Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride



I was born jaundice – some kind of issue with blood incompatibility and got to hang out under those wicked baby sun-tan lights for awhile (I hope my mother was sensible enough to give me some wee baby Ray Bans) before I got to go home and annoy the shit out of my family with my lilting wails.

At my six-week well-baby checkup, I had an ear infection.

It’s been like that ever since. Excepting the Ray Bans – never owned a pair. And I stopped crying and started yelling – it’s more effective.

Wailing non-withstanding, I’m the Sick One around these here parts. I don’t remember a time when there wasn’t something wrong with me*. I was plagued by ear infections as a tot. When I grew out of those, it became strep throat – which I had at least once every three weeks until I turned 14 and got my tonsils out (this was back in the day when they didn’t put in ear tubes or lop out tonsils very often). By the time those puppies came out, they were necrotic – er….dead. Like for reals.

You’d think that by lopping off my dead tonsils, I’d somehow get an immune system – I mean, why else would you go through that particular type of agony?

(answer: Vicodin)

I try not to talk about my shitballs immune system very often, because the conversation invariably goes like this:

Anyone Else: “How are you?”

Aunt Becky: “UGH. I’m sick.”

Anyone Else: “AGAIN?”

Aunt Becky: “No, I mean I’m STILL sick from the last time I told you I was sick.”

Anyone Else: “Wait – that was like 6 months ago.”

Aunt Becky: “Yup.”


Anyone Else: “How are you?”

Aunt Becky: “Sick.”

Anyone Else: “You should try standing on your head 18 hours a day – my friend’s friend’s barber’s wife did that and she’s feeling better than ever.”


I get a couple of days a month that I’m in decent shape, but most of the time, my walking, talking, breathing, pissing, moaning petri dishes of children bring me home whatever lovely virus is currently circulating around. I invariably catch it and am laid up for longer than anyone should be.

And you know what, Pranksters? It’s damn depressing. I *loathe* being sick. I’d gnaw off my ear if it meant that I’d grow an immune system.

Rather than sitting around moaning about it – it sucks, we all know it – I’m trying something new.

I took my happy crappy ass to the local health food store and picked up some motherfucking herbs and homeopathic shit. I figure, modern medicine isn’t doing a whole lot for me, I may as well try something else.

I’ve been drinking gallons of tea that tastes remarkably like garden clippings, downing all sorts of vitamins and supplements that make my pee electric yelor low, and trying to spend some time away from the computer. I’m one small toke away from bathing in Patchouli Oil while listening to my Grateful Dead LP’s.

So far? I’ve gotten a chest cold. And my pee is hilariously colored.

But I’m willing to try anything**.

So, Pranksters, give me your tips and tricks. Tell me all about the weird shit you do to keep healthy.

Should I bathe in the blood of vestal virgins (assuming I know what “vestal” means, because I don’t)? Should I sacrifice some goats? Find a voodoo priestess to take this curse from me? Sleep with a raw egg under my bed? Perform some weird black magic to get this evil eye off my fucking back?

*BESIDES my sanity, naturally. That’s been gone for years.

**I will not renege on my New Years Resolution to “not become Lil Wayne” even if it means I’ll be healthier. Probably.

61 Comments to


  1. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:39 pm Pish Posh Says:

    Oh you poor thing. I know you’re not trying to wail in self pity but you know what, that really sucks!! 🙁

    I have a friend who has a faulty immune system. I’ll ask her what she does.

    When I don’t feel good I take this combination of Vitamin E, Vitamin C, and Zinc pills and it seems to boost my immune system.

    Laughing through the tears also helps xoxo

  2. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:41 pm Cindy Says:

    if you figure this shit out, please share the magic secret. I don’t have children and STILL catch every single crappy thing going around. I used to find that good drugs (read: vicodin and such) made me forget I was sick. The downside was they made me forget all sorts of things. Like where on earth I lost that one brown cowboy shoe, and where I parked my car. Hope you get it figured out, and soon, so you can share your wisdom with me. Then we’d feel well enough to find your whore pants!

  3. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:42 pm Sarah Says:


    Add a shit-ton of magnesium to your diet with some of this stuff … … I was sick a lot and couldn’t sleep (and OMG I sound like my Grams) and a friend suggested I start drinking this stuff before bedtime and it’s been GOOD. It’s crazy, but if you’re desperate (I was), it might be worth a shot.


