Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Aunt Becky Cries It Out


3AM: “Amelia needs to cry it out.”

3:15AM: “This really sucks listening to Daver snore as I’m laying here NOT SLEEPING. Maybe I should kick him. That might make me feel better.”

3:18 AM: “ACK. Okay, I just got my eyes gouged as I tried to sleep. FINE, Amelia, we’ll go downstairs. Sitting here and falling asleep only to be woken up every two seconds is torture. ”

3:20 AM: “I should totally go to my reader and leave my friends random middle of the night comments.”


3:31 AM: “Shit, okay, I was hallucinating. BREATHE, THERE ARE NO DUCKS OUT TO SHOOT YOU.”

6:15 AM: “I hate everyone. And everything. Especially puppies. And kittens. Fuck, man, Amelia really needs to start to soothe herself.”

6:20 AM: “zzzzz”

6:22 AM: “Fucking formula is ALL OVER ME and it’s cold and I’m wet and this sucks. That’s what I get for trying to make a bottle while sleeping.”

6:24-7:12 AM: “Oooh formula is warm and I swear I don’t know how to dance on a stripper pole and holy shit I’m dreaming that I’m at a rave and lookit the glow sticks….”

7:13: “SHIT. Alex is up now. I bet he just took a crap.”

10:40 AM: “Okay, this has really got to stop. Neither Dave nor I can handle this shit any longer. Maybe I should lug those sleep books out of storage.”


12:48 PM: “Hm, so where did I put those books again? I’m going to grab them out and SHOW them to Amelia to THREATEN her that if she doesn’t start properly sleeping like a normal baby, I’ll have to OPEN the book and READ IT.”

1:13 PM: “Ha! I TOTALLY showed her the “No Cry Sleep Solution For Dummies” book and I bet this is going to be what makes her sleep at night again! I’ll SCARE her into sleep! HA!”

1:17 PM: “These words, they’re dripping onto my lap and…zzz….zzz…”

1:46 PM: “I just totally drooled all over myself. Thank God neither of the small kids will notice because they think nothing of crapping their pants regularly. I wish I could crap my pants. Maybe I should think about some Astronaut Diapers like that crazy lady wore to stalk that guy.”

2:12 PM: “Now I remember why these books didn’t work for Alex. They don’t SOLVE it FOR you. You have to do WORK. Like make POOR SWEET ICKLE BABIES CRY. I hate crying babies.”

2:43 PM: “Just the THOUGHT of making Amelia cry at night is making me nauseous and gassy. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. Maybe I can pay someone else to come and do it. Surely if I can pay someone to potty train my kid, someone will come teach her to sleep.”

2:48 PM: “SOBS. I need to take some Advil. My head is throbbing just thinking of her tears tonight. Damn, I wish I had a Xanax or eleventy-niner.”

2:54: “Wait…..wait… eleventy-niner a word?”

3:10 PM: “I don’t think it’s a word, but it SHOULD be. Maybe I should be in charge of making new words up and putting them into the dictionary.”

4:30 PM: “It’s not gonna happen. She’ll never go to sleep. Man, I’m fucking HUNGRY. And seriously did I just lose a wigs’ worth of hair?”

5:34 PM: “Googling ‘Cry It Out’ makes me feel WORSE about myself and the world.”

5:46 PM: “Twittering about CIO is going to make people totally send me hate mail and lob breast pump parts in my direction. Note to self: check Friend or Follow when I get to a computer again.”

6:02 PM: “Bejeweled makes my brain melty and good.”

6:32 PM: “I bet she’s teething or something, that’s probably why she now sleeps so lightly that the gentle breeze ruffling the ribbon on some prized pig in Vancouver is waking her up. I can’t make a TEETHING baby cry it out.”

6:43 PM: “PHEW! I don’t have to make her cry it out. She’s teething. THAT’S GOT to be it. I mean, sure we were convinced that Alex was teething for eleventy niner years and no, he was not. He was just…unpleasant.”

