Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Go Ask Aunt Becky


As a squee! of things to come this week, I would like to announce that I am guest posting over at Canadian Family Magazine’s blog this week. And yes, in case you’re wondering, they DO know that I am not Canadian. Their blog is called the Family Jewels Blog (which, hahahaha!) and I’m very proud of what I wrote, so please come visit me.

Also, because they are better people than I am, they have given me some subscriptions to their magazine to give to you. I have some other things to give to you this week, too that I made my friend give you. See, I AM a giver.

Of other people’s stuff.



Dear Aunt Becky,

I have an older, grandmotherly next door neighbor, who recently discovered the wonderful world of the internet and has my email address. I am bombarded daily with at least half a dozen forwards. Half of those are praise Jesus and the other half are anti-Obama. Is there a way to politely tell her to cut the crap or should I just suck it up and keep deleting?

Oh, Gentle Reader, I laugh, not AT you, but WITH you, because there is a reason that my in-laws do not have access to my email address and this would be it. They appear to have just gotten email like, last week (although The Daver assures me that this is not true) and Dave is inundated with these emails as well.

Recently, he got one that they wanted to make sure that I saw about breast cancer, “prions” and plastic water bottles, which he quickly found the link to the hoax on and sent back with a gentle note chastising them for blindly forwarding it on.

But my favorite story, Dear Reader, has to be the one that Daver received last Christmas and I only repeat the story because it is so funny that I have the whole thing saved on my desktop to pull up whenever I am having a bad day. It’s so bad that Dave wouldn’t let me see it on Christmas morning when we got it because he thought it would make me too mad.

It’s a Power Point presentation that someone put together, you see, and you open it up, this lovely winter scene, and oh, isn’t that nice! A rustic wagon! How…QUAINT! Adorable. So words flicker across the screen….

“If you have food in your refrigerator, a roof overhead and a place to sleep…”

it trails off…

“you are richer than 75% of the world.”

Well. Now. Doesn’t that make you feel good about yourself? Just a small side of guilt there?

The next slide, a rustic fireplace scene. Crackling log. Homey. Nice.

“If you woke up this morning with more health than illness….”

it trails off again.

“you are more blessed than the million that will not survive the week.”

Well sweet JESUS. That’s not making me feel very Christmas-y. I’m sort of feeling depressed now. Okay, the slide is changing, maybe those were flukes.

Ah, some nice pine trees and a beautiful winter sunset. Enchanting.

The words flicker…“If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, the pangs of starvation…”

….“you’re ahead of 500 million people in the world.”

Now I’m searching for something to slit my wrists with because, wow.

Also, where are they getting these numbers?

Another winter scene flashes through my tears, a winter scene, untouched by man.

“If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful…”

(pause for dramatic effect)





you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.”

Just wow. Wow. Now I am supposed to be thankful and not depressed beyond belief?

This was sent, I should add, by my father-in-law, whom I adore, but who came into the labor room after I’d pushed out Alex and said, “another child born into this crazy, messed up world.” I would have kicked him if I could have.

So, Gentle Reader, I think you probably should make a folder for your sweet old lady’s emails to go right into and then just empty it. And pray she never asks you about them.

Also, I can TOTALLY forward you this Power Point if you want a good laugh because it’s really, really funny.

Dear Aunt Becky,

I worked hard. I stayed in school. It took me eight long years to graduate college with a B.S. in Elementary Education. The job market for elementary education is TOUGH. I ended up not finding a teaching job. I got married. I had children and now I have no desire to teach in the classroom. Ever. I am so happy being mommy and dream of being in the PTA/PTO and classroom mom, etc. What’s wrong with me and what do you suggest for treatment?

Gentle Reader, I think you should count your lucky stars that you’ve found what you’re good at, happy doing and pat yourself on the back and start running for the PTO board NOW! Wait, is that an elected position? Because, girl, I would totally vote for you.

