Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Everything Is Wrong With Me


I have this question in my Go Ask Aunt Becky folder, where it’s sat since October:

Aunt Becky, what’s your favourite blog to read?  Or maybe your top five, since choosing one is probably as difficult as choosing between your children. Or is it?  I only have one child and therefore have never faced that particular predicament.  Anyhow, I’m always on the prowl for something new to read, so a nudge in the right direction would be appreciated.

I’ve tried to answer it probably no less than 20 times, but every time I do, I immediately feel guilty because the asker is indeed correct: it’s like choosing between my children. I want to grab up my blogroll and hold you all close and scream, “BUT AUNT BECKY LOVES YOU ALL IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY, DAMMIT!”

I’m not much of a “favorites” person anyway. When asked to pick my favorite song, I’ll tell you what it is TODAY (Up on Cripple Creek, The Band) but tomorrow I can assure you it will be different. It’s not so much that I’m fickle, it’s just that I change my mind often. Unless we’re talking about hot dogs, which are God’s way of saying howdy.

But I’ve tried to think of my all-time favorite blogs and I can’t narrow it down past about 30.

On that top list, however, remains a blog that I’ve read since Your Aunt Becky started blogging on my old blog Mushroom Printing. I don’t know how I found Jason Mulgrew’s blog, Everything is Wrong With Me, but I assure you that it was probably the best thing I ever did find on The Internet, and that includes Poop Senders (thank you Kristin).

I peed a little when I found Jason, and then I immediately declared that he was my Internet Boyfriend, which is a little scary since most of my Internet/Television Boyfriends are actually fictional characters and Jason is a real person, but that’s pretty much the highest compliment I can give someone. But that’s just how worthy of admiration and restraining orders that Jason is.

Then proving that I have friends who are better than I am (which, Pranksters IS always the way to go), he joined the ranks of my friends like Lauren Leto, Gretchen Rubin, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Danny Evans and Chris Mancini and wrote himself a motherhumping book.

When I got his book, Everything is Wrong With Me, I actually read it. I know, ME reading WORDS! And all this time you thought I was illiterate! Anyway, Pranksters, it’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in the longest time and that includes the warning on my hairdryer not to bathe with it (because, OBVIOUSLY, the picture shows someone being electrocuted).

The book is full of The Awesome and if you need any proof that Jason is as funny as I’m promising him to be, go here. Your Aunt Becky doesn’t lie about The Funny.

So, here’s the deal, Pranksters, you require this book. And I am giving you the opportunity to win a copy of it because OBVIOUSLY. Let’s do a contest, Pranksters.

For a chance to win a copy of this book (and if you don’t win, just buy the book because it’s really worth it). You have until May 18 to enter. Please leave a separate comment for each entry.

1) Leave a comment telling us YOUR top five blogs and why you love them.

2) Do an homage to Jason a la YOUR life in pictures on YOUR OWN blog but give a linkage back here. THEN leave the link in the comments here so people can laugh at your awesomeness.

3) Blah, blah, blah, follow me on Twitter.

4) Blog about who you would nominate for the Nobel Prize of Awesomness (I’m always nominating the person who made the cheeseburger) and why. Then link here, and leave the link in the comments so we can read it.

5) Squirt, squirt, use the Google Friend Connect follow button publicly, which looks like pubic, which makes me laugh.


Good luck, Pranksters.

56 Comments to

“Everything Is Wrong With Me”

  1. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:09 am V Says:

    Top 5, in no particular order:
    – Unabashedly Prep (
    – Hyperbole and a Half (
    – Forty Degree Day (
    – Matt, Liz & Madeline (
    – Mommy Wants Vodka (DUH)

    Also, I already follow you on Twitter and on Google… Does that count?

  2. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:19 am linlah Says:

    I’d list five but I’d probably just change my mind.

  3. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:32 am Joanna Says:

    Thank you SO much for this post. I was having a shitty day and now I can’t stop laughing at his Life In Pictures.

    Some of my favs right now:

  4. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:43 am Pieces of a Sometimes Extraordinary Life Says:

    Damn. I’m going to keep checking back here to see everybody’s responses, and will inevitably add hundreds of new blogs to my reader which already has (978 OMG!!) unread posts.

