Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

How BlogHer Broke My Kid*


Saturday morning found me fast asleep in my very own bed, dreaming contentedly about mountains of marshmallow frosting and inexplicably John Mayer (who, I should add, I find to be a complete douche. With amazing talent. But a douche. But damn, can that white boy play or what?), when through the door burst The Daver carrying Alex. Not entirely unlike the time the Incident When Alex Ate A Dime, but now Alex was 2 and no longer a baby.

Before I knew it, he’d thrust Alex into bed with me, unceremoniously, and while I was delighted to see my son, after a full two painful days away from him, I was suitably UNDERwhelmed to hear what came pouring from The Daver’s mouth.

“I’m sorry to wake you up, I know you got in late, but look at Alex’s eye.”

Alex was laying on his hands on top of me and all I could see was his gigantic hair covered head, and his eye was out of sight. Finally, he popped his face up to look at me (and thankfully did NOT thrust his tiny fingers into my eye socket as punishment for leaving him) and I saw it.

Since the last time I’d seen my son, his eye had…well, grown. It was now approximately the size and shape of a small nation and swollen nearly shut. I could see the purplish streaks that signified bruising from the sudden influx of fluid into his eyelid. Knowing that if something had happened, say, he’d been knocked out in a prizefight or maybe defended my honor against some other toddler who was knockin’ HIS mom, I’d have been told, my heart sunk.

By the grace of God, I forced myself as awake as I could be and sat up. As I wrapped my hammy arms around my son and pulled him close, I sighed deeply.

Alex had cellulitis. Again.

It’s been years since I actively practiced nursing, but I remember several things vividly from nursing school:

1) A code brown best avoided

2) I was a terrible nurse

3) Cellulitis was a big fucking deal.

This cinched it for me: I wasn’t going to be going back to Chicago for BlogHer. Nope. No more $36 dollar bottles of diet coke for me. No more swag and no more marketers. Hell, I wouldn’t even get to meet half the people I’d wanted to meet which is the only thing about the prospect of staying home that made my heart wear a frowny face.

But such is life.

I sent Dave downstairs to put a call in to Alex’s pediatrician while I put on pants as Alex stared at me, making me sort of uncomfortable. He eyed me warily; his one eye studying me very seriously. I’d left him once, he knew, and he wasn’t about to let me out of his (one-eyed) sight again until he was sure I wasn’t going to recklessly abandon him again.

The poor kid had had a bout of cellulitis mere months ago, also orbital (read: around the eye) but this time in the other eye, and I knew that we were about due for another ER visit. I’m telling you, my ER Frequent Flyer Punch Card is nearly full! I’m almost due for a free emesis basin OR I can wait and upgrade to some IV tubing!

The last time, we’d avoided being admitted for IV antibiotics by the skin of our teeth, and I wasn’t taking any chances this time around. We dragged our sad sacks to Alex’s normal doctor, who seemed shockingly unconcerned, discomfortingly telling us to “wait and see.”

Which, hi, I’m cool with waiting and seeing about, oh I don’t know, an ear infection, or a skinned knee, or what crazy outfit Britney will wear next but with orbital edema so severe that my son could now not see at all out of one of his eyes?

The doctor was, apparently as he told us, still pissed that someone had called him at 3AM complaining of a swollen hand from an earlier bee sting. Which sucks, no doubt, but this is my son’s eyesocket, not a boo-boo on his knee.


My professional opinion? Fuck you and fuck that.

It was back to the ER with us. And hey, all’s well that ends well, and we got the script for some antibiotics…

(I feel I should disclose here, in order to assure you that we are not exactly hypochondriacs, that this is the second time Alex has been on antibiotics in his 2.5 years on this planet. And the second time that he’s been to the MD for anything OTHER than a well-baby visit. The first time? Follow-up from the LAST bout of cellulitis)

…and he’s feeling much better. The swelling has gone down while the bruising has gone up, so he really looks like he’s got a pretty rad shiner. I’ve always been fond of a black eye, I told him today, and he just looked at me like I was the world’s biggest idiot.

