Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Because I Hear That Humiliation Is All The Rage


So you’re thinking, Aunt Becky, it’s time to put up some REALLY BAD pictures of you as a kid. You know, shitty perm jobs and aqua-netted bangs and french rolled jeans and maybe some Blossom-style headbands, but I don’t have any of those.

I was a CHILD of the 80’s, but I wasn’t allowed a perm. Probably because my mother was actually smart and realized that I would look like a Koosh ball if I’d gotten one. I have thick hair. Instead, I had bangs that started at approximately the nape of my neck and teeth that stuck out like the claw end of a hammer.

But I don’t have those snaps either. It’s not because I’m trying to spare myself the pain and agony of showing The Internet that I am not perfect, because shit, I think I passed trying pretend to be perfect, uh, in 2004 when I started blogging about The Wet Spot.

So let’s start with what I DO have. Aunt Becky, circa 1985. It appears that it’s my birthday and that it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. Probably because no one is sitting with me.

Rando shots 3

Or maybe I am crying because my mother is forcing us to sit on lawn chairs in the house.

Rando shots 6

The obligatory “I am drunk and annoying on Halloween” shot. HELL, my undies are hanging out. This is probably why my 5 year old self is crying.

Rando shots 4

This was as close as I could get to “funny hair pictures” because, well, look at it. It’s my homecoming picture! My awesome tiara says it all. It says “I am awesome. Obviously.” But my dress is from Ann Taylor and it’s not embarrassing. Yet. But I could fucking smile, no?

Rando shots 5

Now THIS pictures says “I have a friend who is in Photography class” now doesn’t it? The black -n- white photography, the subject in the woods, it just SCREAMS ‘high school photography class’ to me.


So I am challenging you to a duel, The Internet. OUTDO my sorry stash of embarrassing pictures. That isn’t hard. I will continue my hunt as I search for how to become certified as a disaster preparedness RN (I wanted to go to Haiti, but can’t seem to find a way to get there).

If you find something cringe-worthy, leave a link to it in the comments and we can have a fashion party of all of our awesome pictures. I’m certain that you can outdo me.


At Skirt! I’m talking about how it takes a village. Even if it’s not the village I’d planned on.

63 Comments to

“Because I Hear That Humiliation Is All The Rage”

  1. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:20 am Bree stone Says:

    AMERICAN AIRLINES is taking doctors and nurses to Haiti for free. Please call 212-697-9767. Spread the word

  2. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:30 am Doc Says:

    You were damn hot Indian chick for Halloween… You should have been huggin’ me !

    (Im savin’ that picture to look at again…) :p

  3. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:32 am boobarella Says:

    I wish I could, but no pictures exist of me prior to 2001.

  4. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:35 am Kristine Says:

    You have inspired me. I have a box of pictures from my childhood home that I should go through.

  5. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:41 am C @ Kid Things Says:

    I actually like that last picture. I wish I had a high school photography class like that. Or a high school photography class at all.

  6. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:52 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    I have more than a few of those high school photography class photos. B&W was so much more ‘dramatic’ plus having the subject not looking at the camera. Love the tiaras.

    I found an old post of mine with a 1978 Easter photo in it.

    It’s scary

  7. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:53 am Mikey D Says:

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who wore a tiara to their homecoming dance!

    This picture, while not old goes pretty well with my tiara comment…

  8. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:54 am Ed Says:

    I lost most photos of me in my divorce, so as far as the world is concerned I’ve pretty much looked like a gray-cum-balding 40-year-old guy for my entire life.
    Also, I have that same Indian princess costume. I say we score one for Sandi and the Daver and the four of us hit the town.

  9. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:57 am Elly Lou Says:

    I think the tiara snap shows just how fucking refined you are, doll face. That face says it all. “What, bitches? I wear tiaras every damn day. I’ll pose for your jenky as photo but this isn’t really a special occasion in my book. Where are the crumpets?”

  10. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:59 am Miss Grace Says:

    I’ve fully embraced my scanner, and therefore have an array of awesomeness. But this one’s pretty good –

  11. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:00 pm V Says:

    So sad, but it turns out I don’t have any pictures on my computer from before 2003. Next time I visit my parents, I will rectify this. I would love to challenge you to a duel, but as it turns out, I have looked roughly the same since Age 5, no joke, so it wouldn’t be that exciting. I’ll do this eventually though.

