Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Unfit for Motherhood.


This morning, left to his own choices, Ben decided to put red and green highlights into his hair, a process that was only slightly less painful than getting a colonoscopy (why YES, I have had the pleasure, thankyouverymuch!). To his credit, however, he is a mere 6 years old with the correlating attention span of a housefly, and the whole process did take about 2 hours. I myself got antsy and bored after about 20 minutes, so I can’t say that I blame him in any way.

I’ll post pictures just as soon as I have a tutorial from The Daver (who is sadly back at work after a couple of blissful days off), but I am now perplexed. Am I officially the worst mother on the planet, destined to take my 10 year old to get his tongue pierced and sign for a tattoo (not of a pot leaf, however. Or flames. Even I have my boundries) at age 16?

I mean, since I’ve gotten my own hairs did, I’ve been barraged by strangers asking if Ben was my own child, which leads me to believe that a) I look far younger than my 27 years or b) I don’t appear fit enough (mentally) to have a child of my own. Sweet, I suppose, but also somewhat baffling.

Either way, babysitter or mother, what’s done is done (although it can be easily rectified by a pair of clippers) for now and he seems to dig it. But I’m not sure I could handle doing it again with him without trying to commit suicide by highlighting comb or some such implement OR some medicinal drugging (me, not him).

17 Comments to

“Unfit for Motherhood.”

  1. On March 24th, 2008 at 2:25 pm shay Says:

    nope – sounds like you’re the “cool mommy”. My kids never asked or I’d have let them too, it’s just hair after all right?! I’m so painfully boring though they probably never thought of it lol.

    Didja have a good chocolate filled day yesterday?

  2. On March 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm kim Says:

    I want to see the photos!!

  3. On March 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm Heather Says:

    It’s far too much work to corral The MAN for fifteen minutes to get a hair cut, I’m quite positive neither of us would survive a color process. Quite.

    So…how does it look?!

  4. On March 24th, 2008 at 2:32 pm Kristine Says:

    I’m pretty sure I’ll never have the pleasure of that experience. Not because I wouldn’t allow it, but because he’d never think of it, since I don’t really do anything to my hair but wash it.

    I can’t wait for the pictures!

  5. On March 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm Judy Says:

    As the years progress you may want to perfect the hair (temporary) versus skin (permanent unless pain is involved) argument and/or the my house my rules argument. But you have years before you have to worry – I didn’t get the tattoo arguments until Son. No. 1 was 17.

    Did I mention he has tattoos of a “sacred toaster” and Betty Paige in bondage? To name just a few ….

  6. On March 24th, 2008 at 3:29 pm kbreints Says:

    yeah– I am amazed that he sat for it. It was a lesson in patience I geuss! I cannot wait for the pics!

  7. On March 24th, 2008 at 4:34 pm Kristin Says:

    I bet he looks super-rad. I would expect nothing less.

  8. On March 24th, 2008 at 5:17 pm Amy Says:

    Now, those are pictures I’d like to see. Thank you again for being a super cool friend and checking in on me! I so appreciate the words of kindness! It’s been hard and I’m sure it’ll get harder but we’ll muddle through somehow to hopefully someday have a child like yours! Thank you for the laughs and kindness!

  9. On March 24th, 2008 at 6:50 pm b Says:

    OOOOOOh, I want a tattoo of Betty Paige in bondage!!! I’ve been trying to get to your blog like ALL freaking day. I think my work computer doesn’t like mommies who let their sons get green highlights. It’s not me, it’s the computer..don’t be hatin Aunt Becky!!!

  10. On March 24th, 2008 at 9:02 pm LAS Says:

    Oh – I can’t wait to see pictures!!

  11. On March 24th, 2008 at 9:11 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    Pictures! I must see pictures. And if there’s a next time – patience not being a virtue of the average 6 year old – I think you should videotape it.

  12. On March 24th, 2008 at 9:35 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    Oh!! What did the Daver say??

    Can’t wait to see the pics!!

    Bet he looks adorable!

  13. On March 24th, 2008 at 10:38 pm Kristen Says:

    You are a great mom! Can’t wait to see. My second son wanted a red mohawk at 6 with spikes of liberty, so of course, off we went. The stylist cut off all the length on top though, so it was more like a badger’s back than spikes of liberty, but he liked it.
    I am sure I will be taking him for tats too, he is kinda cool like that.

  14. On March 25th, 2008 at 9:40 am Ames Says:

    I cannot wait to see the pictures. I’ll be the mom that’s letting my daughter dye her hair and get her navel pierced, etc. (and I’m looking forward to this). My mom always forbid me to do these sorts of things so as soon as I turned 18 I got my hair dyed, got a tattoo, and had my navel pierced (twice). I want my daughter to be able to express herself in whatever way she wants…if that means purple hair and piercings, so be it.

  15. On March 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm becky Says:

    Good for you guys! I’m glad you decided to let him do it.

  16. On March 25th, 2008 at 5:28 pm SaraS-P Says:

    No way you are the worst mother on the planet – I am sure my mom is ranked way higher than you are. She used to give my brother cigarettes for Christmas and smoke pot with him. I think piercing and allowing colorful highfuls is pretty harmless compared to that.

  17. On March 25th, 2008 at 11:17 pm Ann Says:

    I love the name of your blog and I have a Ben, too.
    So glad I stumbled upon you!!

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