Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Cyster Christian


I woke up this morning more calm than I’ve been all month. It was like all my worrying had already peaked and I was left to deal with my more standard and rational self (shut up. It’s my blog and I’ll call myself rational if I want to). It was a damn good thing because last night as I gave my daughter a pep talk reminding her that she had to be a strong baby girl and kick this surgery’s ass I broke down. And I mean I BROKE THE FUCK DOWN.

But today, with some Valium on board, I was nearly calm on the way to the hospital (I am as surprised as you undoubtedly are). Stupid, yes, as neither The Daver or I could remember which was the psychologist with the bells and the dog (answer: Pavlov), but pretty calm. I was calm as we walked my shrieking, starving daughter up to the surgery wing and checked in.

Hell, I was even calm as we were marched back to the surgical prep area. I signed the consents using my real name, I allowed my nervous husband to cuddle and pace with his daughter rather than keep her firmly ensconced in my arms, and I only broke down marginally when she was taken from us back to surgery.

Breakfast and the company of both my father–who contemplated throwing on some scrubs and heading back to the surgical suite to direct the surgery (he has a degree, he claims, from the Internet that he got two weeks ago. He’s an Internet Doctor now! We’re so proud)–and Nathan–who promised a jaunt with me to the gift shop killed the half an hour before surgery began. We’d been strongly instructed to NOT leave the waiting area, The Daver and I together, as the doctor didn’t approve of it so any stuff gathering or pacing had to be done without one another.

In our frazzled state, however annoying that sounded on paper, perhaps being separated was a plus.

After eggs were firmly tucked into my belly and an additional Valium swallowed, Nathan and I took off for a cup of coffee. While down at the coffee shop, I decided to make this More Of An Adventure and explore the gift shop as well. Do I know how to live on the edge or what?

A half an hour passed before we headed back up to wait in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs for the next four to six hours. I knew I had some Super EZ crossword puzzles to muddle through and figured I should probably get started on it.

The elevator banks opened to my husband whizzing by in the company of another dude.

“OHMYGODTHEREYOUARE.” He panted in my direction.

Without having a moment to react, he nearly shouted “SHE’S DONE! SURGERY IS DONE!”

Turns out that by four to six hours, the doctor meant 45 minutes. My daughter, it seems, was an easy case. This was an even better outcome than I could have imagined. Turns out that The Thing on the back of her head, jutting out of her posterior fontanel was not a cephalocele (SPOILER ALERT. IT WAS EVEN WORSE THAN THAT. IT WAS AN ENCEPHALOCELE). It’s sitting down in Pathology now waiting to be determined what The Thing is.

Could be fat, could be not fat, could be that third eyeball my brother and father seem convinced it is (my father is, after all, an Internet Doctor now).

(Here’s hoping it’s benign)

But now we’re happily ensconced here in the PICU where I’ve blown an insane amount of money buying out the gift shop of pink balloons and fluffy things. It’s like I’m finally able to celebrate it. I’m finally able to breathe again for the first time since my OB informed me while I hung in the air like a contortionist that my daughter had “something” on her head.

My daughter, my cherished, dreamed of daughter, the daughter I never thought I’d be lucky enough to have. She’s here. Welcome to the world, Baby Amelia, my only cinnamon girl. I couldn’t be more proud to be your mother if I tried.

96 Comments to

“Cyster Christian”

  1. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:44 pm Red Says:

    You brouhgt tears to my eyes! So happy to hear that she is well and you are happy.

  2. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm Coco Says:

    I knew she was a pistol! I knew it!

    Oh, babe, I am so freaking happy for you right now that I am literally sobbing with delight and relief and a hundred little happy tremors.

    Hooray, wee Cinnamon Girl!

  3. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:50 pm Leslee Says:

    YAY!!! I’m so happy to hear that she ok! รขโ„ขยฅ

  4. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm JuliaS Says:

    Hooray – even though this is my first time commenting, I have been following along. I have been thinking of your sweet girl and praying for her. Continued prayers that The Thing is benign and your little girlie recovers quickly and well.

  5. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm Joann Says:


  6. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm abandoning eden Says:

    yay! I’m glad you are now able to fully celebrate having a new daughter-you guys should throw a new baby party or something when she gets out of the hospital. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. On February 26th, 2009 at 3:59 pm abandoning eden Says:

    also, when she starts reading you should get her all the Amelia Bedilia Books ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:13 pm kbrients Says:

    That is amazing news… you are due for some amazing news… I am SO SO SO glad that you got it!

