Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Houston, We Have A Fetus


At least I think we do. I could have swallowed a mechanical…something…that makes a loud heartbeat type noise. Baby Sausage (Link or Patty? THIS IS THE QUESTION) was chirping away merrily in there, all 150+ beats per minute of it.

After I gave approximately 540 pints of blood–between the OB and the endocrinologist I totally am having a damn port put in–including some designated for an HIV test (always a laugh a minute test, FOR SURE), I was let go. Only to return in 16 weeks.

Or when my stash of freebie prenatal vitamins runs out. What, me cheap? NEVER. And you know Aunt Becky’s Motto: Free Is Always Better Than Paying.

Thank you for all who indulged my ridiculous fears without reminding me of what an idiot I can be. I have something corny to tell you. It’s so corny I almost can’t say it because I might humiliate myself (whereas talking about throwing a hotdog down MY hallway is nothing. Priorities, I tell you).

*deep breath*

Here goes: Okay, when my nurse initially put the doppler on, all we heard was my whooshing heartbeat. And I sat there while I tried not to hyperventilate and was comforted by my Internet friends. I seriously thought of you guys while I quietly panicked.

GOD. I’m so corny.

Anyway, I love you all bunches and heaps and not in a creepy stalkery way. I’ll be back tomorrow with a penis post. My poor husband is going to run off to Cabo now.

Love you all!

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
44 Comments to

“Houston, We Have A Fetus”

  1. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:01 pm Vered Says:


    I am SO happy for you.

  2. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:09 pm Joann Says:

    This is great news. I am very happy for you both.
    Hope the moring( all day) sickness goes away soon.
    Best of wishes

  3. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:26 pm Kristine Says:


  4. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Yay for sausage-fetus heartbeats!

    I am so happy for you Becky. You must feel so much better.

  5. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm Badass Geek Says:

    This is good news. Now you can rule out the “alien” theory.

  6. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:37 pm Susan Says:

    Whoooppeeeeee!! So relieved to hear everything is fine. So what was your mother like? I can’t imagine taking my perfect, perfectly dressed, perfectly behaved and perfectly achieving mother to my OB appt. I was hatched from a perfectly decorated egg, you know…

  7. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:42 pm andria Says:

    Thats great!

  8. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm Calliope Says:

    so so so awesome.

  9. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm Lola Says:

    So happy for you. Now, on to the “penis post,” hehehe.

  10. On July 23rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm Holli Says:

    Pregnancy is making you soft. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  11. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:09 pm Kristen Says:

    That moment sucks so bad, doesn’t it?
    So glad all is well in your womb, feel well and rest.

  12. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:17 pm Elizabeth Ann Says:

    Yay! I’ve been compusively checking for an update every few minutes. Thrilled your sausage of indeterminate sex is sloshing away in there.

  13. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:19 pm Betty M Says:

    Really pleased for you!

  14. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:31 pm kate Says:

    why not in a creepy stalker-y way. that might be fun. let’s try that.

    yay you and sausage et al.

  15. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:43 pm Mrs.Spit Says:


    Glad I was of some use to someone today. Now, go do your grammar homework. . .

  16. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:47 pm mandy Says:

    Yay to your fetus! I bet it’s the cutest fetus ever made.

  17. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm Maria Says:

    Yay! Very happy to read this post. And thank you for commenting on mine. We should chat some time.

  18. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:52 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Do NOT apologize for being anxious about this appointment. You had every reason in the world to be. And I remember that moment when the doppler picks up that heartbeat. I burst into tears when I heard it with my kids and I had no specific worries at all about the pregnancy. Hell, pregnancy is fraught with every sort of worry and emotion. That’s what it’s all about.
    I’m so happy that is well.

  19. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm DOC Says:

    VERY happy for you !!

  20. On July 23rd, 2008 at 5:55 pm baseballmom Says:

    Thank GOD, great news! Luckily, I had to leave and go cater to Husband’s requests (stop by the office, bring phone charger, yadda) and when I got back, you’d posted an update…I thought about it the whole time!

  21. On July 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 pm heather Says:

    I really want it on the record that I called sausage patty a long time ago. Like, at least a week. You can name her “Heather.” And then she’ll grow up to become a crappy blogger, because everyone knows that all Heathers have blogs. Some more crappy than others, of course.

