Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

And You Just KNOW I’ll Be “Plumpy.”


Monday was just one of those days, you know what I mean? It had all the promise of being a good day until Ben burst into tears whenever I redirected him away from fixating–he’s normally not so tearful (the fixating is turning into the new normal, though).

Then, just as I was renewing my commitment to both Weight Watchers AND exercise, I realized that whatever had crawled up Alex’s ass and died last week had somehow made it’s viral way into my own digestive tract.

By the time that Alex came home from school (a term we loosely use around these here parts) and kicked a ball into one of those stupid reed diffuser things I really should have gotten rid of when Tate, the world’s grumpiest hedgehog bit the big one, and knocked clove oil all over the whole fucking house, I was just DONE.

Add in one precious sweet baby who won’t fucking go to sleep and the looming fear of Back To School Night (it always makes me feel like a fraud), couple that with the fact that The Daver has some ridiculous deadline at work AND garnish it with a side of nasty headaches on my end, and you have a day that I wanted to be over by 1 PM.

(also included at no charge to you, bonus World’s Longest Sentence Barf Bag! HOORAY!)

Pretty sure my Momma never said there’d be days like THIS.

It recently occurred to me that the mood swings I was having directly AFTER taking something for aforementioned headaches probably had a little somethin’-somethin’ to do with the drugs. And not just my shitty ass attitude about life in general. Because, Internet, I WIN at life. And so do YOU.

But, mood swings can be managed because I don’t have much of a choice with drugs to take, as The Good Stuff is kind of off limits when you’re parenting 3 children. Plus, I’m compulsive enough to either die of an accidental overdose or use up a month’s supply in 2.5 days if I were to get anything deliciously narcotic.

Besides, I don’t take it out on my kids or anything; no! Not when I can grind my teeth and be mad at the air for being so fucking AIR LIKE. ASSHOLE AIR PARTICLES. IT’S NOT EVEN 100% OXYGEN, WHY DON’T PEOPLE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT, HUH? I FUCKING HATE THE WORLD, AND AIR. AND SPACE. AND PEOPLE. BUT MOSTLY AIR! GAH!

By the time The Daver got home from work, I would have been in tears if that hadn’t seemed like such a futile waste of time and energy, we discovered that we had the same exact day. Well, his had (presumably) less poopy diapers, but one can never be too sure of that in finance. So, while I watched him eat a frozen pizza (I ruin dinner. And expectations), we commiserated and chatted with Amelia.

Amelia, like the other creatures in my house, has about a zillion nicknames. Alex is “Jay,” Ben is “Benner” and Amelia is…”Goo.”

Yeah, that’s right. My kid is called “Goo” at home.

But, in my defense, The Daver made THAT one up and once I realized what a fucked up nickname that was for a baby, I started to call her “Gooey-Gooey-Gumdrop.” Which, thanks to the combination of drugs, made me think of Candyland. Which reminded me that she’s six months old and that means I ONLY HAVE 6 months to plan her first birthday party! ACK!

(Why yes, my eldest turns 8 in a couple of weeks, but he’s beyond the age of wanting this sort of party. He’d much prefer bowling or a kegger or something. Or maybe the kid’s museum. And he gets like 200 birthday parties, most of which I have to plan and none of them Candyland themed. Lucky kid, huh?)

What, ME neurotic?

Once I realized that I could have a Candyland themed birthday party for Amelia, it was like the heavens opened up and shone an angelic light on the rest of my day. Which was, unfortunately for me, nearly over.

Immediately, I ran to the computer to scour Wikipedia for the name of the Princess in the game. Ben had been obsessed with the game for a year or so, and I’d remembered loving it as a child, and always longing to be the princess. But what was her name? I simply couldn’t remember.

Considering that you can get tapeworms online (no, seriously), it was no stretch to find the name for the characters from the game.

  • The Gingerbread People
  • Mr. Mint
  • Gramma Nut
  • King Kandy
  • Jolly
  • Plumpy
  • Princess Lolly
  • Queen Frostine
  • Lord Licorice
  • Gloppy the Molasses Monster

Dave and Amelia had gone downstairs to watch television (presumably Daver, but you never know with kids these days. Damn kids on my lawn!!) and told them of my findings.