7:10: “Shit, man, I’m hungry, and damn, I’m tired. Tonight is going to be loooonnnnggg. Thank GOD she talked me out of letting her cry it out. She’s just a defenseless BABY and The Internet tells me that it’s cruel. EVERYTHING The Internet says is true, I know.”

7:12 PM: “I bet she won’t wake up in the middle of the night when she’s a teenager. Better savor this as best I can. Also, I miss cupcakes. I would cut a bitch for a cupcake. Dieting blows.”

9:40 AM: “Dude. DUDE. Threatening her with the CIO books TOTALLY WORKED. Those books are GENIUS! I now I need to pull out my Calc 3 books and threaten her to LEARN CALCULUS baby OR I’LL HAVE TO OPEN THE BOOK AND….TEACH YOU.”

89 Comments to

“Aunt Becky Cries It Out”

  1. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:44 am Chibbsy Says:

    Oh gods I know how you feel. William (one month old) nurses every hour and has decided that the only place he’ll sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time is the couch. The couch that sinks in in the back and twists my spine. You’ll get some sleep eventually (as I’m sure you know). Just hang in there, and don’t make yourself sick with guilt or you’ll get even less sleep than you are now!

  2. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am gorillabuns Says:

    drinking seemed to be the only solution for me.

  3. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:06 am melanie Kerton Says:

    my son slept through the night regularly at 8 weeks old…i remember thinking boy have i got this baby shit down! What good parents we are, that immediately putting him in a crib in his own room even though it killed me worked wonders………….

    then came allie, my reflux baby, me punishment for ever THINKING I had anything about kids “down pat”…… she started sleeping through the night consistently around 7 months……now she sleeps for 10-12 hours woot!!! Hopefully Amelia will start being consistent real soon!

  4. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:07 am Sarah Says:

    “Crying babies make me nauseous and gassy”….

    That’s just killing me.

  5. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:08 am melanie Kerton Says:

    oh and lets not talk about hair falling out, its freaking DEPRESSING, my doc swears my thyroid is just flipping fine, so I guess female baldness is just going to be in my future….I lose INSANE amounts of hair after giving birth and I guess I just never get it back. Probably a good thing the hubs says we are stopping at two, one more and the wig would be on order.

  6. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:44 am fidget Says:

    i totally need some eleventy-niner

    and my light sleepers have white noise LOUD and That Baby CD on repeat all.night.long GOD SENT

  7. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am roccermom Says:

    indeed, nothing soothes like higher maths. also? a doodle of our night:

  8. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am Ashley Says:

    What? No squirrel farts? I’m disappointed. I like it when you say squirrel fart.

    Just the image of a farting squirrel… I mean, we all know that cats and dogs fart (because goddamn, eating your own bacteria-laden poo makes for even nastier smelling farts) but squirrels?

    So if a squirrel farts in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still smell?

  9. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:50 am MK Says:

    I was all set to be witty and then got distracted by the squirrel farts. (lack of sleep w/ a 4 and 2 yr old will do that to ya).

  10. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:54 am ainebegonia Says:

    Please tell me where I can get some eleventy niner as I surely need some

  11. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:58 am Margaret Says:

    I’m with you on the hair falling out. I’m going to need a wig soon. Just in case last night was a fluke(don’t shoot me), get the Baby Whisperer. Sh’es got some good solutions that helped my kids!

  12. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am Rayne of Terror Says:

    Good job, that. I’m sure I showed Henry the cover of No Cry Sleep Solution (for dummies) TM and crying myself said look, that baby gets it. Sleep is awesome. Count some sheep or something. Lucky for me I’m still in the baby sleeps around the clock phase, except 2-5 am, and I’m going back to bed now.

  13. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:18 am Ms. Moon Says:

    I NEVER could let a baby “cry it out.” That’s like the saddest thing in the world.

  14. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:22 am Shannon Says:

    Sleep is good. Lack of sleep makes for an extra CRAZY mommy. (that’s been my experience, I’m not calling YOU crazy… I wouldn’t do that.)

