Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Go Ask Aunt Becky


At 32 years old isn’t it a little to old to have a school girl crush?

Oh but I do, it is a big crush this guy makes my heart go pitter-patter. I’ve known him for a while but I have had so much chaos in my life with my ex sperm donor I never really thought of it, yeah I noticed he was attractive but you know I did not really know him that well. I only still know him a little but he and I have had some conversations and well I’ve realized that I want to see him more.

But see the problem is me, I know I have pretty low self esteem and although he is nice and he seems to like me, I am confused to weather he LIKE likes me like I LIKE like him. I am just to chicken. Maybe if I lost like 50lbs I would feel more comfortable in my skin. In my brain I know that should not matter if people LIKE each other that just do… Plus that I have two kids..he has none and for me I just don’t know what he thinks about the kid thing… maybe he don’t date people with kids? I don’t know really.

But what if I tell him I like and and then it makes things weird?

so background I am a single mom of 2 a almost 16 yr old and a 3 yr old..there sperm donor is a jerk and has put us through a lot and i am just scared about a new relationship… also I am now a full time student trying to better my little family;s life and also trying to be healthier because my mom was recently very ill with renal failure and now its important to me to lost weight and get healthier.
help me

signed I got a crush at 32

First off, Prankster, I have to say that I find you adorable. Like I want to pick you up and put you in my pocket and carry you around with me everywhere because I think you’re fucking cute. You’re what I call a Pocket Pal. That’s like my highest compliment.

And here’s my advice to you: you never, ever know until you give it a try. I mean, after being in a shitty relationship for so long is bound to wear down your self image, so of course you’re shy about getting back into the dating pool. Who wouldn’t be?

But if he makes your heart all gooey inside, that’s a sign that maybe there’s something there worth seeing about. If nothing happens, well, you tried. At least you can’t say that you didn’t try.

I’d say, just ask him if he wants to catch coffee or a drink sometime and try to see him on a friendly level. From there, maybe you can see how things go. You don’t need to go balls out and pour your heart out to him immediately, you know?

Good luck, my friend.

I started bloggin, recently as a way to de-stress. Instead of writing in a diary. I am a artist so I paint also. But that just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Anyways, I started bloggin, still don’t know much. have a few ppl who read me.  My question is I’m sure very simple for you. How do I set it up so that I know when ppl comment on my blog, without having to login to my blog to see? Reading you info on bloggin for dummies was very enlightening. thank you.

Aw, thank YOU. I’m so glad you liked the Blogging For Dummies post. A lot of you seemed to really find that useful. Maybe I’ll do another one of those soon.

(pithy aside, I felt SO STUPID writing about that because really WHAT THE SHIT DO I KNOW ABOUT BLOGGING. Plus, blogging ABOUT blogging seems so…stupid coming from me. There are so many people who do that much better than I do.)


So, you want to know how to see your comments in email form. Got it.

I operate a self-hosted WordPress blog (options should be the same for any WordPress blog, though), and I don’t actually get my comments emailed to me. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA.

Here’s what you do:

Go to settings—>Discussion—>Email Me Whenever (third option down)—>check the box that says “anyone posts a comment.”

As for Blogger/Blogspot blogs, I really don’t know. I tried to Google it for you, but my brain started to burn. Pranksters?

Aunt Becky,

Our sitter is a wonderful lady! After all, she watches our daughter for 10 hours a day 5 hours a week. I don’t know how the lady does it frankly. And we are high maintenance moms, you know, because we are lesbos and everything. She loves the cloth diapers and even feeds our daughter our homemade baby food.

But there’s one thing: she insists on giving us hand me downs for our daughter that her family members have given her. Only, the hand me downs usually are splattered with little phrases like “little hot mama” and “sexy baby phat ass”. Of course, outfits like this only come in stripper colors.

Now, we aren’t all high class – but our daughter wears a full on collection of Carter’s clothes for young baby girls – complete with innocent girly prints like flowers and butterflies and dots and hearts. Hell, I didn’t think I would have to debate why she couldn’t wear the sweats with SEXY blasted across the ass for at least another 10 years.

So I have 2 questions: 1. How do I get these lovely donations to stop without being offensive (I mean, after all, she does watch our girly all day which is no easy task – I barely make it through Saturdays alive)? and 2. What shall I do with our daughter’s new found stripper collection. Passing it down to our little niece just seems wrong (or does it?)?