Because, well, at 2 my son has discovered what the world already knows: I am the world’s biggest idiot.

But anyway. You read my blog. You know I’m a moron. This is not national news.

Here’s what is.

(no it’s not)

(no, really, it’s not)

So, BlogHer gives away a bunch of swag, no? I’m sure you heard of it, what with the hoards of stampeding bloggers rushing the bags and elbowing kids out of their damn way (damn fool kids!). These are not lies, no.

I have a fool ton of stuff. Some of it I’ll use, but most of it? I took because I did not know what else to do with it. It could be useful to other people, but for as much shit as I have in my house, I don’t need any additional, and I was struggling what to do with all of it. There’s some pretty good stuff among the ads and coupons (those I tossed).

I was also stuck trying to figure out what to do with the huge ass stack of business cards I’d been told I needed to bring to BlogHer but didn’t get to pass out because I am a loser who went home early and then had to take her very ill son to the hospital. The loser part is incidental and irrelevant, because, remember, I win at LIFE, Internet.

So let’s do something with this stuff, since it would be green to reUSE it. Anything you don’t like, you can give away to your least favorite relative for Christmas. Here’s what my friend Lola suggested.

Leave me a comment, I’ll email you for your address, or email me outright ( and then I’ll send you some business cards.

(Pithy Aside/Reassurance: do not worry about me stalking you, should you disclose your address to me. I have 0% attention span AND I am lazy. Plus, Dave is the only other adult in the house and I just asked him my middle name, so that I could prove to you that he is forgetful. His answer? Elizabeth. My middle name? Sherrick)

Do something high-larious with the cards–you know, take ’em out for drinks, give ’em to your friends, whatever–send me the pictures documenting what you did.

No, not like rubbing one off on them, because ew, but you know. Something creative, or funny, or just plain weird. I’ll throw up the pictures with a link to your site and we can vote. Whomever wins, gets some of the BlogHer stuff and some other obviously hilarious crap that I pick out for you. No, not like old banana peels and breast pump parts. It’ll be like a grab bag of The Awesomeness. But in gigantic box form.

And if THAT doesn’t sound appealing, leave me a comment telling me something else I can do with these cards. I mean, I feel like a tool keeping them, because what the shit do I do with them? No seriously, WHAT do I do with them?

We’ll run this contest until, oh, I don’t know, how about September 8? Because that’s Daver’s birthday and this should help me remember it. See, Internet, I love YOU more than I love The Daver.

Then you cannot say that Your Aunt Becky never gave you anything besides the urge to punch her in the head. Because that, my friends, is the universal gift Your Aunt Becky gives to everyone who meets her.

*Blogher didn’t REALLY break my kid. Just my soul. Whatever was left of it, I mean.

99 Comments to

“How BlogHer Broke My Kid*”

  1. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:00 am Merritt Says:

    Poor kid. I hate when doctors think they know more than moms and play the “I can’t be bothered to do my job because I’m a dick”. The sooner they realize that mommy knows best, the better off everyone will be. I’m glad that Alex is ok, though it was nice of him to wait to have an emergency until you were home, that would’ve been awful to have Daver dealing with that while you were in Chicago.

    And dude. I love this contest. Count me in.

  2. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:04 am The Mother Tongue Says:

    Aw man, that sucks that you couldn’t come back to BlogHer! I was really hoping to meet you. Also about your son (really, I promise my priorities are not this screwed up).

    So send me some business cards, will ya? This appeals to the creative nerd in me. Send them to:

    Lexington Herald-Leader
    c/o Heather Chapman
    100 Midland Ave.
    Lexington, Ky. 40508

  3. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:06 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    I am *so* in! Send me some of those effin’ cards! rjflamingo AT


  4. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:11 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    P.S. Glad to hear Alex is feeling better. I still say an ophthalmologist or immunologist needs to see him. It ain’t right.

  5. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:14 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    PSS – I also love Beautiful Wreck’s ideas – especially the last one!

