Mommy Wants Vodka

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Flu Made Who


Of the past 48 hours, I’ve spent nearly 36 of them laying supine while the room spun around alarmingly. As I slurred to The Daver, it’s like being wasted while totally sober and if I felt any better, I’d be enjoying myself mightily because a free high is a free high.

But I can’t think straight which is frustrating to me because I have THINGS to do, like organize my Serial Killer of the Month Cards and rearrange my Garbage Pail Kids and I simply can’t. I can barely type this post, to be honest, because the room is tilting out of control and all I can think is that line from that awful song, “it’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door.” Because really, it’s TRUE even if that song sucks.

Considering I had the Swine Flu already, you’d think that I’d get a break and not get The (ever-loving) Flu again but apparently, the Swine Flu ruins your immune system for awhile afterward. Ain’t THAT a bitch?

So I’m going to shuffle back to bed, leaving my house in shambles and my children to run amok (which, hi, that word looks HILARIOUS to me. Is that even a real word? Because it doesn’t look like it. HOORAY FOR FAKE WORDS.) so I can go sweat and dream about hot dogs and zombies munching on what is left of my grey matter.

Good night and good luck, Pranksters.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
63 Comments to

“Flu Made Who”

  1. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:27 am Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:

    The Death, it want’s you.

  2. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:17 am Lotta Says:

    Feel better! Am embracing the pjs myself today via the flu. Yuch.

  3. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:21 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    The flu felled another Prankster. Sorry, duder. Feel better.

  4. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:23 am toywithme Says:

    Clearly your body is letting you know you need another cruise (before 2011). If you weren’t so delusional you would know that. Obviously. You were fine on the cruise, it was only when you got home that the sickness sucked the life right out of you. Cruise = Healthy, Home = Sick. So get your sweet ass back on a Motherfucking Boat!! It will cure what ails you.

  5. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:23 am melanie Says:

    oh no, the swine flu knocked me for a loop, never been so sick…that bitch had better not come back here!

  6. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:28 am Sam Says:

    I dearly hope you get better Aunt Becks; and ps – earlier this month I wrote about the time I got The Plague and my doctor lied to me and told me it was a “respiratory infection” and “your asthma” – which is TOTALLY doctor code speak for Bubonic Plague – they just don’t want to alarm you. And the *relevant* part? They totally tested me for flu first! Just sayin’. You might want to be watching some Monty Python, or sniffing rose water, or whatever you do with Plague.

  7. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:37 am Melissa Says:

    Hey!! Dont knock the Eagles. Life’s been good to me so farrrrrr…

    Feel better, I know the feeling, I had the swine last fall, and it took MONTHS for me to go a week without getting sick.

  8. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:52 pm Evil Sheep Says:

    Not to be a nitpicker, but the song is by Joe Walsh, not the Eagles 😉

  9. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:05 pm Melissa Says:

    WhatEV! When I went to the Eagles reuniion concert they sang it 😛 WITH Joe Walsh, AS an Eagle.

  10. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:44 am Becky Mochaface Says:

    Hope you feel better soon!

  11. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:49 am Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos Says:

    Hope you feel better soon!

  12. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:54 am a Says:

    Ha. You just want the Daver to take care of the kids for another week!

    Feel better soon…

  13. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:57 am Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    Haha! You’re the flus bitch!
    Oh…I mean, sorry that you’re not feeling well. Hope that you improve enough to enjoy the high.
    And amok is a real word.

  14. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:01 pm Wicked Shawn Says:

    Hope you get to feeling better. Well, better enough to still feel high, but not feel like a bad song. No one should walk through life feeling like a bad song. Ick!

  15. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    At least it’s not Hotel California.

  16. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:14 pm Jenn Says:

    Get well soon,

  17. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Thank you Jenn. I hope so. I have a TON to do!

  18. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:17 pm Kelly Says:

    Hope you quit spinning soon, sick girl.

  19. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Me too! It’s getting old fast.

  20. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:43 pm pattypunker Says:

    amok is even fun to pronounce. feel better, sweetie.

