Mommy Wants Vodka

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Come To Think Of It, I Never Did Write About That Tapeworm Farm

February1

The Daver, 2004: “You should start a blog.”

Aunt Becky: “What the shit is a ‘blob?‘”

The Daver: “You know, an online weblog?”

Aunt Becky: “Is that for Dungeons and Dragons people? Because I do not play Dungeons and Dragons. I am offended that you would think I play Dungeons and Dragons, The Daver. Also: gravy.”

The Daver: “You’re offended by gravy?”

Aunt Becky: “Only the powdered kind.”

The Daver: “Ha, no. Blogs aren’t for Dungeons and Dragons. A blog is kinda an online journal.”

Aunt Becky: “So. Wait. You write a diary online?”

The Daver: “Kinda.”

Aunt Becky: “And then…other people read it?”

The Daver: “Yes. Some. Probably.”

Aunt Becky: “OMG. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! THAT’S SO RIDICULOUS.”

The Daver: “Gee. Thanks.”

Aunt Becky: “Who gives a flying shit what I think about ‘eating grilled cheese‘ or ‘driving through snow?‘ Why would anyone care?”

The Daver: *shrugs* “I’d read what you wrote.”

Aunt Becky: “Aw.”

(a couple days later)

Aunt Becky: “So I’ve decided to start a “blob” called “Mushroom Printing.” I shall write my first post about my idea for a tapeworm farm or my vagina. Can me and Pashmina write it together?”

The Daver: “Sure.”

(years go by)

The Daver, 2011: “How’s that Humble Pie taste, Tex? How’s that blog treating you?”

Aunt Becky: “Shutthefuckup.”

—————

How did you get started blogging, Pranksters?

—————

And, PRANKSTERS, holy FUCK, I got nominated for a Bloggie for Best Writing of a Weblog and Most Humorous Weblog.

Band Back Together got nominated for Best Kept Secret Weblog. This is HUGE.

Um. UMMMM. I got woken up to frantic fucking PHONE calls because it’s so awesome to have been nominated.

So, Pranksters *rubs toe into ground bashfully* would, um, you mind, um, voting for me? Please? PLEASE?

87 Comments to

“Come To Think Of It, I Never Did Write About That Tapeworm Farm”

  1. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:03 am Angie Says:

    *happy dancing*

  2. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:05 am Kenna Says:

    I love it! It’s great when we learn from others and even better for them when they get to throw it in our face. I actually started blogging after I left journalism to become a college professor. I missed writing a lot. I started my journalism blog (profkrg.com) then. Friends and family told me for years that I should write a personal blog. I didn’t want to because I was embarrassed to put “stuff” out there. I finally started it last year. It was set on private. Then I realized how stupid it was to put things online for only certain people to see. I do teach media law, after all. So, I made it public and the rest (as they say) is history. I admittedly still get a bit nervous about putting stuff “out there.” Do you?

  3. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:17 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I don’t. Not really. I mean. Sort of. No. I guess I SHOULD be nervous to put it out there because it’s going to bite me in the balls one day. But you know.

  4. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:05 am Stacy Says:

    Link please? Clicked on Blogger and just got some rules. Might have missed it but didn’t see it regardless. Thanks!

  5. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:10 am Amy Says:

    Just keep scrolling down. I was confused at first too.

  6. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:06 am Tee Says:

    I love love love your blogs!! All of them. I’ve had some dark times to deal with lately and reading your blogs have really lifted my spirit and made me laugh just at the right time.
    Thank you Aunt Becky!!! You are full of awesome!

  7. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Aw, thank you! That made me all blushy. I’m glad.

  8. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:09 am Jana A Says:

    Stacy, scroll on down. It’s all at the bottom of the page, which goes on forever…

  9. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:09 am Becky Mochaface Says:

    I can’t vote fast enough for you darling.

  10. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:15 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    YAY! Thank you!

  11. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:11 am DrLori71 Says:

    Congrats on the Bloggie nominations! I can’t wait to see the Bloggie Awards when they’re televised on E!. Just picture it – you’ll be walking down the red carpet, Ryan Seacrest will ask you one of his idiotic questions and you can tell him to shut his whore mouth. Good luck!

