Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

(fake) Ice, Ice Baby


Last week was pretty much the best week ever. It was one of those weeks where everything, for once, just fell into place. Even my therapist and I joked, “you’d better watch out for falling anvils this week.”

So far this week hasn’t been the absolute antitheses of last but I do have a case of the Bluey-Blues. It’s mostly related, I think, to a migraine that I’ve had since Saturday. I’m tired of migraines and after awhile I do end up feeling kind of sad. Pain has a way of doing that to you, I guess.

Last night, I was determined to make myself feel better in the only way I know how: bedazzling things.

Now, you all know that Your Aunt Becky is not crafty, right Pranksters? If I tried to bedazzle anything, I’d end up gluing my face to the wall or accidentally bedazzling my cat. I’m not crafty. I’ll never be crafty. I’m okay with this.

So when I popped onto The Twitter and said that I was going bedazzle something, and quickly, I meant that I was going to BUY something sparkly. Because, OBVIOUSLY.

My go-to thing to buy when I’ve come down with a case of the bluey-blues are necklaces. I’m a fan of proFANity, but I’m also a huge fan of things that make me sparkle like a diamond. Pretty sure I’m part crow. Or magpie. Or, at the very least, octopus.

I’d been meaning to buy a Becky Necklace to match my Becky Belt for years. Last night, I thought happily to myself, was the night! The necklace, though, had to be sparkly (not real diamonds, of course), unlike my belt, which is a drab silver. That was my one stipulation, and I figured that would be no big deal.

I set my happy fingers to google and went to work.

I found many websites where I could easily make a “BECKY” necklace. That wasn’t going to do. I required bling.

I found a website where I could make a BECKY necklace out of diamonds. That also would not do. (if I am going to make a horrifyingly tacky necklace out of diamonds, I will go to the diamond district, thank you)

I found a website where I could add a single crystal to my BECKY necklace. Also, not enough.

It seemed that absolutely nowhere could create the masterpiece that I wanted. I simply couldn’t believe it. Certainly, I was not the only tack-a-rific person out there.

The best I came across was this:

I mean, not the Corinne, but “BECKY” because, obviously. But those aren’t crystals, they’re bits of silver. Which photographed well, but I’m not sure it will be as full of the awesome under the the lights of day. Which make me wonder, is it living up to it’s full bling potential? I can’t be sure.

Google, you’ve failed me. My bluey-blues have returned where they could have been easily fixed by a tacky necklace with my name in blinged out letters.

That makes me full of the bluey-blues, Google.

P.S. Pretty sure I’ve lost all “Becky” privileges. I will forever be known as Aunt Becky. EITHER WAY, I WANT A BLINGY NECKLACE WITH MY NAME ON IT, GOOGLE.

47 Comments to

“(fake) Ice, Ice Baby”

  1. On October 13th, 2010 at 11:29 am TeacherMommy Says:

    I’m pretty sure this just screams for an Alchemy request on I’ll bet you get LOTS of bids.

  2. On October 13th, 2010 at 11:30 am PBPDesigns Says:

    try CraftyHope. She may be able to do what you want.

  3. On October 13th, 2010 at 11:35 am Bodacious Boomer Says:

    Now that the big giant heads at Google have heard your plea I’m sure one will be forthcoming!

  4. On October 13th, 2010 at 11:50 am Lacey Says:

    You should totally turn this post into a “pulling a John C. Mayer” on Google. People googling google only to find your blog,.. Hehe. That would pay google back for failing you. 🙂

  5. On October 13th, 2010 at 11:50 am Lacey Says:

    You should totally turn this post into a “pulling a John C. Mayer” on Google. People googling google only to find your blog,.. Hehe. That would pay google back for failing you. 🙂

  6. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:23 pm a Says:

    Just give Amelia the glue gun and the rhinestones, and I’m sure she’ll come up with a fabulous design. After all, she is the second most responsible person in the house (after The Daver, of course, and he’s busy working). 😉

  7. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:32 pm stephanie Says:

    Yeah, I thought of etsy too, mainly cause I follow regretsy tho…

    found this:

  8. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:38 pm Tiffany @MomNom Says:

    Oh, totally do the Aunt Becky bling. I love it.