  22. On July 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm honeywine Says:

    Aawww…that’s so nice. But how did you swallow that clock?

  23. On July 23rd, 2008 at 7:14 pm magpie Says:

    Holly Lou Year! (aka Hallelujah!)

  24. On July 23rd, 2008 at 7:16 pm Brooke Says:

    Hurray! That is fantastic news! Way to gestate, Aunt Becky!

    Can’t wait to hear the Penis Story. I think most good stories have a penis in them somewhere.

  25. On July 23rd, 2008 at 7:16 pm deb Says:

    great news aunt becky! i vote for a patty – that matters right, what I vote for? thought so.

  26. On July 23rd, 2008 at 7:19 pm Coco Says:

    I love good news! Congrats to the entire Mr. Uncle Author Aunt Pregnant Becky Clan!

    May I gloat? *smugly chanting*

    I knew it. I knew all was well with Sausage.

    Anyway, I vote for Link. I love little girls, but I keep thinking “he” where Saus is concerned.

  27. On July 23rd, 2008 at 7:55 pm b Says:

    Great news Becky. I have been wondering all evening how things went. I vote for a sausage Patty…you’re outnumbered and should even things out a bit.

  28. On July 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm heather Says:

    happy dance! yay for you!
    however. ahem. you really have a sort of sausage link/hotdog/penis fetish going, don’t you?

  29. On July 23rd, 2008 at 8:27 pm Mumma Boo Says:

    Yahoo! That’s great news! And I vote for Patty. Every time someone says Link I get an image of the “Pigs in Space” skits from the old Muppet show. Yup, showin’ my age – yikes. Check out this, ahem, link, if you need a chuckle.

  30. On July 23rd, 2008 at 9:31 pm Anjali Says:


  31. On July 23rd, 2008 at 10:04 pm Jenn Says:

    Yay, a heartbeat! Is that not the best sound ever? I’m getting all weepy here thinking about you thinking about us. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I understand the fear that you were feeling. When I was pregnant with Boo they had a really hard time finding the heartbeat – at 14 weeks. I burst into tears, I was SO upset. Then they brought in the ultrasound machine and there she was waaaaaay at the back of my uterus, just hiding out. It was a terrifying experience though, even now that she’s been here for a year and a half it’s hard to think about those few moments!!

  32. On July 23rd, 2008 at 10:21 pm lindz Says:

    yay YAY, woo-hoo, *tears* CONGRATS…yay.

  33. On July 23rd, 2008 at 10:33 pm Emily R Says:

    I am very, very happy for you.

  34. On July 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 pm Natalie Says:


  35. On July 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 pm LAS Says:

    Yay!!!!! So happy for you!

  36. On July 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm Sara Says:


    And you can totally love me in a stalkerish kinda way. That’s part of how I feel about you too!

  37. On July 24th, 2008 at 9:14 am Kristine Says:

    Yippee Skippy Dooooooo!

  38. On July 24th, 2008 at 11:12 am A Soldier's Girl Says:

    YAY!!! This is wonderful news!!!

    I am so happy…now you can rest a little easier :0

  39. On July 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am Lannie Says:

    Hooray! ๐Ÿ˜€
    I’m really happy for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  40. On July 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm kbreints Says:

    YEAH! THat is the most wonderful noise in the world– that, and the first time they cry. After that it is all over with! haha

  41. On July 24th, 2008 at 3:05 pm birdpress Says:

    GREAT news! So happy to hear this!

  42. On July 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm Jessi Louise Says:

    I’m so happy to hear everything is going well! Looks like you’re going to beat me to having child #3. And writing a book! Life is good ๐Ÿ™‚

  43. On July 28th, 2008 at 9:11 am PiquantMolly Says:

    Hooray hooray hooray!

    Also: told you so.

  44. On August 2nd, 2008 at 2:09 am Leslee Says:

    I cannot express just how happy I am the you have a fetus-sausage!!! Seriously? In my whole intarwebs absence, I’ve thinking happy ass thoughts for you.

    Yay for intarweb friends!


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