    I’m about to add three, and then I’ll be at the dreaded 1000+ unread posts. (At which point I’ll mark them all as read, feel a momentary guilt, and then start accumulating them again. Fail.)

  5. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:06 am thenextmartha Says:

    I can’t read otherwise I would totally do this.

  6. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:49 am Halala Mama Says:

    Let’s see…after Aunt Becky

    Motherhood in NYC (

    Magneto Bold Too ( She curses in the most creative ways and it makes me laugh without fail.

  7. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:56 am Mary Says:

    Mommy wants Vodka- Your blog is the one I comment on the most. By the way, if that gets you nervous, I can recommend Century Link for home security.

    The Happiness Project- Can you imagine the pressure she’s under? Maybe she wants vodka, too.

    I checked Google Reader Trends to see what the #1 blog was. To my embarrassment, it is: I think it’s for the fashion advice (like what not to wear, how not to fix my hair, etc.). I live in dread of seeing myself on that site.

    Lifehacker- articles about fixing your cell phone after you drop it in the toilet, five hard to kill house plants and homemade twinkies. I’m just waiting for the one on how to make your moonshine.

    Change of subject: Pa. Liquor Control Board: Give mom vodka

    I promised myself that I would spend less time reading blogs. Spent the last half hour looking at blogs trying to find a #5. Instead of a #5, I found this from
    6 Weirdest Things Men Do to Their Penises

    Developing blog addiction. Must walk away.

  8. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:56 am Kadye Says:

    Oh goodness, well, in no particular order:

    #1 – YOU… duh…
    #2 – The Bloggess ( )
    #3 –
    #4 –
    #5 –

    I clean out my RSS feed every few months, and these people always make the cut. 🙂

  9. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:58 am Maria Says:

    I’m your twitter stalker. 🙂

  10. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:58 am Maria Says:

    I also foffow your pubic googles heee.

  11. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:01 am Rebecca Says:

    My nomination for the Nobel prize for Awesomeness………..Anyone who works at a Children’s hospital and does a good job making the MOM and dad feel better about their child’s condition.

  12. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:08 am Maria Says:

    Top 5 blogs hmmm, ok.

    #1. mommywantsvodka because OBVIOUSLY you’re full of the awesome, win at life, and I’m totally kissing your butt.
    #2 Cakewrecks because, obviously…hello, cake wrecks.
    #4 Bakerella because her stuff is super cute
    #5 Postsecret
    and #6 because if 5 is good, 6 is better…I just found this one and it’s totally NSFW She has some absolutely incredible birth photos.

    I also have to put my own on that list because I rock pretty hard too!!

  13. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:10 am christine Says:

    Top 5: You, mamapundit, cake wrecks, passive agressive notes, and uhh…

    Publicly = pubic… I have a new customer named Jared Peter…. which is alot like Jarred Peter… made me laugh. But, I am immature….so, there’s that.

  14. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am Melissa Says:

    I already stalk your ass all over the place, and if that book is available on Kindle I am just going to buy it for my own damn self.

    Your blog is the one that I visit the most, and where I comment the most, mostly because I can fucking swear lol.

    I wont link to other blogs, because everyone here probably reads them already PLUS, the ones that I read that I DONT drop the f-bomb on would be shocked at me, and they like might LOCK ME OUT!

  15. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:15 am Melissa Says:

    Oh, I also follow Pioneer Woman, and I like HER, (and her uber expensive giveaways) but her commenters make me want to spork my eyes out.

    I mean COME ON!! 300 comments of “now I know what I am having for dinner” out of 1000?

  16. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:50 am Melissa Says:

    Speaking of. Oooh. IPAD. Skips over..

  17. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:15 am Stephanie Says:

    Top five, huh?
    1. Mommy Wants Vodka (um, like, OBviously)
    2. In Through The Out Door (
    3. Pioneer Woman (
    4. Cake Wrecks (
    5. Toy With Me (

    I’ve got just over 50 blogs I read whenever they post.

    Already following your punkass on Twitter AND I publicly Google connected you (wow…that could be misconstrued…)

    And I know who’d I’d nominate for the Nobel Prize of Awesomeness.

