Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Gratuitous Picture Post


I’m suffering from a major bout of The Crankies and every time I go to write a post, it sounds like I’m just being a whiny damn bitch. Mainly because that’s exactly what how I’m behaving. Rather than bore you with the things that are annoying me (the oatmeal took too long to cook, the cats are following me around, people who stand over me waiting for my machine at the gym make me want to bash their heads in) I am going to post some damn pictures.

Maybe I’ll get over myself this afternoon and put something real up later.

Here is my bomb-diggity wedding cake, which happened to be the only successful battle that I won over The Wedding That Ate My Life.

These are my Metal Heads, and some of my oldest friends. And interestingly, although this was obviously at my wedding, my husband is nowhere in sight. Maybe he was fixing his makeup.

While it looks like a) I’m pregnant and b) that we’re having a moment, what The Daver is doing right now is reminding me that I cannot leave my own wedding. Pretty much most of the wedding I spent begging The Daver to let me go. Oh, and I’m not pregnant, it’s the pouffy thing under my dress making me appear this way.

(see Benner in the background?)

I know you’re probably all “what the hell is up with this chick and the pictures of her wedding?” And I would be too. It’s not like this was the best day of my life or anything (it wasn’t. Seriously.) and I want to relive it over and over.

It’s a matter of being Cranky AND Lazy. The rest of our pictures are on the computer downstairs (my house has about 4,874 computers. Seriously.

Aunt Becky done graduated.

Isn’t my face sexxy? I wish that were my driver’s license photo. Then I’d be beating dudes off with a stick. Both the kids are in this photo, but one of them is quite invisible.

Alex says “Get me away from all of these 6 year olds. They scare me!”

37 Comments to

“Gratuitous Picture Post”

  1. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am electriclady Says:

    Dude, you are hott. Cute kids too. AWESOME cake.

  2. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:41 am Backpacking Dad Says:

    That is one Seussian Miracle of a cake.

  3. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am g Says:

    You are hawt! And look, you had the smart rope when you graduated!

    Love love the cake, love love it!

  4. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am LAS Says:

    Awesome cake! And I love seeing the photos!

  5. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:48 am DD Says:

    Way to rock the preconception of what a wedding cake should look like. It’s a celebration, right? So the cake should reflect it (as one who also bucked the white, frosted wedding cake).

    And I’m cranky today, too. But you need to get over it because you are too cute. I hate you (not really, it’s just the crank talking).

  6. On April 29th, 2008 at 11:52 am DOC Says:

    That cake DOES freakin’ Rock…

    and you already know I think you are a hottie MILF so I don’t have to say it again right?

  7. On April 29th, 2008 at 12:03 pm Michelle Says:

    You are just annoyingly gorgeous, you know that? 🙂

  8. On April 29th, 2008 at 12:05 pm Heather Says:

    That is the coolest wedding cake I have ever seen, and you look fantastic!!! Thanks for the pics, and I hope your day gets better by the minute!

  9. On April 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm Kristine Says:

    I have no idea what you’re complaining about – all the pictures of you are great. I do this thing in every picture ever taken of me where I try to squish my chin up into my neck thus creating a quadruple chin.

    And dang I wish I’d made a better cake decision for our wedding cake.

  10. On April 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm magpie Says:

    That is one awesome cake. Awesome.

  11. On April 29th, 2008 at 1:32 pm As American as Apple Pie Says:

    That is the awesomest cake ever! I wish I knew you 13 years ago when I got married. And to join the masses, you are HOT! I echo Doc on the MILF thing.

  12. On April 29th, 2008 at 1:37 pm kbreints Says:

    ok– don’t erase this comment. *snort*

    LOVE your wedding cake! Mine was the wedding day disaster.

    And why again were you wanting to leave your wedding?

  13. On April 29th, 2008 at 1:46 pm Kate Says:

    Dude–at least *I* enjoyed your wedding…and isn’t that what’s important?

    Seriously though, it was lovely, you were lovely, and Ben was the heart-breaker Chippendale dancer we always knew he could be.

    BTW: Dave and Alex are totally cute in that last picture.

  14. On April 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm b Says:

    I totally think you should tell the DMV that you lost your license and should recreate THAT pose for your new one.

  15. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:02 pm Betty M Says:

    Fantabulous cake!

  16. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:06 pm Amy Says:

    Fanfreakin’ tastic cake, I want one!

    I love the pictures and hope that your day has gotten brighter since this morning.

  17. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm Heather Says:

    Love the cake. I can relate to wanting to leave the wedding — I totally wanted to shoo all the guests away at mine (Vegas would’ve been a MUCH better choice for all).

    Nice on the graduation photo. I blew those off, too; both of them. The first we went to the beach, and the second I just slept in that morning. Still got the paper, so I guess that’s all that matters.

  18. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm PiquantMolly Says:

    Your hair is so nice and shiny. I kind of hate you.