  6. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:24 am Lucy/Hope Says:

    So the prize for the contest is one of your business cards? I’ll have to check the price Aunt Becky business cards are going for on ebay before I enter…whoops – I mean – I’ll put on my thinking cap and try to come up with something clever.
    The Blogher awards looks like it will make a mediocre coaster – I wouldn’t put a cup of hot coffee on it in a house with 3 kids. Actually, I wouldn’t put a cup of hot coffee DOWN in a house with 3 kids. Anyway – congratulations! I’m off to read your co-winner’s blog. What’s the category again?

  7. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:32 am Lucy/Hope Says:

    P.S. – You wuz robbed! I don’t think Cake Wrecks is funny at all, although perhaps it would win first place in the Most Mildly Amusing Blog contest.
    I’d demand a freakin’ recount if I wuz you!

  8. On July 27th, 2009 at 8:54 am Jenn Says:

    Send me one. It will be like Flat Stanley. Except it will be flat Becky. Aren’t you lucky?

  9. On July 27th, 2009 at 8:57 am Kristin Says:

    Hehehe…this could be fun! I’ve already got ideas for the cards percolating through my brain.

  10. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:02 am Mary Spezzafero Says:

    Sounds like fun! Send me some & I’ll try to come up with something hoot-worthy.

  11. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:03 am jenni Says:

    I would say send me one, but the truth is I will lose it or…. well lose it. Sorry about the little guys eye, glad he is getting better.
    I am feeling less and less bad about missing blogher. With my gimpy knee I would have surely been swag trampled.

  12. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:08 am Beautiful Wreck Says:

    Use the cards as bookmarks in library cards and just leave them in there when you return the book. πŸ™‚

    Draw pictures on the back of the cards, but do matching ones and then you will have your own game for your little boy.

    You could build one of those card house creations with them and then take a picture and show it to all your readers.

    Or you can save them, carry them in your purse/bag/whatever and pass them out to random folks when they ask you what you do. “Here is my card, I am the author of Mommy Wants Vodka” and say it with authority.

  13. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:09 am How BlogHer Broke My Kid* Says:

    […] News Sources wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptSaturday morning found me fast asleep in my very own bed, dreaming contentedly about mountains of marshmallow frosting and inexplicably John Mayer (who, I should add, I find to be a complete douche. With amazing talent. But a douche. But damn, can that white boy play or what?), when through the door burst The Daver carrying Alex. Not entirely unlike the time the Incident When Alex Ate A Dime, but now Alex was 2 and no longer a baby. Before I knew it, heÒ€ℒd thrust Alex into bed with me, unceremo […]

  14. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:16 am Jen Says:

    Drop those bad boys into every store front fishbowl asking for them and win yourself a couple manicures and lunches. The only thing I ever won was an egg Mcmuffin, but I still dream…PLEASE post about Blogher!!

  15. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:22 am Io Says:

    Ha! I still have quite a few, though I totally passed your cards out and people were like – Oh, you are so funny Becky – and I was like -I’m not Becky- and they were like -um, okay…- and I was like -I am the president of the fan club but I wanted to be assistant director of marketing but I was fired- and then I told them you were dead sex-ay. And smart. And funny.
    True story, Mel can confirm.
    I went through the sway I brought home last night and yes, I just grabbed it because it was there. I did get a coupon for a free half gallon of orange juice though. I like coupons.
    And I left you a message about the one thing you might want me to mail you. The go girl thing where you can pee standing up. Scary.

  16. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:22 am Io Says:

    And yeah, you should just start leaving your cards everywhere you go.

  17. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:39 am Vinomom Says:

    That does not look fun for your baby boy! I friggin hate doctors. I really do. I don’t think they know anything I can’t already look up on the internet.

    As for the business cards? How about a mass direct mail campaign? I can’t think of anything interesting to do with my own cards let alone someone elses. God knows I don’t get any business from them, these days.

    Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see around again. Maybe when I have something more interesting to write about than a weekend of shopping for vacation.

  18. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:57 am Coco Says:

    Poor sweetie. I hope he’s feeling much better.

    Send me that card, baby! I’m with Jenn – I’ll do a “Flat Becky” retrospective.

