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I’m Stalking You On Facebook


Okay, so the title is a complete lie. Sure, I do have a Facebook account and yes, I’m probably friends with you on there, because if I already pour my heart and soul out (stop laughing)(no, I mean it) on my blog, why the hell can’t you see the meaningless bullshit I post on Facebook?

(answer, as always, is: because, obviously)

(and I will absolutely friend you)

(unless you hate me)

(or maybe even if you do)

Because I rode a dinosaur to school back when I was a wee lass, I had a Myspace account well before I had a Facebook account and before that, because I think I even had a Friendster account. But then Myspace got all blinky and annoying and so I stopped going on there because it took my computer 4 hours to load your stupid ass profile.

Eventually, I succumbed to The Facebook empire and got myself an account. People were ALWAYS (read: maybe once or twice) telling me how CRAZY COOL Facebook was and how many AWESOME people they’d reconnected with there. I logged on, signed up, and promptly refriended all my friends who’d similarly abandoned Myspace for less blinky pastures.

And then….




Nothing whatsoever happened.

A year or so after the fact, I can appreciate that it does connect me with some of my blog friends, there hasn’t been a single soul from Back In The Day that I’ve found through there that has blown me away.

I’ve often bemoaned that I can’t stalk my exes through Facebook so that I can feel smugly superior towards them because everyone freaking ELSE has some “this was my first grade boyfriend,” “this was the first person I got drunk with when I was nine,” story to rub in my pathetic face. It appears the only ex with whom I am to have contact is my least favorite: Nat.

Dave is one of the frequent gloaters I put up with on a semi-regular basis. He’s always reconnecting with someone or another: exes, family maybe, old friends, old not-so-friends (because we all know that we’re judged on the amount of friends we have on Facebook and Twitter), and whatever. Maybe a prostitute or two.

I don’t really keep track. He’ll occasionally pull up a profile to show me someone’s kids or whatever, and I look, tell him the kid is cute, and then go about my day. It’s never dawned on me that Facebook could be seen as a den of intrigue and tomfoolery.

(why yes, yes I WAS looking to use tomfoolery in a sentence! Next up, I’m looking at YOU caterwauling or cacophony)

But apparently, there was even an ARTICLE on The Internet, which has to be true, because it’s online, that made mention of Facebook being kind of bad for marriages. According to the article, people are rekindling old romances through Facebook, while fitting in endless games of Bejeweled and/or Which Vampire Are You? Quizzes.

(my result: An Asshole)

For someone whose relationships prior to meeting The Daver ended after my boyfriend decided to use another vagina as a tea cozy, I’m shockingly trusting.

I’ve never read his email, I’ve never gone through the recently dialed calls on his phone, I’ve never considered logging onto his facebook account, and I have no plans to. To me? It just seems really boring. And he’s honest enough that if he is having cyber sex with someone (or whatever crimes against marriage these people commit), he’d probably tell me whether or not I cared to know.

And likewise. I’m not positive, but I do leave my email open 99% of my time and my phone around the house, and I’ve never caught Daver going through it. Probably because, like his, it’s very, VERY boring to anyone else. Plus, I firmly believe that he deserves privacy just as I do. Everyone should have small secrets, right?

(I will mention here that I absolutely CANNOT stand when someone stands behind me while I’m on the computer no matter if I’m surfing old lady porn or writing a blog post or checking Twitter. I’d be fine if you looked at it WITHOUT me there, but for some reason the hovering just drives me nuts)

But reading the article and hearing other people talk about how they guess passwords and check up on their significant others makes me wonder: am I in the minority here? SHOULD I be checking up on The Daver? Am I being naive?

Should I really be stalking him on Facebook?

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
104 Comments to

“I’m Stalking You On Facebook”

  1. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:58 am Chibbsy Says:

    Ha, not if you value your marriage! I’m with you, I feel no need to pry into my husband’s online life. Hell, one of the people he talks to most online is someone called ‘Sexy Sarah’. And I’m not curious at all. PLUS, it’s the equivalent of reading his diary… and picturing myself looking under mattresses for diaries and my husband whining at me “But MOOMMMM!” is really a huge turn off. I mean… “Who’s your daddy?” sounds WAY sexier than “Who’s your mommy?” in bed. Especially since said mom is a snoop.

  2. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:59 am Chibbsy Says:

    Looking at my comment, it is extremely random and… I apparently need more coffee. Also, TOTALLY stalking you on Facebook now. Hooray!

  3. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:14 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    Why on earth would you do that?!? You don’t have that kind of relationship. Unless your marriage is in triouble in the first place, don’t succomb (another great word – beat you to it!) to Internet-induced paranoia. There’s plenty of real shit to worry about in the world!

  4. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am Jill Says:

    The only people who stalk their spouses or partners on FB, email or whatever are people who are insecure in their relationship or with themselves. Plain and simple. If you trust your husband, it would never even cross your mind!

  5. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:23 am Kate Says:

    No, I don’t stalk my husband anywhere. I’m not a control-freak insecure woman who doesn’t trust the man I’m with. If he began doing things that proved he was not trustworthy, then I might give an ounce of thought to whether or not he’s being honest with me about things, but in 19 years of being together, he’s shown he’s honest (almost to a fault, if that’s possible), so I don’t waste my insecurity on him (there’s so many other things to waste it on).

    I agree with you about the hovering. I’m always telling kids to get away from me when I’m writing a blog post or if I’m reading something. Like you said, it doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong; it means I don’t like someone reading over my shoulder!

  6. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am Aunt Decepticon Says:

    The only times I’ve felt remotely jealous were times when I was picking up on something or another. And when I was picking up on something or another (e.g. “vagina as a tea cozy”), it was for a reason: there was something going on. Could I say “something” any more in a sentence?