  4. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:43 pm Rich Says:

    I take 500mg of vitamin c a day. I’ve never had a serious cold since I started taking it. I’ve had sniffles, but never a full blown cold.

  5. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:45 pm Janie Says:

    I wish I knew what to tell you to help you get better, but I don’t. Even having been through the same issues (minus the jaundice) during my childhood, I still have nothing. My issue in my adult years has been sinus infections, which I can give you some amazing advice for those, and the occasional times I’ve gotten ear infections (chewing gum constantly does wonders). I have no idea how to prevent them though. I take all my vitamins, work out like crazy, sleep as much as I should most times, eat well, and I’ve gotten sick twice within 2 weeks.
    Hope you get to feeling better and find something that works. Too bad they can’t do immune system transplants!

  6. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:46 pm Suzie M Says:

    Have you looked into acupuncture? Not acupuncture from a chiropractor, but from an honest to goodness acupuncturist? I had some pretty phenomenal results from one until I ran out of money. My headaches were GONE within 2-3 weeks and they stayed gone for 6-8 months after I had to discontinue treatment due to fund availability. It’s something to look into, but do some research on the acupuncturist. I’ve got a great one here who might be able to give you a reference for your area.

  7. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:49 pm Barbara Says:

    You might want to try this stuff called ShroomTech Immune.

    I’ve heard tons of good things about it and if it doesn’t do anything, they’ll give you your money back. Worth a shot, right?

  8. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:56 pm Pete In Az Says:

    Get a bicycle.

    oh… And actually use it.

  9. On March 21st, 2012 at 1:57 pm Tooks Says:

    Run around your garden backwards, wearing only natural fibered clothing, drinking green tea only harvested by wee little Asian babies, singing the National Anthem of Slovakia. This will make your immune system grow 200% stronger.
    And if you don’t know the national anthem of Slovakia, take some more vitamins? Acupuncture or a massage to de-toxify yourself?

  10. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:06 pm Teala Says:

    A friend of mine is way into the whole homeopathic stuff. And I’ve talked to her a lot about different stuff. I do the whole Grapefruit Seed Extract pills and nasal spray when I’m sick, which helps a lot. Daily: I’m doing adrenal glandular pills. Shitloads of vitamin C and a B-vitamin complex pill. Oh, and Magnesium and Vitamin D. All of this is also approved by my doctor.

    I haven’t done them in a while. I need to go get more.

  11. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:19 pm Michelle Says:

    I don’t usually get sick other than the occasional sinus infection or flu bug that gets passed around the office. BUT, I started exercising regularly (like 3 times a week minimum) about 3 years ago and I can honestly say I don’t think I have gotten sick once since. If I feel “snarffy” I don’t go home and lay down, I’ll go to the gym and sweat it out. I swear, it works. I usually feel better the next morning.

  12. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:31 pm Liz Says:

    I’m usually healthy, but lately I’ve been catching everything. I have started drinking water kefir. It’s helped with my overly-regular self, but otherwise, not much has changed. Read up on it, and if you want to try it, I’ll send you some dehydrated grains and instructions. It’s fun to culture my own soda pop and my kids like it. It’s probiotics and healthy yeast.

  13. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:34 pm Grace Says:

    Bathe naked under the light of a full moon using only the purest nectar from 100 crossandra flowers. Do this while chanting “G’manda necropolis andoluidia” three times (which translates from the ancient Gpgohion language to mean “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”) Then jump backwards 23 and a half times – being sure to hover in the air for 6.3 minutes before landing. That should do the trick.

    But otherwise, lots of Vitamin C, Zinc, Magnesium and lots and lots of water. And exercise – which sucks to do when you’re sick, but it usually helps me feel better.

  14. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:36 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    Ooof, that sucks. I’ve been taking intense vitamins lately and HOLY PEE. It’s crazy.