  9. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:13 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    This is exactly the post I wanted to read today! I’m so glad that the morning turned out so well! Any chance you’ll get to bring her home sooner than expected now?

  10. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:14 pm AlmostMrsJoyner Says:

    This can be her re-birthday…The day you finally go to celebrate everything that is baby Amelia..She can has 2 birthdays a year!! Im so, SO happy for all of you. Celebrate your baby girl!!

  11. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm Jen Anderson Says:


  12. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm JP Says:

    That is terrific! It’s great to hear how well you both are doing!

  13. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:25 pm michelle Says:

    See, I told you she was going to give you a run for your money. You all worried and stressed and settling in for 4-6 hoursl, HA! FOOLED YA! 45 minutes, you asses! Already has your tude, Becky… you are so screwed.

  14. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Kelly Says:

    First of many gray hair inducing events that your daughter will give you, because this is what girls do. Thank God everything is cool, so she can torment you completely later.

  15. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Yes. You can finally let your heart accept the fact that you have this beautiful baby girl, fully and without holding any part of yourself back from fear.
    I am so glad for you all.
    Bless your precious hearts.

  16. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Cricket Says:

    When she’s a mother, she’ll be able to lay claim to some third eye in the back of my head action on her kids.

    Or ya’ll may be able to call her Fat Head. What a great nick to earn and then easily have removed!

  17. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm Eva Says:

    Oh my God, fantastic!

  18. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:35 pm Io Says:

    Whooohoo! SO glad it went well!

  19. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:36 pm Kristine Says:

    Even more good news!

  20. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:39 pm Paula Says:

    Wonderful news! I hope you’ll all be home soon.

  21. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:43 pm Melanie Says:

    wow what a blessing!

  22. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:44 pm Badass Geek Says:



  23. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm tash Says:

    Well motherfuck. I have a lot of those ugly fat cysts all over my arms but HEY! AMELIA! WAITED UNTIL HIGH SCHOOL TO HAVE THEM REMOVED! AHEM! and the rest I’m living with cuz, eh.

    Hoping it’s nothing, and phew, and whew, and I’m all worn out. Buy her another fluffy something from me, and put some chocolate on the tab for you. The boozy filled kind.

  24. On February 26th, 2009 at 4:53 pm Chris Says:

    Best news I have heard in a LONG time. So happy! Congratulations on your baby girl!!!!

  25. On February 26th, 2009 at 5:40 pm Emily R Says:

    love to you all!

  26. On February 26th, 2009 at 5:45 pm Kendra Says:

    Boy, that’s the best possible turnout, isn’t it? Surgery went faster than imagined and everything sounds like it turned out way better than they (or you) had hoped to dream. I love the third eye theory (and congrats to your Internet MD dad!).

    So take a nice deep breath, close your eyes, and think: She’s wonderful, she’s beautiful, she smells like a new baby, and… you get to keep her. Congratulations!

  27. On February 26th, 2009 at 5:49 pm Michelle Says:

    The best possible news of all. Congrats.

  28. On February 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm Sandy Says:

    Oh thank you Jesus. I am so thrilled for her and for you and the Daver!

  29. On February 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm kate Says:

    yeah, but has she said mama yet?

    yay you guys.

  30. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:14 pm Donna Says:

    So glad it wasn’t what they originally thought and now praying it’s just something benign and life can get happy for you again. It’s been a long stretch of worry, but I’m lighting another candle for that precious baby girl.

  31. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:24 pm Mrs.spit Says:


  32. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:25 pm Heather P. Says:

    I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. Praise G-d!!
    I know he was listening. I kept asking him to have the surgery be successful, and no complications or after effects.
    ((((HUGS)))) to everyone!

  33. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:43 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Supper happy dance for your family and little Amelia Grace!

  34. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:44 pm g Says:

    YAY!! I am so happy she is done, this is done and you can really celebrate her and your family. Much love Bec, much love.

  35. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:44 pm mumma boo Says:

    Hooray!!!!!! Praying for The Thing to be NO-THING. Big hugs and lots of love and more prayers on the way! Celebrate, Becky! No one deserves it more!

