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Go Ask Aunt Becky


(this came in today as a lovely Mother’s Day “Go Ask Aunt Becky”)

For someone so seemingly irreverent, alternative and open minded, you truly revealed your small, narrow colors in your recent contribution to the “momversation” about letting your son wear a tutu outside of the house.

Why shouldn’t this be absolutely OK? Why wouldn’t you be an educated mom and teach your son that intolerance should be fought against, and not hidden? Why are you hiding your own homophobia behind a “not everybody is as open minded as our family?” stance.

An openminded family wouldn’t care that their son is making a statement outside of the house. They would support their independence and bravery. What if your son did turn out gay? I’m sure that – watching your blog as an older gay man – he would be horrified at your parenting skills. Something that I’m not sure you’re aware of.

Anyways, I don’t have a question. And I’m sorry if this sounds so angry – but it really pisses me off when I see seemingly educated moms spreading such misinformation in a public forum.

Dear Prankster,

Last I checked, I’ve never actually called myself, “irreverent,” or “alternative.”

And, I’m not sure you’re aware that my son has – several times, in fact – gone out of the house in a tutu. He owns and wears several different shirts clearly designed for girls and is currently sporting some pretty rad toenail polish.

Why should I care if he wants to wear these things outside of the house? Simply put, I don’t. I never have. I’ve not lost sleep about it and I don’t plan to start. The kid is awesome.

I’m not exactly sure why you sent me this email (three times, no less) but I’d guess that you have me confused with the moderator of the video. Either way, your email was not only unfair, but it was untrue. I’ll cop to plenty of “I’m a shitty mother” charges, but this isn’t one of them.

I would – and do – support any of his fashion choices and his ability to be himself, regardless of the social consequences. Will there be social consequences? I don’t know. But I’m aware that the possibility is there.

That said, I said (on the video and in real life) that I’d get my kid’s back no matter what happens and it’s true. If he’s gay? Fucking fantastic. If he’s not gay? Fucking fantastic.

I care about his happiness, not about who he chooses to love.

Not sure how any of this has to do with homophobia or anything else I’m not, but you remind me of a person I once met so entirely convinced that the world was Out To Get Him that he saw hatred and racism everywhere he went. In turn, people avoided him because he was such a fuckbag.

Turns out, you do reap just what you sow.

Love Always,

Aunt Becky

posted under Go Ask Aunt Becky
57 Comments to

“Go Ask Aunt Becky”

  1. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:03 pm Jana A Says:

    That’s all.

  2. On May 9th, 2011 at 7:14 am Lianne Marie Binks Says:

    I second this boom.

  3. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:03 pm Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:

    Jerkoffs will be jerkoffs.

  4. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:03 pm Jessica Says:

    Yup. Fuck ’em.

  5. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:04 pm Gen Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day, Becky.

  6. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:07 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Thank you, my love!

  7. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:07 pm mommakiss Says:

    I’d like my tutus back now please. (I also love fuckbag. A lot).

  8. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:07 pm jeneria Says:

    The writer seems to want you to admit your kid is gay and I don’t like it when people want to brand young children as gay or straight. So much of their world is tied to imagination and pretend, why complicate things by defining their sexuality before they’re even aware of sexuality? It comes across as having an personal agenda and as being potentially harmful to a child.

  9. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:08 pm jeneria Says:

    Perhaps declare is a better word than admit.

  10. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:12 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    I agree: it does seem like he wants a label slapped on a 4-year old boy, which is just so BEYOND ridiculous it makes my head explode.

    As a wise woman once said, FUCK THAT NOISE, AUNT BECKY.


  11. On May 9th, 2011 at 4:50 am Jenn Says:

    Absolutely. Was I to be considered lesbian because I climbed tree’s until I was 12 and didn’t know what to do with a doll (gimme a remote controlled car anyday)?

  12. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:09 pm Ewokmama Says:

    That writer is an asshole AND a moron.

  13. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:10 pm nic @mybottlesup Says:

    said it to ya before mama, and i’ll say it again… FUCK THAT NOISE.

    and happy mother’s day to you. don’t give this ass wipe another moment of your time. spend it with those kiddles you adore… and put a fucking tutu on.


