Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Can’t Sleep, Kids’ll Eat Me



Hands are nom, nom, nom, nom.


Every time you masturbate, a Domo eats a cookie. Please, think of the cookies.


This was in my iPhoto archive. I did not take this picture. Uh. Yeah.


Someday, he might kill someone with those lashes.


How are YOU today? I’m full of exhausted thanks to a sweet Lil Miss who decided that sleep is for babies.

posted under The Sausage Factory
43 Comments to

“Can’t Sleep, Kids’ll Eat Me”

  1. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:33 am Badass Geek Says:

    I’ve got killer lashes, too. Totally makes the ladies swoon.

  2. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am Anjali Says:

    You could go skiiing on those lashes! Marvelous!

  3. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:38 am Ms. Moon Says:

    I’m wishing I had a pool. That’s how I am today. It’s hot in Florida.
    P.S. Your babies are darling.

  4. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am Kerri Says:

    I am stupified and speechless (dunno if they mean the same thing) that the great and famous Aunt Becky commented on MY blog!!!! I literally phoned everyone I know ~ needless to say they weren’t as excited me 🙂 Go figures – the most exciting thing to happen to me all week and no-one to celebrate with!!
    *sings, “I’m moving on up, to the Eastside; to a deeee-lux apartment in the sky”* Out of tune, and not entirely certain of the right words….
    Oh, and BTW – you have totally gorgeous children.

  5. On May 13th, 2009 at 10:53 am lady lemon Says:

    I think your little girl could kill somebody with those EYES! That gaze is spellbinding!

    Oh, and Alex. They say momma’s boys become lady’s men. You are going to have to beat the females back with a poisoned, spikey stick.

  6. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pm Kristina Says:

    I was having a fabulous day full of grass cutting at lunch, incompetant co-workers and just all around sucktasticness, and now Aunt Becky comes along and has me thinking about digestive meat curtains.

    Also now trying to think of a way to tell my husband about the meat curtain without letting him think he’s going to get any.

    P.S. Your kids are so freakin’ cute.

  7. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:28 am Jennifer Says:

    Heeheehee. Meat curtain. I’ve never heard that. I’m going to say that constantly. It’s going to be fantastic.

  8. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am a Says:

    I guess it’s a good thing the boys get the excellent lashes…they look a little silly putting on mascara, after all.

    Amelia is adorable…why would you want to sleep when you could just look at her all day and night?

    Meat curtain…*shakes head*

  9. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:49 am Kerrie Says:

    Let’s just stop and talk for a minute about the fact that you eat cookies called fuckin’ “Digestives”….Seriously? WTF. Please do not offer me a cookie when I visit your home. I want the words Toll House or Mrs. Fields in my product placement….Not words that bring to mind bowel movements…Or I may have to bring myself to masturbating IN your home. Just saying.

  10. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:55 am foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    If a cookie is called a ‘digestive’ is it really a good cookie? I mean, is the intent to make me regular like Activia? And is it possible to make that happen with Oreos? The double stuff kind. Because come on, if I’m going to it them, load up!

    Also? Gah! The gorgeousness going on here!!

  11. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am kbrients Says:

    …or rather sleep is for adults. Sorry for the no sleep 🙁

  12. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm GingerB Says:

    I want you digestives Becky, I am not afraid. Especially not of plain chocolate digestives.

  13. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm fidget Says:

    meat curatin, ROFL.. ok this totally makes me think of last night when I was watching 18 kids and counting, contemplating how horrible Josh’s new wife must feel now that he’s had months to work on rubbing a hole in her collar bone with the incessant touching when Josh tells Anna’s doctor “She’s the MASTER swallower” when Anna confessedto having trouble with her prenatals. then the Hubster looked at me and said “and you know, he doesnt get why the crew is snickering”

  14. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:04 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Your babies are SO cute!! And I hear you on the baby deciding that sleep is for babies. Mine has just started the same thing…. has Amelia been calling my daughter to get her in on this? It’s obviously her fault, not my own childs. Someone else must have peer pressured her into sleep striking….

  15. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:06 pm deb Says:

    D’OH! Meat curtains and curtains and rugs not matching!? Holy bikini wax Batman!

    Some yumma-liscious babies there.

  16. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:09 pm Inna Says:

    I’m with Kerrie – only to the part about the cookies – kerrie #2, (and aunt becky commenting on my blog! *big huge smile* – kerrie #1) not to masturbating in your home…
    And about the meat curtain – I thought the saying was the shades were a different color than the blinds???? or am I completely wrong… (I may have had too many conversations about pubic hair color)

    your kids = ADORABLE! And I love long eyelashes, too bad I’m a tad too old for him… sigh

  17. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:09 pm Coco Says:

    I can’t believe you have cookies called Digestives and you didn’t send me any.

    And…Meat curtains…*snort* *giggle*

    Also, how is it fair that little boys get those insane eyelashes? Mine are barely visible.

    Finally, I love Amelia’s nom nom hands. I hads a hand – but I eated it. Sry.

