What a frightening story! What a crazy man. I’m glad you and Ben survived that and glad you published it. I really wish I knew what goes on in our society that produces this kind of individual and how we could change it before more women and kids are killed by them in their suicidal rages.
I’m so glad you made it out of there safely. I’ve never been through anything like that, I can only imagine the kind of courage it takes to leave. You’re a hero : )
Sugar…I can’t manage to get it to load from the page – it just has a link that says “Aunt Becky” on it that returns to the same page. Would you be willing to e-mail me the text so I can read it?
It didn’t work for me, either. I am already a subscriber to the site, and I can look at every page but the one with your story on it. All it says is “aunt Becky.”
I’m no good at talking about things like this, nor comforting people that have been through it themselves. I’m still too busy wrestling with my own demons.
I am nearly shaking reading this. I hate that you had to endure such violence where you were completely helpless. Thank God that lunatic had enough sense to bring you and Ben home. It is also a total blessing that Ben slept through that. Speaking as a child witness to domestic disputes, it never leaves your mind. The screams and obsenities are ALWAYS etched there.
You are so very strong. He knew it too. That’s why he felt the need to try and break you down. You’re such an amazing writer and mother. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.
Thank you to whoever figured out the problem and fixed it!
Becky, this was so scary to read, and brought up some terrible memories, but I’m glad I read it. I’m glad you and Ben got away from that monster, and I’m glad that you wrote about it. I don’t know how you hand Ben over for his (irregular) visits with his father. The things we do to protect our children from knowing the truth about their fathers, huh? Our Douchebag exes have a lot in common.
Thank you Becky for standing up for thousands of women today who have been through a similar situation, me included. Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by a partner in America. It’s time that we stood up for what is right. People need to know, there are faces behind these statistics.
Finally got the link to work after much, much trying.
I am sorry that you had to endure that but proud that you survived. Everyone knows someone who has been through it, yet that doesn’t make it easier to hear or to tell. Thanking God that you made it through and that Ben was none the wiser.
So the “mother” in me is screaming “Did you turn him in?” “Did he do jail time for this?” I know it must be hard for any woman to put the father of their child in jail….but you know….sometimes all they are is a sperm donator. Having a family member who was a murder victim makes me want to always side on calling the cops in regards to violence. They will never learn if they are never held accountable for their actions. My family situation was not domestic violence like yours….but violence is violence. I hope he had to pay for what he did. I’m so glad that you have your husband in your life now to ease that pain.
Isn’t it ironic how you’re the big hot shot star making the cover of The New York Times now? Where is he? Hopefully he’s just vanished. You’re a strong girl. Thanks for sharing your story!
wow – what courage u have! this really hits home…thankfully, i didn’t have kids yet – but i had a vicious ex too…maybe i’ll work up the courage 2 share 1 day as well…thx 4 sharing ur story! & praise God that u & Ben found much better & r living such beautiful lives now! doubt the ex can say the same!
I held my breath… my heart was racing while I read this. I imagined my son being strapped into his car seat sleeping, while we raced dangerously towards what could be a devastating conclusion.
Thank goodness for happy endings, when we can have them.
God, Becky, how scary. I never have been physically abused, but had many years of mental abuse from my alcoholic father. Thank God you and Ben are okay.
A beautifully written terrifying story. You have a true talent with words, Aunt Becky. You made us all feel like we were there, and it was scary as shit. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your words. I just posted about the Marriott disgrace and linked to Violence Unsilenced. What an amazing forum for us to share our voices. Mine has been quiet for almost 30 years, but I am gearing up the strength to speak.
Wow. You were a lot smarter than I might have been in that situation. I’m surprised you didn’t get a restraining order against him, but he probably wouldn’t have respected it.
You are quite possibly the strongest person I know. I truly admire you – for living through the things you have lived through, for keeping a sense of humor, for being able to share your life with the world, and for lots of other reasons. Love you! xoxo
I have never experienced anything like this myself and I cannot possibly imagine the terror and helplessness. I have been lucky enough to fall in love with one of the good guys on my first go round, and I am so happy that you have gotten one of the good ones this time yourself. And even happier that your bad relationship and frightening experiences didn’t close you off to the idea of trusting another man, even a truly good one.
