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For Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Your Heart Be Also.


One of my best friends died this February at the age of 26, leaving behind two young sons. Her death changed me nearly as much as having her in my life did, and I find that no matter how hard I try, I’m unable to write about her very much. It’s not because I don’t think of her because I do, daily if not longer, but I’m too afraid to write about her.

What if I get it wrong? What if I try to tell the most important story I can think of and it’s all wrong? I can’t bear to think of not doing it right for Steph, so I don’t do it at all.

But I want to tell you.

I want each and every one of you to know who she is, who she was, and what she meant to me. How she was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. And how there is now a gigantic hole in my heart now that she’s gone. I want you to know how things will never be the same now that she’s gone from the world.

And I will.

I got word this morning that her older brother died yesterday; died of a freak accident, so my stories today will have to wait for yet another day. He died, leaving behind a wife and two small kids, leaving behind parents who have buried two adult children in a little over six months.

He died, and although I’m not an uber-Christian, I like to imagine that he’s meeting Steph up there in Heaven. I like to imagine that all of the loved ones that I lose down here are hanging out together and waiting patiently for the rest of us to join them, one by one. That’s how I find comfort in her death: imagining a day when we can all be together again.

And sometimes, sometimes it makes me less angry that she’s not down here with all of us.

56 Comments to

“For Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Your Heart Be Also.”

  1. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm kalakly Says:

    Oh holy mother of, son of a , Jesus H., …I just don’t know what to say. God, I am so sorry. Saying life is unfair doesn’t even begin to cover it.
    My heart aches for them and for you and especially for those two babies.

  2. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:16 pm kate Says:

    sorry. good thoughts for you and them.

  3. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:30 pm Lola Says:

    I’m so sorry, Becky. That just sucks for everyone involved. I was raised Catholic but have had absolutely nothing to do with religion for all of my adult life for many reasons. I do, however, believe that I will see my loved ones again. It’s the only way I know how to cope in times like these. Hugs!

  4. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:38 pm Susan Says:

    Ooooh, I am SO sorry. I hate this for the parents, the children, siblings and friends left behind. I don’t know what else to say but I’m SO sorry!!

  5. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm Danielle Says:

    I feel the same way about writing about my mom. he need to get it right is more important to me then anything else. I am SO sorry for your friend and his family. My thoughts are with you and your friends.

  6. On September 13th, 2008 at 12:53 pm birdpress Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. How sad for you and everyone involved. I like your idea of them being together now. I don’t know anymore than anyone else does what happens when we leave this life, but I know there is no sadness there. That is reserved for the ones left behind. Hugs and prayers to you and your friends’ family.

  7. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm guilty noodles Says:

    It’s a tragic loss… for everyone. I found that after I hit a certain age, people have passing away left and right. It used to be many weddings and baby showers, but now it seems to be a whole lot of funerals.

    My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

  8. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:10 pm Mare Says:

    Oh Becky, I am deeply sorry. I will be thinking of your family and your friend’s family as well.

  9. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:16 pm Em Says:

    I’m so sorry Becky. I know words, spoken or typed, cannot solve this problem or ease the heartache.

    It’ something I plan on taking up with Him one day – how unfair life can truly be. I hope He understands when I find it difficult to accept His explanation.


  10. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:29 pm The Mommy Says:

    You and they have my deepest sympathy. No one should have to bury a child, let alone two. And children should not be without their parents.

  11. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:40 pm CLC Says:

    oh, god, that is awful. my heart is breaking for you and that family. there are no words to even express how injust this seems. i am so sorry.

  12. On September 13th, 2008 at 1:50 pm Anita Says:

    I’m sorry Becky. My thoughts are with the family and you.