  7. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    I also can’t type worth a damn. That should have been trouble and succumb. I think.

  8. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:32 am Jennifer Says:

    Oh, the hovering. Makes me want to stab people in the junk. Because yes, hover-ers usually have junk.

    And I’ll admit it. I stalk my husband online. I don’t so it often and I never like doing it. You find something questionable and it sucks. You don’t find anything and you wonder if they’ve just hidden it well. It’s a major suck-a-thon.

    If you have the trust, be thankful. And don’t look. Cause seriously, everything looks bad out of context.

  9. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:44 am Robbin out Loud Says:

    Heck no don’t snoop. My last relationship also ended when he meet someone on the internet and decided that being unfaithful was more important than 10 years of marriage. However I will never punish my current partner for what a past partner did.

  10. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:45 am Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » I'm Stalking You On Facebook – The Facebook News Says:

    […] Aunt Decepticon wrote an interesting post today onMommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » I'm Stalking You On <b>Facebook</b>Here’s a quick excerpt […]

  11. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:52 am Mrs Soup Says:

    I don’t check up on my husband either. I trust him. Until he does something to make me not trust him, I’ll continue to trust him. The end. I believe that once you start questioning your partner, you start seeing it everywhere. And then the relationship starts failing because you aren’t able to see the good things anymore.

  12. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:52 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Oh, and I’m not stalking you on Twitter or your blog or anything, I swear.


  13. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:55 am Shanna Says:

    Yeah, totally stalking you everywhere I can find you. I would even do it on myspace if I could remember how to log into that stupid thing and what fake name I used. 😉
    Oh, the hovering drives me NUCKING FUTS!!!!! Alex does it to me all the time at home and I just want to punch him. I would too if he was 18. 😉 Kidding, his nose doesn’t need anymore breaking. First time was when he was born, really, then twice with a ball in soccer. So yeah, nice nose there Jr.

  14. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:55 am Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » I'm Stalking You On Facebook – The Facebook News Says:

    […] Aunt Decepticon wrote an interesting post today onMommy Wants Vodka » <b>Blog</b> Archive » I'm Stalking You On <b>Facebook</b>Here’s a quick excerpt […]

  15. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am witchypoo Says:

    Why get your panties in a wad if you don’t need to?
    Btw, my brother totally found his long lost daughter on FaceBook.\

  16. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:07 am Badass Geek Says:

    If you were planning to stalk Dave, you probably just lost your element of surprise.

  17. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:08 am Dana Says:

    Well, I don’t “snoop” on my husband either, and that’s after finding a receipt in his pants pocket (I check pockets before putting things in the washing machine) for a VIBRATOR he purchased at Lover’s Lane … and didn’t give to me.

    If I have to “snoop” to keep you faithful, you really aren’t the kind of person worth my energy.

  18. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:09 am Kerrie Says:

    I honestly believe that there is no reason to pry – unless you really feel there is a REASON to pry. But I’m of the “once burned” school of thought. But unrelated to that – I have an account on Facebook so I can harvest Wheat on my Farmville game. I’m totally addicted to that shit…I’m going to sell my house and move to the country and raise sheep.

  19. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:20 am Leadia Jarvis Says:

    I never check up on my husband (who hates FB and vows to never set cyber-foot into it). Who has time? Plus, that leaves me more time to meddle in the lives of my children.

    Plus, if he can find someone else who can put up with him, that’s less for me to deal with, heh.

  20. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am Nel Says:

    ‘vagina as a tea cozy.’!!! I seriously cannot stop laughing at that one!

    And I cannot agree with you more on the hovering thing. I have one co-worker is does it to my constantly….so I keep ‘accidentally’ rolling over his feet with my chair. He somehow has not learned yet.

  21. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am Lo Says:

    I always think that if you have the urge to check your significant other’s phone/facebook/wallet/emails then you probably already know what’s going on and are just looking for confirmation. Which is not to say people who don’t cyber hack don’t get cheated on, but I think if you find youself becoming the person that MUST cyber hack then (a) your SO is already cheating or (b) you’re cheating and feeling guilty.

  22. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:29 am a Says:

    Dude, if you have 3 kids and can’t use caterwauling and cacophony on a daily basis, then I’m calling DCFS, because you are clearly giving those kids the vodka.

    I occasionally check my husband’s stuff, and it’s only because he’s an annoying jerk. He gets all kinds of irritable if I inquire into his conversations or email, and calls me nosy. (Oh, and then he tells me that he told me all about incidents when he never mentioned them.) However, when I am typing something or on the phone, he is so far up my ass that I could pull him out of my nose. So, I snoop to pay him back. Do I trust him to not hook up with other chicks? Sure, because he likes to tell me all the time who he could hook up with. He’s an instigator, and I am a worse one, because I know how to do it subtly. So basically, I sometimes invade his privacy, because he forfeited his right to it by invading my privacy.

  23. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:30 am Cassie Says:

    I was at dinner with a girl the other day and she was telling me about how she went on vacation and when she got back she noticed that some girl had been writing all over her boyfriends wall! And so she logged into his acct and saw that she had been sending him messages too! She was so pissed and started sending her bf all of these mean, mad text messages and they got into a huge fight.

    Turns out? That girl was HER. I don’t know how in the world she didn’t realize that those were HER messages from before she left, but she didn’t.

    So, no, I don’t think you should be stalking him on FB. Obviously, only dumb people do that 🙂

  24. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:34 am C @ Kid Things Says:

    I’ve never had a Facebook account, or Myspace.

    It’s good that you don’t check up on your husband, it’s called TRUST. I don’t check up on mine, either, usually. I’ve checked up on him on Ebay, but that’s because he has a tendency to buy things without telling me and then I’m like, YOU SPENT $200 ON WHAT?!