I can’t share in your experience other than through your words, but there is one thing we all seem to have in common here – looking at life with an eye for the funny, the ironic, the ridiculous and then having a good laugh at the complete absurdity of it all. Sometimes you just have to cry, of course, and I think today we all cry with you. But it is good to know that on another day we will be laughing with you again. Because you WIN at life.
Wow..just wow…I think that “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” definetly applies here. The things from our past shape us into the people we are today.
I’m so glad that things worked out for you and Ben!
Holy shit, Becks. I am so glad you got the Daver after having such a fuckwit spouse first and you really do deserve all the good you get with the Daver since fuckwit will always be around. You really can’t be too careful who you have kids with, can you?
The fact that you still have to deal with him is crazy. You are a strong survivor and hopefully you can help your daughter to learn the warning signs of an unhinged person and what to avoid.
Oh honey. I’m glad the link finally worked for me, even though I hated reading the story. It’s mindboggling to me that that is anyone’s reality. I’m so sorry, and in awe of your strength and courage.
*Hugs*
Thank you for sharing with us, Becky. It was courageous, strong, brave, fabulous, wonderful… I don’t have an adjective to describe it.
You’re a beautiful person, a wonderful mother, and I’m glad that your children have you and Daver to grow up with.
It was incredibly sad and terrifying to read about, let alone imagining having lived through it. There was an angel with you that day, and I’m glad there was. I’m glad Ben slept through it all, I’m sorry that you had to witness that darkness. But at the same time, I know you’d take the pain a million times as long as it meant Ben was kept safe.
I’m so glad that you’ve found a great man like the Daver who makes you and your children happy and safe. 🙂
Thank you for telling your story to us. I think it’s the bravest thing a person can do. You just took the last remnant of power away from him by telling the world and showing that you’re in control. Go, you. Hell, yeah.
My middle son is 3 1/2, and I kept thinking about what it would have been like for him to have been in that car. Heartbreaking doesn’t even begin to express it.
I thank you and admire you for speaking out. Too much shame is still attached to violence of all kinds, and we need to see more people standing up, telling their stories and reminding everyone that it happens and that you can move on
from it to much, much better things. I am so very glad that you have.
I genuinely hope that someone else can be helped in some small, piddly way by telling my story. It’s not as powerful as some, but it’s mine, and it’s true. I wish it weren’t.
I’m a new visitor to your website, and over the past 24 hours, I’ve come to laugh and hope with you. This makes me want to cry for you.
But out of the ashes comes an extremely odd request. Every year in Salt Lake City, the Westminster College campus hosts V-day. Not V for valentines, but V for Victory. V-Day is an international campaign to help end violence against women. The crowning jewel of the week is the local women’s production of the Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler.
I perform in this. Yearly.
The special thing about the Vagina Monologues is that it is possible to use some of your own stories- to add and subtract to the record of women everywhere.
My request is this, then- How would you feel about me reading your story, just the way you wrote it? Your anonymity would be intact. I would love to be able to share your strength with a room full of people who are learning to be understanding and bonding over the value of femininity, and it’s pitfalls.
Even if you would rather I didn’t (completely understandable), I just want you to know that you impact people in amazing ways, and I am glad to have found you and be a part of it.
Just wanted to let you know that people (or, at least one person is) are still reading this and still being touched by your story.
Every time I hear about something like this, I remind myself how lucky I am to have gotten the obligatory Awful Relationship Like That out of the way when I was still in highschool, because who knows what could have happened if it had been in a time where we both had some sort of actual freedom, rather than being almost constantly watched or in the close presence of someone else.
It’s amazing how no matter what the type of violence, douchebag exes are all the same.
Thank you for sharing your story…and your life with us 😀
I can’t see it! WAAAAHHHH!!!!!
I can’t see it either!!
yeah…. and you spoke out.
put that badge up. you earned it.
i love you.
I can’t see the stry, either. Just a link that says Aunt Becky and nothing.
You are a courageous, strong woman. I admire your guts and your honesty.
Thank you.
The link just says ‘Aunt Becky’, no story for me. *cries*
No story for me either!
Okay, I think it works, now. Damn links.
I also can’t see the story….
Jaw on floor.
Woman, you are truly amazing.
::hugs::
I can’t get it.
Your story is incredible. You are truly strong and amazing. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a frightening story! What a crazy man. I’m glad you and Ben survived that and glad you published it. I really wish I knew what goes on in our society that produces this kind of individual and how we could change it before more women and kids are killed by them in their suicidal rages.