  13. On September 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    ohh becky, i wasnt expecting your post to end with the death of her brother… i’m holding back tears for you, for their parents, their children and the people who loved them and whose lives they bumped up a few notches by being in it…

    i also do the hanging-out-in-heaven imagery. so today i am imagining that my dad will be showing steph’s brother to where the “watch your kids” place is, and i am sure he has already met steph and talked about how much they love their kids and are watching out for them. sounds a little juvenile to type it out here for the world to see… but it is definitely a comfort.

    please share the stories of your friend when you are ready…already the beautiful words you have shared of how she touched your life make me wish i could know her and want to know more… so when you are ready, i think i can speak for your buds here, we wanna meet your friend!

    much love and hugs to you,

  14. On September 13th, 2008 at 2:51 pm Badass Geek Says:


  15. On September 13th, 2008 at 3:13 pm Jenn Says:

    The belief that we will all be together some day is what holds *me* together most days.

    Peace to you.

  16. On September 13th, 2008 at 3:14 pm Betty M Says:

    I’m so sorry. For you for Steph’s family and for her brother’s family too. Just awful for everyone.

  17. On September 13th, 2008 at 3:24 pm Heather Says:

    I’m sorry, Becky. Inadequate? Yes, but heartfelt. We want to know Steph, too, so when you’re ready, whenever that is, we’ll be here.

  18. On September 13th, 2008 at 3:25 pm Holli Says:

    I am sorry. There’s nothing more I can say.

  19. On September 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm swirl girl Says:

    how tragic and beautiful at the same time.
    I am sorry for your losses.

  20. On September 13th, 2008 at 4:09 pm Sarah Says:

    I’m so sorry, for your loss and theirs. 🙁 HUGE (((HUGS)))

  21. On September 13th, 2008 at 4:20 pm Heather P. Says:

    OH Dear Lord!
    Becky I am so so sorry. I can not imagine the pain Steph’s parents are going through. They have got to be living a nightmare.
    I am so sorry.

  22. On September 13th, 2008 at 4:29 pm mandy Says:

    Aunt Becky,

    This was so heartbreaking to learn. I hurt for their parents. His children and wife…I am so sorry. I can imagine your heart, broken forever.

    I truly believe that we will see those we’ve lost again. You don’t have to be an uber-christian, just a believer.

    I hope your pregnancy is going well, how bout some pictures of your sweet self already!

  23. On September 13th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    How terrible that must be.

  24. On September 13th, 2008 at 5:13 pm Meg Says:

    I’m sorry for the tremendous grief this family must be feeling. And you too, sweetie. xxx

  25. On September 13th, 2008 at 5:28 pm mumma boo Says:

    Oh, Becky, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and to Steph’s family. You’re all in my prayers. Take care of yourself, sweetie.

  26. On September 13th, 2008 at 6:30 pm Maria Says:

    I’m so sorry for their families and their babies. You’re a good friend to hold memories dear and to pledge, even to yourself, to keep those memories bright. I can’t fathom that kind of loss, I really can’t.

  27. On September 13th, 2008 at 6:37 pm jerseygirl89 Says:

    I am so sorry for you and their families. I think any writing you do about her is honoring her wonderfully.

  28. On September 13th, 2008 at 6:49 pm giggleblue Says:

    never forget the fond memories…

  29. On September 13th, 2008 at 6:59 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    I am sorry for your loss. Try and remember the good times, the fun times. They can help get you through the bad times like this.

  30. On September 13th, 2008 at 7:09 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Some believe that the souls of those we love who went before us await our joining them in the next world. They wait there on the other side of life’s door when it is our turn to pass through, and they lead us over the bridge and into the embrace of the great circle of people we have loved, who have loved us.

    I like that thought.

    I’m sorry you lost someone so deeply rooted in your life’s garden. Some holes just can’t be refilled, but they soften around the edges…eventually…

    I’m sorry for her parents, too…to twice find yourself saying farewell to a child…it’s a dreadful thing.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  31. On September 13th, 2008 at 8:02 pm Nissa Says:

    I am so very sorry for their families and you. Sometimes I just do not get it, how one family can get dealt so much bad shit.

