Mommy Wants Vodka

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Imagine Me Down On My Knees and Groveling


Come out! Come out! Wherever you are!

I know you’re out there, my wonderful lurkers, I can seeeeee you.

Okay, I can’t REALLY see you, altho convincing my son that I am psychic is a stroke of pure genius. Honestly, you should do it.

So here’s where I beg of you, my lurkers and lovingest of the loving followers, to help a sister out. My Home Girl Emily (who has probably never been addressed as a Home Girl or Home Slice by anyone but me) nominated me awhile back for some awards.

I checked today after forgetting about it for ages, and I see that I’ve got about 28 votes. 28 is a lovely number. I am 28 years old right now. Soon to be 29. But I know for a fact that I have more readers than that.

So I propose a tit(s) for a tat (hehe TITS): If you go over to this site and vote for me:

(I was nominated twice, because THAT is how cool Em is)

Registering takes about 20 seconds and is not at all annoying.

Come back and leave me a comment telling me that you did. Then ask me a question you want me to answer–no topic off limit–or a special request of something you’d like me to do for YOU. (I cannot cook) I’ll vote for you if you want me to, I’ll write a post about a topic of your choosing, I’ll even do something embarrassing and humiliating and tell the internet all about it if that is what you want.

Thank you, Internet, for being there for me when I needed you to be. Have you lost weight? You’re wasting away in front of me. But your ass looks fantastic in those jeans.

I puffy heart ALL of you.


Alex asks, “Please vote for my mother. She’ll love you forever and somehow make you Rice Krispy Treat Cuppy-Cakes.”

51 Comments to

“Imagine Me Down On My Knees and Groveling”

  1. On April 30th, 2009 at 10:48 pm CJ Says:

    Done! Voted for you in both categories.

    And I am *so* unselfish that I ask nothing in return…

    … except that you keep posting and making us all laugh.

    Happy blogging!

  2. On April 30th, 2009 at 10:04 pm Kristin Says:

    Voted! Can’t think of a question right now. I actually don’t think I’ve commented on here before. I love you blog though! You crack me up

  3. On April 30th, 2009 at 10:49 pm CJ Says:

    (oops, fixed my blog link) 🙂

  4. On April 30th, 2009 at 11:26 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    already voted. before you even asked. 😉

  5. On April 30th, 2009 at 11:52 pm 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why Says:

    Voted for you! Alex totally talked me into it with those big eyes and the lure of Rice Krispy Treat Cuppy-Cakes!
    You can vote for me back if you want…we could be BFF on line…
    Wait, am I 12? What the hell!

  6. On May 1st, 2009 at 12:35 am Jenn Says:

    Posting an adorable photo is totally cheating. (But I voted for you anyway!)

  7. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:56 am Cari Says:

    I wasn’t going to vote for you, but I couldn’t resist that sweet little krispy eating face! No really, I hope you win – you deserve it – this is one of my favorite places on the Web. I left ya some comments over at the voting site, but I’m your #35 vote in each category. I don’t need you to do anything for me, just keep doing what you do best – making me laugh at loud at inappropriate moments, like during a work teleconference or when my kids are trying to sleep. Thanks.

  8. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:01 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I voted.

    Just be advised that they don’t reset the nominations every year, so next year if you don’t campaign, you’re still entered and maybe you get like 0 votes for your blog under “best parenting blog” and feel really sad when you realize this.

    Or maybe not.

  9. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:20 am Badass Geek Says:

    I’ll vote.

    And continue imagining you on your knees groveling.

  10. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:38 am deb Says:

    I’ll vote for you , but I need nothing in return. Unless, of course, you win the lotto. Then I expect to be duly compensated for my time.

  11. On May 1st, 2009 at 5:39 am Inna Says:

    I voted! I ask for nothing in return. Hope you win!
    ps – the internet is pretty amazing, you’ve gone from 28 to 37 (that last one was my vote) in a morning (wait, its still morning, wonder how many you’ll have by lunch)!

  12. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:43 am deb Says:

    Is it a mere coincidence that when i registered, one of my two word verification words was:
    I think not.

