Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

I’m Crankalicious.


I’m having one of those The Universe Peed In My Lucky Charms days today, and it’s not for any good reason. I’m thrilled as all hell that the fetus (is it a fetus now? I don’t even know) is still there, still making me sick as shit, I’m pleased about my agents and the way my proposal is shaping up (a huge thank you to those of you who have been kind enough to edit for me), and it’s a beautiful day outside today.

And yet. And YET. I’m stabby and cranky.

In no apparent order, these are the dumb things making me angry today:

*After I got home from the doctor yesterday, buoyed by good news, I saw that I had a message from the place that we’re holding my best friend’s bridal shower. Fuck, I thought to myself, this can’t be good.

And it wasn’t.

The place is closing a week before the shower and despite having already sent out invitations and the like with this place listed, we have to scramble and come up with a NEW place to hold it. Now, I’m thrilled that this is the only thing I have to worry about (what kind of luxury is that?) but HELLO, that’s annoying.

Mainly because the shower is in 3 weeks.


*The Battle Over Who Does The Cat Boxes Rages Wildly in my house, and reached a fever pitch this morning when I found a neat pile of cat shit outside of my door. It appears as though NO ONE has done them (this is an ages old fight. I do them when I’m not pregnant, and I’m not supposed to do them when I am).

Which meant that I donned a Lead Paint mask thingy–called a respirator. The same one you use for TB exposure– and did them myself today. (Don’t worry, I’d 99% guess I’m immune to toxoplasmosis. I’ve been cleaning cat shit boxes since I was a teeny girl).

*My mouth tastes soapy literally all day long, and I cannot seem to rid myself of it. It’s as disgusting as it sounds.

*My mother-in-law is coming to stay for the weekend and I’m forced to get off my duff, stop working on my writing and clean this Pit Of Despair that I currently live in. Morning sickness, shall we say, was not kind to my house.

*Alex seems to be afflicted by the same General Crankatude that I am, and it’s not helping matters very much. He’s currently up in his crib honking about not wanting to go to sleep. I only wish someone confined me to bed for a couple of hours!

So what peed in YOUR Cornflakes, Internet? Anything?

posted under It's Becky, Bitch
39 Comments to

“I’m Crankalicious.”

  1. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm giggleblue Says:

    we alternate who does the cat shit box… ultimately though it’s me with my butt inspection gloves.

    i should get a mask and a bunny suit. it may make more of an impact.

    might i suggest this box, which is what we got for dear kitty once we both realized that cat shit and pregnancy don’t mix –

    so what, it’s $50? make thee who won’t clean it pay for it! a lovely way to meet in the middle. it’s not quite as stinky as our old box and it’s clean in a jiff!

  2. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm DOC Says:

    I am in a pretty good mood today ’cause I am making homemade quesidillas tonight? Would you like one?

    (homeade Pico De gallo too…hope that doesn’t upset your tummy)

  3. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm Mrs.Spit Says:

    I have been working on a project for 4 months, developing processes for a new program. Today, on a conference call, the Government of Canada announced that they had nixed that portion of the project. My F*&^ing tax dollars at work!

  4. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm swirl girl Says:

    I am taking care of my neighbor’s attack cat while they are away. I hate it and it hates me. I walk in the door (I won’t let it in my house) and it literally jumps at me 4 splayed claws and wide open jaws. Then I have to go scoop it’s St. Bernard sized turds from the box.


    Now what made me think that cats were aloof and not into cuddling?

  5. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:18 pm heather Says:

    The freaking sex offender I found out lives upstairs from me yesterday. That’s more like a big fat dump in my cereal bowl.

  6. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm honeywine Says:

    Puppies that hate getting all-natural flea protection sprayed on them so much that at their first opportunity they roll in the dirt to get it off. How useful is it if I have to bath him everytime???

  7. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm MsCatalysta Says:

    I think when you’re pregnant you can use it as an excuse for anything– in a good way! Like- no I’m sorry, I can’t do the dishes, I’m pregnant. No, I can’t take out the trash, I’m pregnant. It’s totally applicable!

