Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

In Which I Ask (Seriously) The Internets For Advice


When we moved into our condo (before we bought our house), the previous owner left us a vacuum (AND a fridge full of half-eaten food. Yum!). I loved it, used it, and eventually broke it. I’m not techno-savvy (why is the Internet not working, Daver?), so I am not certain what I did to it, but it was a decent thing.

It moved with us to our new home, where it took up residence in our basement for a year and a half. It has now moved to the garage where it sits until I figure out what the hell to do with it. We have a Kirby, which is awesome, even though it weighs approximately 900 lbs AND doubles as a toliet plunger AND hair massager (same attachment!), so I have no use for this broken vacuum.

But I feel wasteful, just throwing it away, when it’s entirely likely that it just needs a little tweak here or there. I’d put it out by the curb, but it’s winter here, and the snow would absolutely break it.

What do I do with it?

Ditto with the baby swing that Alex wore out. It no longer goes (ESPECIALLY not to 11) in any direction, and in the event that I had another baby, I’d just buy a new swing (yes, I am somewhat wasteful. I know.).


I am in dire need of a new pair of simple black boots. I got my old pair shopping in Ashley’s closet, but they’re about half a size too small and incredibly uncomfortable. I cannot order a new pair online, as I need to a) inspect the heel (I hate the really teeny tiny ones with a passion. Ditto with the really chunky ones) and b) try them on.

Are boots universally uncomfortable? Or is it just these boots (because they are too small)?

Where do you go to buy a decent pair of boots (my footwear is universally expensive, so Payless is not an option for me)?

Ankle boots or calf high (I’ve never worn calf high ones)?


Alex appears to be starting the weaning process, which is making the angels sing on high. The problem is, is that he now refuses to take a bottle (breastmilk filled or otherwise) in any form. I think he is convinced that the bottle = battery acid.

So he eats a number of pureed foods along with mountains of baby yogurt and nurses about 4-6 times a day (if you can believe it, this is far, far down from previous months).

I was beginning to feel all good about myself until I read up on weaning before 12 months (he is almost 9 months now), and all the literature screams: “YOU’RE A DAMN BAD MOTHER IF YOU WEAN YOUR CHILD BEFORE 12 MONTHS. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, BECKY, AS YOUR BABY WILL ONLY SELF-WEAN AT 2-3 YEARS. UNFIT MOTHER!!!”

But the baby seems to be certain that eating solids is the easiest way to get from Point Hunger to Point No-Hunger, and there doesn’t seem to be much I can do to dissuade him. (plus, I am getting somewhat relieved that I am seeing an end to nursing in sight. And what would a statement like that be without the accompanying Maternal Guilt?).

Any advice for me? (especially that which doesn’t involve fenugreek. My nasty nursing bras STILL smell like maple syrup 7 months later).


What the hell is up with the term “Teh”? I seriously don’t understand how “teh” means “the” unless it is misspelled due to error while typing.


I’m feeling rather diet-ly discouraged, so I need some new tips for weight loss. I know I’m not the only person on the planet who has struggled with weight loss, so lemmie hear your tips.


12 Comments to

“In Which I Ask (Seriously) The Internets For Advice”

  1. On December 17th, 2007 at 12:53 pm Kristin Says:

    A) Baby Stuff + Vacuum = Craigslist. Craigslist is my answer to everything and I see broken stuff in the “free” section all the time, so someone has to be picking it up, right?

    B) Boots – I am in love with my calf high and ankle high Tommy Hilfiger boots. I buy the same (or closest to) pair almost every year and I wear them religiously. The heel is perfect and they are comfortable (as comfortable as anything that is NOT a flip-flop can be, anyway). I find them at DSW pretty reasonably priced, so they are a win-win.

    C) Baby weaning – I am the worst person to give advice on this but my gut tells me to go with what works. Your first kid is probably the only kid in the universe that I actually LIKE so you have to be doing something right. (The previous sentence does not apply to Alex – I like him too – he is just not old enough to be super-rad….right now he is just baby-rad)

    D) Teh=sucks. Agreed.

    E) I don’t even want to talk about diets. I was doing so well…then I quit smoking and I am back to “fatty wants a cookie” status. I guess there is always after Christmas. PS. I am crying on the inside – and I.want.a.cookie.

    F) Your blog needs to stop being so addictively awesome because it is seriously ruining my work productivity. Besides, when I miss a deadline and need an excuse, “Mommy wants vodka” just makes me sound like I need a trip to the mental institution.


  2. On December 17th, 2007 at 1:31 pm Pauline Says:

    Boots-DSW is the way to go. They usually have a huge selection at reasonable prices. That’s where I got mine and I love them.

    Weaning-It sounds like he is already “self weening”. Doesn’t sound like you have anything to feel guilty about to me, and hey, if the kid wants to eat solids, more power to him. And your boobs will surely thank you. 🙂

    I’m with Kristin on the Craigslist thing. Or, this time of year, donate it to a charity? They might be willing to fix it up and give it to someone in need.

    I suck with the diet advice. People always get mad at me for offering it anyway, so I’m sorry to be of no help there.

