Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Down With Phony Majors!


(This is a repost from my first blog, written in 2004. I’ve come down with yet another stomach bug and am composing in my head a post about Adult Diapers. Be pleased I’ve spared you.)

As I do every day that I ride Metra to school, today I walked past the music building on my way to my 9 a.m. class. And as I do every morning, I shake my fist at the careless music majors who pepper the lawn, smoking joints and unfiltered Camel after unfiltered Camel while enjoying such activities as football, Frisbee and what can only be basket weaving.

It kills me.

It really kills me that these people, who look much, much more interesting than the cretins in my classes get to ‘œrelax’ and ‘œhang out’ and generally ‘œenjoy life;’ fundamental things that we Nursing majors cannot remember ever doing.

I’m hoping sometime in the next year before I actually graduate (yes me, a college grad, who’d have though it possible?) that I might spend even *part* of an afternoon on campus enjoying myself. I carried with me the same lofty goal last year and alas, it was not close to being met. I think at most I may have *smiled* once, most likely when I saw the campus security guard jump out of a bush in front of the music building.

He was looking, no doubt for some fun-seeking music majors’ ‘œmarijuana cigarette’ and he had this look on his face like he thought that he might have found a clue to an urgent crime in the underbrush.

Damn all of them and their fun times and great memories (or lack of memories) of college. Forever stuck in my mind are the rectal suppositories and enemas, and of 6 hour classes and of feeling like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. No co-ed frat parties or keggers for me, no I instead get pig and cell parties.

All of this from someone who has taken 6 years to get a BS degree.

I really need to cut down my caffeine intake on Thursdays.


Since I’ve gotten through a lot of NaBloWhatever, I’m going to keep going, despite my childish desire to screw it all. So, any burning blog post-y questions for me?

posted under It's Becky, Bitch
27 Comments to

“Down With Phony Majors!”

  1. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Brooke Says:

    I would totally have felt the same way as you. If I hadn’t spent my year at college drinking, getting high and watching Beverly Hills 90210 reruns.

  2. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:39 pm Betts Says:

    I didn’t actually go to college. Well, I wasn’t enrolled and didn’t take classes, but I would visit friends at the local college to drink, smoke pot and make merry. (I was almost 30 before I actually took college classes.) You would’ve really hated me.

  3. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm Betts Says:

    P.S. Hope you feel better soon, and I really wouldn’t mind reading a post about adult diapers.

  4. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm Kristine Says:

    I also hated those people. Engineering majors don’t get much down time either.

  5. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:49 pm JJ Says:

    Just totally something random to blog about, but is there a gift you’d really like to give or receive this holiday season?

  6. On November 17th, 2008 at 4:50 pm PiquantMolly Says:


    The worst phony major: communications.

    And I say this as an English major, which is pretty damn close.

  7. On November 17th, 2008 at 5:32 pm Kate Says:

    Hahahahaha. I have a music degree.

  8. On November 17th, 2008 at 5:54 pm Emily R Says:

    do you shape your eyebrows?

  9. On November 17th, 2008 at 6:24 pm Io Says:

    Oh, definitely you would hate me. I won’t even tell you about my wild college days.

  10. On November 17th, 2008 at 6:29 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I, too, haven’t had any wild times in college, just a lot of hard work! My sister was a music major (at first) and said it was too much work for something she wasn’t sure she wanted to do. HA! She ended up doing speech therapy. Go figure.

  11. On November 17th, 2008 at 6:29 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Oh yeah, I hope you are able to get the diarrhea under control soon!

  12. On November 17th, 2008 at 6:44 pm Ellie Says:

    I have a question: Can you please *not* blog about adult diapers? Or at least the use of them?

    Thank you. Thank you very much.

  13. On November 17th, 2008 at 7:26 pm Vered - MomGrind Says:

    Law school was all work, no play. So I can relate.

    Feel better soon!

  14. On November 17th, 2008 at 7:48 pm Fancy Says:

    I’m so sorry you are sick, AGAIN! Seriously, what is going on?

    I honestly wish I could now go back as an adult to college when I was that age. It just wasn’t one of my options, and I probably would have squandered it at the time. Now I see how much more I could have been, and I push for it for my own child.

    Of course, as much as I want to force it down his throat, it is going to end up being his decision. And that is KILLING me. But I still have a couple of years, thank goodness.

  15. On November 17th, 2008 at 7:51 pm melanie Says:

    I had a similar college experience, only mine was work 40 hours a day then go to school nights and weekends……LOADS of fun I tell you, and I didnt do this later in life, this was MY life from 18-21!!!! There was some pride in the fact that I graduated college 4 years after graduating HS (which is sort of unheard of in the weekend/evening program) but pride was really all I had.

    As for what to blog about the rest of the month, what are your plans for thanksgiving? What is your favorite part of thanksgiving (the gathering, the food, the shopping on Friday?) What crazy toys are on your kids lists this year (please tell me I am the only Mom who HAS to make sure Santa brings Stupid Tumbles the roll over puppy)? Most memorable holiday memory? Maybe a post on the wierdest stuff in your purse, diaper bag or the console in your car? What TV shows do you DVR? ok I am all outta ideas……

  16. On November 17th, 2008 at 8:44 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    I spent my college years watching Jeopardy, skipping my Ethics class, and actually slept through one final. I was rather semi-cliche!

