Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Go Ask Aunt Becky


Dear Aunt Becky,

Just a quick one… can I block a site from looking me up.  I was checking out my stats (well… my blog stats) and found, much to my utter horror, that some porn site in Russia is sending quite a bit of traffic my way.

Now I’m all for traffic but I don’t know if I want some porno Russian reading up on my life… how do I do the Internet Protect thing?

It’s my NAME! I’m Working Mom… BUT NOT THAT KIND OF WORKING MOM, you Russian Nit!  I’m a Mom that works… at a job… full time… Maybe I should just change my name… But I’ve always been Working Mom…


Oh, Dear Prankster, do I feel your plight. Here, let me show you:

band back togetherYou may have to click that to make it a bit bigger.

But this, this is taken from the Band Back Together stats thingy I use and there’s a zillion more like it. Now, Mommy Wants Vodka? Perhaps that would make sense. But Band Back Together is like, um, GOOD shit, and my blog, well, let’s be honest with ourselves here.


Now, I don’t ever block IP addresses. And if I did, it would require much hand-wringing and teeth-gnashing before I gave it over to The Daver.

But I’m going to do my best to help you. I will assume you run Windows Vista Firewall or Norton Anti-Virus Firewall. Let’s start with Norton, because I like the name better.

How To Block an IP Address if You Run Norton Internet Security:

  1. Open Norton Internet Security and hit, “settings, under the field “internet.”
  2. Hit, “advanced settings: configure” under “smart firewall. “
  3. Hit “general rules: configure,” and the button, “add.”
  4. Choose button, “block” and hit “next.”
  5. Choose, “connections to and from other computers,” and hit “next.”
  6. Choose, “only computers and sites listed below.”
  7. Hit, “add” and type the IP address you’re blocking in the space.” Hit “okay” then “next.”
  8. Hit “next” two times as the default settings are fine.
  9. Give this firewall a nice name, like, “Russian porn,” and hit, “next” then “finish” to block this IP Address from stalking you again.

Then buy Aunt Becky a nice cup of coffee (read: vodka).

Blocking IP Addresses From Windows Vista:

  1. Login to the admin account in Windows vista and hit “start.”
  2. Type in “firewall,” and hit, “windows firewall with advanced security” located under “programs.”
  3. Choose “inbound rules” on the left side of the firewall window.
  4. Choose “custom” then hit “next.”
  5. Choose “all programs” and hit “next.” And hit “next” again.
  6. Choose “these IP addresses” in the area, “remote IP addresses.”
  7. Hit “add” and type your Russian Porno site’s IP address in that area.
  8. Hit “OK” then “next.”
  9. Choose “block the connection” then hit “next.”
  10. Type in a nice descriptive name for this firewall rule (Russian Porno Site) and hit “next,” then “finish” to block ’em.
  11. Choose “outbound rules” on the left side of the firewall window and repeat steps four through ten.

Then buy Aunt Becky thirty cups of coffee or at least one.

Good luck, Prankster. And if it’s any consolation, they’re probably NOT reading your archives.

Dear Aunt Becky,

How come in your new schmantzy pants website you no longer link to We Know Awesome? Also, what on earth are schmantzy pants?  I think I made up a word. By pants I mean underwear as I am English btw!

Ah, Prankster, I’m glad as hell you pointed it out. I’d thought there WAS a button up for We Know Awesome and seeing that it’s not sent me into a “THAT’S BULLSHIT,” rage. Having my designer work something up so we can fix this.

Thank you for letting me know!

Dear Awesomest Aunt Becky;

I have been dating a man for 4 years, after being divorced for 1.  Every 6 months or so he decides that he has “loving feelings” towards me but he doesn’t have desire for me physically.  So we break up, during which time we fuck like bunnies.

So we admit that we are really still together and go back to being BF/GF.  So we are in yet another “slump” and I’m not sure what to do.  Do I tell him that I am done with this even though I love him to death as does my 6 y/o son?  Or do I wait it out knowing he’ll swing back the other way soon enough?

Thanks for your advice!

Oh Lisa, I’ve been with That Guy before and he kinda sucks. But he’s kinda awesome, too.

So here’s my advice: do you like this limbo? Do you like not knowing whether you’re going to be dating or not? Can you handle the back and forth of it all? Is it worth it?

Because if the answer to any of those is, “no,” I’d suggest moving on. Love or not, you deserve someone who loves and desires you all of the time, not someone who keeps you in limbo.

That’s just my two cents. Which probably make zero sense.


Dear Aunt Becky,

Wanted to know where my shirt was! I ordered one of your awesome shirts and it hasn’t arrived! HALP!

Oh Prankster, you made my day. I love it when you guys buy my shirts. Because I think they’re full of the awesome.

I spoke with my shirt guy (who currently stocks my stuff) and he’s mailing out a number of the shirts on Monday. They screen print the shirts and I know they’re done now, so, you know, thanks for your patience.

Email me at if you don’t get it by Wednesday of this week (or so).

And send me a picture of yourself wearing it for my Gallery of Awesome Shirts! Doing something wacky, you know? I like wacky. And if you have a blog, send me the URL so I can add it.

Dear Pranksters,

What do you think of a “Mommy Drinks Because You Cry” shirt?


Aunt Becky


As always, Pranksters, please pick up where I left off in the comments! And tell us your creepiest stalker IP addresses.

OH and stalker stories. I love stalker stories.

posted under Go Ask Aunt Becky
16 Comments to

“Go Ask Aunt Becky”

  1. On July 31st, 2011 at 9:30 am Anthony from CharismaticKid Says:

    Wow, I didn’t know you were a computer nerd too!

