Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Because You’re Worth It, Dammit


I’ve been in a sorta downward spiral. I don’t want to get all Debbie Does Downers or anything, but things have been…not easy. But that’s hardly worthy of a blog post, because eh, things always turn themselves around. I was reminded of a lesson I learned many moons ago.

Let’s step into the Wayback Machine, shall we, Pranksters?

*cue a couple of wavy lines*

After I’d popped Ben out of my girl bits (read: had him yanked out with forceps) and gone back to work, I found myself in an odd predicament: I was twenty-one, 60 pounds heavier than I’d started out, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. There’s nothing like going from a nubile young thang to waddling around, wearing granny sweaters and wondering about this whole dating-with-kids shit.

My all-nighters were spent with a single man, a single Chubbers little guy who appeared to be wearing a toupee and I couldn’t fathom that any other 21-year old guys would be all, “YES! I LOVE DATING CHICKS WITH KIDS! IT MEANS THEY PUT OUT!”

My friends were as supportive as they could be, considering they were crawling the bars and having wild, untamed sex, while I tried to understand how a baby could be so…crabby.

One afternoon, my friend Ashley – who’d been as awesome to me as sliced bread – decided that it was high time that we get our shop on. I had the cash. She had the car. It was time to get our SHOP ON.

(insert random pillow fight reference)

Maternity fashion around the time I’d had Ben was one of two things:

A) Circus Tent Chic

2) Circus Tent Chic

(this changed by the time I had Alex and Amelia).

So I hadn’t bought or worn anything that made me feel, well, GOOD, since I realized my maternity underwear could double as the mast of a very large sail boat.

We started with purses. Ashley had a penchant for fancy purses which, through the process of purse osmosis, I inherited. I ended up at the sunglasses counter at Nordstroms, because I needed a new pair, and I wasn’t about to drop major cash on clothes that ran into the double digits. I picked out a pair of Ralph Lauren shades and bought them while Ashley tried on size -2 pants (while she was super-skinny and adorable, she never made me feel like I was Jabba the Hut and/or Pregnasaurus Bex, something I am still grateful for).

“What’d you get?” she asked, carefully hiding the size from the pair of pants she was about to buy.

“These,” I whipped my new shades out of the bag and displayed them proudly.

“Holy shit, dude, those are expensive!” She said, a mixture of both awe and delight. “I’d never considered buying nice sunglasses before!”

I sorta shrugged. It was the first thing I’d done for myself in months and it felt fucking great.

We picked up a few other things here and there – a new bra and some undies, a purse or two, talking shit and being girly. It was the most fun I’d had in years (the years before I’d gotten knockered up with Ben were not particularly…kind to me).

And I’m sitting here today, no longer BFF with Ashley, feeling slightly mopey and a little Debbie Does Downers, sorta sad I’m missing my girls at Type-A this year, and realized something: I needed to lounge against the machine. I needed to do something just for me.

So I did.

Not one, but two pairs of new boots.


Because I’m worth it, dammit.

And so are you.

Now go do something kind for yourself – JUST FOR YOU – Pranksters. Because you’re worth it, dammit.

21 Comments to

“Because You’re Worth It, Dammit”

  1. On June 21st, 2012 at 4:22 pm Carol Anne Says:

    Those are some seriously awesome boots!

  2. On June 21st, 2012 at 4:25 pm Mary Says:

    OMG! I love my Uggs; but I am not brave enough to buy and wear those. You know how to treat yourself!!!!!!!

  3. On June 21st, 2012 at 4:45 pm Erin T Says:

    I’m not a fan of ugs but SPARKLE UGS?!?!? HELL YES!

  4. On June 21st, 2012 at 5:29 pm thepsychobabble Says:

    Those are, um, some boots. Yep. Definitely.
    But yay for treating yourself:)
    Know what I bought myself the other day? A webcam! Now I’m not a creeper! yay:p

  5. On June 21st, 2012 at 5:38 pm Mayor Gia Says:


  6. On June 21st, 2012 at 6:12 pm chrisinphx Says:

    ehmehgawd….my favorite color…SPARKLEY!!!!!!!!!!11!

  7. On June 21st, 2012 at 6:14 pm Kate Says:


  8. On June 21st, 2012 at 7:44 pm Lynda M O Says:

    I will take a weekend in the Sierra Nevada and regroup-just for me at your command, Beckster. Will you ‘splain it to my husband for me? I’ll be back Sunday…

  9. On June 21st, 2012 at 8:12 pm Nikki Says:

    Rock on Ziggy Stardust! Those are kewl!
    Glad you did something for you!

  10. On June 21st, 2012 at 9:47 pm Cindy Says:

    I’m saving up for some shoes. because there is nothing more awesomer (for me) than new Manolos, except maybe Louboutins. And you’re right, my Dear Aunt Necky, I’m worth it. I motherfucking love you!

  11. On June 21st, 2012 at 10:00 pm Valerie Says:

    Fuckin’ A, man!!! Fuckin’ A!!!

  12. On June 22nd, 2012 at 4:56 am Kathleen Says:

    Those boots are just full of the awesome! And so are you!

  13. On June 22nd, 2012 at 7:30 am Mandi Bone Says:

    OMG!!!! So fucking jealous!

  14. On June 22nd, 2012 at 8:25 am Alexandra/Empress Says:

    You know what those boots say?

    GD look at the woman with the balls to wear these.!
    Good job and high five, beautiful lady.

  15. On June 22nd, 2012 at 9:19 am Marta Says:

    I think you should consider mix and matching the shoes. I’m just saying that could be pretty damn awesome and you are worth it. =)

  16. On June 22nd, 2012 at 1:39 pm Caroline Says:

    I’m starting a 10 day vacation………in about 50 minutes. The last thing I bought myself though……was a 42 inch tv.

  17. On June 22nd, 2012 at 2:57 pm Before It's News Says:

    […] post Because You’re Worth It, Dammit appeared first on Mommy Wants […]

  18. On June 22nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm katrina Says:

    Pink and Sparkly!!!! woo hoo……you deserve those!

  19. On June 22nd, 2012 at 9:38 pm Angie Says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky. You truly do GOOD in the world.

  20. On June 23rd, 2012 at 1:12 am Melanie Says:

    I read this tonight after coincidentally getting home from doing something kind for myself. Today’s kindeness involved WIlliams Sonoma, a new set of Star Wars cookie cutters, a Darth Vader spatula, and a Stormtrooper spatula. And after reading this post, I no longer have The Buyer’s Remorse. 🙂

  21. On June 24th, 2012 at 12:59 am Grace Says:

    Yesterday, I actually DID go buy something for myself for the first time in FOREVER. Go me!

    I got a big ol’ beautiful chocolate bar (not quite as big as my head, but close) and the nail polish I have been coveting for weeks. Damn nail polish choice totally bit me in the ass! I painted my nails all pretty, gave them a few hours to get nice and dry while watching a movie, then went to bed. This morning? Chipped! $8 a bottle! Taking it back on Monday to exchange for the cheap SPARKLY stuff that I know doesn’t chip.


Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...