    As to what peed in my cornflakes… the realization that I have to drive 5.5 hours to Buffalo tomorrow directly from a full day of work to play “Happy Maid of Honor” for my sister’s bridal shower. I’ve wanted to be engaged for a year and thoguh I think it’s coming soon… it’s not here now.

    Oh and speaking of pee… my dog won’t seem to get potty trained. No matter how hard I try.

    Ok maybe I’m cranky too!

    Love the blog! It’s my first stop by! Come check out mine sometime!

  8. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm Karen Says:

    I hate everyone today. I feel dizzy for no reason. I spilled my starbucks. I seem to have lost all desire to do anything other than watch dr phi.

  9. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:55 pm Mumma Boo Says:

    Hmmmm – nothing compared to what you and your other commenters, especially Heather, are dealing with today! I hope the now-defunct shower venue is refunding your deposit and giving you some leads on new locations. Could someone there help out with finding another place?

  10. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm Brooke Says:

    I have absolutley no motivation to do anything today then read your blog, and leave this quite office to sit in the sun. By a lake. With a nice alcoholic beverage. But I don’t get to do that. I have to pretend to be very busy and very important around here.

  11. On July 24th, 2008 at 2:59 pm Jenn Says:

    I’ve been pissed about anything and everything for 2 days straight. Blah. The biggest problem today is that for HOURS my power was out and the fucking smoke detectors were beeping randomly the entire time – in the whole neighborhood. So even when mine wasn’t going off, I could hear at least 3 other peoples’ at any given time, even for an hour AFTER the power was back on. Loads of fun.

  12. On July 24th, 2008 at 3:10 pm birdpress Says:

    Pregnant women are so beautiful and charming! 😉

    Oh, that reminded me that I need to go clean the cat box…

  13. On July 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm KC Says:

    uck – everything is pissing me off too. Not even anything in particular and I can’t even blame it on pregnancy….I hope.

  14. On July 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm docgrumbles Says:

    other than the local oil spill, I also fight with D over catbox duties – I am SUPPOSED to have a 9 month reprieve!

  15. On July 24th, 2008 at 4:15 pm Stacey Says:

    My toilet is leaking & has been leaking for sometime. DH attempted to fix it Saturday but made it worse & for unknown reason cannot get around to ‘fixing’ it again anytime soon. So I’m cleaning up smelly after flush toilet water daily.

  16. On July 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm Betty M Says:

    I’ve been going from meeting to pointless meeting all day where people talk in circles and then I get to go off and try and find time to do all the agreed actions before the next pointless meeting. I hate clients. Only good part of the day was our email was down so I didn’t get to see more crap arrive on my desk.

    I refuse to do cat poo pregnant or not even though I have had toxoplasmosis so am definitely immune.

  17. On July 24th, 2008 at 4:38 pm Sara Says:

    I have a sinus infucktion. And my doctor confirmed the gluten thing. And my husband and I don’t get to take a vacation next week. And my dog keeps pissing everywhere for no reason. And…

    Happy F*ing Thursday!

  18. On July 24th, 2008 at 5:05 pm mandy Says:

    I went outside to enjoy this GLORious weather with the kids today and got attacked by mosquitos. Then when my two year old had one sucking from her forehead she totally flipped and I realized I have passed on most of my neurosis.

    Then, my poor little boy fell while trying to climb into a toy crate and sliced a HE-UGE chunk of flesh from his thumb and I had to call my husband who was working nearby, only I could NOT get through on his phone because he was in the spot of this county where there is NO phone service. THEN, he called and I told him to come home right away. THEN I talked to the dr who did NOT want us to come in, but instead wanted us to bandage and such at home, but I don’t have first aid stuff because I am a horrible wife and mother and THEN I tried to call my husband to tell him to go get that stuff before he came and AGAIN I could not reach him, trying a thousand and thirty times to call him. Then he called and said he had been trying to call me at the same time..then he got home and we bandaged the baby and then the baby sucked the bandage until it was soaked but my hus was gone so I had to try to change it solo-which didn’t go so well.

    THEN I had to get my oldest to the community college for a test at 5:30 and the only route I knew was blocked off. We made it though. Phew.

    All in all, I need a nerve pill.

    Hope you feel better soon aunt becky.