Get your campaign buttons ready, start baking some cupcakes and let’s get this party started!

As someone who fought her way through nursing school, hating every single second of it and knowing I’d make a terrible nurse, I spent a full four years drifting around, stupidly searching for what I could do next to make myself happy.

I think I’ve finally found it.

So, cheers to you, my friend. Tonight, I will drink my glass of water on the rocks to the pursuit of happyness.


As always, The Internet, please fill in any gaps where I have failed, and please, submit your most burning-est questions to the form on the sidebar.

posted under Go Ask Aunt Becky
85 Comments to

“Go Ask Aunt Becky”

  1. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:19 am BeckyLover Says:

    I have many people in my family who email me inappropriate jokes, comments, etc. Usually I just delete them without reading…the name in the subject line usually gives away the content. (Pray for, If you believe you will FORWARD, etc….*clicks* DELETE)

    I have friends who are Catholic, Methodist, Atheist, Agnostic, and on and on. I don’t want to convince you to become my religion, and I don’t want to transfer to yours. (My religion is GREAT – it doesn’t give a fat crap what you believe. Just be a good person!! Yay!)

    I don’t talk Politics with Friends or Family. I can’t change the way I grew up, and I can’t change the way you grew up. Which means, I won’t change your views, nor you mine.

    My conservative Republican friends email me stupid things all the time…the watermelon’s on the White House lawn – someone sent it!! (yes, she’s a CHRISTIAN – ew.) I just delete them. Shocking what people think I’d like to see. Or that ANYONE should see!!

    Amazingly enough…I’m such a frickin liberal, I shouldn’t even have a right hand. So I can physically LEAN all the way to the left too.

    We can’t choose who we are related to – we can only tolerate them. Just delete, and move on.

    When I get the hot guy emails…I delete those too. After a few days.

    {For the record, I am a practicing Catholic. And totally make out with Aunt Becky all the time! Cuz she gives such great advice!!} *kisses*

  2. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:13 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We totally make out all the time. I find the delete button works handily for it. Seems easier than getting all upset about it.

  3. On November 29th, 2009 at 4:25 am Jay Says:

    I think your advice for the first correspondent is quite sensible. On the other hand, unless the letter wrtiter doesn’t want to lose the neighbour altogether for some reason, I would send the neighbour lots of emails that are exactly the opposite — and lots of links to Snopes and Factcheck.

  4. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s exactly how The Daver would handle it, because it makes the most sense. He does it with his parents. Snopes is full of The Awesome.

    I just tell my in-laws I don’t have an email address.


  5. On November 30th, 2009 at 8:20 pm Paul Lundgren Says:

    Snopes is like the “apple a day” defense for Internet Stoopid. I love that website. The more you use it, the less frequently the forwards get tossed your direction. It’s a beautiful thing.

  6. On December 1st, 2009 at 11:01 am Your Aunt Becky Says: is probably the best site out there except maybe my blog (duh) and The Onion.

  7. On November 29th, 2009 at 6:39 am SciFi Dad Says:

    re: email crap

    Depending on your mail platform, find a way to use the rules (outlook) or filters (gmail) or whatever to flag and toss these emails automatically. You might want to be more selective than just “all the shit this crazy bitch send me” because one time it may be an invitation to come over for brownies, or perhaps, bacon.

  8. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m with you. I’d delete on an email by email basis, personally.

    Ha. Old Ladies and email. TOO FUNNY.

  9. On November 29th, 2009 at 3:57 pm Amanda Says:

    I do that too…I filter on the email address and if there is “fwd:” in the subject line and send it to a very special folder.

  10. On November 29th, 2009 at 7:01 am Angie Says:

    Yeah the forwarding stuff is my delete fest each morning too. As for the last question. I too have a degree in Education but have been home with my children for the last 11 years. Nothing wrong with doing what you love. If things change as the children get much older you can always either go to teaching, subbing(all the education at use without the full time job), or find something brand new. Love having those open options.

