Mommy Wants Vodka

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I’m It! I’m It!


I got tagged for a meme from Sten, which makes me feel far more important than I really am.

Here’s how it’s done:

a. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

b. Share 7 random and/or weird things about yourself.

Wow, see now I always thought that my blog is sort of a shrine to my eccentricites, but hey, if the shoe fits, as they say.

1. I have an anti-foot fetish. You know those people that get their rocks off by looking at and/or touching feet? I know that I do, because I came across a library book wherein someone had painstakingly cut out all of the pictures of feet. Creepy? YES (and no, it wasn’t me who did this. I have neither the time nor the patience, and if I were to do this, I’d probably throw up all over the pictures)

Anyway, so I completely HATE having anyone touch my feet and ankles. I don’t even like to look at them. I have no real reason for this, no skeletons in my closet, but I have placed two very lovely tattoos on them (one large one per foot) to distract from their general ugliness.

Ben seems to have inherited my hideous feet, Dave’s feet remind me that we all do, indeed, come from monkeys, as his feet appear to be the esteemed Missing Link (I frequently refer to them as “Carney Feet,” and ask him if he is able to swim better with the flippers already attached. I know, I know, I’m a real TREAT to be married to), and Alex’s feet resemble Marshmallow Peeps.

It appears as though the problem is, as per usual, with me.

2. I desperately need to start a compost pile in my backyard, but am completely unsure how to do so. I am, however, getting tired of Ben yelling “Garbage POLLUTES the Earth” at the garbage can in our kitchen. My main fear about the whole thing is that it will attract even more wild animals into our yard (the very real fear is that I will then decide to let them into the house to keep as pets. “But DAVE, LOOKIT HOW CUTE STINKY THE SKUNK IS? WHY WOULD I PUT HER BACK? SHE CAN SLEEP IN BED WITH US!”), as well as a minor fear that our neighbors may bomb my house if the smell is too noxious.

3. I am 100% addicted to Diet Coke, especially what I call “Fatty Ones” (which means the Super Double Biggest Super Size at any given place. Well I am aware that it does bear a striking resemblence in both texture and taste to battery acid, and is likely turning my insides into mush, I am in love with it. Let’s put it this way: if my husband were inside of a burning building, and I had to make a deal with God to save him ONLY if I gave up my daily (hourly) Diet Coke, I’d have to think about it. (Dave is also horrified that Alex also finds it’s delicately charming flavor to be most amazing. Yes, I have given my baby Diet Coke. You can call DCFS now, I’m sure they’ll have my file handy).

4. When we BBQ, which is fairly often during the summer months (Dave’s first thought when he realized that we were going to buy a house was NOT “Hey, I don’t have to park 547 blocks from my car” but was “I can get a grill!”), I insist that my hot dogs be charred. Blackened. Burned. While I find hot dogs to be a true delicacy, I cannot eat them if they do not resemble charcoal briquettes. Hell, if you gave a piece of charcoal to me smothered in ketchup (I am a bad, bad Chicago-ian), I can’t be sure if I could detect the difference. Again, I’m sure that my insides are probably riddled with The Cancer, but hey, you have to live a little.

5. I am likely the least romantic person you’ll ever meet. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that I fought long and hard to elope to Vegas and get married by Elvis, nor was I kidding when I said that I argued to have our first dance be the YMCA. I genuinely wanted to dance myself down the aisle to “Jungle Boogie” or “That’s The Way, Uh-Huh, I Like It.” But Dave (who I referred to during the wedding planning as “My Wife”) would have none of that.

Because of this, Dave proposed to me at Tiffany & Co, rather than take me to some elaborate set-up dinner or something. I think he was afraid that I’d laugh (which I have a nasty habit of doing when I am uncomfortable. I have to bite my cheeks to keep from laughing during funerals WHICH I DO NOT REALLY FIND FUNNY AT ALL.) or start mocking him if he didn’t just do it then and there. The floor could have swallowed me whole, then and there, but we made the day of some college chicks who were oogling the rings.

6. I cannot sleep when it is overly hot in my bedroom OR without some white noise. Well, nowadays I have many more issues relating to my sleep problems, but unless it’s arctic in my room AND it sounds like a wind tunnel, I can’t sleep worth a damn. I’ve been known to turn on the A/C in the winter and/or open up a window to the frigid outdoors JUST TO COOL DOWN.

7. Despite being both a health care provider AND a mother, I refuse to buy into the whole antibacterial craze. I do use Lysol on the occasion that someone has spewed bodily fluid somewhere other than into the toliet bowl, and I wipe down the counters on a semi-regular basis with bleach, BUT THAT IS BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY BLEACH SMELLS. I AM A DAMN FREAK.