  36. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:51 pm Susan Says:


  37. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:51 pm colleenfalling Says:

    Amazing! I am crying AGAIN! I am so glad you did not have to wait ALL day and that she got through it with flying colors. PHEW!

  38. On February 26th, 2009 at 6:55 pm Meghan Says:

    Oh I’m so happy to here it’s a fat nothing. Literally. I’m hoping it is anyway. I I’m going for an eyeball. I’d love to be there when she’s about 10 and says to a friend she was born with a third eye;) I’m so happy she made it through and so glad you had a team with you to pull you through it as well. Cheers to Valium and have a good rest tonight with Missy;) Sleep well and congrats again.

  39. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm Princess Jo Says:

    Woot! Oh I am so glad for you! Lets Celebrate!


  40. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:07 pm Rachel Says:

    I have been thinking about you all day. I’m so thrilled that it all went well, better than expected, from the way it sounds.
    Yay for baby Amelia!!!
    (and for the Notorious BEX too)

  41. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:14 pm stacie Says:

    Yay! I am so happy for you!

  42. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:25 pm Cass Says:

    long time lurker … had to come out and say how happy I was to read this post … I have a new baby of my own (5 months old) and just keep reading this post over and over … what a relief! good job baby girl!!

  43. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:27 pm Trish Says:

    oh my gosh. I am so relieved! I actually cried when I read this post. I have two daughters, and I can’t even imagine what you have been through!

  44. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:28 pm Lola Says:

    So excited I could pee! Very good news, and I’m glad you didn’t have to shop the gift shop for four to six hours.

  45. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:35 pm Swirl Girl Says:


    Here’s hoping it was just a fat blobule.

  46. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm Danielle Says:

    YAY and YAY!!! So many yays!!! Celebrates as much as you want! Buy a bottle of champagne and celebrate with the PICU nurses, bet they’d LOVE to join in. Way to go Amelia! You rock, little girl!

  47. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:48 pm CLC Says:

    Oh, what wonderful news!! I am so happy for all of you. Go Amelia for kicking surgery’s butt!

  48. On February 26th, 2009 at 7:53 pm DD Says:

    What if it’s ABC Gum from some lazy tart of a candy striper from the nursery when she was born???!!

    Here’s hoping it’s equally nothing.

    Glad to hear it was quick and that she’s recovering…and so are you.

  49. On February 26th, 2009 at 8:05 pm Cathy Says:

    I’m so glad it was fast and easy for you.

    I hope the rest of your stay passes just as quickly.

  50. On February 26th, 2009 at 8:07 pm magpie Says:

    Good job – 45 minutes is awesome. Glad you’re calm and she’s good.

  51. On February 26th, 2009 at 8:53 pm quietgirl Says:

    You made it! Well done! Congratulations ๐Ÿ˜€ Now I’ll have to finish my new baby cards ๐Ÿ™‚
    You must feel giddy with joy!

  52. On February 26th, 2009 at 8:57 pm quietgirl Says:

    p.s. man I miss being 5 years old and rocking out to that song! Motoring! man I want to hear that song now…

  53. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:04 pm Gaby Says:

    So happy that your little girl showed surgery what’s up. She’s obviously quite advanced, having condensed a proposed 4 hour surgery into a 45 jaunt. She’s got lots to do, and she wants to get started on it. Glad to read that you finally have the chance to help her truly get started in this crazy thing called life. Good luck to you all!

  54. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:11 pm Ames Says:

    I am SO relieved to hear this news. I’ll be praying for a super fast recovery for miss Amelia!

  55. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:18 pm amy Says:

    oh my…what a fantastically clever post, from the Pavlov reference (I was a psych major) to your Dad’S online doctorate, I am reminded why I am madly inlove with this blog! U so deserved an easy day. U bring so much joy to so many people….glad we could all offer some support to u!

    Keeping casa de la sausage in my prayers:)

  56. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:22 pm mnsm31 Says:

    woo hoo

  57. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:26 pm Fiddle1 Says:

    Big Big sigh of relief and hoping, of course, for benign results!

  58. On February 26th, 2009 at 9:41 pm Elaine at Lipstickdaily Says:

    Amazing. We’ll celebrate with you. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

  59. On February 26th, 2009 at 10:13 pm rachael s Says:

    what wonderful, beautiful news.