    I have always been desperate and have done the co-sleeping thing that moms always tell me I’m crazy for and I just want to tell them “At least I’m sleeping, Bitches.”

    A little off the topic, but on the topic of bitches. I’ve realized that I say that at least a dozen times a day and I KNOW that I will get a call from my daughter’s teacher within the first few days of school because that seems so be her favorite word, too.

    I try not to say it, but when I do that it seems to fly out even more often. I seriously need some Bitches Anon.

  15. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am Badass Geek Says:

    We’re going through similar stuff with our new dog. Except we can crate her when she’s fussy.

  16. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am Cat Says:

    I’m gonna go home and show my 11 month old a sleep training book. Dear sweet god, I hope it works, cause those ducks are after me too.

  17. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:26 am Anjali Says:

    None of those damn books really worked until my babies were 1, and by then, who the hell knows, they probably didn’t even need books by then to learn how to sleep. They were just older.

    Much, much empathy here.

  18. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:29 am Megan Says:

    Yeah, I do the co-sleeping thing too when Emily won’t sleep, which is more often than not. Hell no I am not about to sit up with her at night. We live by one rule at our house: Whatever Works.

  19. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    See, I’m not anti-co-sleeping at all. I just couldn’t sleep myself with my wriggly baby in bed. I have The Insomnia too.

  20. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:38 am Jen Says:

    Really? I can just show her the ton of books I have on the subject and she’ll sleep through the night??? Time to see if I can remember where I put them.

    I thought I had this mothering thing down when Boo started sleeping through the night at two months. Then she stopped at five months. And hasn’t since. She’ll be a year in less than two weeks and I’m a zombie today.

  21. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:38 am SciFi Dad Says:

    My wife can’t let our son cry it out yet for some reason. At seven months my daughter had to wail her ass of for close to an hour to break my wife’s resolve. My son is 10.5 months and needs but a squawk to get Mommy.

    (And for the record, I’d totally do a nighttime feed if I, you know, lactated.)

  22. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am Tina Says:

    None of those books actually work, you know. Unless you are planning to hit them over the head until they conk out. And seriously, those books are way too long anyway.

  23. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:43 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think the books would be useful if I could brain myself with them. Then all of MY problems would be solved.

  24. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:04 am Tina Says:

    Are you still swaddling? We dropped it just last week and while it’s harder to get her to sleep, she’s getting up less often and sleeping later.

  25. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:13 am daisybv2 Says:

    Girl I am so sorry I will take her and train her if you want me to. Although I don’t like the crying it out method at all.

    My SIL used to let her babies cry for 2 hours and she refused to get them. Her second one actually did it for the first 2 years of his life.

  26. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:16 am Bobbi Says:

    But the best part is that, much like labor, you’ll forget all about not sleeping for months on end. I had three kids under 5 at one point and I swear I can’t remember missing any sleep. I can guarantee that their father never got up with them so it must be selective amnesia. I think the memory fades pretty fast, too, or else there wouldn’t be any second children ever.

  27. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:18 am Mrs Soup Says:

    I wish you all the best of luck with the poor baby. Eventually she will sleep….sometime….possibly….

    What I would really appreciate is if you can stop having her call my daughter. It’s getting really annoying. 😐

  28. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am Rebecca Says:

    So my first child, never took a nap until she turned a year old. I said to myself it’s too cruel to let the poor little cherub cry it out. The kid was such a light sleeper that on the extremely rare occasion she would pass out when the sun was up she would wake up if the people across the street yawned, she woke up furious. Now at four she’s taking 2 hour naps and still an extremely, EXTREMELY light sleeper. I guess I decided to let her cry it out when she was about 10 months old. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

    I held my second born 24/7 because God Forbid If I Put The Kid Down For One Second. He was 3 months old when I finally put him in his bed and let him cry. He had just gotten out of the hospital and was on vicotin or some narcotic that I just don’t remember. I had been in the hospital with him for about a week and everyone knows that NURSES SUCK when it comes to letting an infant sleep. I stayed at his bedside the entire time and was exhausted. I gave him a dose of his narcotic and took some Motrin for myself and he cried for like 10 minutes. We both slept though that night and every night thereafter.

