Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

I Think It Was The Fourth Of July


The Internet is always closed on major holidays, so I didn’t bother posting for the three spambots that would be trolling to send me links to supposed pictures of “Harry Potter nude” and “David Cook nude.” But not doing so totally kicked my OCD into hyperdrive, and I felt sort of like I was missing my right arm for most of the weekend.

Therefore, I am presenting to you, my beloved Pranksters, a new set of cards (if these images are yours and you want me to remove them, please holler). Because really, how better to say the things that you’d never want to say, that through a card you would never send?

(don’t answer that)

I’ll be back tomorrow with a post with words. I’m far too self-absorbed to stay quiet for very long.

(blah, blah, blah, if you want to vote for me for funniest blog which, btw, I am TOTALLY not rocking right now, you can vote right here, once per day)

Happy Fourth of July, my Pranksters.

37 Comments to

“I Think It Was The Fourth Of July”

  1. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:01 pm James Says:

    awesome cards thanks aunt becky 🙂

  2. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:07 pm Alex Says:

    Your form gives me the autofill option of “Alex” or “Eugene O’Neill.” I would have gone with E.O’N. But I have enough identity issues already.

    These cards are as American as it gets and make me happy as I freeze in a corner of a strip-mall Panera. And if your OCD didn’t make you needlepoint these designs into throw pillows you’re okay.

  3. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:12 pm Tweets that mention I Think It Was The Fourth Of July | Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky and others. Aunt Becky said: To celebrate our freedom, I made inappropriate 4th of July CARDS! […]

  4. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:22 pm Julia Says:

    You don’t have to take breaks for major holidays if it hurts that much – there are lots of Canuck pranksters (Canucksters?) who are on the internet – all three of us – and are always keen to read your latest missive. Even if you didn’t make cards for Canada Day.

  5. On July 4th, 2010 at 5:52 pm Gunfighter Says:

    Julia, Aunt Becky might not have done anything for Canada Day, but being the friend of Canada that I am, I did!

  6. On July 4th, 2010 at 10:56 pm Julia Says:

    Thanks, Gunfighter! I’m from Loyalist territory myself. Will have to look up that book.

  7. On July 5th, 2010 at 11:37 am Jessica Seuss Says:

    I’m a friend of Canada as well. You might also enjoy the song “A Speculative Fiction,” by Canadian band Propagandhi. It imagines if Canada took back the land lost in the War of 1812. ;-P

  8. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:41 pm habanerogal Says:

    Those say it best PS good luck in your quest for sparklers perhaps a party store will have some because that is a dumb law yo.

  9. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:47 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Hello, holidays are when most of us have time to read your blog (while not pretending to do work) so please, feel free to post any day, any time. Or maybe I’m just weird like that. I dunno.

  10. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:48 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:


    I saw a little boy shirt with an American flag on it at Kohls. I thought of you and the only thing missing was, “America, fuck yeah!”

  11. On July 4th, 2010 at 1:06 pm The Sweetest Says:

    Love em! Especially the last one- it’s now “Aunt Becky’s Theme”

  12. On July 4th, 2010 at 1:12 pm katrina Says:

    YO! Missed you, glad you are back. Love the cards–i’m stealin ’em. so is it BBQ, beer and explosives at your house today??

  13. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:21 pm Lucy Cooper Says:

    I want you to make one that says “BEEEE-HOOOOOO!” or, Land of the Free, Home of the Truck Balls.

  14. On July 4th, 2010 at 1:22 pm Lauren Says:

    OMG Aunt Becky, these are exactly what I needed today! LOL
    Jim’s 30th birthday would have been today (well, technically, it still IS, he’s just not going to turn 30 here on Earth) and if he were alive I totally would have just emailed him the link to this page instead of buying him some cheesy birthday card. These would have done perfectly.
    Thank you! 🙂 You rock!