Can I tell you how hard I laughed when I got this? I’ve been there, with the hand-me-downs that are so butt-ass-ugly that I’m all, do you actually dress your OWN child in this?

This is what you do. You cannot very well say respectfully, “thank you, but no thank you” because any way you slice it, it comes across as rude. What I’ve always done is said VERY SWEETLY, “OH! Thank you SO MUCH!” Then, if they no longer want it, I donate it very quickly to the Salvation Army.

If they do want it back, I leave it in a closet somewhere until they ask for it back.

Works like a charm EVERY TIME.


Pranksters, as always, fill in where I left off. And feel free to submit any of your burning questions to Go Ask Aunt Becky (the linky-poo on the sidebar).

posted under Go Ask Aunt Becky
27 Comments to

“Go Ask Aunt Becky”

  1. On April 11th, 2010 at 2:15 am Clair Says:

    On Blogger go to your settings tab. Then go the comments section. Scroll all the way down to the bottom where it says “Comment Notification Email.” Input your email in the box. Save. 🙂 TA DA!

    As far as the less than savory clothing. I opt for ‘accidental bleaching.’ So you look like a laundry clutz… she’ll never know better!!! 😉

  2. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:43 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    What would I do without you?

  3. On April 11th, 2010 at 6:29 am Halala Mama Says:

    I’m with Aunt Becky on the clothes issue. Goodwill has received a number of these gems from a close friend of mine, via my car’s trunk.

  4. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:45 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I want a sexy baby phat ass shirt for me.

  5. On April 11th, 2010 at 5:30 am Alyssa Says:

    “sexy baby phat ass”. Just spit my orange juice onto my computer screen. Where the hell do these relatives even FIND those clothes in baby sizes?!

  6. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:44 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Right? There are a LOT of hootchie clothes for baby, but DAMN.

  7. On April 11th, 2010 at 6:00 am Coleen Says:

    The only problem with immediately donating the clothing is that the person who gave them to you is most likely also the person who gets your child dressed. Therefore, she might notice that nothing that she has passed on is around anymore. We have gotten some snarky shirts that my husband thinks are hilarious, and those end up being “In the house only” clothes (like the “Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong” onesie with a picture of a pimp on it, or the “Baby, Not Midget, Do Not Toss” shirt).

    I think that if the babysitter is dressing their daughter in those outfits, you may have a place to say something, but if she keeps dressing the girl in her Carter’s stuff, then you can probably ignore the icky clothes and either donate or use them for painting clothes…

  8. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:44 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Good point! I didn’t think of that one.

  9. On April 11th, 2010 at 6:28 am Julia Says:

    Crushgirl – I am so there with you. My advice is to take it slow and get to know him a bit better (coffee, then maybe lunch, maybe chatty emails) – this will give you a chance to find out if he actually always wanted to have kids but never found a woman with enough curves. Don’t declare yourself right away, though, but maybe do some harmless flirting – something that won’t make him uncomfortable but will put the idea in his head that you’d be open to him flirting back….

    Carters – I would speak to the caregiver and tell her, honestly, that while you appreciate her generosity, you feel bad that there are other children who could benefit from the clothing more than your daughter, who has everything she needs. If it were me, I would also (diplomatically) comment on my discomfort of the way that society is sexualising small children through inappropriately mature styles and messages. Maybe she just never thought about it, but would understand if it were explained (and maybe then she’d encourage her family to stop dressing their children that way).

  10. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:45 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Brilliance. Taking it slow is very important at first.

  11. On April 11th, 2010 at 7:05 am Becca Says:

    Ok, to the first pquestion- I totally understand! I left my stupid x-sperm donor after 11 years 5 1/2 years ago and it took a while to get my self esteem back. He used to say things like “I don’t mind your weight, I just wish you minded it more”… Talk about killing me with kindness, lol. So pretty much the same as Becky, take it slow. Don’t put yourself all out there at once, but don’t live your life in a box either. Clear as mud right?? I hope so!! 🙂

  12. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:46 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I had one of those ex’s too. There are plenty around, unless we all three dated the same one. Which? COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

  13. On April 11th, 2010 at 7:33 am Jerseygirl89 Says:

    Crushgirl – Take it slow and don’t take things too seriously. This is your rebound/istillhavealibido/ crush, so even if it doesn’t work out it proves that you can move on and that you will find a better guy.

