Blogging In Harsh Daylight
One of the most frequently asked questions I get, besides “how does The Daver put up with you?” (answer: he’s not home much) and “do you want to increase the size of your manhood?” (answer: yes x 1000! Why even ask?) is this: how do you handle blogging with your real name?
It’s a good, fair question, and that’s the only reason I’ll answer it because I believe that the people who say shit like “there are no stupid questions” have horse shit where their brains should have been.
Back in Aught Four, when every single person on the planet didn’t have a URL, twitter handle, and a Facebook account, and children fucking RESPECTED their elders, dammit, Dave got me into blogging. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s probably so that I stopped talking the paint off the walls in our rental apartment, but he’ll tell you it’s because I’m a good storyteller. I think the answer probably falls somewhere between this, but I don’t know, you be the judge.
And when I started, I was “Ren” and my co-blogger was “Stimpy” but we frequently used our real names in part because the only people who read it were people that knew us in real life. And I thought that all the cloak and daggerness of the whole anonymous thing was kind of silly. I couldn’t imagine that anyone would want to stalk either of us young 20-something girls (Jesus, Pashmina, really? Has it been so long?) and I’m not clever enough to remember a pseudonym.
We dumped the blog and I moved to my new digs here and I saw no reason to bother operating under an assumed name. The only name I could conceive of was “Rachel” and not because I have any sort of feeling good or bad about it, but because if your name is “Rebecca,” people will frequently call you “Rachel.” I don’t know if it’s vice versa, but I’d be willing to bet yes.
I never made any real effort to hide my full name and who I am here. even though if you google my maiden name, you will find a very fancy lady (who is not me) dominates it, and my married name? I alone have it, so I don’t have the cloak of anonymity on my side and I have to own each of the words I put out there. Besides, there’s no REAL anonymity available, shockingly, just a false sense of security.
I like blogging in the open, most of the time. It keeps me honest, it makes me genuinely think before I hit the keys and say something nasty or foul and it quells my inner urge to gossip like a little bitch. I’d rather not wake up one morning to a string of nasty-grams in my inbox or my voicemail (ha! Like I check my voicemail or something.) because someone found out that I’d told The Internet that they have a fetish for sticking their fingers up puckered cat poo holes.
You’d be shocked to know that I cannot tell a lie to save myself and I think that the stress of simply having something up there that was Full of Mean would eat me up inside. I’m guilty until proven innocent on my best days, and on my worst, well, I’ve pretty much ruined the world AND killed Kenny. It’s easiest for everyone I know to have access to my blog, the good, the bad and the ugly.
But that doesn’t mean I always like it.
There have been times–MANY times–where I have wanted nothing more than to sit down here at my computer and peck out a rant-like post about Nat, Ben’s “father,” or my strained relationship with my mother and how it proves that I do, in fact have feelings. I’ve wanted nothing more than to lay it out on the line when Daver and I have a brawl and I just want The Internet to cheer me on and tell me, “You fucking rule and he fucking sucks.”
But most of the time, I don’t.
Not to say that I don’t write ’em, edit them mercilessly and then decide that it’s probably better to keep that to myself, because I have and I probably always will. Blogging is good therapy and it’s a hell of a lot cheaper. Now and again I might publish one, let you guys tell me what you think before I click the “MAKE PRIVATE” button. I’d publish them on the anonymous sites if I felt I needed to, but I probably never will because you know what? I don’t want THEIR readers, I want MINE and I can’t exactly direct my blog there. Kinda might defeat the purpose a wee bit, eh?
I guess it all boils down to this: “Don’t put anything on the Internet that you wouldn’t wear on a shirt.”
(You probably can’t believe it that I would own just about everything I’ve said here, but if you met me, maybe you would. I censor myself too, don’t you worry, because not everything that happens needs to be recorded for posterity.)
I haven’t decided if my approach is best, because, let’s face it, anyone who Knows Best and will tell you so is probably so full of hot air and self-righteousness that you’d not care whatever it was that they DID tell you was right. There are drawbacks to being out there like I am, even if my audience is composed primarily of Spam Bots offering me deeply discounted V!agra.
They just don’t outweigh the benefits.
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What about you, dear sweet Internet? Grab a mug of vodka, pull up a chair and tell Your Aunt Becky what you think. Why do you blog the way you do? Or if you don’t blog (GASP!!!), which would you choose?
[…] […]
I write with as little specifics as I can, just so I can’t be tied down to it if the post comes back to haunt me. I’m lame like that.
I feel you. (I mean, not in a lesbian way- in a co-blogging way.) I wish I could blog more about the fact that my sisters were both strippers, my mother in law makes me want to drive ice picks into my own skull, and stuff like that- and HEY WAIT! that just made me realize something! if we write the shit we can’t say on our own blogs in OTHER PEOPLE’s COMMENT SECTIONS (a sister and mother in law free zone!) it will be even BETTER THERAPY than our own blogs! cool. soooooooooo come on over! I wrote about man candy and wearing no bras in my virtual office today.
“I’ve pretty much ruined the world AND killed Kenny.”
You BASTARD!
I write under a pseudonym (you don’t say! you mean your mother didn’t NAME you Chibi?!?), but I know it is just a false sense of security. Hell, I did the dumbass thing of linking my blog email to my personal email so it would be easy, but I’ve sent out an email (or ten) without changing the “from” address. That being said, I do try to take family/friends into consideration when I post, and I do try to think about how I would feel if someone who knows me outside of the computer box were to read my blog. Sometimes I’m better at filtering than others… :-S
I’m pretty new to this whole blogging thing, but every time my husband and I get in an argument, I want to run to the internet and shout, “Hey World Wide Web! My husband suck ass and he’s mean. Throw shit at him.” So far I have refrained, but if I am ever mad with a couple of margaritas in me, Internet better watch out.