  2. On July 31st, 2011 at 9:56 am Megan Says:

    Lisa: I’m not sure I understand, though. You say that this guy will say he has loving feelings but no physical desire for you, so you break up but keep having tons of sex. That doesn’t sound to me like a guy who has no physical desire for you. It sounds like a guy who wants to see what his options are. So he’s clearly flat out lying to you about his reasons for wanting to be apart from you, and since you’re still sleeping together, he’s getting the best of both worlds during those times. You need to have a long talk with him and tell him that after 4 years, he needs to decide whether he wants you or not. And if not, you need to walk away and find a guy who won’t play mind games with you.

    And I hate to say it, but you’re also showing your son that this is a normal relationship. He’s learning from this that it’s ok to go in and out of a woman’s life, to offer varying levels of commitment.

  3. On July 31st, 2011 at 10:45 am Boot~C Says:

    I thought I understood her problem as no sex when they are together, breaking up & then the sex?

  4. On July 31st, 2011 at 11:02 am Fran Says:

    abso-fuckin-lutely yes to the mommy drinks because you cry shirt!!!!!

  5. On July 31st, 2011 at 11:18 am Caroline Says:

    Hehee ! You said “stocks my stuff.” Sounds like code for Russian porn to me.

  6. On July 31st, 2011 at 11:32 am Rebecca Says:

    Creepy stalker stories…well, I don’t have any (unless you count the guy who hacker on to my family computer to watch the desktop because it could have been me on the computer, but that was high school).

    The break-up cycle… I support what Megan said. And want to add this: are you honestly happy with the situation? Picture yourself five years from now – is this going to be okay or what you want? I know it can be really hard to leave that type of guy (I dated him), but ultimately you deserve better. And there are a few billion other men out there. There ARE men who will treat you better.

    Mommy drinks because you cry shirt…where do I sign up?

  7. On July 31st, 2011 at 1:12 pm Momma Teacher Lady Says:

    Excellent point: You deserve a guy who wants you all the time. As women, I never understand why we’re willing to put up with so much for the sake of love… And excellent comment about what does that teach your son. Good stuff.

  8. On July 31st, 2011 at 6:58 pm Angie Says:

    I would SO buy the Mommy Drinks shirt!

    I don’t understand how he can say he doesn’t desire you, yet still wants to have rabbit sex! This is really your call. Question… how long can you go on like this before you feel you’re missing out on meeting a man that isn’t afraid to really commit and give you the consistent love you deserve?

  9. On July 31st, 2011 at 8:35 pm Satan Says:

    mine’s not a stalker, it’s an irk. there’s this pay-to-view tattoo website that sends a lot of traffic to my blog.

    the reason i’m concerned about this, is that i have a good picture of my (very awesome, very custom) tattoo up, and i don’t want those fuckers stealing my design!!!

    so yeah, i have no idea what to do about that. how do you block an IP address from a Mac???

  10. On July 31st, 2011 at 9:06 pm Lisa Says:

    Thanks, Pranksters for your advice. And Aunt Becky, how about a shirt that says, “I drink because you whine” for those of us who have school age kids? I’d totally add that to my collection.

  11. On August 1st, 2011 at 1:21 am Lesley Says:

    Okay, this may be a dumb question, but WHY does traffic come from the crazy spam sites? Is it because they are trying to leave annoying comments with links, but my askimet is just catching those as spam? It’s so weird.

  12. On August 1st, 2011 at 10:06 am Dawn Says:

    Lisa, you need to call bullshit and call his bluff right now. He only does that because he knows you’ll allow it. if you break up with him and refuse the booty calls, he will either man up and commit or he won’t. Either way, you’ll be better off. Your son needs a better role model than him and you deserve better as well. Be strong, Prankster!

  13. On August 1st, 2011 at 7:30 pm Beki Says:

    HAHA! Longtime lurker, first time commenter. Also, yay for Beckys, Bekis, and other various nicknames of Rebecca! XD

    True stalker story: My dad packed a gun at my wedding.
    Three years before that I was seeing a boy, we were very close, had a ‘handfasting’ and proceeded to hump like bunnies for all of summer break. I got over it, he didn’t. He showed up at my family’s church and watched me from the back. He created AIM s/n after AIM s/n to talk to me. I was in college 400 miles away, worried that I would suddenly see him on the green.
    How it ended- he finally got the hint that I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. He moved to Oregon, got an apprenticeship, and apparently got married.
    7 years after the wedding (that’s 10 years out from the original relationship) I found out that one of my new friends was formerly engaged to said stalker’s little sister. And we both agreed that there was something wrong with him. And I made him promise not to tell anyone in the family that I bought a house less than a mile from his old one (hey, real estate is real estate). I think it’s ok by now. If not…I still know a man with a 50 cal.

  14. On August 1st, 2011 at 9:32 pm Marta Says:

    In college I had a blog stalker that called themselves “the ice cream man” and basically just left mean comments. It was wonderful. Not.

    Also love the shirt idea.

  15. On August 2nd, 2011 at 10:04 am shelly Says:

    If you do a mommy drinks because you cry, im SO buying one of those also.

    maybe a “mommy drinks because your a teenager” lol would fit me a little more

  16. On August 11th, 2011 at 8:20 pm Karie Says:

    I NEED a Mommy Drinks Because You Whine t-shirt, which I fully intend to wear to my son’s parent-participation school in hopes of the teachers limiting the inconvenient “parent participation” part.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...