  25. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:41 am sharon Says:

    i agree with the above commenters – if u feel the need 2 stalk, u’re either way insecure…or there’s something else suspicious going on that makes u feel u should b stalking…if u can’t trust ur hubby, then y the hell r u with him?!

  26. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:47 am Kori Says:

    I am on Facebook, though God knows why, as I can’t even muster up the enrgy to go on there. I had a husband kind of like your old boyfriends, and I did check up on him-though not online, as we had no Internet. Or computer, or food for that matter. good times.-ANYWAY, all it did was reaffirm what I already knew, and made me feel sick and crazy all the time.

    If I am in a good relationship, then it shouldn’t matter who said partner connects with on Facebook. I might have a problem if I found evidence in other areas of the relationship that indicated infidelity, but for the most part, I don’t give a shit. HOWEVER: to me, in my opinion, spouses/partners can be emotionally involved with people without it being sexual and that is still cheating and still devastating, and I think those types of relationships are alot more accessible on places like facebook/myspace/whatever.

  27. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:49 am Caron Says:

    I find jealousy to be debilitating and so I rarely go down that road. I figure if he ever meets someone and it is so hot he has to be with her, then I will know soon enough.

    Besides, stalking him would take way too much of the energy I need to do things that actually interest me. It would also cause me stress because I’d get all sneaky and start wearing a trench coat and dark glasses. I’m not good at lurking quietly in the background.

  28. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:57 am Sarah Says:

    You know, my hubby is a trucker. A pretty trucker. He is the cutest thing 95% of all truckstop waitresses, waiters, and other truckers see on any given day. We don’t see each other nearly often enough, sometimes for weeks on end. Never once have I flipped out about any of that. I don’t check his phone, I have access to all of his email accts, etc, and unless he asks me to, I never think to check them.

    I started a Facebook acct for him, with his permission, mainly so I could say not just that I was married, but that I was married to HIM. He was fine with that. I added random people that we knew mutually for him, etc. Which was all good and well. Then… (hangs head in shame) THEN these little tramps that were hot for his love when he and I first met, and were little bitches to me because they knew they didn’t have a shot with *my baby* (seriously, at the time, I didn’t give a DAMN… they followed him like lost puppies all over campus and I thought it was hysterical because they had no chance, no worries), and, despite having nothing but confidence in our relationship, really, when those same little hussies “added” him on Facebook and didn’t add me, (despite the fact that I had been totally reasonable to them while I was making out with the man of their dreams) (btw, they were 18. I was 25. Hubby was in his 30s… they were mere children in our eyes) I flipped the fcuk OUT. I could not talk myself out of being a total ass over the whole deal. No those little whores did NOT “disrespect me” I thought. At the time. Hubby was not amused by my childish psychotic breakdown, and the whole thing ended in my shutting down his FB acct at his request. Which I was only too happy to do.

    Still feel like a moron though.

    Fcuking FB.

    So, I guess no, I don’t think you need to stalk your The Daver. Had Hubby been managing his acct instead of ME managing his acct, he could have added the little hussies or not and I wouldn’t have given a damn. Or probably ever been the wiser.

    And if you could work “cattywampus” into a sentence, that would make me particularly twinkly and giggly and sparkly and stuff.

  29. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:00 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Meh, if he’s going to cheat, he’s not going to do it on the family computer, and he’s not going to do it with an email address you know. He’s tech savvy enough to avoid those common pitfalls.

    (Plus, he already owns you, obviously.)

  30. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:02 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    No. You love him, you trust him and it would be a boring waste of time.

  31. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:06 am Sara Says:

    I log into the Hub’s email and his facebook from time to time, not to stalk him, but to stalk other people. Our Vonage voicemails go to his email, so I will randomly check to see if we’ve missed a call or something, but really? I’m not worried.

    I’m friends on Facebook with two of my exes. But I was friends with them too, so whatever. I do know people who refuse to friend guys because they don’t want to give the appearance of being “improper”. I say if you aren’t doing anything wrong, why already be ashamed of your behavior?!

    Hubs can check my emails, and my facebook, myspace, twitter, and all that nonsense. I’m fairly sure he’d be bored out his mind within two seconds.

  32. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:11 am Jenn Says:

    I can’t even talk Kent into getting a facebook account but if he did then more power to him I guess. Of course I can say that because he only had two girlfriends before me and one of them lives in Sweden, the other in New York. Not much chance of rekindling any old flames, haha.

    95% of my “friends” on facebook never even message me nor do I even bother to check out what they are up to. I think they friend me just to, like you basically said, have more friends. Plus I hated half of them in high school anyway. 🙂

    I also hate it when someone is looking over my shoulder – no matter what I’m doing. Reading, on the computer, making cookies. It’s ALL irritating.

  33. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:15 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    DH isn’t on Facebook. He has no desire to be though at some point he may end up there just because that is how all the under 40’s in his office communicate. I may or may not friend him if he does. I’m not inclined to want him friending me. If he reads all my updates during the day I’ll have nothing to tell him when he gets home & then what will we talk about? I had to remove yahoo chat from my twitter updates for just that reason. Every time I brought something up at dinner he said “yeah I saw your tweet”. While I am a deeply cynical & suspicious person, I really don’t worry about him chatting with women he used to know on the internet. I chat with men I used to know all the time & there is nothing there but chat.

  34. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:15 pm Kristina Says:

    I wouldn’t stalk my husband, either. If he was gonna cheat on me, whatever. I’d want him to tell me. Plus he cannot tell a lie, so he would probably tell on himself before I found out!

  35. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am Pauline Says:

    I am already stalking you on Facebook. Ha ha ha. But, on the subject of stalking your husband: I’m with you. I’ve never checked up on mine either and don’t intend to. If you have reason to believe there is a need to do that, your marriage has bigger problems.

