Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Crazy. Love.


Three years ago today, on arguably one of the most disgusting days of the summer, my lungs so full of phlegm and on a day in which I infected half of the people whose dinner I was paying for, thereby earning the nickname Typhoid Becky, I got married.

I’d never been one for romanticizing weddings, I never had an idea for a signature cocktail or monogrammed napkins, I never really even wanted to get married. I’d rather have imagined my future life as an Army NINJA Commando or as The Crazy Cat Lady than as a wife. I wasn’t anti-marriage or anything, but it was something that only happened to Other People. Like children.


People who tell me that they Just Knew about someone or something like the Perfect House, The Right Man, or Which Flavor Baby They Were Carrying always annoy me. Really, they do. Not because I don’t believe that they MIGHT have known something ahead of time, but because seriously, how many of them confess to Knowing something that didn’t happen. Plus, they always say it with this I’m More Of A Creature Of Mother Earth Than You and blow a raspberry in my direction when I confess to not knowing I was even pregnant when I was. Or maybe it’s all in my head.

Sure it annoys me, but you know what? I Just Knew when I met Daver, after spending the night at his apartment for the first time, that this is the man I would marry. Like it or not, he and I were going to be together for a very, VERY long time. While I’ve never asked him if he had the same sort of revelation, which even if he did, I doubt very much that he would tell me, I think he had a pretty good idea of the same thing.

The day of my wedding was not the best day of my life. Honestly, it was probably one of the worst days, although I won’t get into my reasons there, and I wanted nothing more than to leave the party and hang out with my new husband. But every day since then has been one of the best days of my life.

Even on our worst days, when we can barely tolerate the sight of each other, when his throat clearing and my incessant use of nose spray annoys us both so very much that we could each scream, I know how lucky I am. I have never, and will likely never take him for granted.

He’s the man I didn’t know I was lucky enough to marry.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

48 Comments to

“Crazy. Love.”

  1. On September 10th, 2008 at 12:52 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Dude, you quoted Neruda.

    If you weren’t already in my cool books, you definitely would be now.

    Happy Anniversary.

  2. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm Sillycakes Says:

    Okay, that actually made me tear up a bit. If I knew you a little better, I’d follow that up with “bitch”.

    …oops. ;-p

  3. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:05 pm Sillycakes Says:

    Oh, and DUH! Happy Anniversary!

  4. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:06 pm Rachel Says:

    I’m still planning for Crazy Cat Lady….4 cats already…

    But anyway, congrats!

  5. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm swirl girl Says:

    Happy Anniversary-
    however you got here, you did. Whether you knew it or not…

    lovely quote

    (ps – with both my kids, I never ‘knew’ what they were even with genetic testing…I begged the docs to take ‘the thing’ out of me to make sure it was human. Earth mother I am not.)

  6. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:18 pm Badass Geek Says:

    Happy Anniversary and stuff! Hope you get some.

  7. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:28 pm The Mommy Says:

    Happy Anniversary. Such a small “blog” world, but my good friend at is also celebrating their anniversary.

    I also “knew” that my husband was the one the very first time he kissed me. Of course, I blamed it on the booze, but it turned out I was right!

    And HE had been to a psychic the year before and she told him he would marry someone who looked like Cindy Crawford. What can I say? When you’ve got it you’ve got it 😉

  8. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:29 pm Sarah Says:

    I second Badass Geek’s sentiments, and you totally make me want to give a damn about poetry now. Well done. With the poetry and the marriage!

  9. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm kalakly Says:

    many, many, more years with your one and only…may you both always have lozenges and nasal spray, oh and great sex too, that always helps.

  10. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm kalakly Says:

    with each other, I mean, but you knew that, right?