  9. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:41 pm No Good Says:

    I found initials that you could use to spell out your name. Sparkly!!!

  10. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:45 pm gail Says:

    You should totally get this. In pink.

  11. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:53 pm Tracy Says:

    I LOL’d… really. And then I had this vision… Aunt Becky walking around with one of those babies around her neck, and then I paired it up with the story she wrote about going to the sex toy convention and trying to find a sparkly butt plug or something, but the I couldn’t find the article. I fail.

    But it was funny at the time.

  12. On October 13th, 2010 at 12:53 pm andygirl Says:

    bling fail, internet. bling fail. next time I’m at a state fair, I’ll keep an eye out for your Becky bling.

  13. On October 13th, 2010 at 2:31 pm Txtingmrdarcy Says:

    Oooo, can you keep an eye out for Fried Pickles too, Andygirl? My recent fair was sadly lacking and it is my mission to try the little beasties.

  14. On October 13th, 2010 at 8:45 pm Wicked Shawn Says:

    There is a little restaurant a mile from my house that has the fried pickles. OMJ, all you had to do was say so. Get here. You already have accomodations!!!

  15. On October 13th, 2010 at 1:16 pm Joanna Says:

    Teacher Mom beat me to the punch. You know there are a million crafty and not so crafty chicks on etsy dying to make you one!

  16. On October 13th, 2010 at 1:35 pm Becky Mochaface Says:

    I kinda want a Becky necklace too. Not to copy you necessarily. But since we share a name I guess it’s okay. I’m not that into the bling. As long as it looks cheap and tacky I’m all in.

  17. On October 13th, 2010 at 1:53 pm j Says:

    You could always ask her to take a photo of her with one on in normal daylight and with no post-processing. Though, I have had bad experiences with etsy people never responding to my messages regarding seeds for planting. Maybe it is just the farmers who are jerks.

  18. On October 13th, 2010 at 3:06 pm Jen Says:

    Me and Google are BFF…I swear I can google anything…hope this helps!

  19. On October 13th, 2010 at 3:14 pm Losing Brownies Says:

    I saw your interview on Mompetition and I loved it!

    I also hope I am a lucky winner of the Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt, but that shit rocks.

  20. On October 13th, 2010 at 3:26 pm starkravingmadmommy Says:

    This site might be what you’re looking for. The necklace that spells out “Jesus” definitely has bling.

  21. On October 13th, 2010 at 3:34 pm Amanda Says:

    I’ll make you one…seriously. I’m a bling whore

  22. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Um. You wouldn’t tease a girl, would you?

    *faints with happiness*

  23. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:24 pm Amanda Says:

    Generally I am a tease. Baaah just kidding.

    In addition to being a bling whore I am a craft whore…let the games BEGIN!

    Serious…I’m making it

  24. On October 13th, 2010 at 9:35 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    If you do not, I will cry.

  25. On October 13th, 2010 at 4:03 pm Kelly Says:

    That is the cutest one I’ve seen. And for sure the blingiest, without having the real diamonds of course. If you squint while looking at it, it looks just like pave set diamonds…

  26. On October 13th, 2010 at 4:28 pm The Sweetest Says:

    You just might start getting all kinds of Becky necklaces in the mail from fans.

  27. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


  28. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:00 pm Phil_E_Girl Says:

    Okay I got your fix, you are just speaking the wrong language… You want “bling” right? You need a necklace that is “blinged out” or “Iced out” so here are some options.
    GOOD LUCK Pimpin’

  29. On October 13th, 2010 at 5:58 pm Melissa Says:

    I am seriously digging on the name necklaces that person has for sale. Thanks for bling-hunting, Aunt Becky. 🙂

  30. On October 13th, 2010 at 6:36 pm April K. Says:

    Guess you’ll have to go with your old standby…the va-jay-jay necklace. I bet the person who makes those would be willing to vajazzle it for you…just a thought.