  36. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am Christa Says:

    I don’t check up on my mate. And I know that my husband does not read my LJ at all. Anything I write there either he lived or I already blabbed to him about endlessly. I could put on there that I am sleeping with the community pool boy and he would never know.

  37. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am Lippy Says:

    I don’t bother with the stalking. First Bud doesn’t know how to operate his cell phone. Second, he thinks things like FB, myspace and twitter are ruining society. Third, it just seems weird to spy on him. I would feel icky and gross doing it.

  38. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am daisybv2 Says:

    hubby has a myspace, and I have never been to it oh with the exception of setting it up….. LOL

    He does not have a FB and has no desire he says it causes too much family drama. And no i dont feel I need to stalk him, he gave me all his email passwords at one time or another to check something for him.

    And honestly he is so far up my ass I would know if he chose to use another vagina as a tea cozy LMAO

  39. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:51 am Painted Maypole Says:

    i hope there is a great cacophony of voices telling you NOT to stalk your hubby on FB. Trust is a much better place to be.

  40. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:54 pm moonspun Says:

    I’d be so honored if you’d stalk me! tee hee…
    If you trust your hubby, there would be no need to stalk him. Facebook is good for reconnecting, but I found that the people who I intereact most on it are people I interact with in everyday life. Not those long lost people…it’s weird. But slightly useful….

  41. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:55 am lydee Says:

    yeah, you’re totally rated on how many friends you have on facebook, (rolling eyes). actually you can probably guess someone’s age from the number of friends they have (500+, definately 18 yrs old), lol!

  42. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:11 pm Becky Says:

    My husband and I are like you guys. I actually feel sort of guilty if I pick up Rex’s phone and see who called last or read a text in the normal course of our daily lives.

    Although anybody who knows me knows not to touch my computer. Period. It’s not that I’m keeping secrets, I just don’t want anyone to touch my stuff. MY STUFF.

    I’m a little territorial.

    My husband has his ex-wife friended on facebook, and the only reason I want into his account is to stalk *her*. Not because I think she has any interest in him, I just like to feed my little obsession.

  43. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Vinomom Says:

    Your description of the downfall of myspace could have been taken right out my brain. That was so funny.

    I like FB all right. I’d been on there a long time before The Boyfriend got an account. He does go on sometimes and try to beat my Bejeweled Blitz scores. And he hacks into his best friend’s account to make it look like he takes ridiculous quizzes.

    I have never checked his email, his voicemail, his text messages or his FB account. He’s never given me a reason to. I always figure if he wants to cheat he will, and I’m pretty clever, so I doubt it would take me long to figure it out. If he wants to be with someone else then he can just let me know. I just never have been the jealous type over men. I don’t even really understand the emotion. Now women, I get jealous of. All the time. But I don’t stalk them on FB either.

  44. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Maggie Says:

    50 bonus points for using Coccyx.

    People that stand behind me while I’m doing whatever on the computer are a TOTAL pain in my coccyx!

  45. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:43 pm heather Says:

    I stay logged into everything too. I have nothing to hide, but if I did, I’d be so caught cuz I’m lazy.

  46. On August 14th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    My husband hates Facebook with the fire of a thousand suns. And he hates that I’m on it. He totally thinks I’m going to hook up with an old boyfriend or something. I’ve even given him my password so he can check on me anytime he likes. But he never does. I just finally told him to get over it.

    So basically, don’t stalk The Daver.

  47. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:03 pm Sylvia Says:

    That’s crazy. I would end a relationship over that. Do the same people go through their husband’s wallet and mobile phone bills?

    If your relationship is such that you assume your partner is lying to you, well, really, why bother?

  48. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:10 pm Evil Twin's Wife Says:

    The Evil Twin has no desire to join FB. He’s not a member of any other social networking site either. He just wants to be left alone! He has his computer, I have my laptop. Neither of us snoops or stalks on the other one. I’d recommend against it. BTW, I hate the computer “hover” thing too!

  49. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:10 pm sky Says:

    Yes! Hate hovering!

    And I shall shortly friend (read: stalk) you. I’ve been meaning to.

    So… to stalk or not to stalk? Nope. Frenchie and I are silly enough to say “hey! I just friended someone I had a one night stand with 10 years ago. Cool eh?”

    We are a bizarrely non jealous couple.

  50. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:20 pm Rebecca Says:

    I so totally need to stalk you on Twitter and Facebook because you’re just that funny. Huummmm, I don’t really know how to find you though. I’ll figure it out eventually, right?

    About someone standing behind you while you check Twitter or whatever, I’m with you on that. It drives me completely bananas to have someone stand behind me while I’m on the computer. I’m completely okay with anyone reading what I’ve been doing and checking out the sites I’ve been to, but gezzz please don’t stand over my shoulder…even when I read that archaic thing called the newspaper…yes, we get it daily, but for the love of God please don’t stand over my shoulder and check out the headlines when I’m trying to read!

  51. On August 14th, 2009 at 1:47 pm Allie Says:

    I’m with you (although I did find one long lost friend). I leave my phone and accounts up and so does my hubby and I have no interest in looking and neither does me. My favorite is that he hates going in my purse, even just to get my keys – he feels like it is an invasion of privacy and we’ve been together 8 plus years.

  52. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:02 pm Sarah Says:

    Fist off: hovering is the most obnoxiously annoying thing you could possibly do to me. Seriously, if you ever want to really piss me off, hovering is like the freaking express lane down the long, twisty Highway of Irritation.

    That being said, I think you have a really good perspective on the whole snooping thing. If you married someone, you (hopefully) know them well enough to pick up on when things are wrong without having to snoop. Trust your instincts, and trust your husband, especially if he’s never given you reason not to trust him.

