Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

As Clear As…AAAHH!


At about 7 months pregnant, I got myself a facial, for the first time in my whole life (I am SO going to love the search terms that get people here now that I placed that choice word in a post. Hot.) because pregnancy Round Two didn’t seem to agree with me. I had developed sort of an ashen, Don’t Come Too Close To Me Because I Look Ill And You Might Catch It complexion, and I assumed that it would help.

It didn’t (but delivery did!), and I walked out of the salon $100 poorer AND blotchy faced.

For months both before and after, I’d lusted after a mirror, a big portable mirror so that I could pluck the ole caterpillers without using a 1.5×1.5 compact mirror. This was before I had realized how prohibitavely expensive these were (I tell you, it’s always the strange things that cost a fortune), so I waited. Eventually, I found one on clearance (from $60!!!! Who on EARTH would spend that kind of money on a mirror, I don’t know) that came with all of the bells and whistles that I hadn’t actually required. I can now see my face with 4x magnification AND backlit!

I finally had the guts to pull it out of the packaging today, and oh holy hell, how scary is my face at that degree of magnification!?! It’s like each individual pore can now be seen waving at me in the happiest possible way while the hairs on my face wave lazily in the breeze. It’s so frightening that I am actually wondering how my friends put up with seeing my face when they come by.

I may have to Brown Bag it until I can tame the beast.

posted under I'm Big In Japan
2 Comments to

“As Clear As…AAAHH!”

  1. On October 15th, 2007 at 2:09 pm Josh Hawkins Says:

    It’s not you, trust me, it’s everybody. Doing head shots of people, even the most beautiful, with good lenses and good cameras, I can see far more detail than anyone should want to see. Got a small bit of your iris that’s a different color? (And when I say small, I’m not talking about more than 5%.) I know. Nobody will ever see your face at 4x magnification other than you, your loving husband, and the occasional photographer. You are you, your husband loves you, and the photographer realizes the difference between perception and reality.

  2. On October 15th, 2007 at 4:23 pm becky Says:

    Thanks, Josh. That actually makes me feel better, as I had no idea that I could possibly look so scary that close up.

    Guess I won’t be getting any head shots anytime soon 🙂

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