  11. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s exactly like nursing. It’s a good option to have open if you need it. Agreed. And it’s okay to know you don’t want to do it either. (I’m finally accepting this myself)

  12. On November 29th, 2009 at 7:39 am maya Says:

    I will never learn about not giving out my email. I have like 50 gmail accounts because I feel so guilty not opening them,

  13. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! My mother in law SAT ME DOWN to make me listen to some garbage she sent me like, “the Mom Song” or something.

    It was as horrible as it sounds.

  14. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:02 pm BeckyLover Says:

    why do we have such hot, depraved sex with men whose Mom’s totally make us listen to this crap?? I just think of it as the price I have to pay….

  15. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:00 am Lucy Says:

    Where’s the link to the Canadian Family Magazine blog?

  16. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:26 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s up now, yo. Thanks. I totally blanked out.

  17. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:27 am The Only Girl Says:

    This is so perfect! I’m Canadian, I have a family, and sometimes I read magazines instead of blogs! This upcoming guest post of yours is totally for me, isn’t it?! Isn’t it?! Thank you Aunt Becky, thank you.

  18. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It is SO for you. Of course!

  19. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:39 am Nona Says:

    I’m with SciFi Dad. Sometimes you have to sift through the spam not to miss the brownies ad/or bacon.

    I am now having a moment when I am envisioning brownies with bacon. And I am oddly aroused.

    Any hoo, I had a friend who regularly sent me right wing e-mail spam, and the day I chose to bitch about this annoying habit of hers via my Facebook status, she joined Facebook and sent me a friend request. When I accepted, she read my status line.

    No more spam. And alas, no bacon brownies, either. But then again, she never baked me anything anyway.

  20. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! I think Dave would have a boner if he read about bacon brownies. Blech.

    And that’s one way to get rid of the right wing spam. ROCK ON. Seriously, that’s pretty freaking funny.

  21. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:40 am Maniacal Mom Says:

    As always Aunt Becky, very sage advice. My MIL forwards every single think she gets to me…twice! I just delete it and never mention it. It’s her only form of entertainment and i’d rather just delete and have to have THAT chit chat with her and/or hubby. I love my delete key.

  22. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Since my in-laws don’t have my email address, they just send the crap to Dave and assume he’ll call me over to see it. Well, HA. No.

    Occasionally they’ll ask about it and when we’re both like, uh, NO, I didn’t see the blinky cute cat calendar thing, they always seem surprised. Which makes me wonder if they know that Dave has a penis.

  23. On December 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm Melissa Says:

    It always amazes me when my mother-in-law makes some comment about my wife that is so completely wrong about her, and I want to ask, have you met your daughter? Ha ha, do they know he has a penis, that just cracked me up!

  24. On December 1st, 2009 at 2:41 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    (I am DEAD serious about the fluffy kitties calendar. I about puked)

  25. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:42 am Kensi Says:

    I have an a few different email accounts…if I’m unsure of the mail I’ll get from someone, I give them one of the “other” addresses.

  26. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:26 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that’s a great idea. All of my email address are dumped into one main account, so I should open one that I never read. GOOD CALL.

  27. On November 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am Jessica Says:

    One of my college deans had that same note Dave received posted on their office wall. Used to read it when I was in there. I actually like the meaning. Then again, I love philosophy.

    Now, were someone to ever send me an email with any sort of religious connotation… Hell no. I’m from the east coast, much too type A/ over intellectual for that crap –it goes strait to SPAM.

    The spam box, by the way, is a pretty easy solution for those expected emails from people you do not wish to deal with. Just circumvent the inbox, send it strait to spam/ delete.

    Glad to hear you are guest posting over at the Canadian Family Magazine blog. Rock on!

  28. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Most of the emails Dave gets have some religious connotation behind them. It’s charming, eh?