  11. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:40 pm deb Says:

    Happy Anniversary!! That was a nice post , some a little odd – but ‘Aunt Becky’ odd – so really not odd at all. 🙂

  12. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm Brooke Says:

    Happy Anniversary to Aunt Becky and The Daver! The sonet at the end of your post was beautiful. I hope you have a great day with your love today, and many many more…

  13. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:53 pm Heather Says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky! Oh, the Daver! The love floweth freely from La Casa de la Sausage today, eh? 😉

  14. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm Daddy Files Says:

    I liked that post. I also knew I’d be with my wife after our first date, but I had to convince her of it for months.

    And I know what you mean about the wedding hassle and just wanting to spend time with your new spouse. My back was giving me fits and MJ was having a flare-up of her Crohn’s Disease on our wedding day. We were both so tired and sore and miserable we couldn’t even manage Wedding Night Nookie!

    Thanks for the nice post, I’m passing it onto my wife.

  15. On September 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm kbrients Says:

    Happy Happy. Congratulations on a nother year!

  16. On September 10th, 2008 at 2:03 pm -Seraphim Says:

    I totally understand what you mean about the wedding hassles. That’s why hub and I eloped and got married at the court house. On odd days I kinda kick myself because we don’t have wedding pics nor did we have a wedding cake….but I got him..and that means more to me than anything…

    Happy Anniversary !

  17. On September 10th, 2008 at 2:04 pm kc Says:

    You put a POEM ON YOUR BLOG.

    Dude. This pregnancy has gotten you all sappy.

    …or maybe your hubby is a great guy.

    …or maybe both.

  18. On September 10th, 2008 at 2:20 pm tash Says:

    Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids, you!

    Loves me some Pablo.

  19. On September 10th, 2008 at 2:49 pm Betty M Says:

    Happy Anniversary!

    I once shared an office with a man whose wife called him 3 times a day in the months before his wedding at least and she was often in tears over the napkins not matching the favours not matching the menu cards etc. I had to listen to this crap and the bastards didn’t even bloody invite me. Unsurprisingly I had a totally different kind of wedding myself.

  20. On September 10th, 2008 at 2:55 pm Cassie Says:

    Happy Anniversary Typhoid Becky! lol

  21. On September 10th, 2008 at 3:00 pm mandy Says:

    THAT was beautiful. “between the shadow and the soul..” My favorite part.

  22. On September 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm Karen Says:

    Happy Anniversary.

    I think that I heard that in a wedding toast once….that the wedding should be the worst day of your life together….so that the rest of you life together would be perfect.

  23. On September 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm magpie Says:

    That poem is lovely. Happy anniversary.

  24. On September 10th, 2008 at 3:06 pm Edward Says:

    Happy Anniversary! That was a very sweet story …like it or not (blowing rasberries your way lol).

  25. On September 10th, 2008 at 3:51 pm stacey k Says:

    awww Aunt Becky’s getting all sentimental on us….

    Happy Anti-versary

  26. On September 10th, 2008 at 4:05 pm Tiffany @ My Random Wisdom Says:

    How damn sweet!

    and I say it IS a girl sausage..the extra estrogen has seeped into your brain..hehe..

    Here’s to many many more anniversaries- sappiness and all!!

  27. On September 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm LAS Says:

    Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  28. On September 10th, 2008 at 4:20 pm Fancy Says:

    awwww, that was so sweet. Congrats to you both

  29. On September 10th, 2008 at 4:40 pm birdpress Says:

    Happy anniversary, you crazy kiddos. 😉

  30. On September 10th, 2008 at 4:55 pm Ms. Moon Says:


  31. On September 10th, 2008 at 5:13 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    The only thing I really believe is the theory that when you know, you know. You just do. Happy anniversary to you both!

  32. On September 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm Cheryl Says:

    Uh, I’m actually one of those girls who “just knew” about two men in my life, neither of which I actually married, and both of which kicked my arse to the curb.

    Oh, and then there was the house I made an offer on in Austin TX that I “just knew” was going to be my Forever House. The owners accepted another offer & now I’m not even moving to Austin, I’m moving to Seattle. Huh. Is it possible that it wasn’t “My House” b/c I was “supposed” to move to Seattle a year later? I have no idea… man, I sure hope so.