Yes, it in fact does go the other way around. My name is Rachel and I constantly am called Rebecca. I’m thinking of changing my name to something really unique…like Princess Leah Luckybuttons.
good morning aunt becky (its 1157, still got 3mins to say so!!!)
when i first started blogging ~ over 3yrs ago now (WHOA, time flies) i used a pseudonym that no one would have ever had any trouble linking to My Real Name (not broadcasting it here) and then i had a little crunch of security-breech. not really, more of a its-a-small-world-gone-wild and i decided i wanted a pen name that was so UNlike me, that no one would ever guess it ~ because at the time i was blogging about people at work (mainly the girls who were hot and who made me swoon) and i wanted that privacy. i also blog about my nephews and my sister has asked me not to post pictures of them, which is SO DAMNED HARD cuz they are handsome boys and i adore them. so i try and respect that and post older pics of them or rear-view ones… nursing school blogging has been hard, too. because our program is likely the toughest of where i live and i have tried to not include the scandalous things ~ of which there has been much ~ and if i do, it gets passworded. maybe one day i will come out as “gypsygrrl = My Real Name” but for now, it works for me… its a different, secret life…but its not a lie. i think that is the scary part in blogging not in the harsh light of your own real name ~ the temptation to weave stories to suit your readership or needs or whatever…to fabricate.
ohh man. i need some coffee. that was entirely too rambly.
I feel like I’ve been around and around about this issue for a long time. I lack the ablility just to keep things to myself. I can’t even take the paint of the walls and expect someone to listen. Or even hear me.
But this isn’t about me.
I think it’s great that who you are on your blog is who you are in real life. Something tells me that that isn’t always the case.
I blog as me. I’m real, my kids are real, our situations are real and since there IS enough weird crap in my life to make someone think, “Bullshit! She’s lying!” I have a picturetrail album that I keep updated with albums from each of my kids’ hospitalizations (which reminds me, I need to put July 7th in there) so anyone who needs photographic evidence before they’ll STFU can have it.
I hate being lied to, so I don’t lie, ESPECIALLY on my blog, where exaggerations and exploiting one’s children for attention eventually comes back to bite one on the proverbial butt.
I occasionally get on a soapbox, I occasionally let a rant run free & I don’t really care if it offends anyone. I’m not politically correct and anyone who knows me realizes it. If it bothers them, they’re free to not come read my blog anymore. 🙂
My family lurks around, as do some enemies I’ve made online, and that used to bother me a lot and I censored myself for awhile to try and keep them from getting pertinent information about my life, but I finally decided I wasn’t going to care anymore and I don’t, and I’m happier blogging the way I do again.
I’m really new to this blogging stuff, so I’m just kind of figuring it out. I figure that if someone really wants to find out what I think about them and they go so far as to google me, well then they deserve to know. No one in real life knows I blog, so they have no reason to want to read it. I put stuff out there, but I don’t use their names. It’s working so far.
And I’m new to your blog, but I think I will keep reading!
I blog the way I do, because simply thats just the way I feel. If I want to bitch about someone, I’d rather do it my way as to prevent drama.
Aunt Becky,
I don’t blog. *hushed silence* It’s true, I don’t blog.
I read a number of blogs every day (6 to be exact) and often click through on the links of those to find others (the list of 6 is ever growing).
I don’t blog because I just don’t think I’m that good. I read the posts of you, Heather A, Alexa and Mrs. Spohr and I cannot see where, even in cyberspace, anyone would care to hear/read the incoherant ramblings of Kim Hartman.
There are times when I think it would be a great outlet for me,but how much would I ever have to say?? Would people get bored within the first week? I would have a lame looking blog because I’m just not crafty with the whole blog decorating thing.
Believe it or not, I have great self-esteem. I’m sure it does not sound like that from the entry above, but I do.
I just think that I should leave the writing to the professionals or at the very least those of you who have a solid grasp on not writing the longest, ever, run on sentance with a million and 4 commas, in it.
I started out being fairly anonymous in my blog but really- I couldn’t figure out why. And now I’ve done everything but draw a map to my house and post it. And so what?
A woman just told me yesterday that she so admires my courage and bravery for putting out there what I put out and I was a bit shocked. I mean, knowing that my children and husband read my blog keeps me from crossing a lot of lines, right? But she’s entrenched in the world of academia and always has been so it would be way too scary for her to write about feelings and so forth while for me, it just comes so naturally. BUT, like I said, I have my lines and I don’t cross ’em.
I like the anonymity because I don’t want the people that I have eliminated from my life to be able to do a google search and find me. That’s really the main reason for it on my end.
I am stupid. There, I said it. I started blogging in 2004 and stupidly posted the link to my blog where my in-laws found it ( on flickr photos). I had no idea they were reading and I posted a nice venty rant about something that happened. I got a call at work and because I couldn’t access my blog from work, FIL asked DH to delete the rant before anyone else saw it. Now I just keep a lot of irritations bottled up because it’s just not worth it.
But my family? It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to buy a full page ad in our paper. I long to tell everyone what fuckheads they are. But we don’t speak so I have nothing to lose.
I am not screaming my identity from the rooftops but it’s easy enough to figure out my name. And I am the only person with it around these parts.
I learned a rule back when I worked in the restaurant biz (“biz” makes it sound so much fancier, don’t ya think?). The rule being that if you wouldn’t serve it to your mother (assuming that you like her) then don’t serve it to anyone. I kind of go with that on my blog. I don’t post things I’m not okay with my parents reading. I know, hi, I’m 29 years old, I should get over it. BUT, it keeps my blog clean(ish) and still very honest and open. I mean, they know I have a potty mouth, but I’d never write about that time I dated a man who also had a wife.
I seriously hope they don’t read YOUR blog now.
I have actually created a blog post in the past where I let all my feelings out into the abyss. As a header I explained my motivation and then replaced each word with an asterisk. Really got things off my chest needed to be let out without hurting anyone.
Although in hindsight someone needs to show this person exactly how idiotic they are being.
I have that blasted LiveJournal, and I use my IRL name LOLOL. I also show where I live and crap.
However, if I want to talk about something more personal than my brother whacking off and throwing cheese at me, I make the entry as FREINDZ ONLY!!!!! So it ain’t no thang.
Plus LJ isn’t as chic as straight up blogs, so I don’t have too much to worry about. 😉
I don’t see a reason to be anonymous when blogging. If you don’t write about anything you wouldn’t tell someone you met on the bus then you have nothing to worry about. Most people don’t give away personal information on their blogs anyway. “Oh, by the way here is my address, phone number, and social security number…just in case you wanted to know.” It just doesn’t happen.