  32. On September 13th, 2008 at 9:06 pm Edward Says:

    Wow this family has been hit hard! I am no uber Christian either…in fact I am not sure what I believe at times. What I do think is that “we” are all part of the whole. That each and everyone of us is part of God and we experience life through this energry of the whole. We have done all we can do, learned our lessons, and done all we could do, do what we are meant to do, then we return to the WHOLE…the whole that makes up God, the all of us. There are no names for this belief. Its just what I feel and believe. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m crazy but those of us that are done wtih this earth, with the hunam for,m we return to be part of the WHOLE of God, that is what makes up God, all of us. So I believe that there is much confort in that. You know energy, which each of us are, cannot be destroyed. We either come back to this physical form or we return to the WHOLE.

    I am sorry Becky…I hope your friends are content and free, happy, safe, o.k.. Whether it is back to this life form or returning to the energy or our original being.

    Don’t be afraid for them. I am not afraid to die. This life is only one small part of the WHOLE. In my opinion. Sounds crazy but feels right to me. Much love to you and those you care about.

  33. On September 13th, 2008 at 9:25 pm Sara Says:

    So not okay. My heart is breaking for those parents. And for you. I can’t imagine.

    I agree that you should write what you are compelled to write. It can’t be right or wrong. And it might do you a lot of good.


  34. On September 13th, 2008 at 9:33 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss you and your friend’s family has experienced. I can’t even begin to imagine the heartbreak your friend’s parents have gone through, but I agree with you. Sometimes the only way I’m able to have felt a peace with losses in my family is the hope and belief that the ones we’ve loved will be there for us, and that the reunion will be glorious.

  35. On September 13th, 2008 at 10:14 pm Sandy Says:

    I used to be an uber Christian. Infertility and a bipolar husband have put a distance between me and the big guy that I know is MY fault, but I can’t seem to bridge just yet. However, when I tell you that those parents and those children WILL be in my prayers – you can put all your chips on betting that they will be.

    Much comfort to you also while you work through this.

  36. On September 13th, 2008 at 10:55 pm pamajama Says:

    Life is bizarro and I believe whole-heartedly in an after life because there has to be an explanation for stuff. The world is scientific. There are reasons for things. I’m sure of it.

  37. On September 13th, 2008 at 10:58 pm Denise Says:

    Ah man, that’s heartbreaking for them. Major hugs to you, my dear.

  38. On September 13th, 2008 at 11:05 pm Emily (Apron Strings) Says:

    Sometimes the hardest things to write about are the things that hurt the absolute most.

    I am so sorry for your loss, Becky. And how tragic it is for this family. I, too, think that the loved ones that go ahead of us are waiting for us on the other side …


  39. On September 13th, 2008 at 11:12 pm Candid Engineer Says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky, I hurt for you. How terrible for everyone who knew these wonderful people. Thinking of you…

  40. On September 13th, 2008 at 11:37 pm Ann Says:

    OH wow. I’m so very sorry for your losses and I cannot even imagine the grief their poor parents are feeling. There was a girl in my highschool who disappeared one day…they found her car, but not her and never figured out the case. Her mother and sister were just beside themselves with grief and were on the local news begging someone to turn in tips and offered up a large reward. 6 months later her mom choked on a piece of meat and died instantly. It was so surreal and tragic and I didn’t even know any of them personally. Life can really deal out some lemons….prayers for you all, love. xo. But, I like you found at peace they were at least reunited in heaven.

  41. On September 13th, 2008 at 11:40 pm A Soldier's Girl Says:

    I am so sorry…my thoughts & prayers are with you and your friends family. I can’t imagine losing two children, siblings, friends, etc. in one year!


  42. On September 13th, 2008 at 11:50 pm bee Says:

    {{HUGS}} to you.

    You tell us Steph’s story when you are good and ready. In the meantime, my thoughts are with you and with her family.