    Crying it out is a form of taking care of yourself first so that you can take care of everyone else later. Sort of the thing on airplanes with oxygen, right?!

  29. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am Jenn Says:

    Ack. I remember those days! I’m sure you do too as when I was up with Boo all the time, you were going through the same thing with Alex. So obviously (and unfortunately) I have no advice. Hope it passes quickly! xoxo

    Also, thanks. Very much. For the comments, you know.

  30. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:31 am The Mommy Says:

    I Hate CIO! BUT (and there’s always a “but” isn’t there?) We ended up doing that with our Oldest Boy. Why? Because I was rocking, walking, effing running if it helped and he STILL cried himself to sleep – in my arms! I figured letting him cry in his own crib was no worse – and it DID work, but it was pure hell (and we used the Ferber method. Ferber. Who now says maybe his method isn’t the best. Bastard.)

    Maybe this comment doesn’t make any sense but ALL 4 KIDS were up at one point last night (durn storms). So The Mommy? Not well rested. Or really very coherent. At least when you’re up at 3AM you can rest assured (no pun intended) that SOMEONE ELSE is in the same boat!

  31. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:34 am a Says:

    Amelia just needed some sleep education.

    My husband, who I admit is kind of nutty sometimes, wanted to let our daughter cry it out when she was an infant. Then when she turned one, he would be the first one to run into her room and rock her back to sleep. WTF? By the way, I never let her cry it out, I just told him not to get up in the middle of the night. In that 3-6 month age, though, she slept in her swing a couple nights a week. Or the bouncy chair. Or on my chest in the recliner, when she was teething the first time. Books, hah! What you need is a night nanny…

  32. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:41 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    DS1 ended up having to do CIO because he was such a sensitive sleeper. All those gentle patting, rubbing, soothing things you are supposed to do were actually keeping him awake, which I figured out after watching him on video monitor while I was trying to get my shit together in another room because I was so frustrated by the non sleeping baby thing. I had thought all along I was doing the wrong thing but everyone told me letting the baby fuss & cry was evil so I patted him against my instincts. Two days later the kid was falling asleep with a just a bit of settling down fussing.

  33. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:56 am Tara Says:

    I hear you on the CIO, it totally sucks, we tried lots with our son, he still wakes 1-2 times a night sometimes none at all. But we try our hardest to not pick him up.

    Before I use to say I could never do the CIO method which we didn’t do the exact method but a version of it, and now I say to each their own, we go in and rub his back or give him a nuk if his is lost in the crib somewhere but at 18 mo, he does pretty well at getting himself back to sleep.

    I hope Amelia starts sleeping better for you soon.


  34. On August 19th, 2009 at 1:00 pm Kristina Says:

    You poor thing. Nothing sucks more than what you’ve just described. Been there, done that. I hope it gets better soon!

    “I bet she’s teething or something, that’s probably why she now sleeps so lightly that the gentle breeze ruffling the ribbon on some prized pig in Vancouver is waking her up. I can’t make a TEETHING baby cry it out.”—– this was me SOOOO many times!!!

  35. On August 19th, 2009 at 1:04 pm lonek8 Says:

    I don’t know if it will help – but putting a fan in the room for the whote noise really helps our kids sleep. It totally covers tv and other noises from outside the room. And you cna put one in your room too, which will help drown out the sounds of crying.

  36. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm Nel Says:

    Here me out on this one! Maybe you should put the sleep books in her crib and she will absorb the information via osmosis.

    What do you think?!?

  37. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Osmosis is a BRILLIANT idea!

  38. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Extreme Kickass Says:

    I really think you being in charge of making up words and putting them in the dictionary is the best idea ever.

  39. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:17 pm kbrients Says:

    Everytime I thought of letting Sam cry it out I ended up finding out it was an ear infection… or teeth… made me feel like a terrible parent! It is so much earsier when they can TELL you what is wrong.