  21. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It really does roll off the tongue.

  22. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:44 pm Kori Says:

    The Eagles may have sung that, but the original singer/writer was Joe Walsh, who kicks ass. I can’t believe you think that song sucks. Maybe it is just the flu talking?

  23. On May 21st, 2010 at 2:31 pm Manda Says:

    I agree. Clearly the flu has addled her brain, or else she would recognize that that guitar riff is one of the best rock and roll licks EVAHH!

    Plus the song is ironic and funny.

    Seriously dude.

  24. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:09 pm Melissa Says:

    Joe Walsh WAS an Eagle. And their reunion album AND concert featured that song. Technicality. 😛

    And I love that song too, but that is why I think she is addled.

  25. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Okay, that song doesn’t REALLY suck. It’s pretty rad.

  26. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:46 pm ThatToyChick Says:

    Oh noes 🙁 Feel better! We need your storiessss!

  27. On May 21st, 2010 at 4:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I need of them too! I feel useless without my writing!

  28. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:48 pm Alexandra Says:

    I hate being sick. stay down and watch Bourne identity.

  29. On May 21st, 2010 at 12:50 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Awww. Let me at that flu. I’ll kick it’s ass. No one messes with my Aunt Becky! Feel better hon. Sending healthy vibes your way.

  30. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’ll punch that flu in the balls.

  31. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:32 pm mumma boo Says:

    Toy With Me is right – get back on the boat, Becky. Get back on the boat! (and take me with you – I will bring the cough syrup)

  32. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Come aboard, baby.

  33. On May 22nd, 2010 at 11:20 am mumma boo Says:

    Grape or bubble-gum flavor? Screw that. Vodka, tequila or rum-flavored?

  34. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:35 pm mepsipax Says:

    Tell your weak ass body to Harden the fuck up.

  35. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    My body hates me.

  36. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:47 pm Jules Says:

    The pig virus is really a bitch. I was hopin to die when I went thru it….. So, good luck, lots of rest, a little alcohol and pass around the Purell!!

  37. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s a fucking ASSHOLE. I cannot believe I caught one of it’s little sisters. Fucking flu.

  38. On May 21st, 2010 at 1:54 pm Evil Sheep Says:

    I go to parties, sometimes until 4.
    It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door.
    It’s tough to handle this fortune and fame.
    Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed.

    They say I’m lazy but I have a good time
    (Everybody say oh, yeah…..OH,YEAH)
    I keep on going guess I’ll never know why.
    Life’s been good to me so far.

    Sorry, had to post the lyrics to help you get it out of your head. Feel better soon, Aunt Becky.

  39. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:58 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That song will be in my head for years.

  40. On May 21st, 2010 at 2:10 pm Kristin Says:

    Feel better soon. We just have a garden variety cold around here.

    And, amok is definitely a real word.

  41. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:59 pm Vinomom Says:

    One of my daughter’s friend’s Mom got the swine flu and has had horrible immune issues ever since. Last time I Saw her it looked like she’d lost about twenty pounds though, so maybe theres an upside 🙂

    I hope you are back to your Aunt Becky Self soon!

  42. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:44 pm Heather Says:

    YUCK!! Hope you fee better soon!!

  43. On May 21st, 2010 at 3:47 pm Alex@LateEnough Says:

    not only is amok a real word, but it’s based on this disease:
    (see i KNEW medical school would come in handy one day)

    ps. hope you feel better soon

  44. On May 21st, 2010 at 5:05 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Dude, I feel you. I started holidays last Friday; I got bronchitis on Saturday. STILL feeling like doo-doo warmed over, and I go back to work in three days. *cries real tears*

    Get better soon. *non-germy kisses*

  45. On May 21st, 2010 at 5:40 pm Wombat Central Says:

    Tell that swine flu to shut its whore mouth and go home!

  46. On May 21st, 2010 at 7:11 pm Amanda Says:

    Everytime I read the word amok I remember Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus….

    “amok amok amok….(she gets whacked in the tummy!) weeeewwww!!!”