  15. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:42 pm Ashley Says:

    Are you still drinking Diet Coke by the gallon-full? Aspertame is kinda poisonous it turns out (and addictive, go figure), so that’s probably not helping your immune system. Eating lots of green veggies will help boost the anti-oxidants which will help (and conversely, eating less sugar as your white blood cells, the ones who kill the bad guys, have to work overtime to break those down. Thus taking away from the killing of the bad guys). Wheat grass shots are very good. Echinacea & golden seal capsules, zinc, vit c/d. Using a neti pot will help clear up congestion/keep those sinus passages sparkley clean. Ummm…if I think of anymore, I’ll holler.

  16. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:44 pm Choosy Says:

    I have heard great things about gargling with salt water daily. from people I believe.
    Also, if I start to feel a sore throat coming on I gargle with the strongest nastiest tasting mouth wash I can find. And it seems to help kill everything – including my will to live, but only momentarily.

    My husband works out 4 times a week and NEVER catches the plagues that fly around my house at will, but I’d rather risk being ill. (kidding, mostly)

  17. On March 21st, 2012 at 2:57 pm melanie Says:

    My Mom swears by echinacea/goldenseal when she started working at an elementary school she got EVERYTHING until she started the pills…. worth a try perhaps?,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1126&bih=866&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=3205850839196250837&sa=X&ei=XTJqT-3yBPKpsAKLneyJCQ&ved=0CFIQ8wIwAQ#ps-sellers

  18. On March 21st, 2012 at 3:23 pm Just Me Says:

    I use echinacea too, from Melaleuca. But I think you aren’t supposed to take it all the time. I start it whenever I feel something starting, and take it for 5-7 days. I swear that it kept me from getting all the shit my kids used to bring home. I used to get bronchitis the last week of August every year, right after school started. Coincidence? I think not. And it beats standing on your head.

  19. On March 21st, 2012 at 8:05 pm Grace Says:

    Yay! A fellow Mela junkie!!

  20. On March 21st, 2012 at 3:47 pm Emily B Says:

    Before you dive in to all the homeopathic whatnot, this gives a pretty good overview of the actual scientific side of things…

  21. On March 21st, 2012 at 3:51 pm Melissa Says:

    I got my tonsils out when I was 17. It sucked, had to stay overnight because apparently when you are an adult (in body not age) it’s serious business. I also had an embarrassing moment when I woke up and this really cute guy I went to high school with was sitting next to my bed. I was all like HAI! I didn’t expect you to be here, you are awesome! How did you know I had surgery honey? Turned out his girlfriend was my roomie in the hospital (I still have her socks that she left there)

    Anyhoo. Beer and jaigermeister do the trick for me ; )

  22. On March 21st, 2012 at 3:57 pm Melissa Says:

    jagermeister? That looks better to me! Probably still spelling it wrong tho.

  23. On March 21st, 2012 at 3:52 pm Maggie Says:

    Oh AB, I feel ya on this one. My immune system is beyond shit, and no, I have no idea how to improve it. And obvs, glutton for punishment that I am, I’m off to become a children’s nurse next year so the little buggers can infect me even more often than I manage on my own. If you do discover a magic way to make yourself more healthy, let me in on the secret please? Unless of course it it involves actually doing anything healthy – “I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.” (courtesy of Oscar Wilde…this may sum up my outlook on life…).

  24. On March 21st, 2012 at 4:05 pm Linda Sand Says:

    I haven’t had my annual sinus infection since I stopped eating grains. Apparently, the human body still hasn’t learned how to live in an agricultural society. Plus, yesterday I think, I read on that studies have shown that only eating every other day helps people recover from cancer and it’s treatments. Not sure I’m ready to try that one, though. For now, I’m adding dairy to the foods not to eat since I know I’m lactose intolerant but do like the taste and feel of dairy products. Except milk, I’ve never been able to like milk. Maybe because it always makes me sick?

  25. On March 21st, 2012 at 4:06 pm jenn Says:

    Heh, so I’m reading this, as I’m home, sick, for the billionth time this year. We get EVERY flu in this household, in spite of getting the vaccines every year (Except for that swine flu year, when the vaccines came out just as we all got sick) And, when my three little petri dishes aren’t running their epidemiology experiments on me, my own body is trying to kill me (yay, appendicitis!)

    Since I’m going to get it anyway, I usually just focus on recovery: lots of rest (I totally blow off work and email and sleep as much as I can) and lots of fluids (heavily watered down gatorade cuz that stuff’s not really good for you, but sometimes you need a little flavor). If it is sinusy, I am a big fan of the neti pot or saline nasal spray, and eating hot, spicy foods.