I have been blogging since 2002, I think. I have stopped and started over more than once. I have always used my first name, but not my last. This is mostly due to over-abundant humility (read, embarrassment). You see (this is shocking) I actually have a degree in journalism, but my blog writing is sub par. There. I said it.
I have always expected my readers to be made primarily of friends and family, but the friends don’t read it as much as family. Well, some friends…the ones who get me full-force in person…they don’t read the blog at all. They laugh at me in person and over the phone and they follow my rabbit trails with a nod and a smile and when I forget where I was going, they always actually know what I was trying to say in the first place. God love ’em.
What didn’t used to happen, way back in the dark days of the early 20th century, is this community feeling among bloggers that I have only just discovered thanks to you, Aunt Becky. I think you know why *blushes* and since our little chat I have begun to look at my blog in such a different way. A good way. A better way. I love it more now than I ever have in the past.
Oh and for Kim Hartman (in case she comes back to read comments): you should blog. It’s not always about being a good writer (read my blog, eh? You’ll get my point very quickly). It’s about being creepy! No… over on mind of a mad woman, a guest blogger summed it up nicely. Put that into your google machine and see if you don’t agree.
You’ve read my post on the subject (thank you!!) so I’ll spare you my feelings on it, but I will say that I’m glad you blog the way you do. For one, I think it takes guts. Two, I think it makes your story telling better, more real, funnier. And three, sometimes, the only reason I believe some of the stuff you say on here is b/c it’s so batshit crazy that I know it has to be true 🙂
Did I say 20th Century? Do you see? Journalism…maybe I was well-suited for that after all. 😉
I meant 21st. Duh.
I don’t really blog anonymously. I post enough pictures that if you stumbled across my page you would immediately know who I am. I’m okay with that. Pretty much everything that I’ve written I would have (or have) said to someone’s face if they were there at the time. I figure if they find themselves on my blog at some point then they can read at their own risk. Maybe I wouldn’t PREFER them to but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they did. In fact, it might be a good thing because then maybe some of them would leave me the hell alone. 🙂
And I vote for good storyteller. For what it’s worth.
I’ve been known to talk (blog) smack about my MIL or take a stab at my friend over something stupid she did. I think it’s a combination of being pretty sure that no one I know reads my blog and that even if they did, I don’t say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t say to their face. I’m generally non-confrontational, but if someone wants to know how I feel about something, I will sure as hell tell them.
Before now, I guess I’ve never really thought of what would go down if my family found my blog. By family I mean grandparents, cousins, etc. Those people don’t even know I got pregnant in the first place and might think I’m a major asshole for keeping them in the dark about my life’s events over the past year.
At least once I week I find myself wishing that I could share my blog with friends and family but then I remind myself that I like having readers that have gotten to known me through the truth I write in my blog. If the majority of my readers turned into a group of kids I went to high school with that want the juicy gossip of my life, I don’t think I’d bother blogging anymore. I’d rather stick with a blog community that doesn’t (at least I don’t think) hang out in groups in Real Life and talk behind my back and twist my words and life events into whatever they feel makes a more dramatic rumor.
Can you tell I had a rough patch in high school?
It’s a tough one.
I blog under my stage name but I think my blogger profile has my real name if it doesn’t then it is too easy to get toon my old blogs. I only blog under my stage name because I have a stage name. I keep going back and forth about whether I want to keep it but I have already put it out there so much. I chose a stage name (for bellydance) because how exoctic is Jen Vogel? But it is really hard keeping up with both and with my screennames on everything. I could never deal with a psuedonym too.
I am getting ready to launch a second blog about moving back home and working for my parents – waiting for the official family announcement. It will be very hard not to blog about my self-esteem smashing mom and the evil in-laws from another country. But I guess I will. I will come here and rant about my MIL in your comments.
It seems like the anonymity factor has led people to say a lot of things in fits of passion/anger/derangement and feel it is okay. Technology does not mean you are not responsible for yourself and your actions and words have a power that is not always appreciated. I like that you mean what you say and are thoughtful about it.
It’s admittedly pretty pedestrian but here’s why I do it:
http://shesinthehouse.blogspot.com/2009/06/lesson.html
I blog under my real name because honestly…
If you is a surprise to anyone that I *know* that I’m in recovery well, then, they just aren’t weren’t that observant which in turn pretty much indicates that they won’t be reading my blog anytime soon.
Besides, as a ‘person in recovery’ I’m not suppose to lie.
You know, that slippery slope and all that.
I’m not really a very good blogger, but I went the pseudonym route to appease my DH. He’s very private and at one point he asked that I really consider removing photos. (When I saw the headlines the other day about a woman who saw her own son’s photo on Craigslist as being up for adoption and the photo was from HER BLOG I may have freaked out. A lot.)
I blog about things that I find entertaining or amusing to me or about my kids. I’m not really very loyal at blogging often (something that I think is very important if you want a “following”) but since I enjoyed reading others I thought I would start my own. And, like you, I can tell a good story when one comes along although I’m not nearly as good as you!
And, because you mentioned this, I have a niece through marriage named Rachel and I think she should be named Becky. Why is that? Also? My DH was going through the e-mail recently and a comment had come through with “Aunt Becky” as the “from”. He said, “I didn’t know you had an Aunt Becky…” Thanks for stopping by!
I love your wear-it-on-your-shirt analogy. More people should use as a basis for self-editing/censorship.
Everything I blog is honest, although I write under a pseudonym (gasp – Kyddryn isn’t my REAL name!)(But I almost legally changed it a while back…so it COULD have been) because I don’t want to make it easy for people from my past to find me. If I wanted to keep in touch, I’d have made the effort to begin with. In real life, people actually call me Kyddryn or some variant of the name, so it all evens out.
I may change others’ names to protect their privacy, and I use nicknames for my son because he’s a minor and I don’t want some creeepazoid ganking his name and using it to stalk him or steal his identity, but otherwise, it’s all real – I can’t be bothered to make all that boring crap up.