  19. On July 24th, 2008 at 5:50 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    First, congrats on the heartbeat hearing goodness.

    Peeing in my cornflakes today: I suddenly had the (very rare) urge to diet and exercise, then realized that pregnancy will make me a fat cow anyway, so I ate half a pizza for dinner. I guess I’m peeing in my own cornflakes, huh?

  20. On July 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm heather Says:

    ugh. Life. Life in my cat box.

  21. On July 24th, 2008 at 7:03 pm Susan Says:

    I know you’re not mean and spiteful like me but those cat turds would SO end up under his pillow.

    I have nothing to complain about except that it’s my hobby so I keep going.

  22. On July 24th, 2008 at 7:11 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Uh, we don’t have any cats, so I can’t really relate.

    Oh, and I don’t drink pee. Just sayin’.

  23. On July 24th, 2008 at 7:27 pm Natalie Says:

    Cat boxes. Ugh. I’m still not used to doing them again. We had a huge fight over that about 3 million times, too. Oh, and about toxo – with a mask and washing your hands well after cleaning them it’s highly highly unlikely you’d get it, even if your cats did have it (which isn’t exactly a given either).

    What pissed in my cereal? The fact that I was a giant klutz today. Tripped over everything, scraped my knuckle, flubbed on the phone about four times. It gets old. can I just be graceful for once??

  24. On July 24th, 2008 at 7:28 pm Lola Says:

    When I was pregnant, we had a cat that had toxo, and my husband was supposed to take care of the boxes. That lead to the smelliest cellar possible, which got into the AC ductwork, and my whole house smelled like cat piss whenever the AC came on for two years. Idiot!

    Well, my day wasn’t too bad until around 7:30 tonight when the police department called to find out what our emergency was. As there was no emergency, I was shocked to find out that “someone” called 911 and they have to send a cop over even though the dispatcher heard my son and his friend admit to doing it upstairs.

    Since my husband was upstairs and should have been paying attention and I had just finished my giant glass of wine, I sent the men out to deal with the officer and then sent my son to bed after his lecture. F’ing boys!

  25. On July 24th, 2008 at 7:46 pm sara Says:

    Hehe! My husband and my favorite saying is “who pissed in your cheerios?” Hmm – nobody pissed in mine, but I think you have a right to feel like someone pissed in yours! Especially about the litter box. When you feel icky – pee and poo just shouldn’t have to be dealt with 🙂 If it makes you feel better, I don’t have a cat but since my dog uses a litter box we fight over who needs to clean that. Not that I worry about toxoplasmosis with our dog, but doggie poo makes me hurl these days. Hugs to ya – and for what it’s worth I think you’re a pretty tough cookie yourself. (who always makes me smile!)

  26. On July 24th, 2008 at 10:42 pm Heather Says:

    My sister and I used to ‘take turns’ picking up the cat’s turds back when I was a teenager. It was her turn and I pointed her to a particularly large mass of cat turd. She turned her head and scooped it up with a wad of toilet paper and dropped it in the toilet only to realize it was a dead rodent — the cat’s victim. I’m smiling like a fool just thinking about her horror! Love that story, it makes me happy on a craptastic day (and it’s the moral to the story as to why someone – DAVER – should always change the litterbox).

  27. On July 24th, 2008 at 10:47 pm Maria Says:

    I haven’t seen my husband in a week and he’s coming back to town with my mother in law in tow.

  28. On July 24th, 2008 at 11:23 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Cat boxes.

    Messes I didn’t make but have to clean up or they just sit there.

    Cilantro, because it’s being put into everything these days and it tastes like dish soap to me, and people think they’ll be clever and hide it and then be all “Surprise, you said you don’t like cilantro but it was totally in everything you just ate and ha, ha, you were fooled!” and I’m pissed because I just spent an entire social event politely choking down food that tastes nasty to me without letting on that it’s disgusting while trying to figure out how to gently tell my hosts that their dishwasher isn’t rinsing properly, and now I want to tell them I’m allergic to it and feign anaphylaxis so they never try to sneak shit I don’t like into my food again, because hello? Rude!! I mean, what if it wasn’t just dislike but an allergy or a religious thing?? What if cilantro offends my gods or something?? And now I have to spend my eternity in a pit of pico-de-gallo with soggy chips because you felt the need to convince me I was just imagining the saponin flavor of that leafy green nemesis to my palate?? But I don’t feel strongly about this or anything.