  19. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:57 am Coco Says:

    Oh, um, I’ll e-mail you my address. Forgot that part.

  20. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:02 am always home and uncool Says:

    Hoping the best for your boy and you. K.

  21. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:14 am Michelle Says:

    Your husband and my husband have the same birthday. That must mean something, right?

    Glad Alex’s eye is getting better. Sorry your pedi was being so damn selfish with the antibiotics. Sheesh.

  22. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:36 pm lola Says:

    Man, that Lola is one creative bitch! I hear she’s really hot, too πŸ˜‰

    Glad the eye is better!! BlogHer broke my dog’s ass…

  23. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:47 pm Nancy Says:

    I’ll email you my address, count me in! Glad Alex is doing better!

  24. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Are we allowed to make movies with them? If so, I’ll need a few hundred.

  25. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm kyslp Says:

    send me some and i’ll think of something to do with them. (other than wallpaper border because I wouldn’t even do that for you. i.hates.wallpaper.)

  26. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Notesfromthegrove Says:

    I’m so in on this contest. Send me some! I’ll email you my addy.

  27. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm Amanda Says:

    You SO did not just dare us to come up with unique and yet interesting ways to use those cards did you.

    Okay folks, no more putting options in the comments because I already had the flat stanley one and totally got gutted by the first comment. (Crap).

    So anyway, two things:
    1) Coupons – you NEVER, ever throw away the coupons! (LOL)
    2) I’m glad that the shiner is going down for Alex.

    So, send me some cards – I’ve already got ideas swirling around my short-term memory challenged head (oops – I guess that means before I forget them I should write them down).

  28. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm andy Says:

    I hope Alex is feeling better! I think Liam had that once but we thought it was bug bite and eventually it went away…. hmmmm bad parenting on my part maybe?

    Send me some cards too and you can make it international!!

  29. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:17 pm mumma boo Says:

    Now, come on, you know Alex snuck out and got into a barfight while you were in Chicago. Glad to hear the antibiotics are kicking in and he’s feeling better. Poor little guy. Give him smooches for me, please.

    And the business card thing? Send them my way – I’ve got a few ideas. *insert evil genius laugh here*

  30. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:18 pm Kelly Says:

    I would like a big giant stack, I’ll start passing them out when customer’s that I’ve pissed off at work want my boss’ number. You’d tell them where to go, right? Not contradict everything I told them? Yay!

  31. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:22 pm shanna Says:

    Ok, Send me one and I will find something that I at least may find humorous, not sure if you will. πŸ˜‰ Poor little Alex, if you don’t start taking better care of that boy I will be forced to come rescue him from FIBland. πŸ˜‰ You and Dave are my favorite FIBs just so you know. I will email you my address.

  32. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Jules Says:

    New to your blog!

    Hope Alex is doing a lot better – like it’s your problem or concern that the doctor got called about a swollen hand.

    Hmmm… could put the cards in the goodie bag we get at the golf tournament (better than the useless stuff they have in there now)

    Tape some together for a cat toy? Ours chews on hubby’s business cards all the time if she finds one around.

    Or like whoever made that dress out of dollar bills – could make some clothing item. Walking advertisement.
    I’m out of ideas.

  33. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:28 pm Kelly Says:

    Tell Alex he’s the ultimate trooper!

    Find all the restaurants that have the fishbowl thingy that they draw a “winner” πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ out of for a free lunch.

    Lunch Lottery if you will

  34. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Kerrie Says:

    I would totally tell you to send me some…But the only thing that would happen is I would put them down for a second…and then my kid would grab them….color pictures of peoples butt’s on them….and then shove them up her nose. In other news….take me with you next year?!

  35. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    I am totally going to leave your cards in some special places, I have some ideas…… πŸ˜€

  36. On July 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm a Says:

    I’m with Jen – start stuffing the fishbowls. I would’t put one in – I’d put 50 in, so you could up your chances of winning more stuff!

  37. On July 27th, 2009 at 1:01 pm tina Says:

    You threw out coupons? Blashpemy!

    You can’t just donate it to a local charity?