I don’t publish my own picture, but I won’t go all psycho-nutcase if someone else does…I just don’t like seeing my own face and prefer to let people think I’m all glamorous or some junk. I don’t publish anyone else’s photo without permission.
I don’t make an effort to show my family the blog, but many of them know about it anyway. Not pressed.
I DO have another blog, under a different e-mail/Blogger account/name on which I put the worst of my thoughts, the darkest of posts. That one, I rarely discuss with anyone – it’s my dumping ground, a place to put the rants and miseries I don’t want made public but need to get the hell out of my head. One or two close friends know about it, but they’re the ones I talk to about this stuff anyway.
I think, Aunt Becky, that you should do what works for YOU, and let the rest of the Blue Nowhere do what works for it, and we’ll all be fine.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who actually has a t-shirt that says “I Killed Kenny” on it)
I use a nickname not for my own safety, but for my daughters. My name is fairly common. And if you comment, you’ll get it since I reply back from my personal email and *poof* there is my name. But if you google me? I become a famous author, or doctor or several other options, even with my maiden name.
My daughters name though, is not normal. It’s just odd enough, especially when added to our last name, to make it easy to find. And I don’t want to take away that bit of security from her. Obviously, I don’t mind sharing photos of her because she is GORGEOUS! But the name will remain private.
Unless you become become my BFF and then I share it. Because I love it and I love her (and I love you!).
Other than that though, I edit my thoughts. Just as I edit when I speak. I’m real. This is me. I don’t hide behind the nickname.
I like your take.
I write under a real nickname, for no particular reason, except that my husband was not the one to start a blog, and if I can keep it semi-private for him, that’s good. Everything’s true and I try to avoid rants (except as a PS on Monday’s post). But since my mother and in-laws know about it, and some co-workers, I keep it PG, except when I swear or use the words boob or cock ring (thanks Betty White). In the end, I like it this way because venting only makes me more pissed off, and no one needs that!
By the way, my name is very unusual, and if creepy men at bars or on the Greyhound bus inquired, I’d tell them my name was Rachel.
I guess all writing is fact, fiction, or as has been highlighted recently, a bit of both. Its funny how readers take it so personally.
Hmm. As shocking as it may sound, Mrs. Spit isn’t actually my real name. But, if you knew my real name, you could find me online. I’m consistent in using Mrs. Spit.
I don’t use my real name for security. My last name is extremely distinctive, and having it would allow you to find not just me, but my entire family.
Additonally, I don’t disclose where I work, either on my blog, or on social networking working sites, because a) I’m not my job, and b) I don’t want my employer to know about my online life.
As for writing, I try to quell my unreasonable moments, and ask myself, if I’m going to feel uncomfortable about what I’m writing in the morning.
I don’t use my full name. I doubt you’d ever find me through googling anyway, since I have common first, last, and maiden names. I have a semi-stalker ex-boyfriend, who I do not wish to have in my life, who tried to be my Facebook friend. And find me on Classmates.com. He’s probably also looked for me on MySpace. And the relationship was finished 10 years ago.
On top of all that, my husband is the type that if he didn’t like the internet so much, he would go and live in a cave, have a post office box (or just not get mail) and pay cash for everything so he wouldn’t have to give anyone his social security number. Pesky internet! He also thinks that all of my blog posts should be about how wonderful he is. But, anyway, he would have a hissy fit if I ever posted personal information or our daughter’s picture.
I admire your restraint and, dare I say, “adult” approach to filtering some things from your blog. I need to take that lesson as I am a firery emotional little spirit who most times over reacts or feels differently once the dust on a topic has settled.
As far as the anonymity thing, I go back and forth on that. Sometimes I would like to lose my family (BOTH SIDES PLEASE) as readers on my blog. And then there is the occational worry about posing pics of Jack on the web.
And the name thing…Dude! Someone sent this to me the other day.
http://twitter.com/coachamyschoen
Schoen was my maiden name (pronounced SHANE), and now this chick is a life coach somewhere??? And what makes her the authority on life anyway?! Cracked me up.
When your name is Amanda, people will frequently call you Amber. True Story.
I try to ‘blog with integrity’ but sometimes I writestupid shit, feel guilty and take it down. Meh, it is what it is. I use my, my daughter’s and my baby daddy’s real name, though I won’t use their last. I don’t want people googling his full name and finding my blog. I have no problem being up front with who I am, but it’s a slow process. sharing a little more with the dear old internets each time. I’m working on being totally out in the open, we shall see….
*The only name I could conceive of was “Rachel†and not because I have any sort of feeling good or bad about it, but because if your name is “Rebecca,†people will frequently call you “Rachel.â€* ~ This made me laugh because I work in customer service via telephone and my name is Nicole yet people here Michelle, havent figured that out yet at all but it happens. Alot.
I now blog with my real name and don’t use pseudonyms for my family members. I used to have goofy nicknames for my girls and husband but I kept forgetting what they were so they would change from one post to the next. After a while it appeared that I was in a polygamist marriage with 20 daughters named things like GothGirl, The Changeling, Peanut and MiniMe.
My first blog was just a personal blog and I don’t think any of my local friends or family knew about it. It was also more anonymous. Then I got my own url and put it more out there. I think my Mom & Dad started reading it as well as my sisters. Didn’t matter, I didn’t really ever say anything I was embarrassed about. It actually made it easier to get the “tough stuff” out there to them without telling them directly.
Then I got the wild hair up my butt to open a brick and mortar store and used the name of my website/blog as the name of my business. Then I went through and made a bunch of posts private and changed the focus of my blog. There was still some personal stuff on there but I cleaned it up a lot.
Now I’ve closed my business and I’m moving it back toward a personal blog. I still need to do some site redesign but I am back to swearing and talking about my vagina on a regular basis. (The vag part is a lie, no one wants to read about that dusty old cave.)
I blog my real life, with real names for everyone BUT me (and I use my friends’ nicknames many times – but just because that’s what I call them, not to offer them any privacy from the glare of publicity associated with Adventures in Paradise. HAH!)
So, no last names, and a pseudonym for me, and all has been relatively peaceful. Excdept for my mother, who believes that blog readers can track down my full name, address, and social secutiry number just by reading my posts.