  29. On November 29th, 2009 at 9:32 am Jenn Says:

    I recently blocked my FIL’s email address because he was sending me non-stop Catholic/anti-Obama emails. BUT my FIL was doing it specifically to annoy/hurt me so I wouldn’t recommend blocking a kindly well-meaning old lady’s email – I would definitely do what Aunt Becky says & go the filter/folder route!

  30. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:43 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now what your FIL is doing is just cruel. I’m sorry, Jenn. Not surprised, just sorry.

  31. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:05 pm BeckyLover Says:

    some Catholics LOVE the President….just saying! (sorry the FIL is a douche)

  32. On November 29th, 2009 at 10:06 am michele Says:

    spam filters are great – nuff said
    i am a firm believer that teaching, like nursing, is a calling. if you don’t like it, don’t like it, don’t do it cause the kids will be able to tell. i remember quite a few teachers who hated teaching, and the ones who loved it made all the difference.
    there’s no reason you *have* to teach, if you really feel the need to go back to work, get a master of library science (MLS) online while the kids are small. then you can get a job at a school, at a public library or even at a corporate library. but only if you want to. if you really want to be a stay at home mom, more power to you 🙂

  33. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:47 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Teaching is absolutely a calling, you said it. And you’re totally right. I remember all the teachers that I had throughout the years that hated it and I wish that they’d been replaced by teachers that hadn’t.

    All great advice.

  34. On November 29th, 2009 at 10:09 am Heather Says:

    Yes, I love my emails served up with a load of guilt.
    “Are you ashamed of God? Will you delete this or pass it on to everyone in your address book?”
    If I needed some guilt for the day, I would call my mother…if she wasn’t home, I could call her mother. Guilt’s covered, Thanks!
    Also, the propaganda emails telling my not to nuke my saran wrap, drink from soda cans, oh, and NEVER FORGET. Aside from being annoying, we’ve seen them 4,687,001 times. and the delete button are my friends.

  35. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    “If you don’t send this on, you will get herpes.”

    Like, dude, COME ON. The world needs another stupid angel forward like I need a hole in my head.

  36. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm Anon. Says:

    I tell my nieces and nephews, that is how they spread virus’s. Sending religious emails to little old ladies who are SURE to forward it to everyone in their address book. Stop sending them, and stop the infection! Pretty sure Jesus doesn’t give a fat crap about glittery Thomas Kinkade crosses. But, I could be wrong. I’m taking my chances….

  37. On November 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am Scattered Mom Says:

    I have worked for 17 years as special ed para. in the school system, and let me tell your young teacher reader that if she doesn’t want to teach now, don’t.

    Stay home, if you can. Find something that makes your soul sing and go for it. Be the PTA prez and enjoy those babies, because before you know it they will be grown and gone.

    The school system is a good employer, but the job is full of politics and stress that one won’t survive unless they really truly love it. I’m not even a teacher but have decided that even I am done, and in the next few years will pursue something else. I’m just a bit sad it took me this long.

  38. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You said it. You said it well.

  39. On November 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am Dawn Says:

    Canadian Family Magazine, eh*? Congrats!

    I have several friends who, while otherwise seeming to be fairly intelligent, feel the need to pass on every urban legend that comes their way. “Don’t sample perfume in parking lots (it’s really something that will knock you out so you can be abducted).” “Big virus coming your way! (not).” etc..

    I usually find the link to the appropriate Snopes page and send it to them. Anything else (God bothering, cutesy-wutesy “heart” messages, etc.) I just don’t acknowledge and straight into the Trash folder they go.

    Come to think of it, I haven’t received any of those emails in a while now, so either they’ve learned to check Snopes themselves or they’ve just learned not to send it to me. Either way, RESULT!

    *You must be Canadian to get this reference.

  40. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    What about the syringe full of HIV that is JUST under the gas pump handle at the gas station? I remember that forward well.

    Delete, delete, delete.

    I don’t tend to argue, but I don’t get the really crappy ones either. So there’s that.