  14. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:19 pm Vikkaroo2 Says:

    Way to go, Aunt Becky! Your little “admirer” must not know the meaning of joking about your own kids. I once walked in on my own son playing with plastic, fake make-up. He was holding a plastic lipstick in his hands and said to me, “Mom, this doesn’t work.” I got a good laugh. Period. A cute story for when he’s older should he be hetero or homo-sexual. It doesn’t matter, as you said, it’s just a cute story. Your assface e-mailer must not possess a sense of humor nor the intellect required to be able to recognize sarcasm or a joke. I only have to say, “Bravo, Aunt Becky, Bravo!”

  15. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:19 pm Dana Says:

    Anyone who knows you (and Alex) knows better.

    Alex’s toenail polish was beautiful … and I told him so!

    Love you friend. I know this shit sucks, but I also know what you’re about and this reader/viewer couldn’t be farther off the mark!

  16. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:35 pm steph gas Says:

    i fucking hate people. but i love you aunt motherfucking becky.

  17. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:38 pm Sharon Says:

    Two words for this arsepick: cupcake wifebeater.

  18. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:47 pm Rebecca Says:

    What I don’t understand is that a girl can wear ‘boy’ clothes and it’s no big deal, and you put a tutu on a boy and he’s gay? Have you ever heard of ballerinos? And male cheerleaders are probably tapping on some hot high school girl @$$ because …well duh! He’s just starting his game early.

    And, I remember his cupcake shirt. Didn’t he wear that everywhere for the longest time?

  19. On May 10th, 2011 at 6:38 pm Lee Says:

    YES! I was just thinking this (re: girls wearing “boy” clothes)

  20. On May 8th, 2011 at 8:53 pm Nicole Says:

    I totally agree with your entire response. I couldn’t (and probably wouldn’t) have written a better reply. Mine would have been all kinds of angry.

    I think your “Prankster” is forgetting another side to this: Not every homosexual person falls into that stereotype (for lack of a better word.)
    They don’t ALL want to wear pink and walk around in tutus as grown men, so how is the clothing somebody wears indicative of what a person does or doesn’t tolerate.

    I thought the tolerance and acceptance that communities around the world are fighting for was acceptance of lifestyles and letting people love who they love – not the right the bear tutus.

    I hate that there is, apparently, such a need to label these children instead of just letting them be who they are.
    I equally hate that adults and parents feel a need to label other adults and other parents just as quickly. “Homophobic” and “intolerant” are not light accusations to throw around. Making assumptions about someone’s beliefs without being open to a conversation about it is just ridiculous.

  21. On May 8th, 2011 at 9:22 pm Hi, I'm Natalie. Says:

    I think it’d be cute to see your son playing in a tutu with red nail-polish while my daughter plays with her CAT trucks.

    People are dumb.

  22. On May 8th, 2011 at 9:23 pm Suniverse Says:

    I love Aunt Becky.

  23. On May 8th, 2011 at 9:53 pm Andie Says:

    … yeah, guy is definitely confused. I read this and my immediate thought was ‘Wait, when did Aunt Becky NOT let her kid go out in a Tutu? I thought that was his thing?’

    Get yer facts straight, sir.

  24. On May 8th, 2011 at 9:57 pm Andie Says:

    Just want to add as well, I totally agree with the person who commented on not labeling a kid before they’re even aware of the concept of sexuality.

    And let’s not conflate gender presentation with sexual orientation either.

    (putting all that aside, a kid wearing a tutu isn’t ABOUT gender presentation, or sexual orientation, or hell, even ambitions towards professional dancing as a career.

    Sometimes a kid in a tutu is just a kid in a tutu. Let it be. (to the writer of the letter)

  25. On May 10th, 2011 at 10:09 am Bonnie Says:

    True that! (All of it!) Why do we need to label our kids and pigeon hole them into a subgroup of some sort? How do we know who they are before they even do? And you are so right, sometimes a kid in a tutu is just a kid in a tutu! It’s called imagination dude.