  15. On July 4th, 2010 at 7:50 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now this made me sniffle. Happy 30th Birthday, Jim. I hope that these cards make you laugh, wherever you are. xoxo

  16. On July 4th, 2010 at 12:46 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    I would totally buy these cards.

  17. On July 4th, 2010 at 1:49 pm Amy Says:

    These cards Kick ASS!! (just like America) Thanks for entertaining me while I wait for the morning to pass so I can drink beer and eat grilled meats.

  18. On July 4th, 2010 at 1:03 pm Clair Says:

    Based on the above comments, I’m going to have to say that your spam bots are pretty literate, not at all what I’d expected…. 🙂

    Love the cards.

  19. On July 4th, 2010 at 2:40 pm Mandy Says:

    I just found your blog last week, so thank you for the procrastination tool…my house didn’t need cleaned anyway, and at least some of the kids can feed themselves.

    You are awesome and totally invited for the Fourth.

  20. On July 4th, 2010 at 2:41 pm Melissa Says:

    The best cards EVER!

  21. On July 4th, 2010 at 3:34 pm Krissa Says:

    Aunt Becky, you never disappoint!

  22. On July 4th, 2010 at 3:05 pm linlah Says:

    You’re much better at this than Hallmark.

  23. On July 4th, 2010 at 4:55 pm Roschelle Says:

    Awesome!!!!!!! Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. On July 4th, 2010 at 4:59 pm Sarah P Says:

    These cards make me want to blow my fireworks all over your blog.

  25. On July 4th, 2010 at 5:19 pm beta dad Says:

    Awww…those three babies are going to get such adhorrible burns when the firecrackers reach their faces.

  26. On July 4th, 2010 at 5:46 pm Rebecca Says:

    You make the very best cards Aunt Becky

  27. On July 4th, 2010 at 5:58 pm Gunfighter Says:

    You never disappoint me, Aunt Beck!

  28. On July 4th, 2010 at 5:59 pm Gunfighter Says:

    By the way, I am digging the “Chicago” reference.

  29. On July 4th, 2010 at 7:26 pm Melissa Says:

    I vote for you HARD! 2 votes a day. Work an home.

    That said, in my hissy fit I got rid of my BlogHer tickets, and they are really hard to come by! So if someone has an extra, please contact me! I dont need hotel since I live here.

  30. On July 4th, 2010 at 11:35 pm Aunt Juicebox Says:

    Especially love the last one!

  31. On July 5th, 2010 at 2:32 am GingerB Says:

    Singing a thousand songs . . . oh wait, singing ITALIAN songs.

  32. On July 5th, 2010 at 11:29 am Beth Says:

    Double props for the reference to SNL back when it was still good!

  33. On July 5th, 2010 at 11:38 am Jessica Seuss Says:

    These are awesome. I’d love to send these to my right-wing in-laws.

  34. On July 5th, 2010 at 3:11 pm Queen of the Rant Says:

    Too funny I love these, great post, you would think you were Canadian

  35. On July 5th, 2010 at 11:43 pm Dorothy Says:

    Hey Aunt Becky –
    I done went and got me a blog. Now I just have to find someone to make me a webpage (Hi Daver. You are looking very handsome today). Still selling Scentsy ( and now actually selling cross stitch as well (maainly birth announcements).
    But what I wrote to tell you (besides how muscular the Daver has been looking is that miss you. Well I do. But the big news is that my little vicious pitt bull is a therapy dog – he has a vest and everything. Look for us at a hospital near you – um, once you come to Texas.
    I have a blog now – y’all can go comment. And once that handsome manly Daver puts it on my own domain I’ll be able to hang with the cool kids – well me and my dog will.

  36. On July 5th, 2010 at 11:46 pm Dorothy Says:

    I can’t edit my spelling mistakes. Crap. Now everyone knows how stupid I am and I thought it was only most of you.
    I will pay you the Daver. The next time one of you is in the hospital I’ll bring the therapy dog!! That means I am driving from TX to IL so it counts. Hey would you mind being the one in the hospital so Aunt Becky and I can go out? Oh, and watch the dog will you – because he is a CERTIFIED pet therapy dog.

  37. On July 6th, 2010 at 6:45 pm Jenn Says:

    “Jane always was an ignorant slut.” Hilarious!!

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