  18. On May 13th, 2009 at 12:27 pm swirl girl Says:


  19. On May 13th, 2009 at 1:21 pm Betts Says:

    He is definitely packin’ with those lash. Put your hands up and step away from the mascara and no one will get hurt!

    Hope you get some sleep tonight.

  20. On May 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm Mimi Says:

    Meat curtain? Bahahahahahaha! And shit, your little girl is unbearably cute!

  21. On May 13th, 2009 at 1:42 pm Nity Says:

    Cute pictures!! Love them. So cute.

  22. On May 13th, 2009 at 2:36 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    LMAO @ Fidget. Holy crap, girl, your nails are looooooong! That was a random post full of awesomeness, especially the meat curtains part. Cute pictures!

  23. On May 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm Kristine Says:

    Huh…that’s not what I thought meat curtain meant…I mean close, but not exactly. I should probably not google it at work though.

  24. On May 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm SciFi Dad Says:


    What is this sleep you speak of?

  25. On May 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm Kendra Says:

    I just keep thinking “meat curtain”? Really? Maybe I need to get out more, but I’ve never heard that term at all. And Bill Cosby was the one to supply the explanation?

    And your kids? Beautiful. God bless little boys and their gorgeous eyelashes.

  26. On May 13th, 2009 at 5:09 pm mumma boo Says:

    Must smooch cheeks now. You torture me with these photos of your gorgeous children!

    Meat curtains? See, there I go learning something new from Aunt Becky today. 😉

  27. On May 13th, 2009 at 5:59 pm Stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Where did you find the chocolate Digestive biscuits? I only see them in Wegman’s & I only get there once every 4 months.

  28. On May 13th, 2009 at 8:15 pm mnsm31 Says:

    I can’t believe those cookies are called “Digestives”

  29. On May 13th, 2009 at 9:21 pm Jane Doe Says:

    Absolutely brilliant blog!!!! 😀

  30. On May 13th, 2009 at 8:55 pm JJ Says:

    The O-man just let out a big cooooo at her sweet picture=)

  31. On May 13th, 2009 at 9:02 pm zelzee Says:

    Your little ones are darling!!!
    Aunt Becky is going to have her hands full a few years down the road.

    Sleep deprevation………..I remember it well. but, I won’t have it tonight …..I will sleep well, NOW that I know all I never wanted to know about meat curtains!

  32. On May 13th, 2009 at 9:31 pm kalakly Says:

    you kill me…seriously.

  33. On May 13th, 2009 at 9:42 pm Jenn Says:

    She is too freaking cute. And she looks just like you. Except for the hair. 🙂
    Is she as poor of a sleeper as Alex was? I hope not, for the sake of your sanity!

  34. On May 13th, 2009 at 10:07 pm Lisa Says:

    New to your HILARIOUS blog. Just read 100 most boring things… What perfumes do you wear??

  35. On May 13th, 2009 at 11:26 pm Courtney Keasey Says:

    Hi Becky…it’s Courtney Keasey! I love your little girl’s eyes!!! They are beautiful, you have a great looking fam…great to see you on FaceBook! Take care 🙂

  36. On May 14th, 2009 at 3:39 am SCY Says:

    Reading about the meat curtain just made me snort orange juice through my nose!!!

    Your kids are GORGEOUS!!!


  37. On May 14th, 2009 at 7:14 am heather Says:

    Every time I see that sweet girl, I think of my own when she was that age.

  38. On May 14th, 2009 at 8:40 am Karen Says:

    I am loving the photos of your little ones. The baby is so big already. Seriously, are feeding her Miracle Grow?

  39. On May 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am Ames Says:

    Look at the eyes on her! She’s just beautiful. And Alex with the eyelashes…man I wish I had eyelashes that long!

    and…there is something about the mention of meat curtains that always makes me laugh. And I SO needed a laugh today!

  40. On May 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am sara Says:

    THose lashes! Wowwy wow I’m jealous 🙂 Great pictures and I hope your family is doing well. Thanks for all your sweet comments – you always make me smile!

  41. On May 14th, 2009 at 12:04 pm docgrumbles Says:

    I agree with everyone who says they are gorgeous!

    (giggle) Meat curtain. We have so many words for female genitalia. More than the Inuit have for snow!

  42. On May 15th, 2009 at 10:06 pm Meghan Says:

    I’m living on stress and T#3’s…been a terrific week. Sending you sleeping pills in the mail and a chocolate cake;)

  43. On May 16th, 2009 at 1:12 pm Sarah Says:

    Okay, I was in the NAVY and never heard “meat curtain”… and really, it seems like I would have heard it. Not, you know, to say anything about .. anything. Or anything. Crap.

    Meat curtain. bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

    And YES, FIDGET, OMG. I could NOT freaking believe he said that at all – but ON CAMERA?! The crew should’ve slapped him. Out of respect.

    And also with your nails – DAMN. Nicely done there.

    And again with the ands… They are so flipping CUTE with the nom noms and lashes!!!

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