    Clothes – Try to make sure that you dress your daughter each day and keep the least offensive donated clothes as emergency clothes at the babysitter’s. Then donate the rest.

  14. On April 11th, 2010 at 9:46 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You pegged it. Good call, Jersey Girl.

  15. On April 11th, 2010 at 10:40 am Badass Geek Says:

    As a guy I feel like I should know this, but what, exactly, are stripper colors?

  16. On April 11th, 2010 at 11:54 am Melissa Says:

    As a woman who HAS been to strip clubs. (Only place open after the bar we worked at closed) I have the same question.

    Also, I bought onesies for my niece and nephew when they were born from T-Shirt Hell that said “I am proof my Mom likes to fuck” for them to wear when making a WalMart run. There were no WalMart’s in North Jersey when they were born, but there is in my sister’s hick southern NY area. My sister wasnt pleased, but my BIL dressed them in them every time HE had to go because he gets my sense of humor. And when in Rome….

    This coming from the person who is still disturbed and has tweeted twice about Justin Bieber on SNL last night. It has messed with my mind for real. I cannot focus. I am deranged. Who IS that kid and what the fuck is up with his hair?

  17. On April 11th, 2010 at 10:44 am katrina Says:

    yup, i was gonna say what jersey girl said…..the purpose of the “istillhavealibido”crush (after a shitty relationship)…is really just our bodies letting us know that yes, we CAN get past this and move on….

    Shit, the clothes issue blows my mind!… they don’t let high schoolers wear those types clothes in school (they have to remove or turn inside out)……so what kind of sick mentality thinks it’s funny to put their munchkins in those blatantly sexualized (and usually really ugly) clothes???

  18. On April 11th, 2010 at 2:14 pm CatPS Says:

    Ugh, I DESPISE those baby-slut clothes! I also do not in any way understand the trend of putting little babies in bikinis. Because really? Why on earth would you tie a triangle bikini top around your little pumpkin’s pudgy torso? She should be in frilly swim skirts or a tankini with bows everywhere! Do we really need to start sexualizing children at such a young age?

    I suppose my official advice would be to have a very gentle, careful, honest discussion about the clothing. Use language that focuses on your feelings about the clothes rather than language that could be interpreted as accusatory. It’s remarkable what a difference the way something is worded can make. But it is your child, and this is a reasonable thing to expect of your babysitter.

    My unofficial advice? I’m a fan of inventing allergies. Or sensitivities to chemicals, etc. I am allergic to nickel, and that has gotten me out of wearing all kinds of ugly jewelry that friends tried to pawn off on me! If you’re at all passive aggressive like me, I could totally see you milking the whole “she’s allergic to blahblahblah so we really feel it’s best to stick with this carter’s line that we KNOW doesn’t have blahblahblah.”

  19. On April 11th, 2010 at 2:26 pm QCMAMA Says:

    I myself am a single mom of 3 and 3 years after the divorce am still ‘on the rebound’ Apparently being single with 3 kids gives men the idea that ‘HEY! she likes to have sex and not the commitment!’ umm hello! I LOVED being married and if my hubby wouldnt have been well a typical man I truly believe I would still be married today.
    Any way I am OT again, Take it slow and nurture the friendship, those usually make the best relationships. I am still looking for mine. Good luck
    And as for the clothes. I like the funny tshirts but when my baby’s dad wanted to buy my daughter one that said something along the lines of ‘ I couldve been swallowed’ I put my foot down. Absolutely not! Are you kidding me? She does have shirts that say ‘Daddy says NO dating’ but my son has a similar one that says ‘sorry girls mom says no dating’ those are just hilarious to me. and I do dress my babies in bikinis cause I think they are cute, theyre still frilly and have all sorts of bows. I mean really its the only time that you can get away with well baby fat and look oh so adorable! 🙂
    OT again sorry. I would say what every one else has so far, smile and say oh thanks! and make a mental note that it goes in the burn..err I mean goodwill pile. Thats what I do with all the fabulous stuff grandma picks up at yard sales. 🙂

  20. On April 11th, 2010 at 10:24 pm Wicked Shawn Says:

    @Crushin- Get your Wicked game on and flirt just the tiniest bit. Not overtly, just put a little vibe out there and see how he responds. Even if nothing comes of it, flirting for the first time after a bad relationship is exciting and a breakthrough in itself. Hell, crushing again is a breakthrough. Good for you, girrrrl!!