  43. On September 14th, 2008 at 12:22 am Painted Maypole Says:


    I’m sorry

  44. On September 14th, 2008 at 12:26 am Jenn Says:

    I can’t imagine what their parents are going through. That must be the most horrible thing in the world, losing 2 children like that, so close together even. Losing a close friend is so hard (I had a good friend kill herself when I was in high school) but a child… unimaginable.
    Give yourself time to fully grieve Steph before you write your story of her.
    I’m thinking of you and here anytime you need to talk or anything. xoxo

  45. On September 14th, 2008 at 3:28 am quietgirl? Says:

    I’ve been thinking a lot about life the teacher, like the old zen master. And life that teaches by taking things away. The master that teaches by destroying himself, forcing you to find meaning, at the cost of your own mental survival. I’m still thinking about it…. And reading Viktor Frankl. I’m certain he has something to teach me…..

    I wish you well. 🙂

  46. On September 14th, 2008 at 5:48 am Karen Says:

    Holy Crap! That poor, poor family! Why is life so unfair sometimes?

  47. On September 14th, 2008 at 8:46 am Ames Says:

    Becky – There are not any words to express how truly sorry I am for your loss and for everything that you and Steph’s family have been through lately. It’s just not fair. Please know that you will all be in my thoughts. *hugs*

  48. On September 14th, 2008 at 9:54 am Natalie Says:

    OMG that is aweful. That poor family. 🙁 It’s just so wrong.

  49. On September 14th, 2008 at 2:33 pm Fancy Says:

    I’m so sorry for your losses. Maybe you’ll find that one day the right words will just be there waiting for you to type them out. Until then, remember the good times you shared. Take care.

  50. On September 14th, 2008 at 7:46 pm Anjali Says:

    I can’t believe that! Two children in one family in 6 months! I’m so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you and and your friends’ family.

  51. On September 15th, 2008 at 8:17 am tash Says:

    God Becky, I’m so sorry I’m late to this.

    I’m not a big believer in teh Heaven, but you know, I find it comforting to know there are others where Maddy is, even if that “where” is just dust in the cosmos. The universe is a lonely place, and watching a friend or loved one enter an unknown seems loneliest of all. My deepest sympathy to the entire family, that is just heartbreaking beyond measure.

    As for your friend: I felt the same way when I started blogging about Maddy. Do I start at the beginning? My thesis advisor always reamed me out for not giving proper background and context. And yet, she always told me when I got stuck, to simply let my mind go and start in the middle.

    Start in the middle, Becky. And in the end, it will be beautiful.

  52. On September 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am kbrients Says:

    oh my god that is beyond terrible. I am so sorry! No parents should have to bury a child- let alone two!

  53. On September 15th, 2008 at 4:50 pm Joann Says:

    I’m so sorry for another loss in your life.
    The poor parents to have to lay to rest there 2 children in less than a year. That is the worst for your childen to go first, before the parent. My prayers are with you.

  54. On September 15th, 2008 at 11:45 pm heather... Says:

    Sometimes I think about the girl who used to sit next to me in high school. All my teachers were big on sitting in alphabetical order, so we were always together. One day, she wasn’t there, she’d died of a freak heart attack at the age of 17. Danielle was there one day, and the next day she wasn’t. And it’s so unfair. So unfair. I’m so sorry about your friend and her brother.

  55. On September 16th, 2008 at 2:35 am baseballmom Says:

    Wow…how awful. My grandpa died last week, but he was 94 and had a long time here on the big blue marble. I hate when I hear of a young person dying too soon…so sad for their parents. I try to picture people in heaven, whooping it up with their loved ones, and watching over me, and I’m not really religious either.

  56. On September 17th, 2008 at 1:01 am Collette Says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine having to bury my children, I can’t imagine the pain those parents are going through.

    I am not very religious either but it helps to think that he is with his sister, waiting for you.

    You and their families are in my thoughts.

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