  26. On May 8th, 2011 at 10:03 pm Ms Dreamer Says:

    This tool obviously does not read your blog on a regular basis. “Wear what you dig, and fuck the haters.” I played with my uncle’s JD tractors in the mud and rocks when I was a young Dreamer, and made my pink gowned Barbies drive them! I didn’t “turn out gay.” Le Sigh. I just shake my head at people like that. Rock the tutu, Alex; rock it hard.

  27. On May 8th, 2011 at 10:26 pm Gordon Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day, you’re awesome, the writer of that email is a doucher, and socionormative conventions are for squares. Keep on rock’n.

  28. On May 8th, 2011 at 10:42 pm Jebica Says:

    Aunt Becky, I really do want you to have a happy Mother’s Day. Despite the douche-hats who project their own issues and insecurities into your posts. Your unconditional love for and celebration of your kids as unique and awesome people shines through everything you have ever written about them. You are awesome. Haters are bullshit.

  29. On May 8th, 2011 at 10:44 pm Kim @ Beautiful Wreck Says:

    Aunt Becky – you are fucking fantastic!

  30. On May 8th, 2011 at 11:01 pm ChickaBoom Says:

    Ok, tutus and sexual orientation aside – is the letter writer a parent? (I’m guessing the writer is not a parent since there is no example of his glowing child-rearing skill referencing his own child sited in the letter.)

    Because you know what, I really don’t give a flaming bag of shit how much he knows about living gay, personal presentation, nail polish or whatever. If you’ve never walked in a parent’s shoes, how dare you classify the mothering skills of someone you don’t even know as “horrifying” and how FUCKING dare you presume to know what her son would think of her parenting in the future? Parents live every day trying to protect their child’s best interests in a society that (mostly) sucks. Anybody who thinks I (or the lovely AB) don’t care about my kid’s well-being can kiss my fat dimpled ass.

    “I’m sorry if this sounds so angry, but it really pisses me off when I see seemingly educated letter writers spreading such misinformation in a public forum.” Dick.

  31. On May 8th, 2011 at 11:34 pm KYouell Says:

    I think sending the email 3 times is the first clue that there’s something wrong with the writer, not you. Just seeing the same thing in your inbox 3 times is enough to make a person say, “Hmm?” Then you read the damn thing and it’s THIS? Wtf? Love you, Aunt Becky. Rock the day!!!

  32. On May 9th, 2011 at 12:10 am Joules Says:

    Dear Writer,
    How to put this without appearing irreverent, alternative or open minded? If you’re gonna be a hater get your facts straight, douchelord. The kid wears a purple butterfly costume and she says she’s got his back no matter what. The internets are full of stuff to rage against, find yourself a real cause.
    Someone who watched the video in its entirety and comprehended the flow of information

  33. On May 9th, 2011 at 2:21 am Suza Says:

    hmm, really admire your ability to stay cool… I would have probably gone all “Shut Your Whore Mouth you fuckbag” on him… Why are people always compelled to open their whore mouths about things they know nothing about??? Good Lord people ( read – fuckbag ), don’t you have your own problems? But then again, just imagine how sad his life must be if he finds satisfaction in writing you shitty emails? We love you Aunt Becky and all your kids… nuff said!

  34. On May 9th, 2011 at 3:14 am Nico Says:

    Oh, I’m sure this post is still somehow offensive to someone. People who wear leotards maybe? Sounds too much like retards, I might have just gotten myself in trouble. Fuck a duck.

  35. On May 9th, 2011 at 3:56 am Alexis Says:

    Dear Auntie becky,
    I love my mom and dad, who tr to be open-minded considering their upbringings. Dad was the child of Mormon parents, and mom was the daughter of an Air Force Colonel, so however noble their intentions, their respective abilities to be open-minded and irreverent are peripheral at best. My point here is that despite your “ask Becky” note from your most recently correpsonging prankster, I am fuckingly proud to call you my aunt, and would have beem fuckingly proud to call you my parent if nature had intended for things to work out that way.

    Your niece and faithful reader,

    P. S. I love every aspect of your site, but I must admit that I would frequent the place even if the only topic of discussion ever addressed were special underwear that Mormons wear after going through a temple ceremony, if only to use forms of the word FUCK (I can’t italicize here) with impunity. It’s just so damned liberating! Fuck on, everyone!