  12. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:11 am DrLori71 Says:

    Congrats on the Bloggie nominations! I can’t wait to see the Bloggie Awards when they’re televised on E!. Just picture it – you’ll be walking down the red carpet, Ryan Seacrest will ask you one of his idiotic questions and you can tell him to shut his whore mouth. Good luck!

  13. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:15 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’ll just grab his balls. That should make for some interesting conversation. Or…perhaps not.

  14. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:11 am StephanieC | Seriously? Really? Seriously? Says:

    You have to keep scrolling down the page.

    Voted!! Congrats!

  15. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:15 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    YAY! I’m so excited! Thank you.

  16. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:13 am Erin Says:

    VOTED! And sending out magical vibes to make EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD vote too. I mean, if they’re all buried in snow with only their computers to keep them warm..WHAT ELSE ARE THEY DOING?!

  17. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:15 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    EXACTLY. Snowpocalypse2011 should mean that EVERYONE is voting.

  18. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:21 am TexaGermaNadian Says:

    Congrats on the nomination! And really, could there be a dorkier word than blog?!? Nope, I think not. I feel like I have to push up my imaginary glasses every time I say the word

  19. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:44 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I say it in a nasally voice (in my head). “I’m a blobber.”

  20. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:25 am Kizz Says:

    I got started in 2006 because I was reading so many blobs and I just wanted to try it, I could stop any time.

    Haven’t stopped yet. Have two blobs now!

    Congratulations on the Bloggies! I went right over and voted.

  21. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Blobbers unite! And I love what I do. I love it more because it’s so random to have happened upon it.

  22. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:26 am Jenn Says:

    My friend and I started our blog because there is a TON of stuff about kids and being a mom that no one tells you!! It’s kinda a therapy and info providing blog. I will most def vote for you I SUPER LOVE!!!! your blog and I get sad if I don’t get a chance to read it everyday!

  23. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Ain’t that the gospel? I’m so glad to know you!

  24. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:28 am Heather Says:

    Woohoo!!!! Of course I’m going to go vote for my 2 fav blogs, silly AB!

    I started blogging after finding your blog & reading about Amelia. I thought, ya know what, I bet blogging about losing Robert would be cheaper than therapy (& the mounting liquor store bill).

  25. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Blogging is SO much cheaper than therapy. And I LOVE yours.

  26. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:30 am Karen Says:

    Yer nominated in several catagories…I voted for you in ALL of them! GO AUNT BECKY!!

  27. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:32 am Caroline Says:

    I don’t have a blog but yours is fr*ckin hilarious! Love it and will vote for you!

  28. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:32 am Caroline Says:

    I don’t have a blog but yours is fr*ckin hilarious! Love it and will vote for you!

  29. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:44 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Aw, THANKS.

  30. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:33 am a Says:

    Can I only vote once?

  31. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:34 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think you can vote once per email address. (I’ll check)

  32. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:38 am Lauren Elyse Says:

    A well deserved nomination for both you and the Band. Voting will happen. Like crazy. Maybe we’ll break the bloggies. 🙂

  33. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am Losing Brownies Says:

    I totally voted already! I was shrieking with excitment and Gadget Guy was like “WTF, The Boy is sleeping”. I couldn’t help it. That is some awesome news.

  34. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:46 am Gretchen Says:

    DONE!! SOOO deserved my dear…you should be very proud. Big pink puffy hearts to you!

  35. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:50 am leanne Says:

    Congrats!!! Very happy for you, Becky the Blobber!!!

  36. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:07 am Cindy Says:

    I totally voted for you!! My vote felt like it pushed you into the winners circle. You are SO the winner!

  37. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:08 am Kristin (MamaKK922) Says:

    You are what inspired me to start blogging. Because I LOVE your blog so much. And I wanted to a just like you well never as great cause come on we all know that could NEVER be possible. That and I have a lot of things other than the really dark things I write about on BBT that I don’t want to share with IRL “friends” (can I shorten The Band back to that?) cause I am all kinds of lazy.
    BUT YAY on the Blobbie you so deserve it. This is gonna be your year I can tell. I can’t wait to hear your speech about tapeworms.

