Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Houston, We Have A…Garden Gnome!


Earlier today, with my eldest in tow, my husband and I trooped off through the freezing rain (have I mentioned that I’m still not certain that we haven’t moved to a nicer climate? Because I TOTALLY DON’T KNOW WHY NOT) to get our 3D ultrasound. And I’ll admit it to you, dear Internet, I was nervous. I’m not really certain WHY I was nervous, but I was. I guess it’s probably in part because my OB’s office wouldn’t authorize this frivolous un-medically necessary and because I’ve been sick as a dog this week, waking every couple of hours only to go right back to sleep.

(insert joke about regression into newborn state being an obvious indicator of how my not-so-brilliant mind works)

Either way, I was full of The Nervous.

What if she was now a he, like that Lou Reed song? Would I put my son in a dress in order to make use of all the pretty ickle dresses I’ve been hoarding? Would he hate me if I did that? Would I even care?

Turns out, it was all for naught. My daughter, in all of her spread-eagled glory, showed us that definitively yes, we were having a girl. And not only a girl who is completely immodest, but a girl who looks just like her father and her middle brother.

Dave certainly cannot deny parentage of his children, that is for sure.


Yes, sir, that’s my baby. Chubby edible delicious cheekies and all.

And, as a completely off topic veer, I’d like to thank my good friend Emily from Wheels on The Bus for nominating me for a blog award.

Two of them, in fact. Neither of which I will actually win, because, I’m just not a winner and because the competition is brutal, but if you’re so inclined to vote for your Aunt Becky, click on the bubblely thing on my side-bar.

And if you do, I will totally kiss you. With tongue, even.

Thanks, Em. I’m so flattered, I could pee myself. Oh, wait, I just did.

65 Comments to

“Houston, We Have A…Garden Gnome!”

  1. On December 13th, 2008 at 7:57 pm Petra Says:

    woo hoo, I am holding you to the tongue kiss…and I am off to vote!

  2. On December 13th, 2008 at 7:58 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Yay for baby cheeks. I’m glad you finally got it figured out! I will most definitely be voting for you, Becky. Now let’s make out.

  3. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:01 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    She is gorgeous! I bet you’re even more excited now!

  4. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pm birdpress Says:

    What great pictures! That’s so cool that you got these. Did you show the boys their new sister?

  5. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:06 pm Maria Says:

    Oh she is absolutely perfect. Holy crap.

  6. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:08 pm Heather P. Says:

    OH how cute!

  7. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:23 pm Meg Says:

    Holy freaking cool! She’s so cute

  8. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:30 pm Danielle Says:

    Awwwww those pictures ALMOST make me wanna have another..ALMOST…Your tongue is gonna be busy, everyone is voting for you just to make out with you ;o)
    Enjoy your day!

  9. On December 13th, 2008 at 8:36 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Babies. Babies, babies, babies.
    I love babies. Smiling babies. Crying babies. Solemn babies. Curious babies. Nursing babies. Babies still in the womb. Babies who look like that.
    Just think about it.
    You’re going to be holding your baby.
    I’m so excited for you.

  10. On December 13th, 2008 at 9:20 pm Sandy Says:

    I’m new to the blog world, but would love to vote for you if I can…how does one go about casting this vote?

  11. On December 13th, 2008 at 9:21 pm JJ Says:

    She is beaaaaautiful!

  12. On December 13th, 2008 at 9:24 pm Rachel Says:

    She’s adorable, and those cheeks are absolutely pinch-able. I love the 3D u/s. I still have Mr. Farty at 34 weeks in a frame on top of the entertainment center.
    Yay for ickle dresses! (and I will so enjoy hearing your accounts of school shopping and bra shopping for a pre-teen girl in about 10-11 years!)

  13. On December 13th, 2008 at 9:37 pm tonya cinnamon Says:

    aweeeeeee sooo adorable.. her cheeks.. i just want to NOM NOM NOM..:D

  14. On December 13th, 2008 at 10:59 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    adorable! (and wow, ultrasounds have come a long way, baby)

    congrats on the noms!

  15. On December 13th, 2008 at 11:00 pm kalakly Says:

    So totally awesome dude! She is a looker! I love her expression in the second shot, I wonder if she’s dreaming of those perty dresses and how all the mudpies will go with them!

  16. On December 13th, 2008 at 11:06 pm Mrs.spit Says:

    She’s not a garden gnome. . . .

    She’s beautiful.

    You just stop that.