  38. On July 27th, 2009 at 1:02 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    That is a boy with the sweetest face ever, swollen eye or not!

    Regarding your business cards, I pray you’ve not heard of tribute videos.

    (I also can’t believe I combined these two topics in one comment, and that if you are aware of them, you forgive me, for that kid? That kid of yours is a sweetie face!)

  39. On July 27th, 2009 at 1:21 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    Poor Alex!! I hope he’s feeling better soon. I have a picture like that of my little one. Wasn’t cellulitis, but a severe allergic reaction to something. Had to go to ER and get lots of steroids. It was all over his body, but his poor face, one side of his lips was swollen and the opposite eyes was swollen, so he kind of looked like Quasimodo.

    Oh God, count me in on the business cards. I wants me some swag.

  40. On July 27th, 2009 at 1:25 pm Tara Says:

    Poor Alex.
    And I agree about John Mayer, total douche but yes the man can play.

    And please send me some cards, I’d love to hand them out and take pictures!

  41. On July 27th, 2009 at 2:08 pm trish Says:

    BECKY! Looks like you’ve got a ton of people playing, but I want to play, too. πŸ™‚ If I don’t hear from you, I’ll try to remember to shoot you an email.

    Also, take it from someone who knows: business cards just become Something To Write Stuff On.

  42. On July 27th, 2009 at 2:10 pm Danielle Says:

    Aww poor Alex! Give his puffy eye a kiss from me and I hope he’s feeling better soon!

    Count me in for the business cards, if you have any left! I’ve got THE perfect idea!

    Sorry you didn’t have much fun at BlogHer…your next meet up with bloggers will be a BLAST! Promise!

  43. On July 27th, 2009 at 2:18 pm Alyssa Says:

    Sign me up. I get bored a lot. haha

  44. On July 27th, 2009 at 3:21 pm Melissa Says:

    Place one in the return envelope for every piece of craptastic junk mail that you receive and mail them back. The junk mail asshats have to pay the shipipng and who knows, the minions in the mail room might like your blog.

  45. On July 27th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Kelly Says:

    I just thought of an idea for you! I think you should make Alex a sweet eye patch, pirate style, out of a business card….

  46. On July 27th, 2009 at 3:46 pm Kim Says:

    Hi! I mail out mom packs to all of my customers with their orders. I send out about 5 to 10 packages every few days. Anyway, if you want, you can mail me some cards and I can put them in my Mom Packs. You can go to this website to see what the Mom Packs are

  47. On July 27th, 2009 at 4:02 pm Alicia Says:

    I want me some Aunt Becky cards. I have no idea what I’ll do with them, but it’ll be ON.

  48. On July 27th, 2009 at 4:16 pm Apple Sauce Says:

    Effin ess dude. My brother got cellulitis in his knee and was in the hospital for 10 days! Poor Alex!!

  49. On July 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm Dana Says:

    Can I forfeit the BlogHer swag if I win?? That’s the only way I’m playing!

    I’m sure I can find something disgusting … ummm … errr … CREATIVE to do with a few of those Aunt Beck cards!

  50. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:05 pm Kristina Says:

    Poor little guy, hope he feels better soon! I wish I had time to play with your business cards, but I can’t wait to see what your crazy readers come up with.

    P.S. Thanks for all the love over on my blog. Don’t know what it is about knowing you’re in someone’s thoughts, even if it’s only for a second, but it helps.

  51. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:12 pm Venti Vixen Says:

    MISSED reading your blog while on vacation. I mean cause really, I was thinking about blog reading while on the beach with my fruity beverage, right? Glad to hear that your little Rocky Balboa is on the mend, sucks you had to leave Blogher, good you got free shit and even gooder that you wanna give it away. Send me a card, a wanna be one of the cool kids.

  52. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:17 pm Kendra Says:

    Your poor little boy! And don’t worry, there’s no way I’m thinking you’re some kind of hypochondriac. I’ve taken kids to the ER for: wheezing (pulse ox 86, the worst couple of days of my life), middle of the night ear infection (I can never watch CSI Miami again, after being subjected to an entire episode in that waiting room), and a fall from the changing table (explaining over and over again how my 5-month-old had broken her leg; thank God for gentle, understanding staffs). I hope he’s feeling better. That has to be really scary.