  60. On February 26th, 2009 at 10:26 pm Kristen Wiley Says:

    Perhaps it is my own pregnancy hormones, but I am a snivelling, sniffling crying mess right now!! I am so happy that Amelia is okay. Now, I must go blow my nose!

  61. On February 26th, 2009 at 10:44 pm Kyddryn Says:


    Just a bit of misplaced baby fat. I will accept no other answer.

    I’m happy for you, sugar!

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  62. On February 26th, 2009 at 11:09 pm Jenn Says:

    Aww, you made me cry! I’m so so so happy for you. Truly. xoxo

  63. On February 26th, 2009 at 11:12 pm Mama Bee Says:

    OMG, I was practically nervous pacing around the room (okay in my head, at least) while I read that!! I’m so glad that your sweet little girl is done with her surgery and that it went so well! Now let’s get you guys home so you can really enjoy her, huh? ๐Ÿ™‚

  64. On February 26th, 2009 at 11:25 pm excavator Says:

    Wonderful news, Aunt Becky. I’m so glad you and the Daver can breathe again.

  65. On February 27th, 2009 at 4:08 am Danielle Says:

    I’m so glad to hear that she was out of surgery so soon and that everything went so well!

  66. On February 27th, 2009 at 5:56 am Callie Says:

    Here from LFCA to say that I am so thrilled to hear that she came through like a champ. I can’t imagine what that wait was like for you and the Daver.

    I’m sending thoughts and prayers your way that it turns out to be nothing to worry about.

  67. On February 27th, 2009 at 6:15 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I am so glad everything went well. Give her kisses from all your internets.

    (Now, Nathan… is this “Nat” who you write about from time to time, or is this someone else?)

  68. On February 27th, 2009 at 6:26 am Tricia Says:

    I’m so very happy for you!

  69. On February 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am Dreamybee Says:

    Oh, God, I’m so glad she’s through all that! And you too! LOL. Congratulations!

  70. On February 27th, 2009 at 7:20 am deb Says:

    I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. I am in tears for you all. Enjoy every minute Becky!

  71. On February 27th, 2009 at 7:40 am kim Says:

    *exhale* congrats, Mommy and entire Harks crew.

    Enjoy her.

  72. On February 27th, 2009 at 8:16 am Jeanne Says:

    So glad to hear this.

  73. On February 27th, 2009 at 9:05 am Sara Says:

    More than awesome. I don’t know the word, but whatever it is, that is the word I am looking for!

    So glad everything is going perfect. Amazing little girl, she definitely takes after her momma! Fiestiness and all!

    Here’s hoping the next couple of days in the PICU go by quickly, so you can get that baby girl back home where she belongs!

  74. On February 27th, 2009 at 9:26 am Stefanie Says:

    Holy, holy, holy sheet,

    I’ve been thinking ’bout you guys nonstop so I’m very relieved. And excited that life can get back to normal. And don’t worry, I can help you replenish your valium stash.

    Give your Cinnamon Girl a kiss from me.

  75. On February 27th, 2009 at 9:41 am rockmama Says:

    Halle-freaking-leuia! So happy that you can now celebrate your lovely little girl! ๐Ÿ™‚

  76. On February 27th, 2009 at 9:43 am Queenie Says:

    Most excellent news. I hope you get a path report that says there’s nothing to worry about from here.

  77. On February 27th, 2009 at 9:55 am ewe_are_here Says:

    Could not be happier for you.

  78. On February 27th, 2009 at 10:28 am mandy Says:

    And so it begins. You’ll see-those girls..they are gonna take their parents for a ride!

  79. On February 27th, 2009 at 10:46 am Amanda Says:

    YAY!!!!! I’m so thrilled for you!

  80. On February 27th, 2009 at 11:23 am Minnie Says:

    Yeah! Oh hell yeah!

    I was praying like crazy for you guys.

  81. On February 27th, 2009 at 11:24 am Peggy Says:

    Wow…I had to scroll waaaaaaaaay down to leave a comment! See all the people Amelia had on her side?!

    I just wanted to congratulate you…you did it!

  82. On February 27th, 2009 at 12:10 pm charmed Says:

    omg THANK GOD. thank god it’s over and you’re through that particular horrible parenting shit. on to the normal regular parenting shit, huh? jesus!

    and…now on to the trying to lose the baby weight part…BLEH!!