    Also, facebook is evil, like double-chocolate-chip-caramel-chunk cookies fresh out of the oven are evil. You know it’s just wasting your time, you know it’s probably not good for you, but damnit if you just can’t help yourself.

  53. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm Sarah Says:

    ha. First off. not “fist off”. I think I need one of those cookies I was talking about.

  54. On August 14th, 2009 at 3:08 pm Summer Says:

    Given some of my past relationships (she says, cryptically), no one’s more surprised than me that I’m gonna say this, but:

    I trust my husband. Weird. You have no idea how weird. But I do.

    We both have FB accounts, and given the swing dance hobby we share, we both 500+ friends (and we’re both over 30! :-P). I have a shit ton of male friends and he has a shit ton of female friends. Sometimes one or the other of us (not often both of us.. kids and all) goes out of town to a dance event to dance all weekend with all these cute people.

    And neither of us has ever had any reason to stalk or check up or even worry.

    Like I said.. weird.

  55. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:09 pm Carrie @ Who Knew? Says:

    Thanks, Becky (I can’t call you Aunt, sorry, but I think we’re the same age. maybe). Now I’m wondering if I should be stalking my S.O. whilst checking out exes. How am I going to find the time to play Bejeweled now???

  56. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:16 pm lynn Says:

    I don’t check up on my husband, first he doesn’t have a facebook acct. and my husband is one of the most straight-forward guys I know, like you, my husband would straight out tell me. And I trust him…

  57. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:20 pm kd Says:

    > “Who’s your daddy?” sounds WAY sexier than “Who’s your mommy?” in bed.

    That has me cracking up!

  58. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:26 pm Manda Says:

    I didn’t believe in any of that either. I really didn’t.

    Until one day my significant other left his phone at home. It rang with an unidentified number. He had been in a car accident just a few days before, and so, thinking it might have something to do with that, I picked it up.

    It was a girl.

    And so began the shit storm of discoveries about my beloved sweetie, namely, that he was using me as a base of operations in his goal to sleep with as many girls as possible.

    Even as each new bit of information was uncovered, I still believed him when he said he was sorry, and that nothing worse was happening.

    Until I came home early from work last week to find a girl on my couch, I still thought I was a pretty trusting person, considering.

    I hope I don’t carry this resentment for the rest of my life, because right now I’m pretty pissed off. Could be the hormones, though.

  59. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm Aunt Decepticon Says:

    Oh Manda, I’ve been there too. I never came back from that one, ever. That’s just not something you can leave behind. I’m sorry. That’s awful.

  60. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:46 pm birdpress Says:

    I used to be like that when Josh and I were first dating. I was really insecure, and I had also been cheated on in my past, so I wasn’t about to let it happen again. The longer we were together, the less I patrolled what he did, and by now of course I completely trust him, so I don’t bother checking what he is up to. I’m glad you feel secure enough with yourself and your relationship not to feel the need to snoop on the Daver!

  61. On August 14th, 2009 at 2:48 pm birdpress Says:

    Holy hell, Manda! Just read that… I’m so sorry! What an ass.

  62. On August 14th, 2009 at 4:09 pm SCY Says:

    Nooooo to checking up on your husband. It’s a trust thing. You either trust him or not… and in my mind no amount of checking up on him is going to change whether he’s dick/cheat/asshat (insert approp word here).

    Not that I think the Daver is any of the above at all… but I think you get my drift.


  63. On August 14th, 2009 at 3:10 pm Kristin Says:

    My hubby doesn’t have a facebook account or any of that shit. And, we share our primary email account. We’re weird like that.

  64. On August 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm Barbara Says:

    Glad to see that I am not the only person who abandoned myspace for facebook. I can’t get myspace to load at all anymore. It’s completely fuckered up now.
    So how do we find you on facebook???? I’m sure it’s here somewhere…..

  65. On August 14th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Mwa Says:

    You should so not stalk him on facebook. And I HATE people hovering, too. Actually, no one is allowed within a meter of my laptop.

    I wish you lived closerby. You could so be my new BFF.

  66. On August 14th, 2009 at 4:24 pm Swedishskier Says:

    I’m with you 100%. Myspace glittergrafix can suck one. It would never occur to me to read my husband’s emails to his friends wrought with music minutia. Nor would he ever invade my privacy. Not that I’m much for privacy since I blather about whatever I feel like on my blog. I have only one rule: never blog about why you haven’t been blogging- that shit’s annoying. Everything else is game. And I’d friend you on FB if I had any idea what your real name was. I’m guessing its not “mommy wants vodka” although that is a first middle and a last.
    I just found your blog and have been enjoying it so far.

  67. On August 14th, 2009 at 4:25 pm Inna Says:

    I don’t check up on my fiance. Although, he doesn’t have a FB account nor does he really use his email. But I respect his privacy and he respects mine. I think there should be an element of trust in relationships. And yes, sometimes not everything gets told. But when he goes for a run he sometimes asks me to answer his phone and the opposite is true as well.
    So Aunt Becky, I don’t think you should be stalking the Daver 🙂

  68. On August 14th, 2009 at 5:43 pm The Mom(aka Amy) Says:

    You must remind me never to have tea with your ex.

  69. On August 14th, 2009 at 5:04 pm Lynette Says:

    I don’t stalk my husband – unless he’s checking out someone that I think is cute too! er. 🙂 In our ten years together, he’s had plenty of opportunity, and the fact is that I know he doesn’t have the energy for it and he’s a bad liar. And that if he was interested, he’d as me first, so… Yeah, we respect each other’s privacy.