  41. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:20 am Andrea Says:

    Forward crappy emails. Go for it. But if I see that the forward is a forward of a forward of a forward, DELETE. You always know a good forward when the forwarder takes the 2 1/2 minutes to delete the various email headers and leaves only the meat and potatoes of the email. Oh, and change the phucking reference line from “fw:fw;fw:” to just the title of the email. HELLO!

    Am I alone in this?

  42. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually take the time to remove all of the email addresses and the 47 fw:’s from the address line! That’s so awesome that I could pee!

  43. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:14 pm michele Says:

    *erm* when i find the one or two emails to forward to my mom, i do that *hangs head in shame for daring to forward crap*

  44. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:42 pm deb Says:

    *um* I actually do take the time to delete all addresses and extra fw:s. Didn’t used to until one day a friend of mine mentioned the scolding she got from her daughter for NOT doing so. We hadn’t realized that that was proper Internet-etiquette. *sigh* Where’s the “Computer for Older Dummies” book when you need it?

  45. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am Melanie Says:

    Regarding the forwarding issue: I do not believe that ignoring it is a good thing to do. I have always held to the adage, “People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.” Email forwarding is no different. I have definitely used Snopes on occasion to send an answer to those who would forward malicious untruths as though they were fact. I have been very upfront about the people in my life- I don’t want forwards. I don’t like them. They are never productive and it’s drama that I am not willing to be a part of.

    My mother, at first, was rather offended. But, you know what? She got over it. She doesn’t send me forwards anymore, either.

    Just because someone is an elderly person, doesn’t mean they get to be disrespectful to me or my beliefs, nor will I give them extra “slack”. They need to behave just like everyone else is expected to.

    If someone cuts you out of their life because you didn’t want their forwards, then you don’t need someone like that in your life anyway.

    I’m not saying to be mean or uber confrontational- I’m saying, have some backbone. Just say something like, “The tone of these forwards is extremely offensive to me, and I would appreciate it if you do not include me in any forwarded messages in the future.”

    If you let someone walk all over you through something little like email forwards, what else do you let them do to you? Just a thought.

  46. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s exactly how The Daver handles it.

  47. On November 29th, 2009 at 11:49 am Mwa Says:

    I also delete, delete, delete. Really you would think people would catch on if I NEVER send anything like that back their way. EVER.

  48. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    “If you value me as a friend, you’ll send it back to me.”

    No, if you value me as a friend, you won’t send it to me PERIOD.

  49. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:08 pm slouchy Says:

    Most of my family’s e-mails get deleted before they get read. It’s a beautiful thing. The not knowing, I mean.

  50. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:58 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    My in-laws will occasionally ask me if I’ve seen any of the hilarious cuddly kitty emails that they’ve sent The Daver and no, no I’ve not.

    They’re shocked by this response, which leads me to believe that some people just won’t get it. Ever.

  51. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:24 pm Erin Says:

    Wow! The second letter writer seems to me to be a very fortunate individual.

    Dear, if you love being a Mommy then be a Mommy! That’s a wonderful choice of life path and one that, while not honored in society like it should be, is a noble and honorable and rewarding choice. Nothing wrong with you at all, don’t change a thing!!!

  52. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s exactly what I said when I opened the email! I was like, um, wow! THIS IS REFRESHINGLY AMAZING! I was thrilled. And then I wondered if I misread it. But no, I read it the right way!


  53. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:40 pm Shin Ae Says:

    Must chime in on the email thing to say that, yeah, I think it’s way easier to just delete rather than have The Conversation. We actually had The Conversation with someone in our life, but we continue to receive anti-Obama emails and guilt-inducing religious emails (We are Christian but *still* find these horribly offensive). We care about the sender and figure it’s better to not bring it up again, but to also never mention the emails in any kind of approving way.