  83. On February 27th, 2009 at 1:48 pm Amy Says:

    Hip, Hip, Hooray, Amelia! So happy that all is well!

  84. On February 27th, 2009 at 2:29 pm Betts Says:

    Ooooo, I got chills there near the end. What a happy ending. You can be you again instead of the quivering mass of nerves you became. You can enjoy Amelia the way you should. Yeah, for you. I’m going to have a drink tonight in your honor.

    I can’t wait to find out what “the thing” is. I heard on tv a couple of weeks back about a baby boy that had a tumor remove from his brain and it had a perfectly formed little foot in it. How weird is that? BTW, the boy is perfectly fine. The foot didn’t make it.

  85. On February 27th, 2009 at 2:30 pm niobe Says:


  86. On February 27th, 2009 at 2:30 pm Fancy Says:

    Thank god! Congratulations! How’s she doing, today?

  87. On February 27th, 2009 at 3:15 pm heather Says:

    Isn’t it grand when life does thing like this to us? Weeks of worry and panic and meltdowns and valium, and suddenly, it’s 45 minutes and something as simple as a 3rd eyeball. What a relief! And how much more you will appreciate having that sweet little girl in your life, knowing you could have lost her. That is in itself, quite a blessing. Love multiplied.

  88. On February 27th, 2009 at 3:30 pm Madame Yu See Says:

    I’m so relieved. (BTW – I didn’t think it would take 4 to 6 hours to remove fluid that didn’t contain blood or brain matter and a little skin, but damn, Becky, I’m afraid of you – I wasn’t going to give you my opinion on that before it happened.)
    Hopefully she’ll be released from the hospital ahead of schedule, too.

  89. On February 27th, 2009 at 4:02 pm tryingin2007 Says:

    you made me cry… again.

    deep breaths
    :::innnnnnn, ouuuuuuut. innnnnnn, ouuuuuuut:::



  90. On February 27th, 2009 at 6:06 pm anna Says:

    What awesome news! Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you get to go home very very soon.

  91. On February 27th, 2009 at 8:06 pm Nate Says:

    @SciFi Dad: I’m the Nathan that Bex was referring to – and no, I am not the Nat she normally refers to. I hope I never reach the ass-hatted-ness as Nat.

    Becky’s narrative of the morning is no exaggeration. We literally were returning from a bum’s rush on the coffee shop and nearby gift shop when we decided to explore the elevator we’d wandered past earlier, hoping it was nearer to the waiting room than the other elevator half a campus walk away (it was very much closer). We stepped out of the elevator and almost physically ran into Dave. He was muttering nearly incomprehensibly, but we managed to comprehend that Amelia was out of surgery. In the confusion, I think I muttered something along the lines of “what’re you looking at me for?! GO!” And off the two of them trotted to she their beautiful girl, and I was left the procured goods to be delivered later.

    Having prepared ourselves for the better part of a day, all of us that were there were very happy and relieved to have her out so soon (it certainly meant the worst we were expecting had not happened). That being said, but the time I’d trudged home through the rain and thunderstorms at a mere 6:30 pm, I was drained, emotionally and physically. Dave, Becky, and all of the kids mean a lot to me – they’ve been a surrogate family at times. And, as Becky has said, it feels now for the first time that we can finally truly celebrate Amelia’s arrival!

    And for those of you out in inter’web land, I know your support and kind thoughts & prayers have meant a lot to Becky. Your support has definitely helped her. And for that, inter’web, I thank you.


  92. On March 1st, 2009 at 1:58 am Amanda Says:

    I am sooooooooo glad all went well!!!

  93. On March 1st, 2009 at 9:28 am Denise Says:

    That’s fucking fabulous! Wow, that is a ton less time than estimated. YAY!

  94. On March 1st, 2009 at 5:31 pm Cari Says:

    Yay! So glad to hear that surgery went well. She is a little trooper! Now, more waiting for the next step. You’re all still in my prayers.

  95. On February 1st, 2010 at 11:46 am The Brains Behind The Operation at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] prize. I promised I would donate that to the March of Dimes. Because the one bright spot in the whole fucked up situation was knowing that Mimi and I could help other people and other […]

  96. On February 22nd, 2010 at 10:44 am Tying Up Loose Ends | Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] She kicked brain surgery in the balls on February 26, 2009: […]

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...