Just speechless. And so very glad that you and Ben survived that day of hell.
Make that really glad.
Another one who can’t see it.
I’m sorry you and your babe went through that.
xoxox
I am so very proud of you. My sisters each have an ex like that and I know how much it took for them to overcome it.
I’m so glad you made it out of there safely. I’ve never been through anything like that, I can only imagine the kind of courage it takes to leave. You’re a hero : )
I can get to the website, and the page called “aunt becky” but it’s just blank.
Sugar…I can’t manage to get it to load from the page – it just has a link that says “Aunt Becky” on it that returns to the same page. Would you be willing to e-mail me the text so I can read it?
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
It didn’t work for me, either. I am already a subscriber to the site, and I can look at every page but the one with your story on it. All it says is “aunt Becky.”
Damn stupid link won’t work. How can I read all about my precious Auntie without a working link??? HOW?!?! Reaching for the ambien and vodka now!
Not really, I’ll just check back later.
Whatever link you need to get there – here, lemme help http://violenceunsilenced.com/aunt-becky/
– it’s an incredible tale, one I’m so glad you shared and one I hope you or Ben never ever have to relive.
Nope, I cannot see it yer either– I will try back later!
I cheated and found the text imbeded in the source HTML.
WOW, what a story. I’m so glad that you made it home safe with Ben.
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. What a horrible memory for you to carry with you. I am so thankful that you are safe and happy now.
I couldn’t open it with IE, I opened it up in Firefox. Hope that helps others get to it.
So sorry Becky that you had to go through that, but glad you and Ben made it home safely. Physically at least, hopefully emotionally as well.
You don’t say what happened to the SOB, I hope he rots in jail. ((HUGS))
Your ex sounds quite similar to mine. I’m glad you wrote about it. I’d like to try someday.
((Hugs))
That was very scary. Did you just now share this or is that a link from a past entry? I couldn’t find a date.
I’m so glad you are ok and that your son slept through it. I’ve never experienced anything that bad w/ my ex, but I know an inkling of that feeling.
I’m glad you are now happy and healthy with Daver. Does your ex ever give you problems anymore?
I’m no good at talking about things like this, nor comforting people that have been through it themselves. I’m still too busy wrestling with my own demons.
You are a brave, brave woman Becky. Bless you.
Thank you for sharing that. You are courageous and strong and I’m so happy you have the Daver.
I am nearly shaking reading this. I hate that you had to endure such violence where you were completely helpless. Thank God that lunatic had enough sense to bring you and Ben home. It is also a total blessing that Ben slept through that. Speaking as a child witness to domestic disputes, it never leaves your mind. The screams and obsenities are ALWAYS etched there.
You are so very strong. He knew it too. That’s why he felt the need to try and break you down. You’re such an amazing writer and mother. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.
That powerful story just goes to illustrate how much strength it takes to be a mom. You will find healing in sharing this even so much after the fact
WOW.
WOW.
WOW.
God clearly had a plan.
Thank you for sharing.
You are a gift.
OMG! I am so sorry Aunt Becky….. How scary for you and your son,
So glad the story did not end diffent. Hugs to you and Ben!
Thank you to whoever figured out the problem and fixed it!
Becky, this was so scary to read, and brought up some terrible memories, but I’m glad I read it. I’m glad you and Ben got away from that monster, and I’m glad that you wrote about it. I don’t know how you hand Ben over for his (irregular) visits with his father. The things we do to protect our children from knowing the truth about their fathers, huh? Our Douchebag exes have a lot in common.
Very powerful post, girl. You’re the best!
WOW. You are truly amazing. I am so glad that you found happiness with The Daver. You clearly deserve it.
xx
Thank you Becky for standing up for thousands of women today who have been through a similar situation, me included. Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by a partner in America. It’s time that we stood up for what is right. People need to know, there are faces behind these statistics.
and this asshole isn’t in jail because…?
thank god you and Ben got out of that mess…sadly, so many women and children don’t, can’t or won’t.
Absolutely amazing. Thanks for sharing!
I am so proud to call you my friend.
Oh Aunt Becky. That is some crazy crazy stuff. So glad that you made it through to tell your story.
My heart is racing just from reading that. I’m so glad you got out of that car. Both of you. In one piece.