    Teh is a weird word. Agreed.

    And finally, your blog does seriously rock. I am only back at work for one day and already I am procrastinating and reading your blog instead of working.

  3. On December 17th, 2007 at 2:26 pm Leslee Says:

    Heh. I use teh when I’m trying to be sarcastic? Somehow I’m thinking that’s not the right word. I use it when I do something incredibly stupid, like falling onto someone cuzz I don’t know how to walk correctly (I do that ALL.THE.TIME.), and want to excuse it due to my awesomeness. Example: So, I fell onto Jason’s lap when I was walking to the bathroom cuzz I am Teh Smooth. Other than that, it’s usually due to my dyslexia.

    I didn’t breast feed my Alex due my being an absolutely evil momma, but I remember how the doctors tried to make me feel bad when he took himself off the bottle before he was a year old. He wated NOTHING to do with a bottle or formula or anything like that. It was solids and straight up whole milk or he would try to make my eardrums bleed. The docs told me he wouldn’t develop normally and he wouldn’t grow as well as he should and blahblahbullshitblah. He’s perfectly fine and is actually rather tall for his age. So, HA! I am great! Of course, I’m betting that weening from the bewb is completely different. I wouldn’t let it get to you (if that’s possible) as I would think that your Alex is gonna do exactly what he wants to, regardless of the literature and opinions of others.

  4. On December 17th, 2007 at 2:31 pm Cara Says:

    I’ll add my vote for both Craigslist and DSW.

    I think “teh” is supposed to be funny, but I don’t know why.

    The only diet advice I have is to eat foods as minimally processed as possible, which I realize is not particularly helpful. Also, I’ve heard that green tea has good effects on the metabolism, depending on which study you read.

  5. On December 17th, 2007 at 2:40 pm Ashley Says:

    DSW is a good one. So is Macy’s. Personally all of my favorite boots are either Nine West or Kenneth Cole. And I know exactly the boots you are talking about and they are brutal!!! I have not bought another pair of Steve Madden shoes since.

    On the diet front, I’m going to give you the same advice you gave me on Friday. Stick with it, your body composition could be changing even when you are not seeing a loss. It made me feel better. Hopefully it does the same for you.

  6. On December 17th, 2007 at 3:14 pm Kim Says:

    never heard of teh before today, hope that does not make me appear “out of the loop”. *grin*

    best pair of boots I own are Prada, over calf, under knee, dark brown, the most comfortable things that have been on my feet, they feel like slippers.




  7. On December 17th, 2007 at 4:35 pm Cricket Says:

    I think ‘teh’ is aimed at stupid Internet people who don’t proofread. It’s a kind of “them” the uncool bimbos vs. “us” the smart editing types.

    Besides Craigslist, you can try If there’s one in your area, it is great for getting rid of stuff – and replacing it with new, used stuff! I use our local group all the time.

  8. On December 17th, 2007 at 5:31 pm Juli Says:

    “Teh” and its cousin “pwn” are typos that have been adopted for ironic purposes. I use “teh” the same way Leslee does. It makes ME laugh, and Teh Intarwebs exists only to entertain me, so there. “Becasue” however, is just a bad typo I make ALL THE TIME and is never funny.

    Can’t help you on the shoes or vacuum. I’m a cheapskate.

    People who criticize your parenting: fuck ’em. (Not literally.)

  9. On December 17th, 2007 at 5:53 pm Kristine Says:

    There is a 9 or 10 month dip in milk supply when nursing which may be why Alex is self weaning, plow through it, if you’re that concerned about continuing. Otherwise, I always take the path of least resistance parenting approach. And here’s a huge secret – formula is not rat poison. I know. It’s shocking! So if you want to wean. Wean. Try various sippy cups if he doesn’t want a bottle, maybe he’ll take those. Ours didn’t like the first 2 styles of sippy cups we tried. He loves the nuby straw cups though.

    Can’t help you on boots. I buy a lot of shoes (except tennis shoes) at Payless, because I have wide feet. And they have wide shoes. Cheap.

    You can take that vacuum to a vacuum/sewing machine repair center and they should be able to tell you how easily it can be fixed and for how much.

  10. On December 17th, 2007 at 7:35 pm Melissa C Says:

    On the weaning… I agree… try a cup! My daughter went straight from nursing to a cup… wanted NOTHING to do with a bottle… ever! (My son too, come to think of it… but he nursed until he was 2 and *I* decided enough was enough! LOL)

    About teh… for me it’s just dyslexic fingers… didn’t realize people did it on purpose (I’m SOOO out of the loop!)

    Boots… can’t help you there! Old, almost useful stuff… don’t even talk to me about that: I have a basement FULL of crap like that (hubby keeps saying… “I can fix that… don’t throw it out!”)

  11. On December 17th, 2007 at 9:12 pm becky Says:

    Oh, Internet, I love you very much.

    I will try Craig’s List to get rid of my stuff. You guys are so smart.

  12. On December 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am becky Says:

    And yeah, I’m glad “teh” is what I thought it was. A misspelling that got popular. I was just making sure I wasn’t completely oblivious.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...