  40. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:20 pm Bluebird Says:

    I can’t come up with an intelligent. I’m exhausted just reading this!

  41. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Leadia Jarvis Says:

    Larissa’s new nickname is the Punisher because this kid throws everything in the book at us: colic, vomit, constipation, hatred of the carseat, the list goes on…. At this point, I’m not sure if my hair loss is due to stress or hormones or both. I think Larissa might be CIO but I can’t be sure – thanks to crippling exhaustion I don’t sleep as much as fall into a coma these days. For all I know she’s getting out of her crib, driving to Gary, IN and meeting some 36 year old guy she met on the internet. It’s a free-for-all, really!

  42. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:38 pm Anna Says:

    We’re the evil ones that let him cry it out. But damnit if now at the age of 2 1/2 he doesn’t put himself to bed every night. It’s bliss.

    And a fan in their room helps – the white noise factor is fabulous.

  43. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Ben had to cry it out for a couple of nights as well, because he had his days and his nights mixed up and I was, once again, hallucinating. I think it absolutely has it’s time and place.

  44. On August 19th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Vinomom Says:

    My kid slept through the night at a month old. So I’m scared to have another one, as another commenter mentioned, and see what REAL sleep deprivation is like!

    But then at around 5 years old she got scared of EVERYTHING. And at nine still gets up once a night most of the time. *Sigh* If it’s not one thing it’s another.

  45. On August 19th, 2009 at 1:05 pm Kori Says:

    I was going to agree with Ms. Moon; I am all for whatever works, but for me? Making a liittle baby cry it out? Should NEVER work. They might just be pains-in-the-ass to us sometimes, but for whatever reasons, they needs their people. But that’s just me.

  46. On August 19th, 2009 at 1:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think for me, crying it out may occasionally be a better alternative to suicide. After having Alex, who was up every 1-3 hours for the first year of his life, I nearly offed myself. Had I not been so tired, I might have tried. It’s all in how much you can handle.

    Now, though, he is an AWESOME sleeper.

  47. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:06 pm Beth Says:

    My almost 16 year old didn’t self-soothe until she was in Jr. High I swear to God. Then I didn’t see her for 2 or 3 years. Now not only does she put herself to bed at night but is starting to take responsibility for getting herself up in the morning. For the first two years of her life she wouldn’t sleep unless she was in physical contact with me and preferred to be moving at all times.

  48. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:07 pm moonspun Says:

    I personallly don’t believe in crying it out….
    and I don’t think eleven niner is a word either….

  49. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think that having to have a child cry it out is a situational thing. Certainly, it was not, has never been, and never will be. But when it comes to sanity (mine), well, that’s worth something too.

  50. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Beth Says:

    I forgot to add: Anyone else have the experience of their pediatrician saying something like, “Just let her cry. No baby will cry for more than 20 minutes before tiring themselves out and falling asleep.” I wanted to invite mine over to listen to her scream for two hours while I went to his house and slept. At twenty minutes she was just getting warmed up.

  51. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:15 pm Julie B. Says:

    Holy shit – you just described my every day…right down to the same book except 1) I just bought them this time around to try to correct the wrongs I did with #1 and still can’t bring myself to read them and 2) right around 9pm when I could be getting some good sleep – I’m WIDE the fuck awake until 1am.

  52. On August 19th, 2009 at 2:24 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    This is so spot on! I could never do the cry it out thing. Much too wimpy for that. Would always find some excuse to not do it.

    Hmmm, maybe that’s why I have to lie down with my 7-year-old until he falls asleep. I’m still a sucker.

  53. On August 19th, 2009 at 3:13 pm Becca Says:

    Poor pitiful baby, I am sure you should never make them CIO. I would lob breast pump parts at you if I still had them. Totally kidding, but sitting in my office lmao at this post. I really do remember these days.

    My baby started kindergarten on Monday, and I sobbed like someone had died or something.

  54. On August 19th, 2009 at 3:24 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I never could let my babies cry it out, either. It seems so MEAN, and I can’t be MEAN to a baby!