    @Dreadful Baby Clothes- Ummmm, yeah, I got nuthin, LOL. I have a 14 year old and I would wrestle her to the ground if she tried leaving the house in the stuff your describing. I would stash it for appropriate time, then let sitter know it’s now too small for precious baby girl and see if she wants it back for another unfortunate victim or should you donate? Seems diplomatic enough.

  21. On April 12th, 2010 at 6:33 am Wombat Central Says:

    OMG–I knew that had hootchie mama stuff for little girls (thanks, Hannah Montana), but babies?! Do they also make pacifiers that look like a sweet bling grill?

  22. On April 12th, 2010 at 7:50 am Melissa Says:

    Of course they do!

  23. On April 12th, 2010 at 8:10 am Kelly Says:

    With my oldest daughter, I seemed to get endless donations from every possible corner of the earth, since I was an unwed 18 year old, I think all my mom’s friends hit every single garage sale in a 30 mile radious of our city. One of my “auntie’s” hit up her relatives for clothes for Mack. When I opened the box, I about fell over dead. It was practically a refridgerator box full of kids clothes from the 1960’s farm area that they all lived in. Faded, stained, outdated, ugly, some homehade, some “repaired”, nearly all were hideous. I may have been poor, but my kiddo was not going to be seen in any of this lovelyness. I said thank you, donated what could be donated, and threw the shreds away. A comeback to “did she ever wear….?” was always, “Oh, she just wore that yesterday!”

  24. On April 12th, 2010 at 10:33 am linlah Says:

    I think your Blogging for Dummies is one of your best posts for anyone to read because it’s all good advice.

  25. On April 12th, 2010 at 10:59 am Regina Says:

    My 18 year old daughter calls that kind of clothing “prostitot” clothing. I’m sure she didn’t make it up, but it always makes me laugh. And then cry a little.

  26. On April 12th, 2010 at 3:02 pm Dora Says:

    “I didn’t think I would have to debate why she couldn’t wear the sweats with SEXY blasted across the ass for at least another 10 years.”

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing!

    I’m reminded of a bit Chris Rock did about having daughters. He said the main job of a parent of girls is to “keep them off the pole.”

  27. On April 19th, 2010 at 6:29 am Kendra Says:

    Blogging for Dummies is a great post, Becky. Really. I’m sure there are other people out there who have written similar advice, but I haven’t seen it, because I don’t read thousands of blogs. So I wouldn’t have known all that stuff without you, and it really helped a lot. Not just the technical, practical stuff, but also the etiquette.

    I can completely understand having a “crush” at 32. You’re never too old (especially not at 32) to have desire, to want to be wanted and appreciated, and to get butterflies in your stomach. Sounds like you guys work well as friends. Subtle flirting (lots of smiling, appreciative laughter) can go a long way to see whether he has any interest. If he does, fantastic. If not, you got a much-needed reminder that romance isn’t dead in your life.

    As the giver and receiver of a lot of hand-me-downs, I understand the complexities of that stuff. As a day care provider, thank you for your obvious appreciation of her; that means the world to me. I often ask when I get hand-me-downs whether there is anything there that they will want back. Among other reasons, I always know another little person who will be growing into the things my kids are growing out of, so I can always find someone to pass them along to. And with three kids of my own, when something is outgrown, I want it out of my house. So perhaps if you explain that you know lots of people who could use your hand-me-downs and ask whether there is anything they might want back, it leaves you free to get rid of those things immediately that you find most distasteful. If she wants to know why your child never wears them, it’s easy to explain (as another commenter mentioned) that you know lots of kids who need them more than yours does, and conveniently they asked if you had any hand-me-downs in just that size. Good luck! (I also have to add that I often know, as I’m packing up boxes to give to my sister, that she is just going to hate some of the things in there. No “baby phat ass” but our tastes differ sometimes. And I’m preemptively not offended.)

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