I’ll put my kid in the grimy grocery cart holders, sure, I don’t hand him an open package of bleeding meat to gnaw on, but seriously the kid has to develop an immune system AT SOME POINT. Of course I wash my hands after I use the bathroom, use proper protection when handling raw meat, and shower frequently enough (most weeks), but I don’t need to use Purell every time I walk into a room.

I don’t run a daycare (nor would I. Can you imagine that? Hahaha, I can’t.) in my home, nor do I perform patient care on MRSA or VRE infected patients from my living room. So you know what? I’M NOT NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT THEY GETS INTO.

*8* Bonus!!! (because I am a certified idiot, I posted this on the wrong damn day, so you, Darling Internet, are reaping the benefits of my error. A BONUS weird fact about me.) When I was younger, I worked as a hostess in a nice classy restaurant. One day, I glanced at the table I had been instructed to take back to their section, and upon seeing a couple of smaller people, I assumed that they were children. So I politely asked if they would like kids menus.


Oopsies. My bad.

Just like the time I asked the guy with the bad toupee if he’d like to leave his hat up front. AND I WASN’T TRYING TO BE FUNNY AT ALL.

That was ALSO my bad.


I totally had to cut myself off at 8 weird things there, because I am enough of a freak THAT I COULD KEEP GOING FOREVER (I can’t spell indefinitely).

The rules of this meme inform me that I must tag people to do it, but I’m not sure that there is anyone in the free world who has NOT done it yet. So I am tagging EACH OF YOU to delurk (I promise, I won’t bite.) and tell me ONE weird thing about yourself. Or make fun of me BECAUSE I AM A DAMN FREAK. Whatever. I’m not picky. Just looking for a distraction until my doctor calls me and informs me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my hormones, just my head.

Come on, help Poor Nervous Aunt Becky out.

posted under I Suck At Life
20 Comments to

“I’m It! I’m It!”

  1. On November 29th, 2007 at 3:22 am Juli Says:

    I had a lover with a SOCK fetish. Even now, when I think of him, I see him stark naked except for socks. It took me quite some time to get used to having sex without socks on.

    And guess what? That wasn’t even my weird fact. My weird fact for you is: I sleep with my eyes open.

  2. On November 29th, 2007 at 10:04 am Kristin Says:

    Weird fact: I HATE roses and chocolate. In fact, I hate any typical “girly” gift that men are expected to give on days like Valentine’s Day. I once broke up with a guy for getting me a teddy bear as a gift.

    To me, those type of gifts scream – “I did not put any thought into this gift at all or give any consideration for who you are as a person. In return, I spent far too much money on a plush bear and some flowers that have thorns and smell like ass.”

    I am such a bitch.

  3. On November 29th, 2007 at 10:34 am Cara Says:

    I would rather have broccoli than chocolate cake.


  4. On November 29th, 2007 at 10:38 am Al Says:

    I’ll get back to you after I finish laughing about the sock fetish.

    Could be a while though.

  5. On November 29th, 2007 at 10:46 am Karen Says:

    OH midgets. I have chills just thinking about it. And I TOTALLY relate to your feet thing. Feet are just gross.

  6. On November 29th, 2007 at 11:49 am Calliope Says:

    your weirdness makes you one of the funniest bloggers ever.

    My weird thing is that I have a part of my brain that will not erase all of those compilation Love Song Album commercials from the mid 90’s. Seriously- if I happen to hear one song I can then sing the rest of the commercial medly.

  7. On November 29th, 2007 at 11:50 am Calliope Says:

    oh & I can also do that with random country albums that used to have commercials…Conway Twitty is the most annoying one that is stuck in my mind.

  8. On November 29th, 2007 at 2:03 pm Kim Says:

    alright, delurking just because you are so freekin’ funny!

    let’s see….just ONE wierd thing….k, here goes….i have to watch and hear my son take exactly three breaths each night before I will leave his room to retire to mine for the night.

    I don’t know where the number 3 came from, and I ALWAYS repeat the same line…in a whisper as the boy is sleeping, “stay with me”. then I tell the dog to watch him, like the dog is going to stay up all night and watch the child sleep, jeesh! I started doing this the first day he was born, he is nearly 7 and it is still with me.

    thanks for letting me share.


  9. On November 29th, 2007 at 2:13 pm Gail Says:

    Um Juli, the sock guy… was his name Barry by any chance? Because I used to work with this guy who insisted black socks were the sexiest thing in the world and he couldn’t get it on unless he was wearing them.

    Becks, darling, I would love to share one weird thing about myself with you (and your close friend the Internet). But I don’t think there is anything weird about me…

    Oh, maybe it’s that my favorite Christmas song (currently playing on the shuffle setting of my iPod!) is the David Bowie and Bing Crosby duet on Little Drummer Boy. I could listen to that ALL DAY. I guess that’s pretty strange.