    I’m also in the position of having my degree but not using it currently. My children are getting older and I’ve thought about going “back to work,” but don’t feel quite ready yet. I feel not completely at rest with being volunteer/PTA mom forever, either. I’m doing it, and it’s good for now, to be sure, but I keep feeling like I want to put my hand to something more. I’m thinking years down the road here, when the children are grown. What I want to say about all that, though, is that there is such a need for volunteers in the schools! It is so good for all the children, even those who are not your own. When you see their faces looking at you, you will understand what I mean. And my experience has been that the school staff is really, really appreciative of those adults who are willing and able to come lend a hand. So, more power to your second letter-writer-person! I wish her well!

  54. On November 29th, 2009 at 1:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    She’s doing what she loves and I’m so happy for her. That’s so rockin’. We should all be so lucky, right?

    (I’m with you. The Conversation is simply not worth it to me.)

  55. On November 29th, 2009 at 1:55 pm Shin Ae Says:

    Yes, we should all be so lucky. I wish that for all of us!

  56. On November 29th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Mel Says:

    Thank you for reminding me of another thing to be thankful for in my life – my inlaws don’t have email, heck they don’t even own a computer.

    However, I have on occasion received a printed email forward from my MIL, who read it at her workplace, and it was SO important that it warranted a wasted piece of paper…come to think of it I think it was a bunch of bogus crap regarding a a free gift card for a restaurant if I sent it to 10 of my friends…and that is an email I couldn’t just delete.

  57. On November 29th, 2009 at 1:02 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Let’s hope she doesn’t think she has somehow won the Microsoft Lottery next.

  58. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm Mel Says:

    Haha, that or the Nigerian princess one! And yet she doesn’t share the good porn emails. I guess I see how I rank.

  59. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Stone Fox Says:

    i think my grandma is the only Old Lady in the world who actually knows how to use email. especially to GUILT TRIP ME..

    “oh stone.. i *hate* to fill up your inbox with silly emails.. but i’m still waiting for pictures of your kids? i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sending some? just over the email maybe? when you have time, of course.”

    i told her i would be sending them about 6 months ago. you know, i should probably go do that..

  60. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:39 pm Sam Says:

    Water on the rocks? All that needs is some rum, some fake frozen fruit, and crush up the rocks and you’re good to go. 🙂 I have enlightened half my family to snopes – I got tired of getting weird emails about how Andy Rooney ranted about speaking the English and dying kids who want rubber band band balls. At least my mom uses it now. Kudos Aunt Becky for writing – you’re good at it! My degree is in English and they told us at the door it was useless…. so at least I didn’t have any illusions of a JOB or anything crazy like that! 🙂

  61. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:50 pm Nancy Campbell Says:

    It’s weird> I taught for eight years, thought I was done, but I’m feeling the call of the classroom again.

    That being said, I’m a firm believer in finding the work you like, because it’s where you spend the majority of your day.

  62. On November 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm carlynn Says:

    I loved reading about your response to that email because I get them regularly and now I just delete them on the first slide, but I feel totally coldhearted when I do. Now I will smile and know that I am not the only one who thinks “Hello?” when she opens an email like that. (And a very close family member sends them).

  63. On November 29th, 2009 at 3:00 pm Delisha Says:

    I HATE those emails. They make me want to kill myself. Of course I’m not so nice about them. I always respond back to the idiots with something rude and inappropriate. Of course that’s just me.

    Very good advice though for those who don’t like being rude.

  64. On November 29th, 2009 at 4:16 pm Not My Mother Says:

    Hey, I just watched The Pursuit of Happyness on Saturday. Well, most of it, because my brand-new, just released in Aus, allegedly fantabulous Sony Play TV PVR cut the last ten minutes off. This did not increase my happyness! So yesterday we went and bought a Tivo, which is what I wanted in the first place and which can pad for longer at the end. And then we borrowed the DVD from my Dave’s* sister, and everything was all right again. The end.

    * is there a club for people with Dave’s? Because there should be.