  18. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:17 am Fran Says:

    I was eating lunch when I clicked the link to Jason’s blog so THANKS for the chicken enchilada out my noseholes!!
    My 5 favorite blogs would be:
    2-tasty kitchen
    3-tales from the dad side
    4-cake wrecks
    5-my own, not becaue I am so funny or entertaining, but because having it makes me happy

  19. On May 6th, 2010 at 12:28 pm Natalie Says:

    I have about 70 blogs on my blogroll. And I love them all. Some of the gems are:
    *panicking* Ok, there are too many, so I’m going to leave it at three.

  20. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:55 am Debi (Truthful Mommy) Says:

    I am your newest follower! Love your blog! SO awesome that you got a literary agent! You are my idol. For a writer, getting a n agent is a minor miracle! You go girl! Hope you can stop by and check out my blog The TRUTH about Motherhood!

  21. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:58 am Kristin Says:

    Ugh, I don’t know how I can narrow it down to 5 favorite blogs…but, I’ll try.

    In no particular order…
    1) Rolling Around In My Head Dave is an outstanding writer and always makes me think.
    2) Everyday Crochet Doris is a brilliant crochet designer who actually takes the time to explain things to you
    3) Smart Bitches, Trashy Books
    4) She’s Becoming DoughMessTic Susan is smart, witty, and a hell of a baker!
    5) Dragondreamer’s Lair I love my own blog because I love to look back and see my evolution as a mom and a writer.

    I thought about saying you were my fave but I didn’t want to turn my nose brown.

  22. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:59 am Kristin Says:

    I’ve joined your Twitter stalkerazi a long time ago.

  23. On May 6th, 2010 at 11:59 am Suzie Morris Says:

    Top 5? Um. ok

    1. MWV (obviously)
    2. Cake Wrecks
    3. GH Two Scoops (
    4. PostSecret
    5. BrokenMan5.0 (

  24. On May 6th, 2010 at 12:00 pm Kristin Says:

    I’ve publicly joined the Cult of Becky via GFC a while ago.

  25. On May 6th, 2010 at 12:34 pm pattypunker Says:

    not that some aren’t missing and not in any particular order and not mentioning yours cuz obvs, here are my top five blogs: because she has the best shiv around and is planning crapapolooza. becasue she’s full of the wicked and uses the word whore compulsively because she’s into random acts of licking and came up with the idea of bedazzling “thug life” on a little black dress because he invented stick with attitude and uses the word fuck compulsively & because she is pro-period and knows how to fuck with rude people

  26. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:06 pm Jenni aka Queen Bee Says:

    Ok top 5? How about a top 4?

    In no particular order….

    1. Mommy Wants Vodka…like DUH….I mean obviously right?

    2. Postcards from Insanity… Snarky Mom is full of awesomeness

    3. Knock Off Wood….…because well…someday I will build something

    and Mine

    4. When Did My Hair Turn Gray

    I read many more but these are the top 4!!

  27. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:06 pm Jenni aka Queen Bee Says:

    I already follow you on twitter

  28. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:07 pm Jenni aka Queen Bee Says:

    and I blogged about the nobel prize for awesomeness!!

  29. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm Mary Says:

    Sorry, one last comment: I need to buy the book, because HE’S FROM PHILLY! Philly = Awesome.

  30. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:17 pm Melissa Says:

    But he LIVES in NYC! NYC = Awesome.

    And we have security guards at our ballparks big enough to tackle a skinny teenager and don’t have to tase them and our fans dont puke on kids on PURPOSE! 😛

  31. On May 6th, 2010 at 1:37 pm meredith Says:

    OMFG AND THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO JASON. whew. screaming over. i dunno if i can possibly narrow it down in any way other than what comes to my head right now.

    you, the bloggess and bossy are the first i check every day. (card-carrying member of the blogstalkerazzi right here.) also, alone with cats, hyperbole & 1/2, tfln, cake wrecks, medicinal marzipan, i asshole, chris illuminati… yeahm brain is done. if you don’t know these guys, you should deffo google to find them. because obv i’m way too lazy to link myself.