  13. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:35 am Parenting Pink Says:

    Voted for you! Congrats on your nominations! You certainly deserve them!

  14. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am Dot Says:

    Not a lurker but voted anyway. 🙂

  15. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:57 am Cassie Says:

    I voted! Now could you come set up my Tivo? because I have no idea how. Thanks 🙂

  16. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:13 am Kristine Says:

    Well, that’s craptacular. I put in my home email because I didn’t want to add to the spamminess of my work email and now it won’t let me log in until I confirm from that email which I can’t check from here…I promise to vote tonight.

  17. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:20 am Dre Says:

    I signed up and voted for you. Just because you are fucking hi-larious and yet manage to say shit that I identify with. Hope you win, sister!

  18. On May 1st, 2009 at 8:39 am Brittany Says:

    Ok, my fellow 28 going on 29er. I voted for you in both categories! Now…for what I want:

    Someday down the road, once my blog gets as good as yours (yeah right), you vote for me. That is, IF I get nominated, lol.

  19. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:48 am Kendra Says:

    I voted for you wholeheartedly! And thank you, these jeans do make my ass look pretty good.

  20. On May 1st, 2009 at 8:52 am Kristina Says:

    Voted! (and not just because I want something, but b/c you really are freaking funny) I also wish I was wonderfully unselfish like your other readers, but….I’m not. So here is my request: Just read my blog, and tell me if it sucks ass. I’m new to this whole thing, and not sure if I’ve got what it takes. Not to mention no one but one of my closest friends is reading it, and if you are the only other person for the rest of my life that reads it, at least I can die saying that two people read my blog. Thanks!

  21. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:02 am ryanandjoesmom Says:

    The groveling worked – votes have been cast.

    Now can you teach my 17 month old to sleep through the night without any crying (him or me) and in his own bed (aka the crib and not the king sized bed that has seen little to no action in the past 24 months)? Thanks, you’re a peach.

  22. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:25 am Lola Says:

    Done. BTW, I’m “Skanky0286,” just so you don’t think some lurker that stole my avatar came out of the closet to vote. I hope you knock that bitch Dooce right out of the running!

    Ahh, I kid the Dooce. I actually like her even though she was not at all funny on Oprah 😉

  23. On May 1st, 2009 at 8:28 am amelie Says:

    Tried to vote, but won’t let me because “user name already taken” and then highlights my first name – over and over again no matter what I put in even gibberish! What am I doing wrong?? I WANT to vote for you. I usually just lurk – I have an midly autistic first born so love your take on things. And I found her a school where she can do her passion (She passes as “normal” here) and wanted you to vote for her school at so that the school can get money to fix their dairy barn (Vote for Norfolk County Agricultural High School Dairy Barn – even tho there are lots of other cool things!) Another “easy” sign in. So help me vote for you and them please vote for her school! (And anybody else who wants to can vote too!!)

  24. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:08 am Leslie Says:

    I’m a lurker 🙂 and just voted for you in both categories. Good luck!

  25. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am lady lemon Says:

    Done and done, my dear. Those votes are adding up fast!

  26. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:26 am Mimi Says:

    I voted for you! Now will you vote for me?

  27. On May 1st, 2009 at 10:29 am Suzannah Says:

    I voted for you, and you didn’t even need to beg, would have voted for you anyway, because I big puffy heart you too!

    I want to see a pic of Auggie 🙂

  28. On May 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm Sarcastic Bastard Says:

    Done, sister, done. People died so I could exercise my right to vote, so I did.


  29. On May 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm LynneV Says:

    Done and Done, and I Digged you too (correctly, I hope)

  30. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm Susan Says:

    I, too, voted before you even asked. You’re just that hot and funny.

  31. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:28 pm Katie Says:

    See? All you had to do was ask! Done deal.

  32. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm swirl girl Says:

    I voted for you !
    Now show us more pictures of what makes you so HAWT!

  33. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:44 pm Coco Says:

    Done and done. I’m #63 both times, and I’m sorry to say that I was oddly disappointed not to be #69.