  65. On November 29th, 2009 at 5:30 pm Becca Says:

    The people responsible for the email crap in your life, are the very same type of people responsible for me not being able to use my google reader at work anymore!! Talk about making me crazy, they have made it so that we can’t get anymore personal emails at work EVER! That kind of stupid crap makes me craaaazy.

    Also, I have a degree in history b/c I had dreams of being a teacher, but unless you also coach football you can’t find a job teaching history in my state. So, now I am a caseworker in a prison, go figure!! 🙂

  66. On November 29th, 2009 at 6:02 pm GingerB Says:

    Why does anyone, anywhere send me anti-Obama emails?!? Oh, my, did they miss the part of my blog where I discussed my Obama sex dream?!? Oh yeah, I never give anyone I know my blog’s address either . . .

    And, I kinda hate all that uplifting shit.

  67. On November 29th, 2009 at 6:34 pm Mama Cas Says:

    I have a neighbor who likes to forward me every panicky, you must read this or you will be killed by masked gunmen, overly-hysterical e-mail she gets. The delete button is my VERY best friend.

  68. On November 29th, 2009 at 6:50 pm Bex Says:

    I’m afraid my mother is guilty of the evangelical right-wing mass forward email trick. My fiance just bites his tongue, because my mother is basically a pair of wings short of being a real angel (in spite of her weird political leanings), but I fire back retorts at will. Because she’s just too good for that, you know? And yet they keep coming. It’s a sickness, I think.

    Will be checking in North of the border next week to read your column.

  69. On November 29th, 2009 at 7:01 pm Melissa Says:

    Dude – You must e-mail me so that I can e-mail you the super loud YOU ARE WATCHING GAY PORN (which really is). It gives you the instuctions to turn your speakers way up of course before the actual e-mail.

    Total revenge upon my beloved mother who sends me forwards EVERYDAY – Non snopes approved, which she ADDS to the message. Plus she deletes the FWD from the subject line because I told her I wont open those. She is such a sneak.

    Did I mention I love my mom? I really do. Otherwise I wouldnt bother her enough to torture her right wing Christian ass. I guess she loves me too seeing that explanation.

    Mom – I love you. May I say vagina just to mess with your head?

  70. On November 29th, 2009 at 7:38 pm Krissa Says:

    Oh Wise and Wonderful Becky, I <3 U!

  71. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:32 pm bashtree Says:

    Good for you for not dissing the stay at home mommies of the world 🙂 I get a lot of the obnoxious anti-obama emails too, and the ‘good old days’ ones, from my mom. And I mean, I am not exactly ‘liberal’ – I might not even quite make it off of ‘conservative’ and into ‘moderate’ but they still really bother me. I have to pull a from time to time too. Beyond that, I have to suck it up and hit delete.

    She also sends me lots of health/science updates about how to prevent The Diabeetus.

  72. On November 29th, 2009 at 8:53 pm kys Says:

    The delete button in my BFF. And the educated SAHM? Congrats on doing what you love!

  73. On November 30th, 2009 at 7:33 am Melissa Says:

    I just have to give you kudos for all your work lately with guest posts, and your interview with Slate on the happiness project. Another blog I read religiously, so I was so psyched to see you over there! Yes, you are Full of the Awesome.
    Melissa in Durham

  74. On November 30th, 2009 at 7:39 am Melissa Says:

    I just have to give you kudos for all your work lately with guest posts, and your interview with Slate on the happiness project. Another blog I read religiously, so I was so psyched to see you over there! Yes, you are Full of the Awesome.
    Hell yeah to the SAHM. If you are happy and your family is happy and well, do what you love! Your advice was great. I’m currently doing well career wise, and fairly happy, but deep down, I long to be a SAHM, and hopefully once my wife is done with grad school, she can climb the career ladder and I can get my chance. SAHM and working moms all rock, and it is great you have the choice and have found the one you enjoy.
    E-mail forwards suck! I work for government, and my favorite is when my co-workers send me e-mails tellign how the government and government employees suck. Hello, they are stupid enough to think it’s not them! WTF?!
    Melissa in Durham

  75. On November 30th, 2009 at 9:07 am mepsipax Says:

    I have seen said slideshow. I believe that is where Emo children are born.
    I get the forwards from my Aunt (by marriage I might add) I stopped reading long ago.