  10. On November 29th, 2007 at 2:26 pm becky Says:

    Dude, Gail, I love that song, too. I guess that’s one more for the list, eh?

    Cali, I do the same damn thing, altho not with the Love Albums, because I never owned/listened to them. I will admit to owning Now That’s What I Call Music Vol 3. Because I’m AWESOME.

    Juli, sheesh, socks? I HATE SOCKS. You poor thing!

    Cara, I am actually with you on that. I love brocolli and dislike cake (mostly).

    Kristin, WHO THE HELL WAS IT??

  11. On November 29th, 2007 at 2:33 pm becky Says:

    Kim, I feel your pain on that one. I leave my 6 year old alone, but Alex is always under my watchful eye. I’ve actually considered one of those camera monitors to watch him. I guess this is because THE CHILD NEVER FREAKING SLEEPS, so if he does, it’s because (in my sick mind) he’s died.

    I’m a nutter.

  12. On November 29th, 2007 at 8:02 pm Pauline Says:

    Only one weird thing? Becky this is toooo hard! Let’s see. I would much rather eat dinner food for breakfast than breakfast food. In fact, one of my favorite breakfast foods is pasta. Weird enough for you?

  13. On November 30th, 2007 at 10:57 am Kristin Says:

    The Teddy Bear dude? Just one of my randoms during that “Kristin is out of a serious relationship for the first time in 6 1/2 years and now must go crazy and date the world” phase. He was doomed to begin with, really. Poor guy and his dorky-ass teddy bear.

    Again… Me = bitch.

  14. On November 30th, 2007 at 1:06 pm Kristin Says:

    Haha – No I don’t think Old Balls ever bought me anything besides breakfast. He did, however, steal my favorite College sweatshirt. Perhaps to remind himself of his conquest. I get a greasy feeling whenever I think about it.

    I SO need to start a blog that my current BF will not read so that I can talk about all this stuff. Maybe Daver can help me set it up?

  15. On November 30th, 2007 at 12:21 pm becky Says:

    Pauline, I used to do that too.


  16. On November 30th, 2007 at 2:02 pm Ashley Says:

    OK, this is something that I should not share with the world b/c it makes me sound like a pathetic crazy cat lady. Anyway, the fears most people have about their children I have about my kittens (i.e might stop breathing). My biggest fear is that the fridge door won’t seal properly and that they will somehow get into it and get stuck and suffocate.

    I think I have to go home and cry now b/c reading that back made me feel like such a loser.

  17. On November 30th, 2007 at 2:14 pm becky Says:

    Daver would be happy to set you up, Kristin. Think of a name that you want for your blog, I can help you pick a template, and you’re good to go. If you want, you can post on here, as someone other than me, of course. It’s up to you completely.

    Ashley, you and are of one mind, you do realize that, right? I don’t worry about my cats, because well, I guess I don’t have much time PLUS, they’re fat and lazy so my worry would be “man, why do they look like roadkill?” But I have completely irrational fears about all SORTS of other things. Like having my house burn down if I’m not home.

  18. On February 8th, 2008 at 12:00 pm You Would Think That I Would Deserve A Fat Promotion at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] As a divine gift from God for someone who is currently struggling with an ugly case of Writer’s Block (hey, better than genital herpes, right?), I was tagged for a meme by my friend KT over at When Did I Become A Grown-Up?. As a rule, I only do them if I like them, but this one happens to be a favorite. I’m going to call it The Seven Odder Things About Me Meme (I’ve done this one before. To make certain I don’t repeat myself, I’ll linky-poo here.) […]

  19. On January 23rd, 2011 at 6:03 pm Kat Says:

    I relate to number six. My husband haaaates it…he’s practically a reptile.

    Something weird about me…uuuum…I think my skinny husband is super hot?

  20. On July 19th, 2011 at 3:33 pm Kerry Says:

    Some weird things about me-

    I never, NEVER comment on blogs, or anything really…in fact, up until about a month ago I thought everything about blogs (writing them/reading them) was totally weird. HOWEVER, due to my insanely mundane job I started trolling The Internets for something- ANYTHING- to pass the time…and happened upon yours. Since then I started reading from your first post (page 453) and am now up to this one (page 394). Does that make me a stalker? I have no clue who you are and yet I know all too much about you…in a good way?

    So ANYWAYS- the hot dog thing…totally relate. I cook the shit out of those weiners. Like…to the point that they’re inedible (unedible? I dunno). Only diff is I’m a mustard girl, ketchup has no place on my dogs.

    So yeah…thanks for keeping me entertained/somewhat sane…truely appreciate it!

    Oh, and also…read the post about the psychic predicting you would have a baby girl later….spooky!

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