    Sad part is, hubby and I are always sick more and longer than the kids.

  26. On March 21st, 2012 at 6:08 pm Halala Mama Says:

    We changed from grocery beef and chicken to grain fed/pastured. Turns out that grain fed stuff actually has some Omega 3 fats in it compared to the feed lot stuff. My son and I still got colds, but for once in my life and his, we got over them rather than having them morph into wicked OMG JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING ANTIBIOTICS ALREADY (and I mean the good stuff) type sinus infections. I take extra fish oil in the mornings and it has helped with various aches and pains.

    If not, you have some wickedly good suggestions above. I especially might try Tooks’s route. It will be nice to see my son emulate that at daycare instead of my colorful language for a change.

  27. On March 21st, 2012 at 6:33 pm Tara Says:

    I think the raw egg sounds easiest, so I’d go with that.

    My whole family has wonky immune systems. Often when we get sick though it’s food-related. For my mum it’s pretty much any food you can think of (but especially wheat). For my brother it’s milk products (if he eats too much cheese he’ll get a long-lasting sore throat. Weird). For my dad it’s coffee and fruit. I used to get ear infections from milk products, but at the moment I seem to be OK with most foods (or I’m in denial). An elimination diet might be a good idea (although not fun. I’d rather find a voodoo priestess personally). If you go for it, I’d suggest taking out wheat and dairy to begin with (did I mention that it’s not fun?).

  28. On March 21st, 2012 at 7:09 pm Kate Says:

    Unfortunately I don’t really have any suggestions. I do have a cute picture of my daughter in her purple shades (with matching pacifier) from our little jaundice adventure.

  29. On March 22nd, 2012 at 1:45 am Devan Says:

    That IS a very cute pic!

  30. On March 21st, 2012 at 8:12 pm Lisa Says:

    I struggle with allergies and asthma. When I get sick, it gets to my lungs and I cough for literally months. I end up sleeping in the la-z-boy thing for months and eventually getting some serious meds to knock it back. Inhalor used regularly during allergy season (meaning “all year”) and as needed. BUT. About a month ago, I started going to a chiropractor who said he could help with it. That my nervous system was shot and so my immune system was shot. And yeah, I had some lower back pain and other problems too. I was skeptical, but ready for anything (legal) if there was a chance it could help. Believe it or not, so far so good. My pain is gone and I haven’t needed or used my inhalor since I started chiro. I still use my allergy medicine becasue I haven’t the guts to try going off it yet.. but I’m not having asthma attacks and I haven’t gotten sick this spring.. even with working in the yard, hiking, etc.. and the abundance of weeds and allergy inducing junk around here. I also make sure to stay up on the Vit C and drinking water. I have a friend that swears by Apple Cider Vinegar (1 Tbsp in a cup of water, sweetened with agave) and EmergenC. I might add that in someday.. Anyway. Good luck. Seems like I’m usually sick from September to June every year.. So, apart from that brief summer break, I can identify..

  31. On March 21st, 2012 at 8:32 pm kimmy Says:

    Umm, I pretend I’m not sick. I’m an idiot and my husband yells at me for that a lot. I can tell you that when I moved out of my mothers house, and had lots of fresh fruits and veggies in my diet regularly, the frequency of those jaunts through my land of make believe dropped like a rock.

  32. On March 21st, 2012 at 10:49 pm Kristin Says:

    I don’t think I’m a good one to give health tips. It feels like my house has been infected with some plague or another since the Fall. If you find the magic health bullet, please let me know.

  33. On March 22nd, 2012 at 12:05 am Ewokmama Says:

    The thing that helped me after suffering from a million recurring infections was prenatal vitamins. Just FLOODS your system with mega nutrients. Only thing that helped!

    I hear there is some stuff that apparently some recovering cancer patients take to rebuild their immune systems called UltraClear Plus. Some sort of detox thing – gets all the yuckies outta you. Probably a good thing for you to do! DOOOOO IT. Quit being sick yo.