    I’d love a card or two. I’n not very creative and may just end up entering you into a gas station drawing, but as long as I have your card, I can pretend to unsuspecting people that I am really that funny–or at least that we’re dear friends!

  53. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:18 pm Fiddle1 Says:

    So glad little Alex is doing better!

  54. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:19 pm Michele Says:

    I really like your blog. You sound like me, only with kids. *lol*

    ~~All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.~~

  55. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:36 pm Scattered Mom Says:

    What a GREAT idea!

    Would you send them to Canada? πŸ™‚

    Hope your little guy is better soon! Poor little guy.

  56. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:40 pm Sandy Says:

    You rock so hard I’m laughing and crying at the same time. Freaking awesome contest! I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait. I love that it involves creativity and thought. I’m already a-buzz with ideas. Thanks in advance for the insomnia that will be brought on when I sit bolt upright at three in the morning and scream, “I know how to win!” Have I mentioned how much I love you? Really, this fangirl stuff is out of control.

  57. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:40 pm Ms. V Says:

    Doctors can be assholes. Way to stand up for your kid.

  58. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I wanna play! I wanna play!

  59. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:46 pm Karen Says:

    Well I think you learned your lesson, huh? You don’t desert your child like this!

  60. On July 27th, 2009 at 6:59 pm Eva Says:

    Oooh, I have a fun idea!

  61. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:33 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    dude – i want some cards. or one.
    preferably before aug-20th…so i can do something nursing-school-ish with it!!!

    sorry to hear your little guy is sick ~ but now he is even ~ for the OCD in you, cellulitis once on each side. (isnt that sick that thats the silver-lining i found? forgive me, i am under the influence of etoh. some yummy and cheap sangria with the nursing chicks after the final today…and am starting a new bottle here on my own…its been a shit few days)

    anyway ~ send me a snazzy card.
    love you!

  62. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:36 pm lettergirl Says:

    A) I am sorry about the kid and the broken eye and hope he is better.
    B) You KNOW I am in. Send me a card or 80.

  63. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:41 pm Margaret Says:

    I’m in. Does it count if my 2 year old gets to decide what we do with them?

  64. On July 27th, 2009 at 7:46 pm MMG Says:

    Now my curiosity and creativity are peaked! Please send me some of the cards… I can follow up with my address if I don’t receive an email.

    And give a high five to your little trooper! I’m in med school training to be a pediatrician (hopefully!) so it hurts me a little to see the little guy’s pictures…. I hope that he (and you too!) are feeling better soon.

  65. On July 27th, 2009 at 8:02 pm Lori in Denver Says:

    Ummm….wallpaper your bathroom? Hand them out to paramedics and ER personnel?

    Let’s vow to not spend any more time in the ER. EVER.

    Healing thoughts to Alex.

  66. On July 27th, 2009 at 8:39 pm Kate Says:

    Me! If I can get them by Thursday I will take them on our possibly ill fated road trip to….well, Chicago. Ok, Joliet. It just sounds better to say Chicago.

  67. On July 27th, 2009 at 8:59 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Ooh, Ooh, send me some – I have an idea…or gas…but I think it’s an idea!!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who hopes Alex’s recovery is swift and permanent)

  68. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:02 pm sharon Says:

    u’re a genius! emailing u my addy now – how fun!!!

  69. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:16 pm Halala Mama Says:

    Stalking is hard work – a lazy stalker is the way to go.

  70. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:28 pm Nitza Says:

    Just found your blog and I love it. I love that you swear, I love that you make the babies swear in the captions to their pictures (effing cute kids, holy crap!), and I will seriously be your BFF if you tell me how you made that rice krispy cuppy cake thing. Please tell me you made that. Please tell me that it is also not very hard because honestly I just want to eat it, not get all Martha Stewart and buy shit at BB&B for it. But I REALLY want to eat it. Also my dear fiancée just had that exact same “you need a hobby” talk with me the other day. It was uncanny, reading it in one of your own posts. I also hit him with a lamp. Amazing. Definitely following you now. Look out!