    People pissing off Aunt Becky when she should be radiant and glowing and all that happy horse shit.

    But then, it’s easy to piss me off – I have a foul disposition and the manners of a troll…my blogger profile says so, so it must be true.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who really will find the one molecule of cilantro in the food, so don’t even think about it)

  29. On July 25th, 2008 at 12:59 am Edward Says:

    O.k this is pathetic but I can’t get “there” with my real live spouse, the other 3/4 of the time I spend killing kittens, or atleast God kills them for me for maturbating. Damn it….this is real piss in the cornflakes.

    Ok I’m done being disgusting! Now Ms. Aunt Beck with the Mother in Law coming….you see the LAW in that? You have got to get up off your duff and clean the house. You will never get over…”oh, Mr. Daver’s wife don’t keep house too good but we still love her” anytime soon lol!

    I say get rid of the cats! If no one is willing to clean the boxes then they got to go….and you Ms. Impreganated Lady with the Sasaugeroo should not be cleaning them!” Ok I know it’s either clean them or step in wet warm piles of cat turds but really….can’t someone else do it? Myabe you should just take care of your business “wink ..wink” and they will be eliminated for you lol!

  30. On July 25th, 2008 at 5:43 am MizFit Says:

    two words:


  31. On July 25th, 2008 at 7:41 am kbreints Says:

    nope– but I am SO using that saying…

  32. On July 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am gingermagnolia Says:

    I can’t figure out how my fucking schedule for school will work with my fucking schedule for work. DAMMIT!

    But, on a brighter note, I tagged you for an award called the Arte Y Pico award, whatever that means. Check it out on my page.

  33. On July 25th, 2008 at 10:41 am ste Says:

    There are just too many things. I’ve decided that I will no longer kiss my brother’s in-laws on both cheeks just because that’s what they do. This is what I do. I kiss one cheek. If they want to kiss both they can, but that is not what I do.

    They are so domineering. I’m putting my foot down with something inconsequential, but it is one small thing they will not dictate to me. So. There. Nyahh.

  34. On July 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm DD Says:

    I’m cranky ’cause this wasn’t the Penis Post you promised. Jeez, woman, you can’t substitute kitty litter for dick stories.

  35. On July 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm megan Says:

    What the f is the deal with the cat boxes? We have the same fights at our house, too. And this is the thing that’s peed in my cornflakes. I just went to fold the laundry that’s been piled in the living room for days only to find that it ALL SMELLS LIKE CAT PEE. Apparently the cat box is too full of turds and what-not to pee in anymore so our dear sweet feline has taken to going anywhere else in the house he feels like. UGH.

  36. On July 26th, 2008 at 8:25 am Badass Geek Says:

    The ticket vendor system for the “T” subway in Boston peed in my cereal. Obviously it makes sense to only allow ticket purchases in $5 increments, when each fare costs $2.00.

    I now am the proud owner of one subway ticket for $1.00, that will expire about one week before I make my next trip to Boston. This also is awesome.

  37. On July 26th, 2008 at 10:00 pm bri Says:

    I have also dealt with cat poop and boxes since I was a wee one, but when I was tested before I began ttc, I had not been exposed to toxoplasmosis. Don’t think I haven’t MILKED THE CRAP out of those test results, baby. Shhhhh… I have Wes convinced that JUST TO BE SAFE, I shouldn’t do the cat boxes while nursing, either. Bwa-ha-ha.

  38. On July 27th, 2008 at 12:22 am Ann Says:

    My neighbor. I’m trying to refrain from killing her which is HARD. ug. Thank God for mohitos.

  39. On July 28th, 2008 at 9:34 am PiquantMolly Says:

    Yeah, there’s no way I’m not immune to toxoplasmosis at this point. However, you’d better bet that if I ever manage to get pregnant again I’m gonna milk the no-litter-box-scooping thing for all it’s worth.

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