    You need sleep, girl. This post was totally hilarious, though.

  55. On August 19th, 2009 at 3:54 pm Mwa Says:

    Crying it out is HORRIBLE. I could never do it either. We spent a couple of months taking turns “sleeping” on the sofa with my youngest on our chests, because that’s the only way she would sleep. Just remember – there’s an end to it, even if it’s a while away. She WILL learn to sleep.

    Glad you found out that threatening works, though. Is this going to be a nightly thing now, after the bottle and before the night-night kiss? Whatever works, right?

  56. On August 19th, 2009 at 4:13 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Dude, I remember those days soooo well. All I can say is at some point it ended (though I was too sleep deprived and crazed to remember the date or time).

  57. On August 19th, 2009 at 5:23 pm Kate Says:

    Eh, I did CIO with most of my 7 and they survived. Eventually you get to a point where you realize that the baby is waking out of habit & you’ve become the only way s/he can get back to sleep & you get tired of it. It’s a few lousy nights and then….. bliss.

    That said, my youngest was a CIO flunkee. Or rather, I was. He had so many medical things going on that I couldn’t get my emotions in check long enough to force him to learn to go to sleep on his own. But that was my problem, not his.

    Anyhow, if you decide to make Amelia learn to put herself to sleep, you’re not a bad mother and you’re not cruel or uncaring. Regardless of what some on the Internet might want to tell ya! 🙂

  58. On August 19th, 2009 at 5:44 pm Nitza Says:

    “I would cut a bitch for a cupcake. ”

    LMAO! I feel this way all the time.

  59. On August 19th, 2009 at 5:59 pm ZDub Says:

    This is too funny!

    I mean, except for the part about your hair falling out and your itty bitty baby crying. No fun.

    Troy still wakes up 2 or 3 times a week around FOUR A.M. I put him in bed with us and he goes right to sleep. I haven’t got time for CIO or rocking him. Ain’t no shame in my game.

    Besides I have a glandular problem and I need my rest.

  60. On August 19th, 2009 at 6:27 pm Empresso Says:

    My oldest is not a sleeper and CIO didn’t work at all. She stilll would prefer I stay with her until she goes to sleep and she’s 9 yo. My youngest is a great sleeper and cried for 20 minutes when he was about 7 months old and that was that. Kids are different.

  61. On August 19th, 2009 at 6:56 pm Amy Says:

    Four babies, very close in age never could do the CIO thing, it seemed too cruel. The years pass quickly, and although I have no memory of those years (mainly because I was sleepwalking through them) I don’t have any regrets. I think that is the best thing to keep in mind, whatever path you take with any decision you make regarding these adorable little people who count on you to take care of them, its the path with no regrets. I don’t want to say to my grown kids, “I knew in my heart it was wrong, but I did it anyway, sorry.” So that is my motto with the kids no regrets.

  62. On August 19th, 2009 at 7:07 pm Venti Vixen Says:

    I would totally cut a bitch for a cupcake. I almost cut a couple for a turkey leg at Disneyland this weekend. Disneyland on a diet effing blows. CIO blow s too, totally didn’t work in our house. It turned into small-child-hurling-himself-head-first-into-a-wall. He is still alive though. Not sleeping but alive. Sometimes that’s all you can hope for.

  63. On August 19th, 2009 at 8:29 pm Meg Says:

    I have figured out that if I drug myself then I can function on the least amount of sleep neccessary to get anything done. If you happen to stop by DO NOT put anything you pick up off the floor into your mouth;) No I have hired a housekeeper/maid/babysitter/new mom for my kids so that I cna function on some other plain.

    But I would love an eleventy-niner….mail it on up.

  64. On August 19th, 2009 at 7:52 pm Inna Says:

    After reading this post, if Amelia wasn’t so adorable I would be a little worried about having kids. Wait, scratch that, I’m terrified of having them. But its totally worth it, isn’t it?