  12. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:01 pm Cassie Says:

    I refuse to post it, b/c it still embarrasses me to this day, but when I was in the 6th grade I decided to wear red lipstick to school. Like, BRIGHT FUCKING RED. Apparently I didn’t realize it was picture day. I also didn’t realize that red lipstick doesn’t look good on acne-ridden preteens. Not only does the actual photo look horrendous but it became the yearbook picture. But the yearbook pics were in black and white, so I look like a crazy goth kid. My friends STILL make fun of me for it!

  13. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:04 pm LaFlacad Says:

    How about my attempt to be Alyssa Milano on Whose the Boss?

    or my scrunchy wearing, high waisted acid wash jeans having, bugle boy t-shirtness

  14. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:06 pm Titanium Says:

    @Bree Stone: American Airlines is NOT sending anyone to Haiti for free. That is actually a nasty hoax and the number you left is for the consulate- please don’t drown the phone lines in useless calls in the middle of this disaster.

    Okay, rant over. Embarrassing photos? Between my buck teeth, glasses and awkward social behavior, pictures weren’t even necessary.

  15. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:13 pm existentialwaitress Says:

    I love seeing other people’s embarrassing photos. too fun. And I love sharing mine too.

    I’m going to search for photos later today. You can bet your sweet ass I’ve got some good ones somewhere…

  16. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:16 pm Sara @ Life With the Two Says:

    I have a few, but I won’t post them, yet. I’ve called my dad and put in a request for a certain picture. But it’s probably not as embarassingly awesome as I remember it.

  17. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:23 pm Shari Says:

    Oh yeah! Here is me.. all naked in my glory! gah… WTF? did I think sitting like that was way cool? I am guessing this is circa 1969 ish. oh my.

  18. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:29 pm Kelly Says:

    I destroyed every ackward early teen picture of me in a fit of rage, once I became “cool” in my later teens. I was full of the angst, and blamed my dorkiness on my mother. She has to have some photos stashed away somewhere, I’ll go searching. I know that I still have a very druken VHS home video, of myself and several friends from a weekend where my parents were away, now that is a classic. Too bad my 17 year old saw it. Good thing she didn’t see what else we had been doing besides drinking beers.

  19. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:38 pm MJ Says:

    I have way too many dorky pictures of me! It’s a good thing that they are all with my mom in Canada….hehe

  20. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:42 pm Cute~Ella Says:

    You my dear are awesome. I’ll hunt for some later and post them next week.

  21. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:50 pm Mara - In the Black with the Buttons Says:

    You are SO fired.

    I thought I had taken all of the evidence of that night….You know there is a video, right? And about 300 pictures…. I’m sure Ness would love it if that were pasted on Facebook. I’m just saying…..


  22. On January 14th, 2010 at 12:56 pm Sabreena Says:

    The last pic is very pretty, not embarassing at all. Did you win homecoming queen? If you didn’t and wore a tiara anyway you are fucking awsome. I only have like two past pics of me in my house, one from elementary and one from 8th grade which was in like the early 90’s. I’ll try to scan and post them but they will not be able to rival any of the 80’s fashions.

  23. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:00 pm linlah Says:

    I had bangs that started at the nape of my neck and I had a child in the 80’s, we’re practically twins.

    Any photo of me on my site is embarassing enough without pulling out photos from 100 years ago.

  24. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:18 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    The important question here is, “With or without testicles?”

  25. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:18 pm marie Says:

    I’d post pics, but Witness Protection won’t let me. J/K.. kinda

  26. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:29 pm Tiffany Says:

    What and ruin your girl crush on me…brahhahahahaha. I’ll post the awesome later. I was aloud to get the perm and I drank Sun Cuntry Koolers out of the 2 liter bottle.

  27. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:29 pm Kendall Says:

    Came here from “Maybe If You Just Relax” and the phrase “koosh ball” brought the LOLz because it’s been AWHILE since anybody mentioned a koosh ball.

    Also, my middle school nickname was “Water Buffalo” what with my awesome cow-licked bangs.

