Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

If You…


…google “cheeseburger crotch not pregnant,” apparently this brings you to my doorstep. While I normally am thrilled to pieces to have new visitors and virtually meet new people, I’m not sure this would be the place you’d want to look for such a thing.

Color me stupid, but I have no idea what a cheeseburger crotch (pregnant or not) is (but this is a highly trafficked term here at Casa de la Sausage).

And I don’t want to.

(okay, maybe I do. But I’m kinda sicked out now.)

How did YOU get here?

(Confidential to the person who found me searching for “i m just living for my kids i have nothing to offer my husband,” that may be the most depressing search term I’ve ever heard.)

posted under Uncle Pervy
32 Comments to

“If You…”

  1. On February 26th, 2008 at 12:07 am Tracy Says:

    I think the only safe depiction of a not pregnant cheeseburger crotch that I can imagine is an animated one.

    Actually… that’s still pretty creepy. Uck!

    I’m not sure how I got here. I think through some swirling vortex of blogroll linkiness somewhere or other.

    I get a number of people searching for “mantras to control my husband” at my place. Hmm. It may be time to come up with some…

  2. On February 26th, 2008 at 1:36 am Valerie Says:

    I got here a few days ago via The Flying Rat (Jenn). So, hello!

  3. On February 26th, 2008 at 1:57 am Jenn Says:

    I found you blog surfing one night, you know, where you read one blog, then read their blogroll and then the next blogroll. And I am so glad that I found you – you say exactly what I am thinking!

  4. On February 26th, 2008 at 3:28 am shay Says:

    How do you find out what people used to search you?
    AND ewwwwwwww! NASTY (to quote my four year old)

    I did the rabbit hole blog link thing and found you. No fun search – sorry!

    Oh and what happened with the dime? I’d probably just use it cuz I’m not a saver and would forget.

  5. On February 26th, 2008 at 5:53 am Angela Says:

    Dude, I came here by way of fajita armpit not impotent. Totally.

  6. On February 26th, 2008 at 8:11 am becky Says:

    I found you through KC! I think she left a comment on my blog, then I started reading hers… and I checked out her blogroll at one point. I’m so glad I found you, though! I love to read local blogs… especially those from Chicago since I miss it so much 🙁

  7. On February 26th, 2008 at 8:22 am Doc Says:

    I found you through Karen’s blog… (Not trying to give you a big headbut) I must admit you are a must read every day. I love the way you describe things and your view of teh world….

    (I have a bunch of odd things that people search to find my blog too)

  8. On February 26th, 2008 at 7:35 am Frozen Star Says:

    I clicked a link at Baby on Bored, because I thought the name ‘Mommy wants vodka’ was amusing…

  9. On February 26th, 2008 at 8:14 am Amy Says:

    I found you through Denise at The Woman With Hobbit Feet, and I’m so glad that I did!

  10. On February 26th, 2008 at 9:29 am Kim Says:

    I found you from another’s blogroll,thank God!

    Ok, a question for you…..

    1. i love my job

    2. i love the people i work with

    3. i’m really unhappy with my raise

    4. first reaction is to get pissy and act a fool

    5. second reaction is to be all hurt (cuz EYE YAM)

    6. third reaction is to speak calmly to boss and explain why I feel like I just got kicked in the stomach

    7. what i will probably settle on is just being upset and quiet for a couple of days (here at work), and being really vocal at home.

    8. i swear I could just cry, and that is not typically me…..

    i guess it was not a question at all, just needed to take up some of my Aunty Becky’s space to vent….as always, thanks for the space.

  11. On February 26th, 2008 at 9:39 am As American as Apple Pie Says:

    I found you through Doc & Mt Cat’s blog. I love your views and outlook on life. Looking forward to reading more.

  12. On February 26th, 2008 at 10:07 am KC Says:

    I found you through uranus.

  13. On February 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am Cricket Says:

    Cheeseburger crotch might even make me eat pussy.

  14. On February 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am Pauline Says:

    I came here by way of Becky is the coolest hot mama around. Totally.

  15. On February 26th, 2008 at 10:49 am Doc Says:

    Oh she it hot too???? B O N U S !!!

  16. On February 26th, 2008 at 11:12 am Joann Says:

    I found you by Surfing blog’s
    Glad I did it’s a have to read daily thing now,
    I do it every day.

  17. On February 26th, 2008 at 11:41 am Jenn Says:

    You know.. I can’t remember how I first got here. I think you left a comment on another blog that I read and I just clicked through that way and was hooked immediately!
    I’ve been found by some interesting search terms in the past, haha. My settings are now such that I cannot be googled.

  18. On February 26th, 2008 at 11:32 am KT Says:

    how do you know what people search for to find you?

  19. On February 26th, 2008 at 11:38 am becky Says:

    KT, I have a stat counter program that The Daver installed for me ages ago for me to check out what freaks search for AND find on my blog. It’s hysterical, really. I think blogspot has something similar, try googling “site meter” and I think you can put it on your blog. Not sure if it gives you search terms, but it probably does.

  20. On February 26th, 2008 at 3:27 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    I think I saw “Mommy Wants Vodka” on someone’s blogroll and thought, “Damn! I bet that’s a great blog!”

    So good to be right.

  21. On February 26th, 2008 at 5:01 pm Five Husbands Says:

    Hmm, I think from Dead Baby Jokes – but since then I have been a regular to both blogs.

  22. On February 26th, 2008 at 6:12 pm kate Says:

    um…roundabout. someone commented on my blog, and then six blogs later, linked through comments here i am. i swear. seriously, i’m the cheeseburge crotch gal.

  23. On February 26th, 2008 at 7:11 pm Dawn Says:


  24. On February 26th, 2008 at 9:32 pm Victoria Says:

    I found Google Analytics a couple of weeks ago and it frackin’ scared the shitola outta me.


  25. On February 27th, 2008 at 2:12 am Juli Says:

    Blood & Thunder sent me here as a gift to you.

    I hope you like me. Cuz the receipt, she is long gone.

  26. On February 27th, 2008 at 11:11 am Kristine Says:

    I’m a boring followed a link from a comment you made on another blog.

    I also have some odd searches, but I think cheeseburger crotch takes the cake.

  27. On February 27th, 2008 at 11:10 pm Denise Says:

    I cannot recall how I made my way here, but I’m so happy I did! You make me laugh and I love that.

  28. On February 9th, 2009 at 1:33 am Sarah Says:

    I got here by searching “cheeseburger crotch” on google. I’m prego and I was looking for a definition to give my sister when I mentioned it. Oh god, I have no shame left.

  29. On December 16th, 2009 at 10:28 am Colin P Says:

    From TJ.

  30. On February 20th, 2011 at 12:11 pm MissHannah Says:

    because I saw your awesome wedding cake while catching up with “Cake Wrecks” blog.Then read some, and some more, and now working through them all.

    Because although I am three years or so late, I really relate to what you are saying.

  31. On July 20th, 2011 at 8:45 am Angela Says:

    I came here from TheMompetition, which I found when someone posted one of the videos on Facebook.

    I read a few of your newest entries and decided they were so GD hilarious that I had to go back and read them all!

    By the way, the stress purging thing? I thought I was the only one!

  32. On April 4th, 2016 at 4:24 am Lexxy Says:

    I found you through a link from your thing on antepartum depression.

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