  70. On August 14th, 2009 at 5:10 pm Venti Vixen Says:

    Shit! Nobody told me I was getting judged by the amount of friends I had on FB and Twitter. How do I miss this shit? Oh yeah, cause I don’t really give a fuck, that’s why.

  71. On August 14th, 2009 at 6:28 pm SipTheVodka Says:

    NONE of my exes are on Facebook and it’s really disappointing.

  72. On August 14th, 2009 at 5:34 pm Allie Bear Says:

    I’m pretty sure if you have to stalk your significant other on facebook to make sure they are being faithful and whatnot then your marriage has bigger problems than just you being a stalker. I totally agree with you, everyone needs some privacy even if that privacy is used to look at granny porn.

  73. On August 14th, 2009 at 6:09 pm Mimi Says:

    Hubby has Facebook friends who are former gfs / crushes, and I have friends who are former bfs / crushes. I don’t know if he checks my shit (he’d be disappointed in what he found), but I don’t check his. Naive? Maybe. But if either one of us dumb enough to screw up what we have, then we didn’t deserve it in the first place.

  74. On August 14th, 2009 at 8:37 pm Rick Smith Says:

    I just started following you a couple days ago, and girl you own me. Too funny. “As a tea cozy”? I love it. Look at the husband/facebook thing like this, at least a computer virus is the only virus he can catch.

  75. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:07 pm Black Belt Mama Says:

    I’m not a stalker. Personally, I have too much to do than to worry about who’s friending whom on FB. I think I would die of boredom if I read his email too. So, I’ll be naive right along with you and if your guy ever does cheat, well then call me up and I’ll help you throw all his clothes on the front lawn (my own personal plan). 😉

  76. On August 14th, 2009 at 8:48 pm June Says:

    I enjoyed your cacophony of caterwauling today. Did someone already do this funny, funny thing? Cause it seemed so go-to.

    My husband does talk to his exes on Facebook but I don’t care. I mean, he broke up with them. He picked me. And what a fine choice he made.

    Imagine my caterwauling if he has a FB affair.

  77. On August 14th, 2009 at 9:11 pm Becca Says:

    See, I thought it was just me. I really DON’T want to connect with the ex, or school boyfriends or other scary crap. I just play stupid games with my work friends. And, you’re right about the other thing to. I have never felt the need to check up on C. I know better than that. With my ex, even though I didn’t check until the end I still KNEW he was cheating on me.

  78. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:22 pm gonnastalkya Says:

    As for checking up on your spouse….my cousin has a husband that has cheated on her for the whole 18 years they have been together. Really, the rest of us are surprised when he ‘dosen’t’ have a girlfriend. My cousin is always checking his email, checking his phone – did you know you could hide secret numbers on your phone?, and that your wife could log into your account online and see who you’ve hid/been calling? Apparently, you can. She drives by his work, beats up the girls he’s with (yeah, yeah we know) I don’t understand either of them. I tell her why waste all that energy?? He doesn’t want her to be one up on him….and she doesn’t want him to be one up on her. Sooooo childish. They feed off of that misery. I figured it out years ago when they wouldn’t leave each other. They are addicted to it. All the cloak and dagger, Sherlock Holmes shit is how they both get their ‘fix’. Sickos. :o)

    I guess I am too lazy. I am my hubby’s 3rd wife, and he is my 2nd husband – we don’t get werided out by that. I don’t check on him – strangely – I don’t care. :o) If he wants somebody else, please let me know. She can wash your socks and underwear. Fuck you, fuck her, I’m out. That is truly how I feel. :o)

    Why waste the energy stalking him, when I should so clearly be stalking you?? (I already know everything he’s doing…he won’t shut up about it!! My day was, blah, blah, blah…I gotta cut the grass, blah, blah…Hey. lets call my Mom, run, run, run…)

    *in my best Joey accent * How you doing?

  79. On August 14th, 2009 at 10:39 pm Leslee Says:

    Meh. I don’t know man. I mean, I am one nosy bitch, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to go through Greg’s stuff. My ex-husband used to do that shit and I would get SO mad at him for violating my privacy that I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I went through his shit. (My ex-husband also went as far as to POSE as me on message boards and shit -this was BEFORE MySpace, Facebook, etc- but I guess that goes into an entirely different realm of asshole.) I trust Greg (which is AMAZING for me cuzz I have some hardcore trust issues) and if I were to start going through his stuff, I honestly think it would make me suspicious if I DIDN’T find some thing, ya know? Or am I a special breed of psycho? 😛

  80. On August 15th, 2009 at 12:14 am Chris Mancini Says:

    Stalking=Love. Everyone knows that.

    All I know is I’m always one social networking site behind. Stupid teenagers, driving our technology.

  81. On August 14th, 2009 at 11:17 pm Didactic Pirate Says:

    I beg my wife all the time to stalk me: on Facebook, at work, driving three cars behind me on the freeway, but she won’t do it. “Listen,” I say, “how about if I walk on THIS side of the street, and you walk on THAT side while wearing sunglasses and a big scarf around your head, and you can follow me.”

    I tell her it would make me feel special. She says she’ll consider doing it for my birthday.

  82. On August 15th, 2009 at 12:46 am Tawnia Says:

    You are funny as hell! I love it. I just learned to twitter, and all I get on there is sex invites, tooth whitening products, and diet fads. WOW how did they know I was horny, and fat with yellow teeth? I guess we will never know LOL ! So when you get done knitting my hat with all of your old hair you find in the shower stop by my blog and check it out sista!
    Love, Tawnia

  83. On August 15th, 2009 at 2:15 am baseballmom Says:

    Dude, i love fb, and i know you can tell. i have reconnected with my best hs girlfriends and had lunch with a few of them. it’s fun, and we did have great friendships. some of the other people, i wasn’t such great friends with, and now they want to be friends on fb? ha, just goes to show you that we allll end up equal a few years down the road! My husband and I have separate email accounts, and we know each others’ passwords (they are the same). He looks at mine when I have stuff on there that he should see, and I check his during baseball season to hear updates on our league, but really? It IS boring. We both have fb accounts, and we are friends on there, but really all he does is Farmtown on there (hello-obsessed) and play Scrabulous with me. Whatev, I guess we’re too secure in our marriage to worry about stupid stuff like snooping, IDK.