    Now, for my wish, I would like you to re-post your commentary on that 50’s housewife manual where you talked about buying a truckload of twinkies and the biggest FryDaddy you and Daver could find. Because I can’t find it anymore and it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

  34. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:20 pm Mrs Soup Says:


    And I don’t need anything from you.

    Except maybe a photo/video of you groveling. And a rice krispie treat. And some chocolate. Ooooh, and a pony!

    Okay, I’m done.

    No! Wait! More cowbell! Must have some more cowbell. *nods*

  35. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:37 pm Hannah Says:

    I de-lurked to try and vote, but the stupid site wouldn’t let me – does that count for anything? You have my ‘in spirit’ vote, ok?

  36. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm amy Says:

    Ha! I love the shameless dairy barn school plug! That’s hilarious!

    Of course I voted for you! I was also reminded that I voted back in December. When do the results come in?

    Don’t need anything. Just love reading your blog. Seriously you make me laugh everyday. Keep writing:)

  37. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:58 pm Meghan Says:

    oooo am I a lurker? I’ve never been one of those before….

    I voted after swearing at my computer a bit…Yeah..I’ll think of some thing for you to answer some long lost question I haven’t thought of yet that I always wanted answered;)

    Have a great day.

  38. On May 1st, 2009 at 2:58 pm zelzee Says:

    You got my vote! (For both)

    How could I resist those big beautiful Alex eyes!!!
    (and by the way…………you’re shameless using your kids!!!!)

  39. On May 1st, 2009 at 3:12 pm Emily R Says:

    yeah, that would be the first time.

  40. On May 1st, 2009 at 5:16 pm mumma boo Says:

    Ok, I voted. Now go slobber on your children for me. 😉

  41. On May 1st, 2009 at 5:29 pm sky Says:

    Voting. But no question for you. I’m new here. 🙂

  42. On May 1st, 2009 at 5:49 pm Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » He Who Should Have Been Named Buttface Says:

    […] Thank you all so much for voting for me. I was reluctant to beg, you o! wise Internet, which shows off my Midwestern-ness. The contest goes […]

  43. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:23 pm Betts Says:

    Unless I totally effed it up, I was one of the original 28. That’s how much I heart you, girl. And I don’t need your tit or your tat. You’ve already paid me in laughs.

  44. On May 2nd, 2009 at 1:52 am baseballmom Says:

    Voted. Those cuppycakes look damned good-send me one please! Haha. Srsly though, it amazes me that people still nominate Dooce after she’s probably won every award imaginable, and been on tv and stuff. I hope you win, girl…you have like 78 now!

  45. On May 2nd, 2009 at 10:56 am The Notorious BEX Says:

    I’m being beaten badly by a grocery coupon site. This is more shameful than I’d thought. Perhaps I should turn my blog into a coupon blog!

  46. On May 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 am Stefanie Says:

    Um, I voted and you were wrong, signing up was annoying. You owe me.

  47. On May 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm Liv Says:

    Dude…you’re being beat by a coupon blog. That’s NOT right! I totally voted for you and it cracks me up reading the intro to your post because when I read it, I went, “OMG! She sees me!”…b/c it was within minutes of seeing your comment on my blog and I wondered how you found me.

    I’ve been a shameless lurky loo. I apologize. But, I find you highly entertaining, and I don’t need anything in return for my vote! You get my love for free!!!

  48. On May 4th, 2009 at 2:43 pm Sarah Says:

    Oh damn! Missed the part where we tell you what we want from you!! I guess we all know what Uncle Pervy that’s obsessed with your breastfeeding asked for… no need to ask that you flash your tits for us.

    Uh… crap. As I’m about to mention, I shamelessly love musicals. Perhaps you can wax poetic – or profane, I don’t care – about your least favorite movie. That’s nice and shallow. 😀 Or … Not! I’ll read you either way.

  49. On May 4th, 2009 at 3:47 pm Miss Grace Says:

    I voted for you. Did you vote for me? Because I’m totally okay with the begging.

  50. On May 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm Big Fan Says:

    I voted. Let’s see some titties!

  51. On May 5th, 2009 at 10:02 am Angellee Says:

    I have voted!!! and currently you are being beat by “” isnt “dooce” another term for POOP according to the urban dictionary???

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