  38. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:21 am jael Says:

    The universality of your relevance, humor and sense of humor like the trinity of Aunt Becky-inspired nominations speak for themselves. Also, were there a category for the most unexpected use of the F-word, you’d have it. Any one can use it as an exclamation, but you have somehow elevated it to a gerund that foreshadows!

  39. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:21 am Danyelle Says:

    Congrats!! I’m so happy for you!

    I started a livejournal in 2006 when my oldest daughter was born, then moved to blogger last year. I just wanted a place to put and maybe share my thoughts and stories.

  40. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:42 am Amber Says:

    That is so cool Aunt Becky! I will totally vote for you.
    I got my start blogging when I was trying to conceive my first baby. I found baby center and thats where I first started reading blogs. I can’t remember the name of my first blog but it was supposed to be a pregnancy journal.

  41. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:54 am Tina A Says:

    Woo hoo! We all need stickers that say “I VOTED FOR MY AUNT BECKY!”
    Seriously, you do have an awesome blog…I love knowing that I’m not alone in my strange fears about everyday life…about my son…about my sanity (or lack of). I knew back when I got my first “real” computer and hooked up to the fabulous “interwebs” that I was in trouble. Addicted from day 1. And that addiction eventually led me to you, Aunt Becky, and your lovely Pranksters!!!

  42. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:57 am Teala Says:

    I totally voted for you! I hope you get at least one!

  43. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:57 am Jill Says:

    Voted for you. Hope you beat out that stupid woman, Ree Drummond. I cannot believe she actually was nominated for best writing. That is a fucking joke. Your blog is SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER!!!!

  44. On February 1st, 2011 at 12:21 pm onecookieshort Says:

    Congratulations! You are fantastic and deserve not only to be nominated, but also to win 🙂 I just voted for you and Band Back Together.

  45. On February 1st, 2011 at 12:57 pm MamaSkates Says:

    fo sho! congrats!!!

  46. On February 1st, 2011 at 1:04 pm dufmanno Says:

    Jane Fonda had a tapworm. That’s why she looked so good in Klute.
    What do you mean that’s an urban legend as bad as the Richard Gere/hamster story? The loss of this factoid from my list saddens me.
    I got started blogging when I was too chicken shit to say something to somebodys face so I said it to my computer instead. How pitiful for me.

  47. On February 1st, 2011 at 1:20 pm Camille Says:

    You got it sugar. Going over to vote right now. You rock Becks.

  48. On February 1st, 2011 at 1:30 pm Amanda Says:

    This is all cheesy and feelingy so it will make you want to hide- but your blog has made a huge difference for me. It inspired me to start my own (you know, so I can become a huge blobber and my blog will eat your blog one day) and I’ve enjoyed it so much. I got sucked into the stay at mom dark lonely hole and now I have something that is mine. When you put me on your blog roll, which I’m sure you do for anyone, it felt like I won a blog award! I’m not even ass kissing, I’m way to bitchy to ass kiss.

    Stop by my blog someday and I will die of happiness.
    http://fondofthesilliness.blogspot.com/

    I voted for you and I would vote again a million times if I could! Congrats!

  49. On February 1st, 2011 at 1:52 pm Betty M Says:

    Congratulations!
    I started a blog as I had been a commenter only for ages and felt I owed people a look in my life rather than just being an anonymous person with an interest in theirs.

  50. On February 1st, 2011 at 1:59 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Congrats on the Bloggie nomination!

    I started blogging because new mom + insomnia + bronchitis = no memories of what happened 10 minutes ago, let alone 10 days or 10 weeks ago. I thought I ‘d just restart my written journal but I could never find a pen I always knew where my computer was though so an online diary was really the only viable option

  51. On February 1st, 2011 at 2:45 pm gaylin Says:

    I has done voted for you. You are the bestest.

  52. On February 1st, 2011 at 3:23 pm Tiffany Says:

    Yes! That’s flippin awesome! Congratulations! I will deff vote for ya!!!