  32. On May 6th, 2010 at 2:11 pm Kristin Says:

    My NOBEL PRIZE FOR AWESOMENESS has been awarded.

  33. On May 6th, 2010 at 5:28 pm soccermom Says:

    I checked him out and he is fucking hilarious. However I couldnt figure out how to follow him. Grrrrrrrrr

    Here is my top 5 blogs I read religiously.
    1 Teact is for people who arent witty enough to be sarcastic
    2 Bad Mommy Moments
    3 Mommy Wants Vodka
    4 Future Blackmail
    5 Dirty Little Secret
    In no particular order

  34. On May 6th, 2010 at 6:47 pm Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Says:

    Meh. You told me THAT I WAS YOUR FAVOURITE.

    I am going off in a huff right now.

    Well, not really cause I am stuck in this chair unable to walk and you have gone and forsaken me and now I must eat a whole tub of caramel crunch icecream.

    I hope you are happy now.

    (don’t worry, I will probably forget by… huh? What were we talking about?)

  35. On May 6th, 2010 at 10:21 pm A Vapid Blonde Says:

    My dog farts like a human male. Also my wine is gone and that makes me sad.

    All of this has nothing to do with your post/contest.

    Sorry. It’s what I got right now!

  36. On May 7th, 2010 at 5:22 am Bexter Says:

    First of all, thank you for bringing Everything Is Wrong With Me into my life. Wow. I had to watch the slideshow over again and laughed just as hard the second time!

    My Top Five:

    1.) Mommy Wants Vodka: Not to kiss ass or anything here but really, I love your site.

    2.) Not Drowning, Mothering She is just downright hilarious in similar fashion to Aunt Becky. Plus she’s an Aussie so I like to read it with an accent in my head.

    3.) STFU, Parents Some people take TMI to a whole different level when it comes to Facebook statuses and their children. These people expose and publicly ridicule them.

    4.) The Problem With Young People Today Because I am turning into a crabby old fart myself, and man, kids today…! Sigh.

    5.) Blondetourage Yes this is my site but I can’t resist an opportunity for a little shameless self promotion.

  37. On May 7th, 2010 at 8:09 am Ed Says:

    You. Black Hockey Jesus. Bloggess. Doubleh Vay. Very Demotivational Posters. People of Walmart. Fail Blog. Momtrolfreak.
    More than 5, but not by much so I’m listing them all to show you the high esteem in which I hold you. That’s some serious fucking company I put you in.
    Also, thanks for turning me on to Everything Is Wrong With Me. That’s why I like you — you’re a giver.

  38. On May 7th, 2010 at 8:10 am Ed Says:

    Oh, forgot Four Jugs. LOVES the Jugs.

  39. On May 7th, 2010 at 11:54 am Tweets that mention Everything Is Wrong With Me | Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky. Aunt Becky said: I have friends that are better than me (+ a giveaway): […]

  40. On May 7th, 2010 at 2:11 pm Ashley, the Accidental Olympian Says:


    Crap. Here goes nothing.

    Mommy Wants Vodka — well duh
    Barefoot Foodie —
    Dooce — (original I know)
    Grumbles & Grunts —
    Hyperbole & a Half —

    DID I WIN????????????????

  41. On May 7th, 2010 at 9:07 pm Gunfighter1173 Says:

    Dude… we’re BFF’s and I didn’t get a mention?

    That is just wrong. I even wrote about Tasers today!

  42. On May 7th, 2010 at 9:35 pm Alicia @bethsix Says:

    Besides MWV, OF COURSE, I love so many. Here are five of my favorites:

    the creamery
    matt, liz and madeline
    motherhood in nyc
    sam’s stories

  43. On May 8th, 2010 at 1:44 pm Farihah Says:

    top five:
    the pioneer woman – confessions
    wong fu productions
    look at my happy rainbow!
    the pioneer woman – photography
    forever is today


  44. On May 8th, 2010 at 1:45 pm Farihah Says:

    and I would totally name PW for the Nobel Prize of Awesomeness (:

  45. On May 8th, 2010 at 3:15 pm a Says:

    I nominated my rose bush for the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness

    Are You Kidding Me?