  36. On May 9th, 2011 at 4:47 am Jenn Says:

    And that’s a rap!

  37. On May 9th, 2011 at 6:41 am Sken Says:


    “I stand 77 feet tall /
    I’ve got 8 balls /
    and all y’all are subject to my thrall /
    I act appalled /
    when in receipt /
    of less than the highest honors /
    someday, I’ll be both revered /
    and passe, like Madonna”

    That’s a rap! (not mine)


    PS Another vote for “What a mess of misplaced anger!”

  38. On May 9th, 2011 at 5:16 am Andy Says:

    Hear hear!! Well said!

  39. On May 9th, 2011 at 6:38 am mumma boo Says:

    Now that’s the way to deal with the troll. *high fives*
    Any kid would be damn proud to have you as a mom.

  40. On May 9th, 2011 at 6:39 am Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) Says:

    Haven’t seen the video but I’d certainly let you have my back! Not that i normally need help, but still…

  41. On May 9th, 2011 at 7:42 am New Mom on the Blog Says:

    I cosign on the “fuckbag.” Get a life.

  42. On May 9th, 2011 at 7:55 am HereWeGoAJen Says:

    Maybe it is just me, but does it seem to anyone else like the assholes have really been out in force lately?

  43. On May 9th, 2011 at 8:43 am Tara Says:

    What a kick ass response. Fucking trolls….

  44. On May 9th, 2011 at 9:46 am ogorka Says:

    Angry letter-writer is just jealous his/her mom wouldn’t let him(her?) wear what they wanted as a young’un. Also, it seems like they didn’t read your intial post at all… in any case I have never sensed any “hidden” or regular homophobia reading your blog or I wouldn’t have read every single post since you started (I am not a stalker, I think…)

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  45. On May 9th, 2011 at 10:21 am John Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky, you are an asshole.

    This nation needs to come together. To heal. What you’re doing with this “list of communists,” this list that you won’t show to anybody is just unconscionable. People’s lives are ruined just at the accusation that they appear on this list! You are a monster, Aunt Becky, a monster!

    (I’m sorry, I thought it was “blame you for a bunch of shit that isn’t your fault” day)

  46. On May 9th, 2011 at 10:24 am andrea Says:

    are ballet guys really called “ballerino’s”?

    you learn something new every day…

    in regards to mr/ms. twatwaffle, you can’t change what other people think…so i wouldn’t let it get to you any more than it already has.

    i’ve only ever had one mean comment and it totally hurt…because i was nothing like what they were inferring. it’s not a cool feeling, and i hope that all of our responses backing you up softens the hate from this troll a little.

    also, they’d better not have a “i blog with integrity” badge on their site. fucker.

    <3 andrea

  47. On May 9th, 2011 at 11:47 am katrina Says:

    FUCK THAT NOISE!!…..rampant stupidity! What an idiot—to say you are “seemingly educated” (asshole)–You ARE fuckin educated, a talented writer and a fantastic parent, which i dare to say, is more than this dick.

  48. On May 9th, 2011 at 12:11 pm Amanda Says:

    1. Happy Belated Mother’s Day

    78.6. That guy couldn’t handle HALF the things you do…

    42. I can just TASTE the self loathing in the air (his)…it’s palpable.

  49. On May 9th, 2011 at 12:47 pm Penbleth Says:

    This guy clearly doesn’t get that the wearing of a tutu by a boy is no signal one way or another regarding that child’s sexual orientation. Clothes are only gender specific because society tends to make them that way.
    A tutu is a tutu, other meanings regarding gender or sexuality are added to it by people. As nail polish is nail polish and dolls are dolls and makeup is makeup and hammers are hammers.

    Also, what a schmuck, pay him no mind.

  50. On May 9th, 2011 at 1:25 pm Beth Says:

    Something tells me that this guy neither watched the video nor read your blog. Like, ever. Cuz… srsly. Literacy (and apparently the ability to watch online videos) BEFORE you start commenting… kinda important.

  51. On May 9th, 2011 at 5:09 pm Kadye Says:

    He’s a total douchenozzle. Obviously he has never actually read your blog before.