  71. On July 27th, 2009 at 9:53 pm Amy Says:

    Hmmm… It would be cool to do some sort of art with business cards : ) sign me up!

  72. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:30 pm Jennifer Says:

    Ooooooooooooo! I want some!

  73. On July 27th, 2009 at 10:57 pm Debbie Says:

    My little man spent a Halloween, dressed as Spiderman, in the hospital with cellulitis. It is Scary and looks even SCARIER. hope all is well with Alex.

  74. On July 27th, 2009 at 11:32 pm GingerB Says:

    I have a plan for your cards. How many did you want to give away?

    Can we still call you a swag hag?

  75. On July 28th, 2009 at 4:22 am tiffany Says:

    Hey, MY birthday is Sept 8… I guess thats the universe telling me I need some of your cards….

  76. On July 28th, 2009 at 3:43 am Sara Says:

    Poor guy. Glad he’s doing better.

    And? Do you know how many ideas I already have for your business card???

  77. On July 28th, 2009 at 4:47 am Ames Says:

    Send some my way!

    I hope Alex has a quick recovery, poor kid!

  78. On July 28th, 2009 at 5:18 am Kelly Says:

    Go to every restaurant you can find and drop them in the “win a free lunch”. Or just go to one and drop them all in there.

  79. On July 28th, 2009 at 6:28 am Badass Geek Says:

    Pffft. Even I know your middle name.

    It’s “Awesomesauce”, right?

  80. On July 28th, 2009 at 7:23 am Dot Says:

    Yay, Alex! Glad he’s getting better. There is no substitute for a good antibiotic, though I often wish there were. What kinds of things are in this “swag” that they gave away? They must be good because of everyone wanting them, I guess. The most interesting thing (yawn) I’ve found to do with business cards is to use them for bookmarks.

  81. On July 28th, 2009 at 6:36 am Cassie Says:

    Poor Alex! I hope that gets cleared up soon. As for the business cards, you could leave them in random ass places like public bathrooms or the windshields of people’s cars. Then you’d probably get a whole bunch of new comments like, “Um, so I was taking a dump the other day and I looked up and saw your card….so here I am.” because that wouldn’t be weird at all.

    Haha. Sorry that just popped into my head because I used to work for one of those home businesses and one of their recommendations to grow your business was to hand out cards. But under the rec. they had to tell people NOT to leave their cards in random places like public bathrooms because that was tacky. I mean, they had to TELL people that, like people were already doing this and they needed to stop.

  82. On July 28th, 2009 at 6:53 am Jen Says:

    I e-mailed you my address.

    My company always orders us too many business cards. We use them for fish bowl free lunches. Also when we go out, we hit on random men and give out each others cards.
    On Saturday night I was tipsy and gave my personal card to some drag queens offering them dance lessons. Clearly that is the quality of my choreography skills.

  83. On July 28th, 2009 at 6:55 am Smileycat Says:

    Use your unwanted business cards as gift tags- when you wrap a gift, instead of buying/ making a tag to say who it is from, you can attach one of your business cards! It’s quirky and also practical… though you might have to do an awful lot of gifting to use them all up.

    Or, make a giant house of cards out of them like this
    and enter it in the Guinness Book of Records.

  84. On July 28th, 2009 at 8:51 am lady lemon Says:

    First of all, John Mayer IS a douche, a douche that happens to look a lot like my boyfriend. My boyfriend, however, thankfully is not a douche.

    Second, I just learned what a code brown was the other day. Woah, was I glad I am not in the medical field.

    Third, I am so sorry about little Mr Alex and his eye. That looks very uncomfortable. I hope the drugs take care of it pronto.

    Fourth, I LOVE the idea about the business cards. Send them to me quickly and I will take them on a journey with me to NYC! Think of the trouble they could cause in the Big Apple!!

    I loves you Becs. I’m glad you’re saftely home.