  34. On March 22nd, 2012 at 12:37 am Mel Says:

    I too have an amazingly shitty immune system, so I know how you feel. Alot of times it goes to my lungs.. Anything and everything, right to the lungs!
    Anyway, if you can find a massage therapist that knows anything about essential oils have them do a rain drop! They are the most magnificent thing you can do! Pulls out a ton of toxins and could help boost your immune system. <3 hope you can start to get better doon!

  35. On March 22nd, 2012 at 6:06 am Jolie Says:

    A Chiropractor cured my boy of his chronic ear infections, and just as I had started to see an ENT dude about it. ENT found that my boy had only 30% of his hearing due to the fluid in his ears. 2 weeks of Chiropractor and he could hear fine and ear infection was gone, and has had ONE ear infection in the FIVE years since! I do believe there are good and bad chiro’s just as dr’s, so do your research. This one the entire family goes to, he specializes in pediatric and became a chiro to help his own son who had ear issues.
    Same guy told me to take Vit D if I felt wonky, and I do and it’s made a world of difference in the amts of time I get sick. Hubby came home sick w/something from the office, and I popped my “I don’t want what you got” and didn’t get it. Don’t do tons over long times though, like 2/day for a few days is all.
    Good luck and put on moon screen if you do the nude moon bathing, don’t want a moon burn!! 🙂

  36. On March 22nd, 2012 at 7:00 am Teacherbiatch Says:

    I hear ya I was sick for yrs. Finally I thought “screw u modern medicine” and saw a holistic doc and he gave me colostrum from a cow in pills, as well as probiotics and some mixed up herbs. Totally worked. Yes colostrum from a cow. But it worked. Visit a natropath it’s worth the money.

  37. On March 22nd, 2012 at 7:13 am Caroline Says:

    Well I don’t have that bad of an immune system but you know what I do? I eat well, excercise on a daily basis (go to the gym for an hour about 3 times a week and take a walk when it’s not a gym day). I eat lots of veggies, stay away from processed shit and sodas and fast food (I do indulge once in a while but not often). Drink some green tea (excellent for you) and eat some fish at least 3 times a week. Stay away from red meat as much as you can (it’s not good for you so go for white meats mor often) and have some red wine every week(that one’s good for you :). And for the love of the universe, don’t lysol everything around you compulsivly (I don’t know if you do that), clean your house on a weekly basis but don’t desinfect it every day….it’s not necessary.

  38. On March 22nd, 2012 at 8:22 am Emily Says:

    AB, could it be allergy related? We started eating some local honey (just a little bit on a piece of toast each evening) and it has worked wonders….everything here is yellow with pollen right now, but not a sniffle in our house (or hacking cough or anything) 🙂

  39. On March 22nd, 2012 at 8:37 am Amy B Says:

    For me, cutting out gluten and dairy helped a lot. Not all the way– I still get a lot of migraines (10-12 a month, which is just shy of the 15 per month my insurance requires in order to cover Botox, but I digress…) A lot of my friends who cut out dairy found their constant congestion and sinus infections went away. It’s a big switch, but if you are desperate, you may want to try looking at the possibilities of food allergies. Sorry. ;(. Food allergy testing isn’t very accurate– the best bet is to cut out stuff (elimination diet style) and see if you feel better in two-four weeks. Nightshades (tomatoes, eggplants, etc) are supposed to trigger migraines, for example, though I didn’t find that to be true for me. Magnesium is also supposed to help with migraines, as I imagine you already know, so I’ll agree with the person up there who recommended it, too. 😉 I’ve tried all sorts of crazy things, so I understand how poor health will push you to try ANYTHING. I’ve done anything I could think of, too. You have my sympathy! Good luck!

  40. On March 22nd, 2012 at 9:09 am Tracy Says:

    AB, I think we’ve lived parallel lives. I’m in the same boat as you are, except I didn’t get my tonsils out until I was 23. Same issues, sick constantly! Here are the things that have helped me: avoiding antibiotics unless absolutely necessary, taking vitamin D3, high potency probiotics daily (NSI 15-35 to be exact), NOW foods Thyroid Energy, Super Cortisol Support and Air Defense supplements. Since my kids started preschool last fall I’ve gotten sick more, but in general these have helped me a LOT. I had periods of time where I was on antibiotics for months due to chronic sinus infections. I also am careful to wash my hands as soon as I walk in the door, (teach your kids to wash their hands multiple times a day, too) avoid touching my eyes/nose/mouth, and always use the cart wipes on my cart when I go to The Target. (or The Walmart, but I don’t like thinking about going to that yucky place) Here’s a link to a great article about why probiotics are a good idea, especially if you’ve taken a lot of antibiotics. (like me, my WHOLE freaking childhood… my mom loves to tell the story about how I had my first case of strep at 3 weeks old) It takes a while of being on good supplements to start undoing the damage, but hopefully you can get yourself feeling better soon!