  65. On August 19th, 2009 at 8:52 pm Employee No. 3699 Says:

    Some animals eat their young…this is why God made children cute.

    Please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it for eighteen years, but it is there. Just remember when you finally feel the glow, don’t get used to it. One will come back with the Arnold line of, “I’ll be back.”, and before you know it the Daver will be quoting Carol Ann from Poltergeist with, “They’re back.”

    Just sayin’

  66. On August 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm Kira Says:

    My son slept for the night for the first (and last) time at 8 months . He’s 11 months now and at least now he only wakes up once per night. The thing that really kills me is that when I go to bed, I can’t fall asleep because I’m listening to the stupid monitor and my body is like any second he’s going to wake up so don’t even bother trying to sleep yet.

  67. On August 19th, 2009 at 8:38 pm Miss Grace Says:

    Yes, eleventy niner is a word. Wait. What was the question?

  68. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:08 pm lola Says:

    Drink, woman, drink it out, and let her cry it out so that all the internet mommy police can crucify you!!!

  69. On August 19th, 2009 at 9:22 pm Lippy Says:

    I can’t do the co-sleep thing either. A) I wouldn’t be able to sleep. B) Bud and I are both flaily sleepers, we have injured each other in our sleep. When my two older kids would get into some weird sleep crappyness we would send them to my mom’s for a night so we could get rest, but it acted a like a reset or somethin for the kid and they came back fixed. It was like a freakin miracle. One night Bud sent me to my mom’s to get sleep because I think I was lookin The Crazeeee. Good luck. Oh and Calc 3 was the best of the trilogy. It made me laugh and cry. Good times. Now I teach calc and inflict the pain. Bwaaa haaaaaa

  70. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:53 pm modernmommablog Says:

    Dieting DOES blow.

    I think eleventy niner is a word.

    Dieting DOES blow.

    I agree – big books do scare babies. Show them to her every chance you get.

    Dieting DOES blow.

    My baby is 16 months old and my hair is still falling out.

    And Dieting DOES blow.

  71. On August 19th, 2009 at 10:20 pm kalakly Says:

    You up @ 3?? Call me, I’m up:)

  72. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:03 pm Krissa Says:

    Oh. Man. I soooo would not do that ever again. Go with God sweetie, and good luck.

  73. On August 19th, 2009 at 11:38 pm flutter Says:

    and every day I love you a little more

  74. On August 20th, 2009 at 1:12 am Aunt Becky Cries It Out Says:

    […] my reader and leave my friends random middle of the night comments.” 3:30 AM: “Hahahahaha! I A click for more var _wh = ((document.location.protocol==’https:’) ? “” : […]

  75. On August 20th, 2009 at 1:13 am Aunt Becky Cries It Out : Trends Says:

    […] my reader and leave my friends random middle of the night comments.” 3:30 AM: “Hahahahaha! I A click for more Published: August 19, 2009 Filed Under: Uncategorized Leave a Comment Name: […]

  76. On August 20th, 2009 at 5:19 am Kelley Says:

    Thank you for the walk down memory lane…and the reminder of why we stopped at four.

    I remember days when I would be driving to pick the kids up at daycare after work, struggling really hard to keep myself from driving the car off a cliff just so that I could get some sleep.

    Crying it out sucks – although chamber music CDs for the kids and ear plugs for me were the best investment we ever made.

  77. On August 20th, 2009 at 5:34 am Nichole Says:

    Ugh, just reading that started up my post-traumatic twitches from my older sons’ hideous sleep (or lack there of) habits. He woke up 3-4 times a night til he was a year old, and I could never let him CIO, because for a kid with asthma, that baby had a set of lungs that could scream for HOUUUUURS. They “stop after 20 minutes” my ass. Plus it just sucks and I couldn’t bear to listen to it. Here’s hoping you get some glorious sleep SOON.

  78. On August 20th, 2009 at 6:04 am Cara Says:

    I know CIO really sucks A! But when my kids were babies and I tried it hubs would get up and get them and make me feel guilty cause he had to go to work in the morning. That and I had all the food.