  84. On August 15th, 2009 at 2:16 am baseballmom Says:

    OH YEAH, and I’m totally with ya on hating people standing behind me while I’m on the computer, no matter who it is!

  85. On August 15th, 2009 at 8:19 am JJlicious Says:

    I enjoy my facebook, but as a story to top all stories…I found my first serious boyfriend (the guy I first slept with)…and he’s now married. To a man. Yay facebook!

  86. On August 15th, 2009 at 8:26 am foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    I don’t stalk my husband’s email or Facebook or anything. He’s adorable and completely not wired for even the idea of straying. I did click over to his Facebook page once and found he’d friended an old high school crush – just a crush, they never, ever so much as shared an awkward kiss or a sweaty hand holding session – and he’d naughty poked her, so right under that line on his Facebook, I commented “Seriously?!” and that pretty much took care of any poking potential. Heh. I also noted my husband has like nearly 200 friends on Facebook, whereas I have about 70, and I was all, “What the hell? You don’t even know 20 people let along 200!” but then he said they were just people he friended for the mafia wars, and, honestly, I’m more fearful of REAL mafia wars than I am my husband hooking up with some chick from Sweden via Facebook.

    And this babbly comment? Probably is indicative of why I only have about 70 real and semi-real friends.

  87. On August 15th, 2009 at 9:16 am Michelle Says:

    I could care less what my husband does on facebook. I had to laugh though because I have a habit of hovering behind him when he is on the computer and it drives him ape-shit! I will try to stop that now.

    The craziest reconnection I had on facebook was a guy that I met on the beach in Hawaii 25 years ago when I was 15 there on vacation! We wrote off and on for a couple of years as teenagers. Crazy.

  88. On August 15th, 2009 at 11:00 am Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I agree with everyone else, there’s no reason to stalk unless you suspect something anyway. Don’t buy trouble! I never checked up on my ex till the end…and I knew anyway, just needed proof of his cheating. Lots of fun!

    I will say that Facebook is kinda evil, though, and I’ve learned my lesson about trying to stay friends via FB with an ex-boyfriend. I really don’t NEED to know that he was hanging out with his ex-girlfriend a few days after we broke up. That’s a whole other kind of evil, man. Also, my mother is now my FB friend, and so now I’m more careful what I write on there. Bah.

  89. On August 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am Catootes Says:

    For the most part, the superhubby and I share an email account. I have the one for my blog, but he’s so not interested in that in-box.
    As for facebook, he has no interest and I show him mine if he asks questions.
    We are not equal opportunity social media spouses.

    can I stalk you on facebook now?

  90. On August 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Nicole Says:

    I finally gave into peer pressure and joined Facebook about a month ago. The result? Money spent on a babyshower that I never would have gone to had I not ‘reconnected’ on Facebook, several phonecalls in the middle of naptime from people who don’t have 3 children and who make ridiculous amounts of money sitting on their asses at big shiny desks all day, and one afternoon of extreme jealousy over an ex-boyfriend and the bitchin’ vacation he and his wife took (though truth be told, I was jealous of the bitchin’ vacation and not the fact that he is married – though he the ultimate reminder that size does matter . . . but I digress.)

    I do like it for the micro-blogging aspect, or more accurately, the fact that it provides me a forum to throw out random shit that I can’t elaborate enough on to make a blog post. I could accomplish the same thing with Twitter, I just didn’t think to go there first.

    And hubby . . . we are linked on Facebook by marriage, so I can see who and what he comments on, but since he does nothing but play Mafia Wars on there, I have no concerns. The e-mail is a bit different. He tends to be a porn surfer, and the number of junk and solicitating e-mails he gets reflects that. I could get my panties in a wad over it, but I have no way of knowing if the things he is being sent are the result of a site he surfed 5 years ago or last week, and I figure if he is getting off on that, then I don’t have to put out.

  91. On August 15th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Jenn @ Juggling Life Says:

    Not if you want to be in a happy marriage. How can you really love someone you don’t trust? Trust has worked great for my husband and I for 22 years of marriage–the day it doesn’t is the day I’d start looking for a lawyer.

  92. On August 15th, 2009 at 1:31 pm Nitza Says:

    I agree with the other posters – if you can’t trust them, isn’t there a bigger problem than the facebook? And this is coming from someone who got the “I’m staying at work tonight, but don’t call this number back because it’s a work number” (lmao). Which was, if you can believe it, followed by “Why are you being such a bitch about this?” when I said she couldn’t move in with us when she was getting evicted from her apartment.
    Ah, life is funny.
    But no, I wouldn’t read my fiance’s emails or facebook… what are they called, posts? Idk. Anyway, and the reason why is because the boredom would make my face explode. Seriously I am quite sure his facebook entries are written in binary code. And maybe his emails too.
    * Actually a *different* douchebag ex of mine hacked into my email account, back in the day, and went through reading old emails I’d saved (in folders, not just the inbox ones). And honestly I am the most boring person in the world – aside from my fiance, of course. What could have been in there, recipes for trying to cook in a dorm you weren’t allowed to cook in? My Latin homework? Shakespearean pick-up lines? Who knows, but it was all boring. And he couldn’t understand why that made me angry enough to kill. I honestly don’t think I’ve been more pissed off in my entire life. Not even at the first guy I mentioned, ha ha!