I *think* she’s wrong about that, but can’t say for sure.
Another benefit to anonymous blogging: I don’t need to be embarrassed by an astounding number of typos in one short comment. (sigh) More coffee please.
I try to keep my blog semi-anonymous. There are pics of my kids, my real name, and enough info that you could figure out who I am, but couldn’t “find” me based on my real-life info.
My ILs are interesting folks who love to piss me off and pass out pics of my kids to random passers-by. Therefore, I am semi-anon so that they never find my blog with the pics of my adorable sweeties!
I like this post so much because it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently (and I only enjoy things that I can relate DIRECTLY BACK TO MY PERSON). I’ve tried it both ways (that’s what she said), and I’m happier being me. I’ve been wanting to write something up to force myself to articulate why, and I think you’ve just prompted me to do it. 🙂
Aunt Becky,
I am fairly sure that I blog under my own name, and always have. Admittedly, I usually sign things V, and my twitter reads “V. Stimac” and “StimacVa,” which sort of narrows down, well, anything worth searching.
I suppose I have worried about it. I mean undoubtedly there are creepers out there, and definitely people I know who have found me have been offended by what I write. I of course offer people the ability to let me know if they don’t want me writing about them, but anymore, I’ve also just learned not to insult people on my blog. Talk about them, yes, because usually it’s in a positive light.
I dunno. It just sort of happened that way!
V
I write using my real name because when I’m on Oprah I don’t want any confusion amongst the Stepford Bitches as to if a) it is really me (yes, don’t I look good?) and b) am I talking about them (yes, I couldn’t make their shit up). Okay, there’s that little fantasy. And then there is the fact that annonymity removes my filter – and that’s not a good thing. People who know me are already on edge that something inappropriate will fly outside of my head, through my mouth, and knock them out – we don’t need the filter being entirely removed. I don’t use my family or friends’ names – or the Bitches names either – and I’ve chosen not to post photographs of any of us. While I have quite a few internet friends, my writing in Stepford is still under the radar. Oh, and there is that… contrary to what some people believe, Stepford is not a real place but the fictional name that I borrowed from Ira Levin. You see, Mr. Levin wrote a book in the 70’s about a beautifully little terrifying suburb and I moved there in 1991. Lucky me.
I have friends, relatives and my MIL reading my blog so I don’t post anything that would be hurtful to them. They do know they have to read with caution because they may come accross a story about how my son walked in on a lap dance I was giving his step father or how I had acidental anal intercourse!
I’m a Nomadic blogger – I’ve had 4 blogs so far. Everytime too many people start reading one of my blogs, I pull up my tent, change oasisisisis (sorry, the future-ex got custody of the dictionary in the property settlement – I meant to write the plural of oasis…could it be oasi?) and start a new blog.
Or, something like that.
Hey Aunt Becky! You want to know why I blog, I blog for my kids. I know I wont always be around, so I’d like for them to have something left that will make them laugh, maybe cry, but mostly go ‘Jesus CHRIST Mom was crazy’!
I’ve blogged about breakups, neighborhood dogs that wont STFU at night, my son’s trichotillomania, my ‘club med vacation’ when I went crazy and took 6 weeks off of work.
I always reserve the right to change my mind after a blog, but I never apologize for what I’ve written in the heat of the moment.
Thanks for asking! I’ve been dying to tell someone!
I’m a new blogger who only has about 3 readers. I guess you could say that I’m semi-anon, also. Use my kids’ real names and photos and my real name on my blogger info page. Also, I have the blog link up on my FB page but nobody there has stumbled upon me. My family and in-laws don’t know about it and I don’t want them to because I tell the truth and it isn’t always pretty. Love the “wear it on a t-shirt” analogy. May steal it and use it on my kids as they are pretty sassy mouthed with their comments. (Wonder where they get it?)
<Gasp. Not only do I blog under my real name but I post pics of my kids. My reasons pretty much track your reasons.
I blog similarly. I’m not anonymous, but everyone from my worst enemy to my ex-boyfriends can read my posts and not be offended or hurt in anyway.
At least, I think that’s the case!
I don’t use my name because I’m afraid my Client’s might find my blog. I am an EXTREMELY open person but knowing my Clients could Google my name and wind up reading about my husband’s sperm count is beyond my comfort zone.
Now you’ve got my paranoid self freakin’ out!! –Geeze I think too deep.
I’ve come out of the blogging closet, but I sometimes wish that I hadn’t because I choose to blog to write about my insecurities and crap. Now I have to think, man, my mom might read this or will this make so-and-so pissed.
P.S. I’m a Shannon and I’m always called Shawna.
I’ve been around the internet for so long that a handful of people know my real name and I don’t want to confuse anybody. If it wasn’t for that reason, I probably would use a pseudonym for everyone involved, especially for the safety of my kids. Although someone said, I believe it was Heather at Dooce, that more people see your kids at the grocery store every day than would ever see them on the internet. I don’t know. It’s a fine line to walk.
I’m anonymous. I think this is mainly because I’m a bit insecure and when I started, I wanted a way “out” in case it didn’t work out. Also, I have the most privatest husband ever. In the world. Ever. And I have to live with him.
Also, I’m so not out about the whole blogging thing. I have told my husband, one of my sisters and my best friend. No one else. Yet. I’d like it to be up to me to tell them. It does feel like I’m living a bit of a lie sometimes, though. And it completely restricts what I can write about, because I wouldn’t want to be writing about people who don’t know that I’m writing about them in case they find out later.
Sorry. Rambling.
I, like Tanna, write with a real nickname. One that my grandma used to call me. I absolutely hate it when people mispronounce my name, but I guess that didn’t matter much in a blog.
The only reason we picked nicknames is because I didn’t want my actual name to be linked to the blog. If you google my real name you get the papers I’ve published and where I work at the moment. I didn’t want my professional life as a scientist to get mixed up with my personal life.
That said, I try to keep complaints to a minimum and while I have written about work, I try to make it general enough to not be traced back to me.