An amazing and horrifying story. WTF is wrong with these people? I just don’t understand.
Thanks for sharing.
Finally got the link to work after much, much trying.
I am sorry that you had to endure that but proud that you survived. Everyone knows someone who has been through it, yet that doesn’t make it easier to hear or to tell. Thanking God that you made it through and that Ben was none the wiser.
So the “mother” in me is screaming “Did you turn him in?” “Did he do jail time for this?” I know it must be hard for any woman to put the father of their child in jail….but you know….sometimes all they are is a sperm donator. Having a family member who was a murder victim makes me want to always side on calling the cops in regards to violence. They will never learn if they are never held accountable for their actions. My family situation was not domestic violence like yours….but violence is violence. I hope he had to pay for what he did. I’m so glad that you have your husband in your life now to ease that pain.
Wow, I had no idea. You are such a strong, brave woman and a wonderful mother. My heart goes out to you.
Isn’t it ironic how you’re the big hot shot star making the cover of The New York Times now? Where is he? Hopefully he’s just vanished. You’re a strong girl. Thanks for sharing your story!
wow – what courage u have! this really hits home…thankfully, i didn’t have kids yet – but i had a vicious ex too…maybe i’ll work up the courage 2 share 1 day as well…thx 4 sharing ur story! & praise God that u & Ben found much better & r living such beautiful lives now! doubt the ex can say the same!
I’ve always thought there had to be more to the story. I am so sorry you have this story to tell. But I’m glad you did.
Love and hugs.
You are beyond awesome.
I held my breath… my heart was racing while I read this. I imagined my son being strapped into his car seat sleeping, while we raced dangerously towards what could be a devastating conclusion.
Thank goodness for happy endings, when we can have them.
xoxoxoxo
God, Becky, how scary. I never have been physically abused, but had many years of mental abuse from my alcoholic father. Thank God you and Ben are okay.
A beautifully written terrifying story. You have a true talent with words, Aunt Becky. You made us all feel like we were there, and it was scary as shit. Thank you for sharing.
You’re amazing.
So glad it didn’t end differently.
Totally at a loss for words, here…nothing sounds right.
You are so amazing. I’m so proud of you.
God, what a scary story! I’m so glad it ended okay. I had no idea he was THAT crazy.
I am so, so sorry. God bless.
*big hug* Damn.
Thanks for your words. I just posted about the Marriott disgrace and linked to Violence Unsilenced. What an amazing forum for us to share our voices. Mine has been quiet for almost 30 years, but I am gearing up the strength to speak.
Oh Becky.
Wow. You were a lot smarter than I might have been in that situation. I’m surprised you didn’t get a restraining order against him, but he probably wouldn’t have respected it.
Thank you for sharing this.
You are quite possibly the strongest person I know. I truly admire you – for living through the things you have lived through, for keeping a sense of humor, for being able to share your life with the world, and for lots of other reasons. Love you! xoxo
You are an amazing woman, Becky. Truly. (((hugs)))
You’ve got balls, sister.
Thank God you and Ben are OK now.
I have no words…
*hugs*
I don’t think I could have done this as well as you… I probably would have flipped out… You are amazing.
Amy
Thank you so much for sharing. I am so glad that you and your son made it through that ordeal, and admire the courage that it took you to speak out.
I have never experienced anything like this myself and I cannot possibly imagine the terror and helplessness. I have been lucky enough to fall in love with one of the good guys on my first go round, and I am so happy that you have gotten one of the good ones this time yourself. And even happier that your bad relationship and frightening experiences didn’t close you off to the idea of trusting another man, even a truly good one.
I can’t share in your experience other than through your words, but there is one thing we all seem to have in common here – looking at life with an eye for the funny, the ironic, the ridiculous and then having a good laugh at the complete absurdity of it all. Sometimes you just have to cry, of course, and I think today we all cry with you. But it is good to know that on another day we will be laughing with you again. Because you WIN at life.
SO proud of you.
Wow..just wow…I think that “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” definetly applies here. The things from our past shape us into the people we are today.
I’m so glad that things worked out for you and Ben!
Holy shit, Becks. I am so glad you got the Daver after having such a fuckwit spouse first and you really do deserve all the good you get with the Daver since fuckwit will always be around. You really can’t be too careful who you have kids with, can you?
