Mommy Wants Vodka

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Hotter Than Your Girlfriend


Still haven’t shaken The Laze ™, but I’m OCD enough that I feel as though I must post something anyway. Since I’m too bored to formulate a REAL post, I will present to you a post in bullet form:

*I just ate expired Ramen for lunch, because I couldn’t think of anything else to eat. When I’m expelling the lining of my intestines later, I’ll only have myself to blame.

*I still have yet to find the dime in Alex’s diaper. I’m pretty sure that it passed, but I after I rooted around once in his diaper and nearly lost my lunch (sadly, not the expired Ramen), I decided that kids have swallowed worse.

*I went to Toys R Us yesterday to look for a Radio Flyer ride along thingy (I needed to see it in person to ascertain if it was too plastic-y for me to spend my dough on), and although I didn’t locate it, I did get suckered into buying him a bunch of presents for a birthday he will not remember.

*I bought a box of Cap’n Crunch (with Crunchberries) and have devoured it. I figure I’m reliving the glory days of college WHILE turning my excrement a delightful color! It’s a win-win situation here.

*Dave came home from work the other night and exclaimed that Alex had bruised both of his tootsies. I bought it and felt suitably guilty until I shamefully realized that his feet were not, in fact, bruised at all, but were covered in the Winter Grime that collects on my floor. Methinks I need a cleaning lady STAT.

*I’m trying as hard as I can to figure out how to de-allergenize my house (is that a word? Probably not) for some guests who are allergic to my menagerie. I’m at a loss, here, save for a bottle of Febreeze and a vacuum.


I need a nap.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
19 Comments to

“Hotter Than Your Girlfriend”

  1. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:18 pm Rambling Amy Says:

    I love Cap’n Crunch- Crunchberries too. Sometimes I really have a craving for those Halloween ones, you know the BooBerry and FrankenBerry ones that I used to eat as a kid. So far I’ve managed to restrain myself from buying them, but if you’re talking about colorful excrement you can’t beat the BooBerry ones!

  2. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:31 pm Tony Says:

    You cannot de-allergy a place. Particularly if there are cats and carpets involved. The only way to get cat hair our of a carpet is to burn it and get a new carpet.

    I actually know a good kinda local cleaning lady who is looking for work…

  3. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:37 pm kate Says:

    benedryl on the night table in the guest room?

  4. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:52 pm b Says:

    For really colorful excrement, try Harry and D@vid chocolate covered cherries. I had convinced myself one morning that I DEFINITELY had colon cancer as I was obviously bleeding from my rectum…..then I realized that I’d devoured all of those cherries..and well…yeah.

  5. On March 7th, 2008 at 3:58 pm Heather Says:

    A new air filter for the de-allergenizing?

    A swiffer for the Winter Grime?

    And the radio flyer … which are you looking at? We bought a Retro Rocket for The MAN way back when and he still loves the thing. Lucky for him, he’s a non-eater and, therefore, still fits on the thing.

    I’m having a posting slump, too; maybe I’ll bullet – surely I could manage that much. Sure.

  6. On March 7th, 2008 at 5:07 pm Cricket Says:

    Only three bullets about poop?

  7. On March 7th, 2008 at 5:23 pm honeywine Says:

    I love Waffle Crisp dry, right out of the box; I always buy milk for it, but it never gets it. Deallerginize? Cover everything in plastic…especially the cat. lol

  8. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:40 pm Jenn Says:

    *Get rid of the carpet and have the air ducts cleaned throughly are 2 ways that help, but don’t get rid of allergies. About the only way to have an allergen free environment is to f*uck Matt Damon, I mean live in a bubble.

    *I love bullet points.

    *They make me happy.

    *Golden Grahams are my favorite cereal in the world, with Cocoa Puffs running a close second, I never got into the colored cereals too much. Maybe I should try them.

    *I would LOVE a cleaning lady. I want a cleaning lady, but my house is too messed up to have anyone one in. How fucked up is that? My house is too dirty for someone else to come in and clean, heh.

    *I’ll go over to my blog and continue on there…..sorry….

  9. On March 7th, 2008 at 4:51 pm Amy Says:

    Crunchberries…oh how I love the crunchberries…and if you find that cleaning lady let me know… I could use one myself!

  10. On March 7th, 2008 at 5:10 pm Chris Austria Says:

    I feel you…Didn’t feel like posting today but I did anyway and it’s crap. I should’ve done what you did and wrote with bullet points.

  11. On March 7th, 2008 at 7:57 pm shay Says:

    I don’t like dried cereal. that’s so weird isn’t it? what self respecting child of the 70’s doesn’t like food coloring and sugar. I blame my health crazed mother!

    I can’t have people with allergies in my house, or people with OCD, or with eyes to see the mess or people who clean…wow that’s a bigger list than I imagined. Maybe my mom will clean when she comes next week. I can’t get the place clean enough to have a cleaner come in….sad but true:(

  12. On March 7th, 2008 at 9:22 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    I’m all about Fruit Loops. Nothing cheers me up like a box of toucan-y goodness.

    I’ve been in a bit of a funk as of late, so I’m just catching up on my blog reading now.

    Have a good weekend, doll!

  13. On March 8th, 2008 at 1:47 am Juli Says:

    Ramen EXPIRES?? How is that even possible??

  14. On March 8th, 2008 at 8:12 am Jenn Says:

    My MIL shampoos the carpets whenever we go up there (my son and I are both allergic to dogs and he is allergic to cats) and it helps quite a bit. (I’m comparing to times when she did not do that.) Other than that I’d say… hope the weather is nice and spend as much time as possible outside. Or you could just tell them to get a hotel room, haha.

  15. On March 8th, 2008 at 10:45 am Kyddryn Says:

    A bowl full of Claritin by the front door might be nice. Oh, or how about gas masks? The Evil Genius and I have allergies and I usually try to take precautions where I can so my host/ess doesn’t have to fuss themselves.

    I’m looking for a housekeeper who will work for Cheerios and any change s/he finds in the big, horrible, ugly, I hate, hate, hate them!! chairs.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  16. On March 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am Stefanie Says:

    I’ll I can say is that’s fucking funny! If I were a geek I would say LOL ROFL LMAO and then I would use one of those annoying smiley faces like 😉 but if I was cool I’d give you the vagina (()).

  17. On March 8th, 2008 at 3:06 pm Jessi Louise Says:

    Wow, I didn’t know ramen could expire either since it is all dried noodles and sodium. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat it.

    It seems like I go through a cycle of laziness and then super-productivity. I like to think that balances out to semi-normality. Just keep lowering the bar of expectations and then you’ll feel great that you managed to open and close the refrigerator 10 times in a day and didn’t forget to get out of bed.

  18. On March 8th, 2008 at 4:47 pm DrowseyMonkey Says:

    Unlike the majority of your commentors…I have no idea what ramen is…but it doesn’t sound appetizing.

    I should be de-alergizing my place too…but the hell with them, let them take claritin or something, lol.

  19. On March 8th, 2008 at 9:37 pm magpie Says:

    Oh, when you find a cleaning lady? I need one too.

    And your guests should fend for themselves. Ditto on the claritin.

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