But I am enjoying these past 4 months of blogging tremendously! 🙂
Hi, Aunt Becky! This is my first post, not because I’m de-lurking, but because I just discovered your blog a couple of weeks ago and I only now got through all of the archives. And until I’ve read EVERY POST EVAR, I just won’t let myself comment, lest I be INSENSITIVE about some minute detail that was posted about three years ago. I know, what a freak. So today was the first day I would allow myself to comment, and what do you know, I have something real to comment on! I too, am a “guilty until innocent” person- I am ALWAYS terrified of getting called out for having done something, anything wrong, even when I know that I haven’t. It can be downright cripling at times. It’s nice to know that others are like this too! 🙂 I have really and truly enjoyed reading every entry. You’re a gifted narrator!
Besides, there’s no REAL anonymity available, shockingly, just a false sense of security.
I want to force people to put this on t-shirts.
I wrote a piece about unexpected people reading my stuff. It can be a bit weird but because everything is always in my own name, it’s not a major drama. I got an immediate response from someone saying she hates drama, and she hopes her husband and children (!!!!!!) never find her blog because it will be the end of her world.
The hell?
Originally when I signed up for my blog, it was for a big vent session about a friend I was having major issues with. However, I got over that situation quickly and realized that I like to blog about the funny shit in life with a few serious things thrown in. And why not blog about that stuff under my real name. Anything that I put on my blog I would tell everyone else, so my real name it was.
The only thing that I remotely worry about is my blogging affecting my business. I have a business blog and a personal blog. I think I’m pretty tame on the personal blog but I sometimes worry about a client clicking over and getting the wrong idea. However, if they would get upset by the things I say on my personal blog then they probably would be a pain in the ass to work with anyway. Then again maybe they’ll click over and think this chick is awesome and we should hire her!
do you want to keep it up all night long? do you long to make your love last longer? 9 inches baby!
lol, i couldn’t resist. Good thoughts, good points. thanks for reminding us to watch what we say on line!
I blog for therapy. Or at least I used to. And I like to keep it anonymously but if I make friends with a reader beyond the blog they know all there is to know.
BTW I wanted this blog template when I was searching free templates but I knew it looked familiar and dropped by to make sure. You foiled my grand design scheme! 🙂
I could do it if I didn’t work outside of the home. But there’s no way in Hell I’m going to attach my name to something those asses can see/read. LOL
That’s why my FB shows no link or anything to it, lol. THEY found me there…grrrr.
I have a family blog and I found it kind of weird to have people who don’t know me come to that blog and look at the pictures of my kids while I talk about whose potty training, their favorite dinners etc. So I have a family blog to keep all the relatives updated with cute pictures and stories. Then I have my blog that I write more about me and I use that one to comment on other blogs, so I don’t seems as boring. Still boring just not totally boring. For my personal blog I use a nickname, my husband and I are both teachers and I don’t want to be easily found. Many students have said to Mr. Lippy ” hey you won such and such race in 1993″ and “I found you on this website” They google our names all the time. It’s weird.
I use a nickname. I have mixed feelings about coming out of the blogging closet, but i think I will end up doing it. I will feel a bit more free.
I tried to be anonymous or however the hell you spell that. Tried to go with initials rather than full names. But it fucks up my groove, if you will, and like your first blog, pretty much the only people who read my blog already know who I am. If they don’t, it’s just as well. I say probably more than I should, but not as much as I want. Kind of like my mouth, in my day to day life, so… whatever. Primarily, I just can’t keep track of the lies, so I try to stick with the truth. As told by me. Like that Mark Twain guy was saying.
Did you really kill Kenny?
I blog with my real name too. Sometimes I think a stalker might have tracked me down and is hiding in the closet with a knife, but usually I’m cool with it. Fuck it …. aint nothing like the truth, baby. Sets you free, etc.
I’m waiting for my mother to die, then I can REALLY go to town on our relationship.
I love that you blog the way you do, Aunt Becky 🙂
We live in a small town and although I use my real photo as my avatar (and have been recognized once), my husband likes to fly under the radar, so I keep it sort of anonymous. But, anyone who knows him or me – would recognize us instantly. The name he went by to do underground comic work, “The Evil Twin”, is well known in some circles.
I’m actually friends with many bloggers (many who do so anonymously) on Facebook, which we all use our true names. So? Eh. I don’t really know.
I let some info out that I’d like to be googleable, and I keep the rest tucked in. Strangely, I have nothing that badly to say about my family and frankly there are days I wish my IL’s WOULD stumble upon my blog and read what horse’s assholes they really are. But I don’t want the emotional investment from my family — I feel like it’s a lot to keep myself in check, and I don’t want to have to support someone else while I’m still helping myself, ya know? Plus if mom called me every 5 minutes and said, “Are you ok? Cuz I just read . . . . ” I’d probably toss myself out the window.
You know what would weird me out? Knowing that someone I knew IRL read me, but didn’t tell me. Even if I was public. Oddly, I don’t consider anonymous blogging voyeuristic, but if my name was out there and someone from third grade was following along but without my knowledge . . . that would be odd.
Aunt Becky, this is totally off-topic, but I’ve been finding both yours and Paisana’s (I think you call her Pashmina?) blogs UTTERLY FLORPING HILARIOUS.
So, yeah. Just thought I’d do the little fangirl dance for you.
I blog anonymously out of respect for my wife’s fears about those who use the internet. It does offer me a degree of liberty that I use (or abuse) from time to time (usually when I write about my inlaws driving me insane), but for the most part I would say that my blog is fairly representative of who I am.
I get your approach, and I respect it, but the thought of people I work with reading some of the posts I’ve written doesn’t sit well with me. Strangers? Fine. Close family? Fine (for the most part; inlaws excluded). Hazily-defined degree of acquaintances? Not so much.
I actually have two blogs, one I have had since 2005 and is filled with photography and news of my daughter, there I blog with my real name, and the only ones who read it are my family. I started an anonomous blog because I really wanted to write about what being a mom really means to me, the good and the bad, and I did not want to have to field phone calls from my mom or in laws worried that I may run away because my kid annoys me one day, or I tell some skycab to ‘eff off. But I also refrain from going off on people including family- I will go off on nameless people like you know, skycabs and the government (really I am not wearing a tin foil hat). I think everyone has to make their own judgement call on how they want to blog. If being anonomous lets people let go a bit and explore creativity, then that is their choice, me I just don’t want my mom to find me since I taught her how to use google.