  28. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:50 pm Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    I have massive amounts of hair, and I did get the 80’s perm…in the 80’s (thought I’d better specify). It was awful. Thank your mother. Right now. Seriously…call her and tell her thank you.
    I thought that permy bitch would never grow out. I looked like the missing red headed stepchild from The Jackson 5.
    I would love to compete is a hideous picture stand off but, er, I think my scanners broken. And all of my childhood pictures were lost in a house fire. Tragic really.

  29. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:51 pm kys Says:

    Sadly, I am Amish. I could show you a quilt or churn some butter for you.

  30. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:53 pm Lindsey Says:

    I like your attitude…I just found your blog through Long Daze Short Years (which I found through a different blog…anyway), and I am highly entertained. I especially dig your blogging for dummies post. Made me laugh! Thanks!

  31. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:55 pm Shell Says:

    No fun! I want truly embarassing pics!

    Hubs just got me a scanner yesterday, so when I have time to get out some pics, I’ll definitely have some worse than that!

  32. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:57 pm Sunday Stilwell Says:

    Awesome! Now you have to go check out mine.

  33. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:58 pm Lavender Luz Says:

    These were my entries in Eden’s Dork Olympics (now PYP).

    You lose.

  34. On January 14th, 2010 at 1:58 pm Lavender Luz Says:

    These were my entries in Eden’s Dork Olympics (now PWP).

    You lose.

  35. On January 14th, 2010 at 2:14 pm Kristin Says:

    Love the embarrassing pics Aunt Becky. Yours are a hell of a lot better than mine.

  36. On January 14th, 2010 at 2:40 pm Viv Says:

    I thought this sounded like fun…until I saw what I looked like in the 80’s and early 90’s. Ouch. I posted the pictures anyway, humility is good for me I hear.

  37. On January 14th, 2010 at 2:49 pm joann Mannix Says:

    Oh, Honey you’ve got nothin on me. Scroll down to the end of this post and check out my goddess picture. I’m telling you, I win, And don’t knock the photo class pic, it’s really gorgeous. I’ve also cried on a few birthdays, but I think I was a little older…and drunk, probably with a tiara on.

    Here’s my Goddess.

    My hyperlink has been on the fritz, lately, so hopefully this works.

  38. On January 14th, 2010 at 4:19 pm Manda Says:

    Um…Aunt Becky? It’s not the underwear that are embarrassing in that photo. It’s the fact that you thought nobody would notice that the shorts on your control top pantyhose are actually LONGER than your outfit.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…control top pantyhose are my BESTEST friend. But you gotta get the variety without the shorts or you cant rock the short skirt.

    Trust me. I know.

  39. On January 14th, 2010 at 4:54 pm blueviolet Says:

    I gotta hand it to you with the Indian dress. That was more like a top! 😉

  40. On January 14th, 2010 at 5:44 pm Evil Twin's Wife Says:

    I could definitely out-embarrass you! No question. I’ll have to scan some pics over the weekend!

  41. On January 14th, 2010 at 5:56 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Go put your sunglasses on. No, no: just listen to me. I’ll wait.

    *hums Jeopardy theme song*



  42. On January 14th, 2010 at 6:41 pm Rebecca Says:

    You might want to put a link to all the photo links on the sidebar with something that would allow others to add their own photos….I need to get on this and find something of me from back in the day…I’m afraid I’ll forget if not reminded daily on a sidebar thingie

  43. On January 14th, 2010 at 7:04 pm Rebecca Says:

    ((I accidentally posted this exact post on the California post….scrolled down way too far…Oopsie))

    Okay, I found some photos of me from about the 3rd grade and 1st grade. My most ‘worst’ photo is the one from the field trip. I was wearing heels and an extremely short dress sort of standing on a pole. Who knew I’d grow up to be a stripper.

  44. On January 14th, 2010 at 8:55 pm Maria Says:

    Humiliating? Girl you’re hot. Even if that does feel a bit lecherous to think that about High-School- photography-class-photo-shoot-in-the-woods Aunt Becky.

    Thankfully, I do not have childhood photos in my house, but I am already recalling the side ponytail, chipmunk cheeked, horrible glasses yearbook photos of yesteryear. *shudders*

  45. On January 14th, 2010 at 9:27 pm Krissa Says:

    Shit, Aunt Becky! My brother just did a post ON MY BLOG, a while back when I was out of commission during a hurricane and he took full advantage of me and posted tons of horrible shots of me as a younger… me. Rat bastard.