  53. On February 1st, 2011 at 3:37 pm Becca Says:

    I love your writing. I originally started my blog because my best girl C said, hey other people would probably read what you write!! I didn’t think so, but I have learned that it is better on my family if I write stuff down as opposed to bottling it all up…

  54. On February 1st, 2011 at 3:49 pm Mwa (Lost in Translation) Says:

    I got started by reading and wanting me some of THAT while I was going out of my mind being a stay at home mum. You know, the usual.

  55. On February 1st, 2011 at 4:36 pm Dualmom Says:

    I remember when I first found your blog..almost a year ago. I think I read your entire archives in two days. I was enthralled.

  56. On February 1st, 2011 at 4:59 pm Chris in PHX Says:

    Well, thank you to The Daver for unleashing eveybodies favorite Aunt on an unsuspecting interwebz!!!!1!

  57. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:02 pm KaraB Says:

    Of course you and Band Back Together got nominated!! Best blogs around! I’m heading off to vote

  58. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:06 pm Didactic Pirate Says:

    Congratulations on your nomination, for both this site and for Band Back Together!
    I’ve recently soured on blog awards. Mainly because I just lost one that I was nominated for in three different categories. That’s like losing three times. Sweet. But, um (putting on my happy face)….. YAY for you!

  59. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:29 pm Christa Says:

    My best friend had to be a punk and move 3 states away. She also seems to be alergic to phones. So she talked me into starting one of these things so she could keep track of what is going on in my life and make fun of my cats.

  60. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:32 pm Samantha Says:

    I voted for you and for Band Back Together.

  61. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:54 pm AngieM. Says:

    are you already preparing your acceptance speech? it’s gonna be so long that the commercial is going to start playing over it.

    also..i went back to the very first page and started reading the other day…umm there are over 400 pages of posts!!!! i really do plan on reading every single one.

    also also…you are seriously hilarious, sometimes when i don’t feel like working..i mean..err..when i’m on break at work. i’ll read..but it’s hard to laugh quietly especially when your side hurts from laughing so much. i hope you win…i voted (duh!)

    on a side note…can you please explain why those ‘captcha’ phrases are such assholes ? i swear i have to hit ‘re-captcha’ like 6 times before i could see the freaken words i’m supposed to type!!!

  62. On February 1st, 2011 at 6:00 pm Julia @ Boredom Abounds Says:

    I started blogging a couple of years ago while working in a boring-ass job in the Australian TV industry. My blog became an escape from listening to the moronic attitudes of TV commercial directors who though they were performing brain surgery on a daily basis.

    Just discovered your blog via the weblog awards site and love it – I voted for you!

  63. On February 1st, 2011 at 6:44 pm Vinomom Says:

    Saw your Tweet this morning – Congrats!

    I don’t even remember what made me start a blog?? Oh wait – that week I quit drinking. Yes that was it. That was short lived and then I started a new blog called Vinomom.

  64. On February 1st, 2011 at 7:47 pm Barb Says:

    Congrats!! Yaay! Your Mommy Wants Vodka blog is a daily read. You are funny but more importantly, you are real and are not afraid to show it. I gave you thumbs ups in all categories and even typed out that uber long captcha and got it right on the first try.

  65. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:28 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    WOAH. That’s awesome. Thank you!

  66. On February 1st, 2011 at 7:58 pm Andrea Says:

    How could I *not* vote for you?! I save your blog for last in my reader, and it never, ever fails to live up to that honor. So of course it needs a formal award!! Plus, BB2G makes me feel halfway normal, and I recommend it to everyone I know. Soon it won’t be a secret anymore.

    Thank you for all you do for your Pranksters 🙂

  67. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:29 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Aw, FANKS. And I love what I do. I’m happy to have come across it in such an unlikely place.

  68. On February 1st, 2011 at 8:06 pm Erin@MommyontheSpot Says:

    Yeaa! You got my votes!!

  69. On February 1st, 2011 at 8:08 pm Neeroc Says:

    Awesome, congratulations!
    I got started blogging after mocking a crazy Russian I work with. He was on LJ and within a day or so I had my very own…infertility blog/random babble journal.
    Once I had V I couldn’t keep bragging on in that IF journal so I was pretty quiet for a while until I realized holy shit I could start a new blog! (I never claimed I was smart).