    Feel better…or drug yourself to sleep until you do.

  47. On May 21st, 2010 at 7:24 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    Garbage Pail Kids! That’s hysterical!

    Now for the flu again, that’s the opposite of hysterical. Sorry! Hang in there!!

  48. On May 21st, 2010 at 7:47 pm Brooke Says:

    I just learned about the origins of the phrase “running amok” in my cultural psychology class. Here is a brief background on it. Enjoy.

  49. On May 21st, 2010 at 8:03 pm Mary Says:

    You should have had more liquor on the plane. Kills germs (just my theory- good excuse, anyway). You can fight that shit. That’s why Amelia is so strong. She inherited it from you. Hope you sleep well.

  50. On May 21st, 2010 at 8:04 pm Megan Says:

    Anti-flu vibes coming your way!

    I’d totally kick it’s ass for you if I could!



  51. On May 21st, 2010 at 10:17 pm linlah Says:

    Tilting room flu is the worse than swine flu because it’s so tilty.

  52. On May 21st, 2010 at 11:59 pm GingerB Says:

    My only advice for you is to toss your cookies in the sink. Since I have a disposal and a sprayer faucet, it really just makes sense, and gets me off the hook of retching more becuase my face is in the fucking toliet. I learned this while pregnant and have been quite proud of myself. I had a 24 hour flu last week, had to pull over and nhurl out of the door of the minivan. I was not a happy prankster. Best to you.

  53. On May 22nd, 2010 at 4:02 am Gunfighter Says:

    Get well soon, my dear.

  54. On May 22nd, 2010 at 6:31 am Catch the Kids Says:

    My family had swine flu last year. It really sucks (one daughter hospitalized) and I feel for you getting another flu now. Get well soon and back to your kick-ass writing!!!

  55. On May 22nd, 2010 at 6:35 am Jenn Says:

    Love the title, made me laugh. (I’m easy.)
    Swine Flu does indeed ruin your immune system for quite awhile afterward. Kent had it almost 6 months ago and he is still suffering from leftover problems with his immune system. He was not truly sick (though he was often ‘whiny sick’) for the first 8½ years I knew him. He got the stupid fucking swine flu and he’s been sick pretty much ever since, with one thing or another. NOT FUN.
    Now that I’m done bitching I can tell you that I am sorry you’re sick and I hope you recover super quickly. xoxo

  56. On May 22nd, 2010 at 8:05 am Betty M Says:

    Get well soon my dear.

  57. On May 22nd, 2010 at 8:25 am Didactic Pirate Says:

    The flu is your body’s way of saying it needs more alcohol. Usually vodka or tequila. It’s this whole physical cleansing thing. I read an article.

    What’s that saying:? Starve a cold, Inebriate a fever.

  58. On May 22nd, 2010 at 10:35 am Andrea Says:

    Eek! Feel better!

  59. On May 22nd, 2010 at 11:08 am mountainmomma18 Says:

    That sucks! I hope that you feel better and get some rest undisturbed by small children running in and yelling “mommy!”

  60. On May 22nd, 2010 at 9:06 pm Ami Says:

    Swine flu trashes your immune system for a while afterwards??? This would explain A LOT. Because I almost NEVER get sick and I managed to get the pig flu and now I’m sick AGAIN, also with some sort of flu type something. Over a year with out so much as a sinus infection or a cold and the last couple months have been the bisnitch.

    Thank you for sharing that random factoid and making my world make sense again.

  61. On May 23rd, 2010 at 9:17 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Someone told me that and trust me, it helped me tremendously. Because really? I have the flu AGAIN? WTF?

  62. On May 22nd, 2010 at 10:58 pm Lucy Says:

    Boo to the flu! (The rhyme was unintentional.) I hope you are feeling better.

  63. On May 24th, 2010 at 11:51 am soccermom Says:

    Hey, I am a total off the wall clean/germ freak. I can stop by and fix it so you never get the flu again. Of course with all the chemicals I use, you might not be alive afterwards either.

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