  17. On November 17th, 2008 at 9:35 pm Sandy Says:

    Is it too creepy for me to say that I thought of you while my ass was bursting in a public bathroom? Yeah, i thought so too. Seriously, since I had my gall bladder removed 7 years ago, I can’t eat red sauce and I regret it every time I do. Here’s to thinking of you and wishing you well while I explode!

  18. On November 17th, 2008 at 8:51 pm Rachel Says:

    My 1st 2 years of college were a riot…all the booze an underage girl could drink, all the sex I could ever want, and as many late afternoon classes as possible.

    Then I got married, got pregnant and took 3 years off. Then I got divorced and decided I really had to do something with my life.

    So, the next 3 years of college were: 30 hour work week with 3 or so college classes mixed in, full time single mommy-ing to a toddler and exhaustion.

    Then I started grad school. Wash, rinse, repeat.

  19. On November 17th, 2008 at 9:57 pm Holly Says:

    I’m sorry your not feeling well. I am so there. But I also know it sucks worse when you are expecting. Feel better soon.

  20. On November 17th, 2008 at 10:30 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Hmm..doesn’t sound like the music majors I studied with – we never had time to stand still.

    All music majors were expected to participate in the college choir, orchestra, or one of the bands, and scholarship Voice students also had to take part in the civic choral.

    We had rehearsals for these two choral groups, as well as performances, in addition to core classes and classes relating to our major. Then there were the individual lessons – one-on-one time with instructors like voice or instrument lessons. We had to book practice rooms and rehearse a minimum of hours each week – and for choral students, we couldn’t practice more than an hour at a time, with twenty minutes between sessions. We were expected to be able to sing in any language and to read music without issue. Voice majors also had to learn piano, which was another class. We had weekly performances that we had to either take part in or critique. Scholarship students had to take part in Opera Scenes. Because I was majoring in music ed. (with the intention of going on to music therapy), I had to take ed. classes, too. Most days, I was in class by 7:30 AM and didn’t get back to my apartment until around 10:00 at night.

    Studying took place between rehearsals and on weekends when we weren’t performing – if at all.

    Heh. Uphill both way, barefoot, in the snow!!

    I lasted a year…not because I couldn’t handle the course load but because vocalists (at least the ones I knew at the time) are evil people who will cut you as soon as look at you if there’s a solo to be had. I was not competitive or mean-spirited enough (at the time) to bad mouth the competition or make them doubt themselves. Sigh.

    Honestly, helping Mum study through law school and for the bar exam was easier.

    I think the ones you saw were faking their fake major. I hate them with you.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  21. On November 17th, 2008 at 10:32 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Oh, and? I wish you a swift recovery from your current plague…

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  22. On November 18th, 2008 at 12:17 am gypsygrrl Says:

    ohhh babe. i am SO RIGHT THERE in teh nursing skool.
    may is graduation, and “fun things” is a phrase that is elusive just like “good night’s sleep” is to me.

    my burning blog question: what is your best memory/stoory of nursing school? what is your worst memory/story of school?

    go see my blog post for nov-7 (belatedly posted because i fried my keyboard that friday morning by spilling iced tea on it and had to write myself emails from work to keep up with NaBloPoMoFo to keep up honestly) also. the one from today.

  23. On November 18th, 2008 at 7:38 am SciFi Dad Says:

    As an engineering major, I remember envying the arts students too. It always seemed like they didn’t need to be in class. Bastards.

  24. On November 18th, 2008 at 11:27 am kbrients Says:

    Feel Better!!

  25. On November 18th, 2008 at 1:39 pm Daddy Files Says:

    Music majors are bad, but THEATER majors are the worst. I dated a theater major and all they did was brag about their 4.0 GPAs. Finally I told them I’d have a 4.0 too if my classes consisted of farting around on stage all day with an air of self-importance.

  26. On November 18th, 2008 at 8:26 pm mumma boo Says:

    I’m with Daddy Files. Theater majors are the worst – all drama, no substance. And the angst! Oh, the angst! 🙂

    Bloggy question for you: How will you explain Amelia’s exit route to the boys? I had the pleasure of trying to explain vaginal vs. c-section births to Cheeks last night on the way to dance class. Ay yi yi.

  27. On June 27th, 2011 at 12:10 am Linda Says:

    I know this is like, 2 years after the fact, but I’ve been reading through your archives (like the quality creeper that I am) and just had to speak up about this one.

    I don’t know about the music majors at your college, but I know that I never had any time to goof off. I took about 14 classes for 18 credit hours every semester. There were always at least 3 0 credit classes that were required of us to graduate, and I was in class from 8am to 8pm. Coupled with the countless hours spent practicing and doing homework (music theory is a BITCH) I only ever had at most an hour a day to eat or spaz out.

    Just sayin’…

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