  93. On August 15th, 2009 at 2:00 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    becky, i cant believe the timelyness of this post. thats all ima gonna say about it here… but just wow.

  94. On August 15th, 2009 at 4:03 pm Lisa Says:

    No facebook or myspace or whatever. But my teenage babysitter pulled the account of a woman who has a daughter that is friends with my daughter.

    NO SLEEPOVERS TO THAT HOUSE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pictures posted by this woman were COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE!!!!! Even showed them drinking at their home with seventeen year olds.

    WHY do people feel the need to post EVERYTHING about their lives????

  95. On August 15th, 2009 at 5:47 pm Io Says:

    All I know is that I am stalking you. Right. Now. *yeah, actually I saw your update on facebook and clicked over here to see what was what and lo and begolden I hadn’t read this post yet*
    I will NOT admit that I may have peeked at Al’s facebook or email before. No sirree.

  96. On August 15th, 2009 at 7:27 pm Pademelon Says:

    Oh don’t stalk him on FB! Trust him. Cyber-stalking loved ones is addictive and seriously bad for your head. I’ve had a couple friends go down that road and seriously sabotage relationships with really good people they dearly loved. It’s just not worth it. Mr. Pademlelon and I don’t check up on one another. We both have space to ask about things if they make us worry. He started talking to an ex of his a lot at one point, which normally doesn’t phase me but he was seeing her (non-exclusively) when we started dating and we were in a particularly frantic and busy period, so I did a crazy thing. I explained calmly how I was feeling, emphasizing that it wasn’t a logical thing and I had complete faith in him but I was undergoing a sort of jealousy I didn’t know how to rationalize. He listened, he reassured me, he thanked me for being honest and not psychotic (though not in those exact words, thankfully), he told me I had nothing to worry about and he understood. He bought me some flowers the next day “just because he was thinking of me”. I did the same for him when a year later he was a little uncomfortable with a friend I had made (he didn’t believe I was cheating or ever would). Feelings aren’t rational or logical so you need to be able to discuss them. We’re the same way with smaller stuff (“Babe, what’s this weird receipt from?” not “OMG, you bought this so you’re obviously CHEATING!”). If you can’t trust him (like some of the stories in previous comments, yikes you guys!) then FB is the least of your problems. FB is one of many means for cheating, not the instigating factor. So just wallow in the security you feel with not needing to stalk The Daver or he you and pity those who think that sort of stalking helps.

    That said, I HATE THE HOVERING! Mr. Pademelon comes into my office at home, doesn’t say anything and stares at my computer screen. For. Two. Or. Three. Minutes. While. I. Stare. At. Him! It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, porn, homework, writing my parents, reading random blogs. He doesn’t understand what it makes me stabby and I’ve run out of different ways to explain it. He won’t stop. Then I ask what’s up and he goes, “Nothin’.” Then I visualize evil things I would never actually do of course to keep myself from doing all those things I’m imagining. Mr. Pademelon has learned that he should back away quietly when my eye starts to twitch.

  97. On August 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm Potty Mouth Mommy Says:

    I hate that hovering thing too… even though I’m what most people refer to as an “oversharer”. I have no secrets from ANYONE.

    There was one time though that my hubby was receiving private messages on FB from my cousin- I saw all of them because the notifications were sent to our mutual home email acct. She was sending whorish innuendos that he thought was just joking around- until she propositioned him for a one-night-stand. There was some rage going on in my world that day for sure…

  98. On August 15th, 2009 at 9:15 pm astarte Says:

    I *do* facebook, but I really only friend either people I am actually friends with or people that I really liked, and still want to know about, in a nice way, even if we don’t talk. I never friend someone to be mean about them, and I have ignored people’s requests before. Mean? Yep. That’s how I roll, baby.

  99. On August 16th, 2009 at 6:06 am Karin Says:

    I stalk my husband’s Farm Town on FB (he harvests my fields and likewise)… but I don’t read his email or even Wall unless I have reason to (as in phone rings, “Honey, can you find the directions in my email from X? Thanks!” usually followed by, “Who’s X? and what does Y want?).

  100. On August 16th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Krissa Says:

    No dear. You’re not being naive. If and when you “need” to check up on the Mr. you’ll know if.
    And honestly, everytime I get an email saying someone has written on my wall, I click over and answer, but other than that, I feel like I would have to sit and click on things and fill out quizzes for hours before I could figure out what the hell all of that is about.
    And “Mafia Wars”… what the hell is that?

  101. On August 16th, 2009 at 7:06 pm lauren Says:

    I HATE it when someone watches me do things on the computer even if I’m looking up something with the person. It’s like QUIT STARING!! I’ll friend you on FB – mommyisrocknroll. Beesh.

  102. On August 17th, 2009 at 5:51 am Anita Says:

    I think there’s a reason they are your ex’s and why the hell would you want to try and hook up with someone who broke your heart in 1984 when he kissed your best friends sister and dumped you at the movies?

    Sgt doesn’t have a FB account, doesn’t want want. He states “If there is anyone from my past that I want to keep in touch with I have already done so.”

  103. On August 17th, 2009 at 3:31 pm Katie Says:

    That’s the reason I’m not on Facebook. I fear I’d be a stalker.

    it’s a legitimate fear.

  104. On August 23rd, 2009 at 7:20 pm Betts Says:

    We just tell each other everything. We’ve friended a couple of each other’s friends that we don’t know just because we thought they were so cool, and we friended each other, so we see almost everything anyway. We don’t follow each other on Twitter (yet). I told him it’s the only place I have left to complain about him, which I never seem to do anyway.

    The Daver was my first Twitter friend. And I don’t think he ever reads Twitter these days. Or maybe he does. I never see his updates. Because I am a bad wife.

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