  41. On March 22nd, 2012 at 9:20 am Carol Anne Says:

    When I was drinking green tea daily I was the only person in my office to not catch the flu that year.

    This year I’ve been taking vitamin C and zinc in addition to my normal multi-vitmain to help my skin graft heal. Both bottles say they improve the immune system. I’m not sure my skin graft is healing any quicker but I do seem to be warding off the ick and stomach ick everyone else seems to have.

  42. On March 22nd, 2012 at 9:55 am Kizz Says:

    I don’t know if I’m the person to say since I’m just figuring out that some of the (probably expired) supplements I’ve been taking may have been keeping me sick but here’s what I think. Yes, Vitamin C. So much! You can drink Emergen-C if you like, that’s sort of a fun way to do it. The other thing someone told me was Vitamin D3. Apparently when we live in cold climates and stay inside when we’re sick and stuff and wear a ton of sunscreen we don’t get enough. My friend who recommended this is a gardener by trade and she takes 10000 units in the winter and more like 4000 or 6000 in the summer. She also recommended Rhodiola. That’s something the Russian cosmonauts took. It “promotes robustness” or something. That seemed like fun to me.

  43. On March 22nd, 2012 at 10:39 am Lisa Says:

    My kids have brought home every illness and given it to me except maybe malaria and the clap. I used to LOAD up on Vit C. Seemed to help a little. As far as your “itis”‘s go, try a gluten free diet, especially if you have ear, nose, throat issues.

  44. On March 22nd, 2012 at 10:49 am Marta Says:

    Hmm I feel like I can’t give you any suggestions you probably don’t already known or haven’t already been told. Perhaps sleeping? Maybe you just need to sleep a lot. Like absurdly so. I’m told that sleep like water is supposed to have magical healing powers.

  45. On March 22nd, 2012 at 10:55 am Auntie Dee Says:

    One word: whiskey

  46. On March 22nd, 2012 at 11:56 am Rolla Says:

    Exercise. Masters thesis is beginning to show a hard to ignore correlation between the chemicals produced during exercise alleviating depression temporarily WHICH ALSO will release other chemicals that act to boost the processes that manufacture the cells that comprise your immune system. It s not as convoluted as it sounds.
    It s free. The only price is time and discomfort.
    Good luck with it all!!

  47. On March 22nd, 2012 at 12:18 pm Cindy Says:

    I work at a school, so you can imagine the shit in the air here. Not to mention the air duct system. Our offices get so dusty with who knows what coming through a 35 year old system. We had a custodian climb up on the roof last year and take a cap off and take a look. You can’t believe what’s in there. Mouse/rat turds, dead bugs, dust bunnies the size of kittens, and only the good Lord knows what else. We asked them to please clean it out. Several of us have these coughs, headaches, nose bleeds, skin rashes etc. So what did they do? They brought in a bunch custodians and climbed up there took the caps off and sprayed some sort of toxic, mind altering chemical around (while we were working by the way) then they just wiped as far as they could reach down with paper towels and put the caps back on. We all fear some weird deadly virus or the mesothelioma or some freaking disease like that. I now do that pot thing everyday. I do it in the morning and at night. I put saltwater in it and stick it up my nose. Since I started I hardly get sick at all.