  19. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:44 pm tash Says:

    Love. The. Cake.

    Love it.

  20. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:47 pm heather Says:

    My husband and I got married on the enclosed porch of a motorcycle riding minister with only my daughter as a witness. It rocked. That cake is neat btw, reminds of the cake contests they have on Food Network all the time.
    P.S. – I wish they had a special trash day where we live. It would be very helpful with cleaning out the house of doom.

  21. On April 29th, 2008 at 2:58 pm Melissa C Says:


    You’re right… it’s awesome!

    One of these days I’ll get a bride brave enough to let me make a cake like that!

  22. On April 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm Five Husbands Says:

    I know exactly how you feel – I have a headache, I got 2 ding letters yesterday, no job in site and I am so blue I don’t even have the energy to have a good cry.

    I posted a picture of a bottle of beer.

  23. On April 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm Karen Says:

    YEAH!! I love the photos. Wedding cake is awesome. Like Ace of Cakes or something.

  24. On April 29th, 2008 at 3:26 pm Chris Says:

    Hey Aunt Becky,

    The cake is totally you! Oh, I got one more thing to say.
    “Hey Becky your so fine, your so fine you blow my mine
    Hey Becky, Hey Becky…ooooopssss got carried away.

  25. On April 29th, 2008 at 3:46 pm Denise Says:

    LOVE the cake! My SIL is having a “mad hatter” cake just like that in two weeks for her wedding at Disney.

    Nice photos. You are so hot, my dear. *wink wink*

  26. On April 29th, 2008 at 4:33 pm Cassie Says:

    That IS an awesome cake! Mine leaned kinda like that…only it WASN’T supposed to! Luckily, at that point I didn’t care. I love seeing people’s wedding pictures 🙂

  27. On April 29th, 2008 at 4:54 pm Gail Says:

    As another person who got married with a cake that was supposed to “look like a drunk person made it”, I salute you. Other than the fact that mine was Mardi Gras colors, it looked remarkably like yours… I’ll email you a photo, since I can’t post it in comments.

    PS – You’re brave, too. I would never let the Internet see what I look like! I would be too afraid of the comments… maybe that’s why I don’t have a blog. That, and the fact that I have nothing nice to say.

    Cheer up! You’re cute, your hubby’s cute, your kids are cute, your house is cute… now that I think about it, you kind of make me sick. 🙂

  28. On April 29th, 2008 at 5:26 pm birdpress Says:

    Whoa, what is with the evil devil cat fixing a curse on that poor child?

    That is definitely the coolest cake EVER! And you are simply beautiful, Aunt Becky!

  29. On April 29th, 2008 at 6:03 pm Sara Says:

    Gorgeous wedding. I always thought I was the only bride who wanted to leave their own “celebration”! I’m loving the cake!

  30. On April 29th, 2008 at 6:51 pm Blondie Says:

    Thanks for sharing the pics. And props on not feeling the need to go all the way downstairs to get different ones! If I had my way, I ‘d get one of those old motorized chairs that slides up and down the railing. But I’d pimp it out with a leopard print seat cover, a drink holder (oooh, maybe even a mini bar on the back) and a mini TV!

  31. On April 29th, 2008 at 7:26 pm paisana Says:

    I love the one of you with your metal heads. And actually, when all was said and done (and that HORRIBLE HORRIBLE BRIDESMAID DRESS was discarded and the FOUR HUNDRED BILLION PINS HOLDING MY HAIR TOGETHER were in the trash), I, too, had a good time at your wedding.

    Just remember, though: what goes around comes around. Go get your boob job so that I can have my topless wedding. Yellow taffeta hoop skirt, no top, parisol in one hand, live llama in the other.

  32. On April 29th, 2008 at 7:27 pm paisana Says:

    (and kate, if you’re reading this, THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR YOU, PLUS A GOAT.)

  33. On April 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pm Ames Says:

    I absolutely LOVE that cake!

    And as usual you are absolutely gorgeous in all the other photos!

  34. On April 29th, 2008 at 10:33 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    OMG . wedding cake, I have ever seen.

    Seriously, dude!

    And you’re kids . . . .PRESH!!! 🙂

  35. On April 29th, 2008 at 10:43 pm Heather Says:

    Okay, I had to come back and write something else after checking out the photos again (and I see someone else noticed too), but dude … *what* is up with that cat? Is that real? If so, you look mighty calm with it sitting there making The Evil Eye at you. oooo.

  36. On April 30th, 2008 at 5:04 am rockmama Says:

    That is the most insanely bodacious wedding cake I have ever seen. I now realize that mine was truly boring. (Except when my husband dropped part of it down the front of the most expensive dress I will ever own. That was exciting.)

  37. On May 5th, 2008 at 8:02 am MsPrufrock Says:

    Sexay. I might just touch myself in the naughtiest of places when next we IM. That could be, like 10 years from now or something, but I’ll remember to do it.

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