I blog under my real name. Well, my real first name. I figure if I were going for a psuedonym I would pick a very common first name and since I already have the most common first name EVER for a girl, then I’m purty safe.
I use my hubby’s first name as it’s also fairly common. I do not use my kids’ names. I use their nicknames that I call them in real life but I do not want their names out there.
I don’t talk about work on my blog. I do talk about my hubby and his being an addict (I got his permission and he reads the things I write about it before I post) and I write a lot about the shit I’ve gone through in life. However, I do not write about my extended family in a negative way. Why? Because I don’t want to deal with the drama that will accompany it. I wish I could though because, god, I hate most of them. I do have a “Bitch Blog” that is invite only and if I have to rant, I post it there.
Meh. My blog is sort of secret. A lot of people know I blog, but I don’t hand out the URL and I don’t put my name out there, but that’s mostly so you can’t find my address and come stalk me. Which I now realize is a huge mistake because you should totally come stalk me. It’ll be fun and we’ll drink lots of alcohol because that’s where I will be when you find me.
There are some things that I wouldn’t want real life people to read, but nothing that I would be devastated if they found. They know if they go there they have no right to complain about what they find.
I use nicknames to protect the innocent (and the guilty), yet I post photos. Family and friends know about the blog, so I don’t rant as much as I probably could some days. I mainly use the nicknames in deference to hubby’s privacy – and because I don’t want future employers to do a search and come up with stories about my boobs.
I am 2 posts new to blogging. Mandy is my real name, but I am not going to use my kid’s or my husband’s name. My blog is honest. I just don’t feel the need to give out their names, because I am choosing to tell our stories, and they are not. My pre-teen daughter would (just-like-omg-totally-freaking) die if she even knew I started a blog. I love your blog. I read it every day. Keep doing what you do!
LAUREN IS MY NAME. LAUREN LAUREN LAUREN. I think that my dad reads my blog (I know he reads my Twitter – he’s mikeact41). I published a post recently that I almost deleted because if my dad reads it I will be mortified but I bit the bullet and did it anyway. There are some stories I want to share but knowing that my dad might see it keeps me from doing so. Luckily a bloggy friend has a separate blog for things you don’t want to post on your own blog and you can post there anonymously so I will be using that until I grow some balls.
I opt for the name-less, cutesy nickname flavor of blogging. I do post pics, but as the kids get older that stops too (if you read my blog, you’re hard-pressed to find a picture of Wolver-Teen in 2 1/2 years of posts). The stories are real, and sometimes really boring.
My husband has a career which expressly prohibits all facebook-type online communities. Because of a unique name, I don’t use my real name for anything online. I have a Facebook account with my real name, but it is totally separate from all my other online adventures. All the way down to the email address and name I signed up for the account with.
All that being said, my sister reads my blog occasionally. So does my husband. I have a secret blog, but I never post on it. It’s just there so I can vent and bitch if I want to.
Love this topic. Caveat: It’s 5:30 a.m. and anything I write is bound to be incoherent (I almost spelled that “incoherrent” so, girl, you know it’s true). I struggle with this one a lot. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really like the semi-anonymity of my current blogging persona. (I say semi, because I’m reasonably certain that anyone under 21 could do some internet sleuthing and deduce it given fifteen minutes or so.) I’m beginning to believe I’d rather be myself in public and have to be careful with what I publish than have the luxury of ranting insanely behind a wall. Why? Well, for one, I’m narcissistic like that. LOOK AT ME. And for two, when it comes down to it, I don’t really have the need (any more) to give license to my id through anonymity. I’d rather strive to meet the minimal standards of decency I’m capable of, and if a little fear of public ridicule or shaming gets that done, then so be it. Yet, I persist without putting my full name on my site(s). As many have eloquently put in this comments thread–and I agree with them–I’m not always comfortable with all of my immediate family reading what I write. I’m not always thrilled at the idea that employers present and future could pore over this part of my life. But I also feel like a gutless wonder for not standing up and being counted. (I don’t think anyone else is a gutless wonder–you all seem sane to me. I just have a separate set of ridiculous personal standards that won’t make sense to you unless you’ve read my file.)
But Becky? You rule. Thanks for putting it all out there. If it should ever come back to bite you in the ass, you have at least one person who will stand by you and say, “Yeah, well, that does suck,” and smile wanly in useless support while you kick holes in the drywall.
Catching up on a few entries here – we still have no gas in the house and it just plain old BLOWS. But at least we weren’t the couple across the street who had been checking the weather in Paris, a day away from the BIG TRIP that they’d been planning for several years, only to have their entire basement blown out by rainwater & sewage. I am balancing very delicately between counting my blessings and JESUS CHRIST, do I need to do laundry and wash dishes and TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER and all the other things that sweet, hot water allow you to do.
Anyway. You have seen my blog. It is forced and strained. You should create a livejournal account and just come on over and see the difference. I am able to Aunt Becky it over there because there are stories about my inlaws and even about my brothers that would make you laugh and laugh and laugh. But I can’t tell them out here in the Internet because there’s a whole lot of truth in humor, and truth can hurt even when I’m telling stories for the funny instead of for the hurt. Because I’m not about the hurt. I’m just not.
Anyway. I have a hair cutting story, too, and maybe I’ll tell that one over there.
I have a friend who has a PhD in virology from a prestigious university. But this is the internet and right up there is a link to my blog which readily identifies me to people who know me, so there’s no more story behind that sentence, either.
Sudden epiphany: The internet kills my ability to share the Backstory. And Backstory is what my life is all about.
Also, roller derby? Hot. I have 2 friends doing it – none near you, though, I don’t think. I got all the info for ours – they have “fresh meat” tryouts coming up soon but I don’t know if I’m fully prepared to have my first broken bone at almost 35.
Hi Becky, Becca here! I love that, it makes me giggle…
Anyway, I started blogging because nobody else likes to listen to me talk this much. I just go on, and on, and on… and really how many times does my family want to hear prison stories every day?