  48. On March 22nd, 2012 at 12:44 pm Eliza Says:

    Greetings from Orchid-land~
    What wonderful comments, humor and serious, above.
    My recent health switch, with great results so far, organic 1/2 & 1/2 and organic butter. Yup, no more bovine growth formula for me and my body is saying whooo hooooo!!
    My grandma used to see a homeopathic doctor. . . probably why my mother was open to going to a chiropractor. I had one to help me with a family car accident in 1968 where our car was rear ended.
    To add to the pile of suggestions, a search for a local naturopath may be good for your coordinated health. Here’s the website for them in IL. With their training, the nurse in you would be able to grok what they are saying… and the adventuresome part of you could be intrigued by their different approach.
    May you find relief speedily. Aloha ~

  49. On March 22nd, 2012 at 2:18 pm Lisa Says:

    All – righty . . . my sister-in-law and mother-in-law are both Naturopaths. They both swear by (and I can attest) that if your digestive system is not healthy, the rest of you won’t be either. You could, as others have suggested, have some food allergies/sensitivities that could be contributing to a shit load of the problems you are having – including, but not limited to, your shitty immune system. The things that set most people off are gluten and sugar because they are sooooo processed around these parts – not anything like the original food.
    Here is her website:
    Check it out and see if maybe there is a practitioner in your area. She has trained people all over the U.S. and there could be someone near you. A lot of Chiropractors use a similar treatment system, but not as in depth as BioSET. If you’re willing to try anything, it is worth looking into. She has helped me with seasonal allergies, food sensitivities, hormonal/neurotransmitter imbalances, and post-partum depression – blah, blah, blah – basically I am messed up and she fixes me – YAY!
    Good luck!

  50. On March 22nd, 2012 at 2:32 pm Joules Says:

    Moonshine? That’s assuming you’re not already on the ‘shine. Otherwise, acidophilus. Every single day. And they make it in deliciously flavored chewables too. Bonus: you will never be more regular.
    And if you really want to go crazy, adrenal support, magnesium and daily neti potting. Good luck!

  51. On March 22nd, 2012 at 5:58 pm katrina Says:

    Vitamin D…..VITAMIN D!! (and magnesium and zinc), and lots of water. Vitamin D can do wonders! And yeah, don’t be using that antibacterial shit on everything. (…of course keep it clean…..but that stuff takes away our natural ability to fight of and build up resistance to bacteria……). But mostly…..did i say VITAMIN D!!

  52. On March 22nd, 2012 at 5:59 pm katrina Says:

    grrr…..i meant “fight OFF”…

  53. On March 23rd, 2012 at 7:56 am Di Says:


  54. On March 23rd, 2012 at 9:46 am Valerie Says:

    I use this stuff for EVERYTHING

    It truly helps with gastrointestinal stuff, arthritis, and skin issues as I personally have those experiences. I also use it to control the ants and other pests around my home. It really has a million uses and it’s so inexpensive!

    Our bodies need the silica it provides for so many things and no one ever thinks about it, other minerals and vitamins, yes, but not silica. Check it out, I swear by it!

  55. On March 23rd, 2012 at 2:36 pm celiadelia Says:

    We use a fancy Hepa filter in our house, that might help you filter out some of the germs your kids bring home, at the LEAST, it cuts down on housework by eliminating some dust. I take a multivitamin, vitamin c, and two fish oil tablets. I do NOT use antibacterial stuff. We eat about 70% organic( sometimes ya need Cheetos) and also use Method cleaners. I have found that the less you give your body to handle, the more your body can focus on keeping you healthy.

  56. On March 23rd, 2012 at 4:48 pm Ami Says:

    Oh bless your heart that has to be miserable. My poor mother is immune suppressed for the last 20 years since she had a bone marrow transplant to cure her leukemia (but at least she’s still here to b1tch about it). It is no fun. She catches everything and she catches it for twice as long and twice as bad as the rest of us.

    When she was REALLY immune suppressed she used to have to wear masks whenever she went in public (before the Japanese decided it was cool even) and she still does whenever she rides airplanes b/c those things are just awful.

    Otherwise her biggest things are pretty simple. She’s religious about getting enough sleep. She drinks a metric frick ton of water (like 2 gal + per day). Tip: Drink your water through a straw – you can drink 3x as much with out getting that sloshy feeling in your stomach. She also takes tons of Vitamin C and Acidophilus capsules (make sure to buy good ones) if she starts to feel worn down or if she’s afraid she’s been exposed to something. And a good multivitamin every day just to try to stay as healthy as possible.

    When she first got out of the hospital and my sis and I were in school we’d wash our hands as soon as we came in the door from school and we wore masks around the house if we got sick to keep her from getting it. It was a little extreme but I still wash my hands whenever I come home now that I think about it lol.