  46. On May 8th, 2010 at 4:42 pm Hillary Says:

    Favorite blog is His Little Mrs because it’s run by a friend of mine :)

    I can’t choose the next 4 because I’m new to this whole blogging world and I find a new blog every day and can’t find the 75 I read the day before.

  47. On May 8th, 2010 at 4:45 pm Hillary Says:

    I’m google following you… (Is that the right terminology?)

  48. On May 8th, 2010 at 4:46 pm Hillary Says:

    Following you on Twitter


  49. On May 8th, 2010 at 8:17 pm It’s Spring…time for home improvement projects! Says:

    […] think the rose will take down the house next. Therefore, I nominate this monster rose bush to win Aunt Becky’s Nobel Prize for Awesomeness. I think she was thinking that people would win that prize, but a rose that is attempting to take […]

  50. On May 8th, 2010 at 9:44 pm Trista Says:

    Hmmm, top five other than MWV (and ohmigod was that my question or am I hallucinating?) in no particular order:

    Hyperbole and a Half ( because this woman is hilarious, creative, and completely nuts.

    Attack of the Redneck Mommy ( Canadian and awesome.

    Cake Wrecks ( Do I really have to explain this?

    Julia ( is an amazing writer.

    Smitten Kitchen ( Food porn. It kind of tortures me, since it features all kinds of things I have not time to make but would like to.

  51. On May 8th, 2010 at 9:45 pm Trista Says:

    My nomination for the Nobel Prize of Awesomeness:

  52. On May 8th, 2010 at 11:03 pm erika Says:

    i’ve been reading him since way back too… so awesome.

  53. On May 9th, 2010 at 2:21 am Wishing4One Says:

    OMG I am on Jason’s page now, looking at his pics and peeing myself man. Not only was this a brilliant idea, you doing this post/giveaway, but I have found more new awesome blogs by just reading your Pranksters comments. I’ll be back after I clean myself up and post my top 5.

  54. On May 10th, 2010 at 11:25 pm Ami Says:

    1) Leave a comment telling us YOUR top five blogs and why you love them.

    Now, with number 1 here I’m really not trying to be a kiss ass its just that its true…

    Blog #1: Mommy Wants Vodka. Because you say what I think. You help me get my daily dose of crass (in a GOOD way) that I miss so terribly with my mom and sister living 1000 miles away (the 3 of us + Aunt Becky would SO get along). Also I need to laugh. Badly and Aunt Becky has yet to fail to make me at the VERY LEAST chuckle.

    Blog #2: I love it because no matter how chitty my day is going, i can always log in here and revel in other peoples misery and see that by comparison my life really ain’t that bad. Not sure what that says about me but there you have it.

    Blog #3: I <3 Scott Adams. He's blog has been know to be "make me cry I'm laughing so hard" funny and yet on occasion he can still be quite thought provoking (which is good b/c as much as I love my 11 month old he's not always the most cerebrally stimulating).

    Blog #4: My grandma used to cater weddings when I was a child and she also made and decorated wedding cakes. Some of my favorite memories are sitting in the kitchen watching in awe as she made giant, beautiful cakes. These (with the exception of Sundays) are NOT those cakes. Which is why I love them. (We're starting to note a disturbing trend of me enjoying other peoples pain and f-ups…. and parenthetical asides)….

    Blog #5. / (really most of the Cheezburger family of websites) I know I know, these probably don't count b/c EVERYBODY reads them but well this is my lemming moment and I don't watch American Idol so I have to do SOMETHING. But its taught me that even though I LOVE both dogs and cats, I must really be a cat person at heart because I think icanhascheezburger (the cat site) is full of the awesome and icanhashotdog (the dog site) is generally pretty lame… that or I get along with the twisted cat lady sense of humor better…. *shrugs*

  55. On May 12th, 2010 at 4:07 pm KristaMichelle Says:

    So I’m definitely following you on Twitter now. 😀 (@kristamichelle) I was totally gonna do that anyway, but a contest is always good for extra incentive!

  56. On May 13th, 2010 at 1:35 am Andrew Says:

    Haha, yes I remember reading Jason’s blog a few years back and just came back to it. I found your blog through his blog.

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