Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

By The Time You Read This…


…I may be dead.

Second Death Flu in two weeks is in full swing and I fear that my immune system is shutting down and will soon wink out completely. Then I will actually die from something in the cat boxes (toxoplasmosis), and it will be a horrible, shameful, and undignified death.

I’d sleep if I could, but since the baby was up oh, about every twenty minutes last night (sometimes I exaggerate for comedic purposes. This is not one of those blessed times), I fear that it is not worth the trouble of lugging my sick self up the stairs.

If you can read this, send Theraflu. Or a gun. You know, so I can put myself out of my misery like a broken racehorse.

posted under I Suck At Life
15 Comments to

“By The Time You Read This…”

  1. On January 21st, 2008 at 2:40 pm Kim Says:

    you poor thing. I’m sending virtual theraflu and a fifth of ward off the evil flu virus.

  2. On January 21st, 2008 at 2:49 pm Karen Says:

    So sorry. I am finally feeling better from the flu that had been eating away at my will to live. I cannot fathom having to do sickness with a baby. I am sending you some good vibes.

  3. On January 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pm Kristine Says:

    I’m sending you long nap vibes for the baby and well occupied vibes for everyone else.

  4. On January 21st, 2008 at 3:27 pm Juli Says:

    What the hell have you been doing, licking the carts in the grocery store or something? Stop it, fercrissakes.

    Feel better. That’s not a suggestion.

  5. On January 21st, 2008 at 3:32 pm MsPrufrock Says:

    I have only started reading you recently, so please don’t die.

    When I was on maternity leave it seemed that every one of my sinus infections coincided with grumpy/teething baby times. It was more than enough to drive me back to work.

    Take Nyquil. I fucking love that shit.

  6. On January 21st, 2008 at 3:34 pm Pauline Says:

    I’m with MsPrufrock on the nyquil. And call if you need a babysitter so you can get some sleep.

  7. On January 21st, 2008 at 3:38 pm MsPrufrock Says:

    Come to think of it, Nyquil is maybe a bit more cold-friendly than flu-friendly. I take Nyquil for all manner of ailments, so I have no idea of its actual purpose.

  8. On January 21st, 2008 at 2:40 pm Amy Says:

    I feel so bad for you. I’ve been battling some nasty cold/sore throat thing for the past week. I got the doctor to prescribe some cough medicine with codeine and it is like heaven in a bottle. I hope you are feeling better soon, the flu sucks!

  9. On January 21st, 2008 at 4:12 pm Emily Says:


  10. On January 21st, 2008 at 4:30 pm Jenn Says:

    I feel your pain. On the being sick and the sleepless child. If misery loves company (and I do believe it do) then I would be the best company ever right now.

  11. On January 21st, 2008 at 4:35 pm Calliope Says:

    not joking here- alka seltzer cold & flu will rock your effing world.

    Do not attempt to dissolve in vodka, blinged out or otherwise.

  12. On January 21st, 2008 at 4:42 pm SaraS-P Says:

    Oh, don’t die. It would really depress me.

    Maybe I could send a gun that shoots TheraFlu. I am a Theraflu fan. It gets you good and high!

  13. On January 21st, 2008 at 5:22 pm Heather Says:

    Well, I suppose you’ll be sending it back to me then…no! please don’t because I’m only now recovering from the first round.

    Find a hole, crawl in it and hide (but don’t forget that laptop ’cause we all need our Becky-fix!).

    Hope you feel better soon.

  14. On January 21st, 2008 at 10:36 pm Jessi Louise Says:

    I’m with Ms. Prufrock on the dying (don’t please) and the Nyquil.

  15. On January 22nd, 2008 at 11:08 am honeywine Says:

    Theraflu. Gun. Theraflu. Gun. Tough call. I think Emily’s right, go with opium. The smoke will quiet the munchkin.

    You poor poor thing. What in the world is going on up there? Is there a typhoid Mary in your midst? She’s lurking at the school isn’t she…watch…your..back… 🙂

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