  31. On October 13th, 2010 at 8:22 pm Suniverse Says:

    Stupid google. When it fails you, it’s like your mother slapping you in the face.

  32. On October 13th, 2010 at 8:24 pm mepsipax Says:

    Jesuz fucking cock knuckles. Even I am crafty. It can’t be that hard to make a tacky necklace….did you check the etsy out yet?

  33. On October 13th, 2010 at 8:26 pm Kristin Says:

    How dare the interweb not cater to your desire for a blongy name!

  34. On October 13th, 2010 at 8:48 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    Google Fail – oh no!

    Sorry to hear about your bluey blues. Hope your necklace is dazzling!

  35. On October 13th, 2010 at 9:58 pm Caron Says:

    You’ll have one before you know it!

  36. On October 14th, 2010 at 6:22 am charity Says:

    Beckster, try an elimination diet to try to relieve your migraines. Sometimes its a reaction to food.

  37. On October 14th, 2010 at 8:54 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I may have to try that. Good call, love. Thank you.

  38. On October 14th, 2010 at 7:14 am Jenn Says:

    I shall keep my eyes peeled.

  39. On October 14th, 2010 at 8:34 am SciFi Dad Says:

    For practice:

    For formality:

    For accuracy:

  40. On October 14th, 2010 at 8:37 am mumma boo Says:

    You will post photos when you get that bling, right? Don’t forget to wear your purple fedora with the huge-ass feather in the photo. Gotta complete the outfit, you know.

  41. On October 14th, 2010 at 10:03 am pattypunker Says:

    um now i can’t get vanilla ice out of my head. please send migraine medicine.

  42. On October 14th, 2010 at 10:56 am Coco Says:

    Oh, Becks, you made me laugh.

    Sorry I haven’t been around much lately. It’s not because I don’t worship you. It’s every fucking thing else. It’s just…yeah. Anyway.

    I trust that the Internet will shower you with Becky Bling, but if you ever want an apron that says “Who wants a weiner?” complete with applique sausages, I’m your girl.

  43. On October 21st, 2010 at 3:06 pm erin Says:

    Hi Aunt Becky! loveyouloveyourblog.. newish reader, first-time-commenter.. ha ha.
    Try her: (owner) She is so awesome, and can make you a necklace with WHATEVER YOU WANT on it. its not sparkly, persay, its mirrored… but is way tacky and super curly and fun! She’d probably even make you a “shut your whore mouth” necklace. That would make me laugh…

  44. On October 26th, 2010 at 4:35 pm Nat Says:


    Its a UK company but they will deliver worldwide. They make name necklaces in loads of different fonts and colours and they make glittery ones!!

  45. On October 28th, 2010 at 7:24 am Don Says:

    Hi Becky,

    I am from the marketing department at

    I would love to send you over a “Becky” necklace to show on your blog, or any other inscription you want on our personalized necklaces.

    Please send me an email, and we can hash out the details to send you a necklace.


  46. On October 31st, 2010 at 6:35 pm Dorothy Says:

    There is a store in North Texas called Sam Moon Trading Company. I think. They have all kinds of bedazzalled (I can’t spell) in there. If you come to Texas I’ll take you but not on a weekend because there is not enough Xanax in the world to get me into that store on a Saturday. Maybe on a Tuesday around 10? I’ll buy you lunch afterwards.

  47. On January 12th, 2011 at 10:03 am Custom Twitter Name Necklace Jewelry — We Know Awesome Says:

    […] the amount of tacky on the internet, a sparkly name necklace is a shockingly hard combination to come up […]

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