  17. On December 14th, 2008 at 12:05 am Jenn Says:

    Oh I LOVE her already! I am one of those people who gets stupid around babies, I just adore them – even the homely ones! (Though yours appears to be quite cute and no, I’m not just saying that!) I have big plans to marry her off to my son you know. He’s a few years older so the maturity levels should be just about right. 😉

    Aren’t you so glad you had the ultrasound done? I’m still surprised that it wasn’t just routine for them to do that since I had them both times and my pregnancies weren’t really high risk or anything. Glad things look good!

  18. On December 14th, 2008 at 12:08 am Jenn Says:

    OH and. (I can never seem comment just once, can I?) My MIL was told several times that her son (my husband) would be a girl. So she had a bunch of girls clothes and one of them was a pink handmade dress. She kept it for 27 years (until he had a daughter) and then she passed it on to us for her. She never once put him in it and I was shocked! I SO would have dressed him up in it at least once just for a fun photo, haha. When I told her that she (and Kent too!) looked horrified. Maybe because he’s already quite in tune with his feminine side and they are thinking that might have pushed him right over the edge, haha.

  19. On December 14th, 2008 at 1:16 am Fancy Says:

    ohhh, Becky and Dave, she is beautiful!!!!!

    I bet you cannot wait to kiss those chubby cheeks and immerse yourself in all things Baby Amelia! Nuzzle her for me, okay? You know, when she finally comes out. Whatever, details.

    Someone around my neck of the woods needs to have another baby, soon.

  20. On December 14th, 2008 at 1:19 am melanie Says:

    awww sooo cute……….

  21. On December 14th, 2008 at 3:52 am baseballmom Says:

    Awwww…pretty girl!

  22. On December 14th, 2008 at 3:52 am baseballmom Says:

    wait-where can we send baby gifts?

  23. On December 14th, 2008 at 5:27 am Betty M Says:

    Lovely little thing – although I confess I find the whole 3D thing weird.

  24. On December 14th, 2008 at 6:22 am Betts Says:

    She’s a beauty! I’ve read that babies look like their father’s mostly at brith so the fathers won’t reject them. It’s also true in the gorilla/ape world.

    I’m going to vote for you write now, but you can keep the tongue kiss. I little neck massage might be nice though.

  25. On December 14th, 2008 at 8:25 am Madame Yu See Says:

    Oh, she’s adorable! I’m so happy for you.

  26. On December 14th, 2008 at 8:51 am giggleblue Says:

    she is a cutie!!! you’ve been doing an awesome job with the baby growing.

  27. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:16 am Rebel Says:

    Oh she is beautiful!!! She will come out looking very close to those pics to!! I was stunned with the Turtle was born because she really looked so much like the U/S pics!!!

    Congrats sweetie!!!


  28. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:23 am Stacey Says:

    She’s adorable! Love the smile!

  29. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am Badass Geek Says:

    Will that amber-golden glow subside after birth?

  30. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:44 am kbreints Says:

    Oh so cute! ….ans I will vote for you… no kiss neccesary!

  31. On December 14th, 2008 at 10:00 am SciFi Dad Says:

    That’s awesome… she’s so cute.

  32. On December 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am Ms.Sassypants Says:

    She’s adorable! Congrats!

  33. On December 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am Emily R Says:

    Can I have a tongue kiss,too?

  34. On December 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am pamajama Says:

    Becky, this will have to be my last comment to your blog, since I must now end it all. I went on the site to vote for you, which I successfully did in the “Hot Mom” category. When I reached the “Best Humor” site, however, I accidentally clicked on the box ABOVE your box — WHICH WAS FOR DOOCE — I screamed as though I had been burned by an entire pan of hot bacon grease. Now I must go put my head under the wheel of our Dodge Charger and insist my husband squash it like a rotten pumpkin.

    The End.

  35. On December 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am pamajama Says:

    Oh, but before I go, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY GIRL! You might just want to name her Pam, after me, but then she might be stupid so don’t do that.

  36. On December 14th, 2008 at 12:04 pm kate Says:

    wow. that’s completely cool. and totally freaks me out. she looks lovely and well-behaved and not at all colicky.

  37. On December 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm RhoRho Says:

    Nice gnome. If you’re baby already looks cute in there, tis a pretty good sign.

  38. On December 14th, 2008 at 1:04 pm RhoRho Says:

    I meant your.

