Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Even I Want The Roaring To Be Over

September28

“Hey,” I said over Instant Messenger. “Guess what?”

“What?” he replied, (justifiable) trepidation evident.

“I need your help this week,” I replied.

“With… what?” he asked, looking for clarity. When I need “help” with something, it can be anything from getting my whites whiter or building a shrine to BILLY FUCKING MAYS in my (former) backyard, and he knows it.

“Um, stuff,” I replied, aiming to be as vague as possible so that I could get a “sure, no problem,” without having to answer second-level questions.

“Like…?” He replied, apparently knowing me too well.

“Building stuffs,” I dangled in front of him like a carrot. I know him well enough to know that building shit = happy pants, while I’d just as soon cut off my toes and make a necklace of toe bones to wear than put stuff together.

“Ooooh! I like building stuffs!” He said, happily.

“I know! That’s why you’re perfect for this,” I said.

A couple of hours later, he showed up at my house, knocking before entering. I answered the door, kids piling over each other like a barrel of puppies, each trying to get him to greet them first. He swept them up into his arms and kissed them hello. “Hi Babies,” he said, brushing hair from Mimi’s face so she could see. She still stubbornly refuses to wear clips in her curls, which can make things like “walking” and “seeing stuff,” a little challenging for her.

I stood there, biding my time, waiting for him to be done with the children. Or, I should say, the children to be done with HIM.

“HEY,” I said, as he disentangled children from his frame, which they’d climbed like a couple of monkeys (without, thankfully, throwing poo)(THAT TIME). “Got something to show you. Meet me out front.”

With that, I walked into the garage and flipped the switch, opening the garage door which protested wheezily, but obliged. I walked out into the sea of boxes and held my hands out all jazz-hands meets spirit-fingers style.

“TA-DA!” I nearly shouted, trilling the last bit, relishing one of the last times I could be loud without the worry of irritating one of my neighbors in my new apartment.

“Woah,” he said.

I beamed.

“Where’s the stuff to build?” he asked.

“Um, somewhere in there,” I gestured to the pile of boxes I’d packed, wondering how I’d manage to pack a life into so few boxes.

A smile played mildly on the corner of his lips.

“You just conned me,” he pointed out.

“Yup,” I said, proudly. “Now let’s get moving.”

He stood there, shaking his head, amused, before grabbing a box and playing crap Tetris in the back of my van.

“Thanks,” I said honestly as we drove to my new place. “Thank you.”

even I want the roaring to be over

And thus began the next chapter.

————-

Oh, and I wrote cool shit here.

16 Comments to

“Even I Want The Roaring To Be Over”

  1. On September 28th, 2012 at 10:20 am @mommywantsvodka Says:

    Even I Want The Roaring To Be Over http://t.co/iUaGXvAS

  2. On September 28th, 2012 at 10:31 am No Good Says:

    Yay!!!! *spirit fingers*

  3. On September 28th, 2012 at 10:47 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    *jazz hands*

  4. On September 28th, 2012 at 12:04 pm Katherine Says:

    Hell yeah- moving day!! 😀

  5. On September 28th, 2012 at 1:18 pm Joules Says:

    This makes me happy.

  6. On September 28th, 2012 at 2:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Me too. Scared, but happy.

  7. On September 28th, 2012 at 1:49 pm Cindy Says:

    That? Was clever.

  8. On September 28th, 2012 at 2:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I try. Sometimes it works, other times, not so much.

  9. On September 28th, 2012 at 2:16 pm Pete In Az Says:

    So…

    Um…

    Whens the keg party?

  10. On September 28th, 2012 at 2:20 pm Pete In Az Says:

    HOUSEWARMING…

    I mean housewarming party..

    Yea… yea… housewarming.

  11. On September 28th, 2012 at 2:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! I figured I’d have one in my disco shower.

  12. On September 28th, 2012 at 3:40 pm Sandy Says:

    So excited for you!!

  13. On September 28th, 2012 at 7:51 pm jeri Says:

    Devious and brilliant.. The hardest part of getting people to help you move is getting them to show up. Well played.

  14. On September 29th, 2012 at 7:15 am Jolie Says:

    You? Are AWESOME. That is all. 🙂

  15. On September 29th, 2012 at 3:25 pm Maria Says:

    Good luck and happiness in your new Home!

  16. On October 1st, 2012 at 9:12 am Amanda Says:

    Fits and starts…cheers to this new start.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...