  76. On November 30th, 2009 at 9:20 am Badass Geek Says:

    If it wasn’t for inspirational forwards, my mother would have nothing to send me when she want to try to convert my soul.

  77. On November 30th, 2009 at 10:36 am Gail Says:

    You better give ME one of your subscriptions to Canadian Family Magazine. Because, obviously.

    We all talk to each other, you know. How else do you think the Canadians found out about you? I mentioned you at a recent meeting.


  78. On November 30th, 2009 at 8:19 pm Kelly Says:

    Are you my secret sister in law? I got the same prozac popping email last Christmas too…and subsequently, the same anti-Obama, Watch out for paper on your windshield you will be abducted, and here are some puppy dogs for good measure, emails all damn year long. And then there was the 24 minute, 50GB video of Letterman’s monologue from the night before that locked up my husband’s work email for threat of security breach.

    Can totally relate.

  79. On December 1st, 2009 at 11:03 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    YOU SERIOUSLY GOT THAT EMAIL? Because I was like, “HOLY SHIT, could you BE any less Christmas-y? Now I want to kill myself, thank you.”

    If you are my sister-in-law, I am very, very happy. I need a sister-in-law.

  80. On December 1st, 2009 at 3:38 pm p jane Says:

    Dude…my BOSS sends those (and that very PowerPoint just last week) to all five of us in her department. Now, one co-worker wholly, vocally agrees, three delete them unread while fuming silently and I just shake my head. To her the world is RIGHT or WRONG and she can’t wrap her head around the fact that voting Republican doesn’t mean you have to rant like a small-minded bigot against everything you don’t support. (To be fair, MIL is much the same, only without technology. She stopped buying CoverGirl cosmetics when Ellen Degeneres became a spokesperson for the company…yeah.)

    Thanks for taking time to entertain me every day, even if I am late in reading sometimes 🙂 And purple IS a flavour–you have GOT to try MountainDew diet UltraViolet…pretty and delicious.

  81. On December 1st, 2009 at 9:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Dave swears by Mountain Dew but I can’t stand the stuff anymore. It reminds me of my stoner days too much.

  82. On December 2nd, 2009 at 8:03 am JennyMac Says:

    I have an older person who also loves to send me the Anti Obama tirades including how he is a terrorist. Since this is not a grandmotherly type neighbor but my FATHER, I assured him that if so, I would read that in the news or perhaps on a political pundit website and not in fact from a email with 17,000 forwards from his friend at Microsoft.

  83. On December 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 am Dot Says:

    I have a good friend who sent me similar emails. I got the PowerPoint thing too. I finally asked her to stop sending me all the pro-Bush and anti-Arab (“Kill them all and let God sort them out”) stuff. She said she had created a distribution list and didn’t realize she was sending me all that, and she stopped. Didn’t seem to be offended — she knew I was not a conservative.

  84. On December 2nd, 2009 at 4:08 pm Jessica Says:

    Ignorance can sometimes truly be bliss…until *they* blow up all the phones…cell…home…work…leaving a million messages.

    *they* = family. Sigh.

  85. On December 16th, 2009 at 5:53 am Gunfighter Says:

    I’m a fighter by nature, so it probably won’t shock you to hear that when I get crackpot political email about the President being a Marxist/socialist/terrorist/closet-Muslim/America hater/racist blah, blah, blah… I tend to take a rhetorical knife to them and dismember their stupid “facts”.

    I find it most effective as a way to stop getting more of the same emails from these people, as I always “reply to all” so everyone that they forwarded the stupid email to, knows that I think that the sender is an idiot.

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