  39. On December 14th, 2008 at 2:28 pm Candid Engineer Says:

    Aunt Becky, what a beautiful baby you have! As a scientist, even I am astounded by our technology and the wonders of 3D imaging. Congrats. 🙂

  40. On December 14th, 2008 at 3:04 pm Catizhere Says:

    She is beautiful. I admit, I get a little weepy looking at her.
    She made me want another. Then the 2.5 y.o. started making vroom vroom noises and proceeded to smash his matchbox cars into the leg of the coffee table & then the 5 y.o. started her high-pitched girlie scream about some craptastic toy on tv. ” IIIII WAAAANT THAAAT!!!!”
    the feeling passed.

  41. On December 14th, 2008 at 5:15 pm Edward Says:

    YOur daughter is a beauty! I love the 3-d us’s so much. It’s like taking a sneak peak at your child to be. You know what they are going to look like. You start thinking of the baby and there is no guessing…bonding can start pre-birth. Congratulations!

  42. On December 14th, 2008 at 6:36 pm Anjali Says:

    She’s the prettiest Garden Gnome I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to meet her!

  43. On December 14th, 2008 at 6:42 pm Karen Says:

    How awesome. Beautiful.

  44. On December 14th, 2008 at 7:05 pm heather Says:

    Wow. Now you know what she looks like, that’s kind of weird…

  45. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm SuzieQ Says:

    That picture is amazing!!!!!!!! She is gorgeous!!! Congratulations!!!

  46. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:28 pm heather Says:

    Well, Becky, you sure make pretty babies. Very cool.

    My sister’s boyfriend’s mother wanted a girl. He was not a girl. She put him in dresses and had actual portraits made of him. In public. And? She gave him a very feminine name. He’s surprisingly well adjusted. LOL.

  47. On December 14th, 2008 at 9:40 pm CLC Says:

    She is a beauty!!

  48. On December 15th, 2008 at 3:56 am SCY Says:

    Cute baybee 🙂 That smile looks naughty – hehe – just like her Mamma already right?


  49. On December 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am g Says:

    Oh my, she is so gorgeous!!

  50. On December 15th, 2008 at 9:31 am deb Says:

    ooooooooo, aunt becky. she is simply stunning. i’ll take one to go please. 🙂

  51. On December 15th, 2008 at 10:03 am Elizabeth Ann Says:

    oh my god, she’s beautiful! Congratulations! You and The Daver sure know how to make pretty babies!

  52. On December 15th, 2008 at 10:28 am Kristine Says:

    I can never get over just how detailed those extra special ultrasounds are. So amazing. She’s beautiful.

  53. On December 15th, 2008 at 11:25 am Susan Says:

    She is indeed beautiful. I’m so happy for you!

  54. On December 15th, 2008 at 1:22 pm elle michelle Says:

    Wow! Adorable!! And sure beats the hell outta those fuzzy, cryptic ultrasounds that you can only read if you have an advanced degree in something far beyond my own mental capacity…

  55. On December 15th, 2008 at 2:14 pm chris Says:

    Aunt Becky,

    This is one of those moments that you didn’t need to say anything.

  56. On December 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm jerseygirl89 Says:

    What a beauty. Nice job, mommy. And congrats on the awards!

  57. On December 15th, 2008 at 4:26 pm Miss Grace Says:

    Oh she’s adorable!

  58. On December 15th, 2008 at 5:19 pm Sarah Says:

    I LOOOOVE those cheeks!! What is it with all the chubby baby girl cheeks running wild in the bellies of other women and I don’t have some for myself??

    But if you meant what you said about the hot tongue action, I’ll forgive you. 🙂

  59. On December 15th, 2008 at 11:08 pm excavator Says:

    That’s an awwwwwwwww-ful sweet little wee one, Aunt Becky. It’s enough to make me lactate!

    I wish those US’s had been around when I was pregnant.

  60. On December 15th, 2008 at 11:29 pm Lola Says:

    Yeah, cute kid. Now let’s make out!

  61. On December 16th, 2008 at 2:47 pm docgrumbles Says:

    Those face shots are fantastic! What a cute little chubby cherub!

  62. On December 16th, 2008 at 5:40 pm ewe_are_here Says:

    A gorgeous girl. Congratulations.

  63. On December 17th, 2008 at 7:33 pm mumma boo Says:

    Absolutely gorgeous! Those are definitely some noshable cheeks! Be sure you give her a few for me when she arrives! Congrats!

  64. On December 19th, 2008 at 12:25 am Ann Says:

    *sigh* Already beautiful. AND those cheeks. You’d best be kissin them plenty for me!!!

  65. On December 28th, 2008 at 9:41 pm Denise Says:

    Now that’s about the most adorable babe I’ve seen in a while. She’s gorgeous for sure!

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