    Anyway, I’m totally willing to admit that most of the time I thought I “knew” something, I didn’t know sh*t.

    In your case, I’m SO glad you “knew” about Dave. Oh, and Pablo Neruda KICKS BUTT. Seriously. How romantic can ya get?

    Happy Anniversary!

  33. On September 10th, 2008 at 5:58 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Happy anniversary, but you’re a butt-head for making me cry.

  34. On September 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm CLC Says:

    Happy anniversary. He’s a lucky man!

  35. On September 10th, 2008 at 6:55 pm Jenn Says:

    I won’t say anything about the poem (but really? a poem? hehe, I’m just teasing you!) but you are too cute sometimes. For all your big talk I know you’re just a big ol’ softie on the inside. Hahah. 🙂

    Seriously, though. This was sweet. And it’s very very much how I feel about my husband. We’re a couple of lucky ladies, yeah?

    Happy anniversary!

  36. On September 10th, 2008 at 7:11 pm Emily R Says:

    Happy anniversary

  37. On September 10th, 2008 at 8:22 pm Lola Says:

    I think you know how I feel about marriage. If you can tolerate the throat clearing and the nose spray, it’s meant to be. Hearts and flowers mean nothing! It’s surviving the ugliness that matters.

    Happy A!

  38. On September 10th, 2008 at 8:32 pm Anjali Says:

    How truly lovely.

    Happy anniversary to you both.

  39. On September 10th, 2008 at 8:41 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    ok, only because you are my BBFF am i not mad at your for writing something that has left me in tears and missing the sweetgirl. dude, that poem is amazing…

    happy anniversary to you and the daver!!! wishing you many many multiples of 3 years together…


  40. On September 10th, 2008 at 9:19 pm Vered - MomGrind Says:

    This was so sweet. I think he’s lucky too. Happy anniversary!

  41. On September 10th, 2008 at 10:11 pm KT Says:

    Well, happy anniversayry! See now, THIS is how I feel about my husband. If only I could express it and he could accept it wihout lawyers and shit involved. Anyhow, what you said is awesome…it’s full of love without fear that something else coult taint the feeling.

    Happy anniversary to Becky and The Daver!

  42. On September 10th, 2008 at 10:20 pm Mare Says:

    While wiping that little tear that just formed in the corner of my eye, I wish you and the Daver a fantastic anniversary.

    BTW I so KNEW it was a girl…jk..but I kind of thought it was.

  43. On September 11th, 2008 at 7:45 am Leanne Says:


    Just to clarify, I got married because I was spending a fortune on a holiday and could get a free upgrade if I could prove I was on “honeymoon”.

    Knew I was pregnant early, cause I was sick as a dog and I hadn’t eaten any dodgy curries.

    Thought I was having a boy and had a girl.

    And I just know every week I’m going to win the lottery and I’m still waiting. Seriously, it’s all about waiting your turn.

    It’s my turn next week………I just know it ;]

  44. On September 11th, 2008 at 10:28 am Cricket Says:

    You two suit each other so well. Congrats.

  45. On September 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm trish Says:

    Awwww!!! I think I knew that Dave and I would be together for a long time, too. And when we’re driving each other crazy, at least we can make each other laugh. I think THAT will be our saving grace.

  46. On September 11th, 2008 at 8:56 pm ScienceMama Says:

    Aunt Becky, you are a woman after my own heart. Pablo Neruda is my absolute favorite poet.

  47. On September 12th, 2008 at 12:13 am Painted Maypole Says:

    happy anniversary!

  48. On September 12th, 2008 at 7:29 am Candid Engineer Says:

    Congratulations. It’s all such a good feeling to know you’re with the right person.

    I feel comforted a bit to hear that you didn’t enjoy your wedding either. I thought I was the only weirdo out there who didn’t have, like, THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

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