  46. On January 14th, 2010 at 9:37 pm Randa Says:

    If I could get my mom or sister to scan all my terrible photos I would totally do this. All my old photos are at my mom’s. I just have one from my Senior prom, and dude, I was hot, and so was my date. Haha. I’m getting on the phone. I want to embarrass myself now.

  47. On January 14th, 2010 at 11:20 pm Alexis Says:

    Yay Aunt Becks. I’m continually impressed by your posts and am relieved that your blog is good in the midst of all the crap out there.
    Good job at Skirt today.

  48. On January 15th, 2010 at 2:12 am GingerB Says:

    My mom has all the best pix and I can’t deal with getting those.

    So I leave you with this idea: tube top.

    I think that is enough, don’t you?

    Maybe I can find my early punk rock period (83-86) and post that. Oh, if my sixteen year old self could see me now!!

  49. On January 15th, 2010 at 7:07 am Candid Engineer Says:

    Hey, I really like the high school photography class picture. It’s really pretty, and I like the way you have your hair. 🙂

  50. On January 15th, 2010 at 7:46 am Shannon Kieta Says:

    I am not sucking up jus to keep on being your BFF or anything, but you were beautiful back then and you are beautiful now.!!! The only difference is that now, you are a kick ass writer, who is as funny as shit! You got it goin’ on girl. Yep, you got it goin’ on!!!!

  51. On January 15th, 2010 at 7:47 am moonspun Says:

    I have to get a scanner…but I love that last one…high school photography class…nice!

  52. On January 15th, 2010 at 8:10 am Alexandra Doan Says:

    Incredibly fortunate- my scanner is broken. Whew! The world really really doesn’t need to see my bad formal pics. All 200 lbs of myself back then. ouch.

    But, lady, you looked good! I’m impressed!!

  53. On January 15th, 2010 at 8:57 am Amanda Says:

    I was also a child of the 80’s… I remember a girl at school getting a perm and that was ALL I wanted! My mother went out and purchased a crimping iron and said that was as close as I was going to get 🙂 I don’t have any awesomely crimped photos of myself… Wish I did!

  54. On January 15th, 2010 at 10:01 am Karie Says:

    I love the black undies…pretty hawt. I am still wondering how you think the B&W screams high school photography. I was thinking more old school Harper’s Bazaar, chic, retro. I dig it. Oh and luck you no perm…I had a perm, braces, bad skin and that AWESOME disgusting fashion of french rolled jeans and 2 pairs of colored socks.

  55. On January 15th, 2010 at 10:37 am submom Says:

    Now you got me all depressed than ever: your embarrassing pictures are all better looking than my normal pictures! Even the one with your undie showing. I just assumed you were channeling Madonna and you were FOX-Y!

  56. On January 15th, 2010 at 11:47 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Awww, poor girl….no one came to your party! Sadness!

    Totally HAWT though…

    I need to scan some of my old photos….

  57. On January 15th, 2010 at 12:25 pm existentialwaitress Says:

    Posted ambarrassing pics on my blog – thanks for the inspiration! 🙂

  58. On January 15th, 2010 at 1:21 pm Moonspun Spins | Retro me Says:

    […] scan a couple for me. It felt like a lighter topic. Although I don’t look nearly as cool as Aunt Becky in her retro post, here goes a couple pics me lil moonspun (meaning me being little, not my […]

  59. On January 16th, 2010 at 8:11 am sky Says:

    THOSE are supposed to be embarrassing pictures? Seriously? Aside from the undies hanging out, I think you can do better….


  60. On January 16th, 2010 at 6:55 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    You look like a socialite in the tiara picture. You even have the ever-important pose down!

  61. On January 16th, 2010 at 9:04 pm Sunny Says:

    Oh man, I could total rival those. I had thick hair AND a perm in the late ’80s.

    Damn bedrest. You’ll just have to imagine.

  62. On January 21st, 2010 at 3:01 am Al_Pal Says:

    Ah hah, awesome. I need to scan some old photos. ;p

  63. On February 15th, 2010 at 9:45 am KeepingYouAwake » Blog Archive » Self-Humiliation and Pictures Says:

    […] I’m not much for anonymity and Aunt Becky, posted a self-humiliation post that I’ve been meaning to respond to for a month now, I present to you pictures from my k-12 […]

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