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You are beyond courageous for sharing your story. Go Girl!
The fact that you still have to deal with him is crazy. You are a strong survivor and hopefully you can help your daughter to learn the warning signs of an unhinged person and what to avoid.
Aunt Becky, you are an amazing woman.
I’m speechless.
It took a lot of guts to share that, Thank You.
Thank you Becky.
Thank you for sharing this …
I said it there, and I’ll say it here too…I’m holding you in my heart.
You are a courageous woman. God Bless you.
Fuck me.
You know what they say, don’t you?
Survival is the best revenge.
Oh honey. I’m glad the link finally worked for me, even though I hated reading the story. It’s mindboggling to me that that is anyone’s reality. I’m so sorry, and in awe of your strength and courage.
I heart you, Becky. Really, I do.
I too have a story…and god bless you for sharing yours…not sure if I will ever be read, tears just stream down my face. Big Big hugs to you!!!
You are a strong woman. I’m so glad that you are safe.
Thank you for sharing your story Becky!
Wow Becky, that’s terrifying.
What and assbag.
I’m glad Ben slept through the whole thing.
*Hugs*
Thank you for sharing with us, Becky. It was courageous, strong, brave, fabulous, wonderful… I don’t have an adjective to describe it.
You’re a beautiful person, a wonderful mother, and I’m glad that your children have you and Daver to grow up with.
It was incredibly sad and terrifying to read about, let alone imagining having lived through it. There was an angel with you that day, and I’m glad there was. I’m glad Ben slept through it all, I’m sorry that you had to witness that darkness. But at the same time, I know you’d take the pain a million times as long as it meant Ben was kept safe.
I’m so glad that you’ve found a great man like the Daver who makes you and your children happy and safe. 🙂
Love you, Man! More and more every day!
I’m sitting here stunned by the horror of your story and the power and eloquence of your voice in telling it. God bless you.
Thank you for telling your story to us. I think it’s the bravest thing a person can do. You just took the last remnant of power away from him by telling the world and showing that you’re in control. Go, you. Hell, yeah.
I don’t comprehend why anyone would do that. So glad that you all came through that horror.
I know that fear….that barreling down the highway with an angry who-knows-what-he’s-going-to-do person and your child.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sort of validating a lot of my own fears, too.
I’m so glad you and Ben are safe, that Ben slept through it all.
Once again you managed to make my heart stop in my chest again. I sent in my story imediately. Oh so many stories in my head but never silent again….
Thank you for speaking out.
Thank you for your support. I know you understand, and I wish that you didn’t.
My middle son is 3 1/2, and I kept thinking about what it would have been like for him to have been in that car. Heartbreaking doesn’t even begin to express it.
I thank you and admire you for speaking out. Too much shame is still attached to violence of all kinds, and we need to see more people standing up, telling their stories and reminding everyone that it happens and that you can move on
from it to much, much better things. I am so very glad that you have.
I genuinely hope that someone else can be helped in some small, piddly way by telling my story. It’s not as powerful as some, but it’s mine, and it’s true. I wish it weren’t.
Aunt Becky-
I’m a new visitor to your website, and over the past 24 hours, I’ve come to laugh and hope with you. This makes me want to cry for you.
But out of the ashes comes an extremely odd request. Every year in Salt Lake City, the Westminster College campus hosts V-day. Not V for valentines, but V for Victory. V-Day is an international campaign to help end violence against women. The crowning jewel of the week is the local women’s production of the Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler.
I perform in this. Yearly.
The special thing about the Vagina Monologues is that it is possible to use some of your own stories- to add and subtract to the record of women everywhere.
My request is this, then- How would you feel about me reading your story, just the way you wrote it? Your anonymity would be intact. I would love to be able to share your strength with a room full of people who are learning to be understanding and bonding over the value of femininity, and it’s pitfalls.
Even if you would rather I didn’t (completely understandable), I just want you to know that you impact people in amazing ways, and I am glad to have found you and be a part of it.
Always,
Michelle
Just wanted to let you know that people (or, at least one person is) are still reading this and still being touched by your story.
Every time I hear about something like this, I remind myself how lucky I am to have gotten the obligatory Awful Relationship Like That out of the way when I was still in highschool, because who knows what could have happened if it had been in a time where we both had some sort of actual freedom, rather than being almost constantly watched or in the close presence of someone else.