I blog with my real name, but my kiddos have nicknames because all but one have really (REALLY) unique names which would make it easier to find them in real life. I did not think anyone would find my blog (family) so I felt ok talking openly. I still censor, but not much. My mom said something about me not blogging on facebook or something, and I thought crap! My sis has found my blog. Not that it is hard to do, but it almost made me uncomfortable for a minute.
I talk about C (my partner) on there, and I don’t want any more of the hate and insanity that sometimes comes with being *gasp* GAY! But, I got over it. As long as they are not hateful, they can stay.
Thanks for asking!
LOL…my sense of humour has the flu. So whatever you read will be minus funny-dos.
I have nobody in the IRL who is aware of my blog(s), and I do not want to be caught. Hence the need to chronicle my journey with a pseudo-name.
But yes, some of you do know my real name/location.
And hey, me having added guy to my screenname is like honey for flies.
I blogged for cheap therapy until people started following me. Now I censor myself reguarly…I only blog about me. I can’t throw anyone else under the bus on a public website.
Even though there are plenty that belong under the bus. Plenty.
I blog out in the open. Hanging in the breeze… (obviously after yesterday’s post a little more) I do so because that’s who I am. My full name is not listed on the blog but there is no reason that anyone with half of a brain couldn’t figure it out.
With that said, there is a reaon I started my anonymous blog. There are a lot of things with the ex (woo hoo…. did you see that?? He’s an ex now 🙂 that I would LOVE to publish out there for all of the whole world to see. But at the end of the day, I’m not sure that is the best way to make anything better.
His family reads, if I start saying things about him and then it gets back to them it will make things worse. I don’t know. If he relapses and disappears off the face of the earth, it’s possible the two blogs will become one. But for now, while he is still in Zack’s life I keep that stuff over on the other site.
I’ll back the other Rachel up by agreeing that the Rachel/Rebecca thing works the opposite way, too. While I’m rarely called Rebecca anymore, I was mistakenly called that for the first 4 years of my life… to the extent that when my younger sister was born, that’s what my parents named her. I’ve never been sure if it was in a “well, this way those people will be right at least half the time” way, or a “let’s confuse the SHIT out of them!” way.
But yeah, Rachel and Rebecca (she goes by Beka) always seem to go together to me…
I’m still trying to figure the whole blogging thing out. After having three kids and staying home with them for the past 3 1/2 years and all my friends dropping off the face of the earth and no longer even having coworkers to talk to, I realized I was SO FUCKING LONELY.
There are days when I think I have not said one thing that was genuinely on my mind. Not one time have I been able to express my frustration at potty training, or my sister, or, God love him, my husband. And I simply have to have somewhere to say those things.
So I use my first name only, figuring my last name is so unusual that I don’t want a simple Google search to bring up my address and social security number. I share my kids’ names but not my husband’s–he’s almost completely anti-internet and I try to respect that. No one in my life knows that I have a blog at all; I’m working up to telling someone, but at the moment, it’s nice to have a place where I can be honest without worrying about what a specific person would think about it. And I’m working on the censoring. It’s a little frustrating, because I think to myself that this is why I started blogging in the first place–because I needed a place to dump all my shit. And now it turns out that the internet is not actually my own personal garbage dump. I still have to respect people, even virtually! Damn!
So I try to be completely honest, if not completely forthcoming. And at least a tiny bit interesting.
I write using my real first and last name. Why? Because when I bought the domain I intended to use it as a portfolio site…blogging happened as a happy accident. But I’m glad I do it that way. It keeps me honest, and prevents me from ranting about my boss, or my husband, or what have you.
Although honestly? Only about 30 people read my blog on a semi regular basis, so I could probably say whatever I wanted.
I have gone around and around on this quite a few times. I blog anonymously in the respect that I don’t sign my actual name to my blog, but I post enough pictures of my kids that anyone who stumbled across it and has met me will be able to put 2 + 2 together. I think that I used to be fairly passive in my blogging and never really said much that could be offensive. And then someone in my husband’s family Googled my newest child’s name and found my blog. And then shared the link with his whole family. Which was awesome, because the post at the top of the page? Was the one where I called my mother-in-law fat and said she looked like crap. Was it mean? Yes. Is is true? HELL YES. Since that time, I have started sensoring myself far less. Everything that I blog about is true, and I don’t force anyone to read it . . . if they find it bothersome, they can simply choose not to read.
I love how ‘real’ you are on your blog – that is one of the main reasons I read and come back. That, and you are really freakin’ funny!
Kenny was an asshole anyway 😉
I’ve already told you why I use my “stripper” name instead of my real name, but I’ll play along. I want my kid to get all kinds of scholarships to college so I can keep my cash, and I don’t want to have to watch what I say on my blog at all. I generally don’t write too much about the husband’s or the kid’s business, because, well, that’s their business. I don’t write bad things about anyone that I wouldn’t say the exact same thing to their face, and I go for humor over whining most of the time.
I post pics of us and use my real name in any e-mails from my blog friends, but I’m really happy that Google searches of my real name turn up absolutely nothing. The disgusting Google searches that bring people to my blog make me know I’ve done the right thing 😉
I don’t use real names but if you knew me it would not be hard to guess it was me. I dont blog about work because the most intersting stuff I can’t talk about it and blogging about it s a sackable offence. And most importantly we kept our infertility to ourselves and I don’t particularly want my IRL world in on that yet.
My blog is totally private – more of a journal – because I had an open blog and wanted to have someone/thing to vent to about my hubbers AWFUL mother. And to talk about my 8 month old’s poop. No one else wants to read that! I don’t necessarily think I’m interesting enough (or write consistently enough) to blog for the Internets. I’ll live vicariously through you!
And your comment on FB made me feel so special! UR, like, my BFF 4real OMG! 🙂 Hee, but I did make my hubby come over and read that a REAL LIVE CE-BLOG-RITY wrote on my wall…
While I am anonymous on my blog, I use my own name for comments and for email. I’d probably do it differently if I could go back in time, but it’s fine.
I’m late to the party…catching up after a month-long vacation. But I am a fellow Rebecca, oft-called Rachel. And Jessica. Are you ever called Jessica?
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