  70. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:29 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    ZOMG. Livejournal. I totally have one of those that I never use.

  71. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:32 pm bashtree Says:

    I started blogging in 2001. I can’t believe it. I was in end-of-high-school, beginning-of-college and had a livejournal. I’m pretty sure it’s still live, actually, and I’m thinking about using one of those blog publishing services to make the non-meme entries (heh…lots of those) into a goofy little book. It’s kind of like a journal. Anyway…so yeah, I kind of choked when I realized that I’ve been blogging for almost 10 years, in some horrible form or another. Yours is so much more deserving of awards! off I go to vote…

  72. On February 2nd, 2011 at 12:37 am Sara @ Life with the Two Says:

    I started blogging because I was pissed off at the President because my gallon of ice cream melted and it was ALL HIS EFFING FAULT! (I told the story to a friend with a blog and she told me I should start blogging about the stupid shit that happens to me.)

  73. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:28 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It was totally his fault.

  74. On February 2nd, 2011 at 2:08 am Melissa Says:

    Well I voted for you. Both Blobs. Under 3 e-mails. (for both) – So thats six votes total. Or nine or twelve, cuz I think you were nominated for more than one thing.

  75. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:27 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Blobbers UNITE!

  76. On February 2nd, 2011 at 3:45 am starle Says:

    I voted for you! Have a good time at the awards!

  77. On February 2nd, 2011 at 3:52 am Casey D Says:

    Soooo proud of you for your nominations! I just voted, and I’ll vote with every email addy I have! Thanks for doing what you do!

  78. On February 2nd, 2011 at 3:52 am Casey D Says:

    Soooo proud of you for your nominations! I just voted, and I’ll vote with every email addy I have! Thanks for doing what you do!

  79. On February 2nd, 2011 at 5:23 am SciFi Dad Says:

    My wife started a blog. I started one with a similar name (i.e. it had “dad” instead of “mom”) to make fun of her. She got all excited that we could be “blogging twins”. I felt guilty and pretended that was my idea all along.

    That was almost five years ago.

  80. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:27 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s brilliant.

  81. On February 2nd, 2011 at 7:46 am Faery Chaos Says:

    Awesome! Voted for you and really really hope you win! You kick ass!!

    I started blogging years ago because I was bored out of my skull, to vent/document how eff’d up my mother was and to keep updated my family/friends that lives far far away (surprisingly, most of my family is not on facebook). Well, it’s been interesting through the years because I don’t really sugar coat stuff and I think that somehow has surprised some…I am, however, careful to not put every single little thought of mine on the blogs I have. Some years I didn’t have as much time, but I have noticed in the last few years I have turned it into a good and regular habit.

    For me, it’s a sanity break

  82. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:39 am Mel Says:

    Yo! Congrats Aunt Becky – you deserve it! 🙂

  83. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:54 am Eric Says:

    I got fired. My guess is this starts a lot of people blogging. Surprisingly it was not a hatepost I posted that first time, though it was about fear. No, the hateposts came later e.g. My boss was a neurotic trainwreck and I hope she catches scabies and, in her personal itching hell, shrieks out to the empty sky “I should NOT have fired Eric! Karma, you crotch!”

  84. On February 2nd, 2011 at 10:13 am Lessons in Life and Light Says:

    I began blogging to keep our family and friends up to date when my husband joined the National Guard. And it kind of morphed from there! I’ve continued to blog mostly because of the friends and relationships I’ve found. Plus, I really like to write.

    Going to vote! Yeehaw!

  85. On February 2nd, 2011 at 12:23 pm Crystal Says:

    Totally voted for you and Band Back Together!!!

    I started when I realized that my writing to myself was not working so well. The voices were creeping closer and closer to reality so I thought it best to share my inner craziness with the world. Seem to be working a little bit!

  86. On February 2nd, 2011 at 7:12 pm Mommy Boots Says:

    I first started blobbing in 2001 on LiveJournal. I was 17 and most of my posts contained angsty Pink Floyd lyrics and how badly I wanted a Subway sandwich.

  87. On February 2nd, 2011 at 10:08 pm karen Says:

    I done voted for you already and for us because you are fing awestrucksome. or something.

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