  85. On July 28th, 2009 at 10:23 am Sandy Says:

    How is your son doing? Still thinking about him and hope he is healing.

  86. On July 28th, 2009 at 10:49 am Employee No. 3699 Says:

    I’m finally catching up on the 150 some odd unread posts in my reader. I’m sorry to hear about Alex’s eye and also sorry I didn’t have the chance to meet up with you. How about you save the cards for BlogHer in New York next year???

    I do NOT want to win any of your swag as I have a pile of my own sitting on my dining room table; however if you send me a few cards I’ll come up with something.

  87. On July 28th, 2009 at 11:18 am Tina Says:

    Your readers make me want to get some business cards. Lol! Maybe when I get my etsy shop up and running again…

  88. On July 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am Creepy Mommy Says:

    oh oh oh! I want business cards. I’m emailing you fool!

  89. On July 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Inna Says:

    okay, so I wrote a really long comment yesterday and then it didn’t post and I was kicked out of your site…
    Anyways, I want cards! I’ll email you my address…

  90. On July 28th, 2009 at 3:00 pm lanalmoosh Says:

    Just found your blog through the cakewrecks blog, without which my days would be bleak. Made it as far as this post, and it was like synergy. A) John Mayer is a douche and yet I can’t get over his smexy music. I’ve given serious thought to how someone can be that big of a/n (dumb) ass & still create the most compelling sounds. I think it may be some kind of channeling, but as yet the question is unresolved. B) your husband shares a bday with my daughter. Inconsequential .. Probably, but weLre talking synergy here. C) I, too, have dealt with cellulitis in my son. Ours was in a much different region than the eye (one I cannot post a pic of without getting arrested). It amazes me how, tho I don’t have any of the same equipment, my husband comes running to me for answers when faced with the sight of his 8 year old’s parts swollen to sizes intimidating to a grown man.

    So I’d be happy to do something bizarre or creative with you card(s). Something that doesn’t involve ER trips. In the meantime will bookmark your blog for future synergistic purposes & because it’s helped me to survive today’s trip to the Children’s Museum.

  91. On July 28th, 2009 at 3:03 pm Birdpress Says:

    I’ll do it! Sounds like fun. I’ll email my address.

  92. On July 28th, 2009 at 3:13 pm baseballmom Says:

    I’m in!!!

  93. On July 28th, 2009 at 4:06 pm Betty M Says:

    Poor Alex. Glad to see from your next post that he is on the mend.

  94. On July 28th, 2009 at 7:14 pm Angie Says:

    I already have plans…
    Send me LOTS and you won’t be disappointed πŸ™‚
    sparshall at gmail dot com

  95. On July 28th, 2009 at 8:59 pm Valerie Says:

    you have a ridiculous number of responses on this one, but if you still have cards, send one to:

    996 Timber Creek Ln
    Greenwood, IN 46142

  96. On July 29th, 2009 at 7:26 am TheBeerLady Says:

    Ah, yes, the vitally important business cards! Part of me thinks that it almost vital that I order some. Part of me then reminds me that I’ve already got two boxes of business cards from various sites that I write for, which are useless because none of the information on them is correct since I moved. Which is also irrelevant because I’ve never done anything with them besides stick them in my purse to get wrinkled and dirty, at which time I throw them away and replace them with new cards.

    But I want your card! I promise I will try to do something more productive than carry them around in my purse getting wrinkled and dirty….

    thebeerlady AT gmail DOT com

  97. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:45 pm Its just been one of those weeks… « Tanna & Inna and the Big McGees Says:

    […] I’m super excited about Aunt Becky’s contest. I have quite a few ideas about what I will be doing with her business cards. I’m anxiously […]

  98. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:55 pm Betts Says:

    I hope I’m not too late because I’ve got some good ideas. I’ll send you a direct message on FB later tonight with my details.

  99. On July 31st, 2009 at 7:33 am Jen Anderson Says:

    Any reason why you can’t save the cards for next year? Since you don’t have to travel to far, you might be going again, right?

    Perhaps you can interest Ben in some business card origami.

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