAL people.

  101. On February 26th, 2011 at 12:30 am Stuff I Starred Saturday – « LucidLotusLife Says:

    […] It All Matters […]

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