  52. On May 9th, 2011 at 5:21 pm Cate Says:

    Get it, Aunt Becky!

  53. On May 9th, 2011 at 6:00 pm blacklisted Says:

    “What?! Something on the Internet that I’ve never read before that contains keywords peripherally related to my favorite soapbox?! I’m offended! Sorry to sound so angry, but my self-righteous twat-hood makes my holier than thou rants come off that way. But to be fair, you totally don’t fit the labels that I have ascribed to you, and therefore you’re a hypocrite!


  54. On May 9th, 2011 at 9:10 pm Steve Pinchot Says:


    I’m the guy who wrote this and I’d like to clarify and apologize for just a few things about my late night, slightly vodka-drenched rant (Sorry Becky, your blog does encourage one to partake. Even if he isn’t a mom.)

    You’re right – “seemingly educated” is totally bitchy and uncalled for. Sorry. And the “horrified at your parenting skills” part? Ouch. My soapbox is hurting today as much as my head.

    But here’s where I won’t apologize, because this is a forum and I after all, can vent like everyone else. (And sidebar: you moms are a feisty bunch) Why isn’t it totally OK to support him wearing a dress – or a ferking nun’s habit – if he wants? Period. You say you don’t care what he wears, BUT – and – hear me out – your response to this conservative dragon’s question (and we’ll get to her later) is: “Do you think there’s a couple of years when you’ll go: “Now, you’re too old to dress in girls’ clothes?”

    Becky: “In a couple of years we’ll have a talk about how society isn’t perhaps as open minded as we are to him…”

    Um, correct answer: It’s never too old to dress in girls’ clothes!
    Who is that crow to make up rules about what to wear? Is she a parent – or the gestapo? My kindly point is that who gives a hoot about what society thinks?! Anyone who makes fun of him for wearing a dress isn’t worthy of his friendship or yours. Furthermore, telling him not to wear a dress outside is like telling a black person to lighten their skin because the Ku Klux Klan might not be so tolerant!

    Now, onto Jessica Gottleib – whose stone age parenting techniques are really what I was ranting about – AND who says that letting her son wear a dress is “outside of my comfort zone.” I understand protecting your children – but putting your beliefs onto your child is really outside of my comfort zone. Let your child express himself – don’t suppress his or her’s expressions.

    That’s it. And moms: I’m not a self-loathing homosexual with a chip on my shoulder! I’m actually a very happy one who actually stumbles upon blogs like this, and sees something that I’d like to share my opinion on, because I have the experience. (My parents actually severely reprimanded me for wearing a dress as a 4 year-old, and it marks the first time I ever remember feeling shame and embarrassment.) I’m not a parent, but I think that if I were, I would spare a child the same indignity by not burdening them with the world’s baggage over a simple dress.

    Side note to Becky, apologies again. I loved your retort and think you sound like a very cool chick, mom, webmaster, etc. Sorry for my sour note on mother’s day:)

    Peace, everybody!

    Bye everybody!

  55. On May 10th, 2011 at 7:15 pm Gowan Says:

    K, I got you on this, and I really get you on having an issue with the particular interviewer. But I don’t think AB has ever stated that after a certain age she’d FORCE any of her kids to start performing a gender role. But honestly, talking to them about the fact that they may run into some flak from some close-minded people? That’s just responsible parenting. It’s not saying “Don’t do this, because you might run into resistance and resistance is bad” Its saying: “I’ve got your back no matter what kid, but you should know that some people will give you crap. When and if that happens, here’s some tools to deal with it.”
    Now that is good parenting. Its NOT comparable to telling a black kid to lighten their skin because the KKK exists. Not at all, and that’s pretty awful to say. It might be more like “Hey, the KKK exists. Here’s what you need to know to stay safe while being yourself.”

  56. On May 10th, 2011 at 6:19 am lskshades Says:

    I love you. I love your pranksters. I love BB2G. We are family. Hear us roar.
    Peace and hugs.

  57. On May 13th, 2011 at 1:53 am karen Says:

    so late to this party, but I love you Aunt Becky. And you wrote that bit perfectly. purrrr fec tly. You are awesomely amazingly fabulously yowsa in how you express yourself.



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