    Good luck!!

  57. On March 24th, 2012 at 12:41 pm Amy your birthday-sharing friend Says:

    Becky I encourage you to explore all this, but having a doctor in integrative health who can do appropriate tests and guide your treatment is ideal. My boo is only so finally improved thanks to ours (,_D_O_,_M__Ac_.asp). It looks like you have some in your state (e.g. I highly recommend this… I’ve been into this health food crap forever, but rather than trying to divine problems from our ass, there are labs out there the regular docs don’t know about/care about that really help… Your immune problems, autoimmune problems, GI problems, and Migraine problems could all use some proper integrative health TLC. Out gut keys our immune system, and most of our guts, including yours, are fully jacked. Tests such as this: should seriously be done. I want to see us all find health, and turns out there are now rare places that can help us do this. Please keep fighting the system, cutting through the BS, and believing in answers out there. Good luck Sug!!!!!

  58. On March 26th, 2012 at 1:13 pm Trina Says:

    My husband says to tell you he never gets sick because he eats pu*&y. Seems to work for him, but I’m not gonna try it.
    Hope ya feel better — at least for a few days!!

  59. On March 27th, 2012 at 3:24 am britt Says:

    I order a vitamin from australia called berocca. i love it and swear it cures all. Also shots of jameson with honey ginger and cinnamen for chest colds. sickness blows

  60. On March 27th, 2012 at 4:26 pm stacey Says:

    Oh aunt becky….folks like us with the crohns and the PCOS often have compromised immune systems & because we have children of the toddler variety get everything!!!….i feel like becoming “bubble boy/girl” at times. I take esther-C…and not the kind you get at the local wal-mart…the super duper strenght that only comes from expensive healthfood/vitamin companies…but watch the dose or else you will get the big D.

    good luck!

  61. On April 10th, 2012 at 7:56 pm BajaMandy Says:

    I have been an ER nurse for 9 years. Not only to I work in an absolute *cesspool* of germs, but every sick person within 100 miles of even thinking about this town comes to visit. Frickin’ yay! Because I live in the southern appalachians, I have also heard every remedy there ever was (or wasn’t) for every illness that ever was (or wasn’t). I have witnessed first hand someone who brought in their child with half an onion tied to the kid’s forehead “to draw out the fever”.

    Some people will say that you need a fantastic (preferably vegetarian) diet, lots of water, homeopathy, herbs, chiro, acupuncture, chakra balancing, or astrologically tuned crystals. Some people will say that you need certain vitamins, supplements, nasal sprays, medications, or procedures. There are plusses and minuses to all of those things.

    For the most part, I don’t get sick (okay, 3 times in 9 years….not so bad, considering what I’m exposed to). Here’s what I do: my diet is about a 4 on a scale of 0 (gandhi) to 10 (might as well kill yourself), I smoke sometimes, I drink diet coke like each one is the last can on the planet, I don’t get as much sleep as I should…….AND I don’t eat any meat, I walk 2-4 miles per day (not including work), I bitch when I need to, cry when I need to, and try to laugh often, and I create artificial fevers for myself 2-3x per week. Sometimes, this is stewing in a hot bath, sometimes it’s working out (okay, not often…I generally don’t like hard exercise) – but the idea is to bring my body temp to 100 or higher & sustain it for at least 45 min to an hour. Our bodies get feverish because bacteria & viruses can only live in a narrow temperature range.

    I know I could do a lot to be healthier….so could any of us. I think the most important thing is to stop & pay attention to your body. If you feel like crap after eating or doing a certain thing, don’t do it. Huge risk of failure if you try to change everything all at once…..also, if your body has been fighting something for awhile and you stop doing/eating/smoking/drinking that something, cut your body some slack while it detoxes from that thing. (i.e. people tell me “I didn’t feel bad until I quit______”)

    Find what works for you or suits you best. Everybody and their mother will tell you 100 ways you should be doing it differently. Perception of good or poor health is 99% of the battle. (Some of the more promising treatments for Fibromyalgia – literally “pain in my tissues” – are not pain medications but are mild antidepressants.)

    Best of luck to you in your journey….hope you laugh & have fun along the way.

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