    My daughter ended up sleeping in the swing next to my bed for the first year (don’t know why we bought a crib) I just had to restart it if she woke up. My son co-slept (which is a big deal for me cause I can’t sleep if anyone is touching me) He cried – I popped out a tit only to be woken up an hour later when he found it on his own and started eating again. So I feel your pain. I was a sleepless mama who had to wash sheets everyday after waking up in a puddle every morning.

  79. On August 20th, 2009 at 8:10 am ryanandjoesmom Says:

    I just keep my hair really short – although I have been critiqued by the 20 month old in the morning as it stands on end with one of his classic ‘blechs’ as he grabs the out of place hairs to show me what is up. Thank you very much. Perhaps if I could get more then 15 nights of complete sleep since the day he was born…. perhaps Joe and Amelia should hang out during the night and keep each other company…

  80. On August 20th, 2009 at 1:40 pm baseballmom Says:

    God, the no-sleep shit sucks ass!!! I remember when T was tiny and had a cold and ear infection at 4 days old, and I all thought he was gonna DIE because it was my first baby and it’s the middle of the night and I am SO. FUCKING. TIRED. who do i call?! Anyway, I remember falling asleep in the recliner and having to stop myself from dropping him until I figured out how to lay him between my knees and sleep sitting up. Oh, and she will wake up in the middle of the night as a teenager to SNEAK OUT!!!

  81. On August 20th, 2009 at 2:23 pm Katie Says:

    The rubber ducky comment has me snorting.

  82. On August 20th, 2009 at 3:06 pm mumma boo Says:

    Can one be simultaneously sympathetic to your plight and laugh one’s ass off at your description of it? If so, that’s totally me.
    Dieting does blow. I’ll send you cupcakes.

  83. On August 21st, 2009 at 1:03 am Betty M Says:

    Uggh – I remember this phase well – seems to go on for years and years.

  84. On August 21st, 2009 at 8:27 am Robin Pharo Says:

    Found your site from my friend Maggie and I haven’t laughed so hard having bad flashbacks in a long time. Thanks for sharing the memory and I look forward to hearing more from you.

  85. On August 21st, 2009 at 11:03 pm Myg Says:

    Ack. Now I’m going to go drink and then brain myself with a nice vintage Weissbluth. That way when they wake up in two hours and cry, I just won’t hear them.

  86. On August 22nd, 2009 at 6:24 am Carol Bates Says:

    CIO did not work in my house. I had a child that did not nap after 3 months of age, and would not sleep in the night either. I was trying to work nights while my husband tried to get her to sleep, and I would come home to find her in her 5th or 6th hour of crying. I quit my job instead. This meant that we had to move in with my mother for 10 years (true) to get back on our feet, but it honestly was better than knowing my kid was alone and crying for that many hours a night.

    She is now 14, and lovely, and I get all the sleep I want (I have a sleep disorder, and I HAVE to have sleep). As a matter of fact, she now comes and kisses me goodnight and tucks me in! There will be an end, I promise.

  87. On August 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 am lauren Says:

    I’m currently reading the ‘No-Cry Nap Solution’ because Peanut is a crappy napper and I have to nurse her to sleep for every nap and at night too. If it works I’ll let you know. I’m tired of feeling like a cow.

    I had to nurse Alex down every nap and at night and during the night as well. It was brutal after 11 months. Let me know how it is.

  88. On August 23rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm heather Says:

    Kicking my husband ALWAYS makes me feel better that he’s sleeping and I’m not.

    Kicking is also the way I express that “you’re snoring too much, dear.”

  89. On August 23rd, 2009 at 7:30 pm Betts Says:

    Oh, I feel your pain. I went through the same thing for way too many years, but I couldn’t stand the crying. Going without sleep was way easier than listening to the crying. It will end though… someday.

    When Alex was doing this, I always gritted my teeth and reminded myself that at 13, he wouldn’t want me to rock him to sleep. Hopefully. Because how awkward would THAT be for all of us? (don’t answer that one.)

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