Aunt Becky: “Dude. Mimi is going to be Princess Lolly. And ONE OF THEM WAS NAMED PLUMPER. BWAHAHAHAHA!”

Daver: “You’re so full of shit.”

Aunt Becky: “Maybe it was Plumpee or something. But STILL! HAHAHAHAHA!

Daver: “Whatever. That’s SUCH BS.”

Aunt Becky: “I found it on Wikipedia! And I remember that they all had names! I always wanted to be the princess when I was a kid.”

Daver: “You do know that not everything they say on The Internet is true, don’t you?

Aunt Becky: “SAY IT AIN’T SO!”

Well, I pulled up the entry on Wikipedia and he STILL wouldn’t buy into it.

Daver: “Someone obviously forgot to edit this entry.”

Aunt Becky (clicks on Hasboro link and points triumphantly to the names of the characters): “HA. SEE! How’s that FOOT taste, Mister?”

What strikes me as oddest about this isn’t that he wouldn’t remember that they had names–I only did because I’d wanted desperately to be a princess–but that it was always the three of us who played Candyland until our eyes bled.


If I am IN the picture, I am not taking it. Therefore, SOMEONE else was taking the picture. But (dot, dot, dot) mayhap he was just an innocent bystander. Hmmm…


Oh noes, who is that man in dire need of a haircut? Why, that would be a very, very old picture of The Daver, now wouldn’t it? And what’s that that he’s playing? Why it almost appears to be CANDYLAND!

Fancy that.

Sorry baby, looks like you’ll be assuming the role of GLOPPY come January.

posted under I Suck At Life
77 Comments to

“And You Just KNOW I’ll Be “Plumpy.””

  1. On August 11th, 2009 at 10:31 am TSM Oregon Says:

    Ok first off, how have I not seen your design lately? I LOVE it!! Gorgeous!

    Second, you made me want to just cover you in high alcohol content hugs and kisses with a side of hydrocodone and Ativan. I would say I know how that feels, but that would just piss you off. Because we never want to hear “I know exactly how that feels”. No. We want to know that NOBODY in the history of the world has felt this way and therefore it is OK for us to freak the f#%! out. Well, as if you needed my permission 🙂

    Sending all sorts of illegal happy things your way.


  2. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:50 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    One word:

  3. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:51 am Ashley Says:

    As a kid, I was always pretty confident that Lord Licorice was light in his licorice loafers. I remember how he was posed on the board that I had as a kid, and he was always curtsying. Pointing his little licorice adorned loafers like a fricking ballerina.

    MAKE DAVER BE LORD LICORICE! If I recall, Lord Licorice was also quite pasty white. And The Daver in a licorice goatee would be fabulous. Think of all the wonderous things one can do with licorice once the chillun’s are abed. 🙂

  4. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:57 am Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » And You Just KNOW I'll Be “Plumpy.” Says:

    […] Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » And You Just KNOW I'll Be “Plumpy.” Tags: daver, funny, game, house, licorice, mommy-wants-vodka, on-august-11th, picture, princess, wikipedia […]

  5. On August 11th, 2009 at 10:14 am amy d Says:

    Candyland is such a Rockin’ bday theme! Very cool idea!
    LOVE the pic of you and Ben playing the game…so cute Bex!!!

  6. On August 11th, 2009 at 10:28 am leanne Says:

    Hope today is going better — ’cause your Monday sounds like it was pretty darn sucky.

    And theme parties… yeah, I did a “Spiderman” party for my son this year (by which I mean, I bought Spiderman invites, thank yous, plates, napkins, and cups — and then let the kids run amok outside. No Spiderman cake/cupcakes, just brownies. Homemade.). But he was happy. My daughter, when she turned 1… she, too, got brownies. Also homemade. But no theme. Unless you count brownies as a theme.

  7. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am Anjali Says:

    Oh dear. I hope you’re all feeling better soon.

    Any chance you can get a sitter on the days The Daver works so late? Or is this every day?

  8. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:33 am Rachel Says:

    I’m sick of these days from hell. Farty wouldn’t go to bed last night, I have a headache, and it all pretty much sucks ass.
    Bring on the vodka.

  9. On August 11th, 2009 at 10:43 am Fawn Amber Says:

    My kids all have crazy nicknames too….Jillian beget Jilly Mac (like chili mac, get it?) which beget Mackie, resulting in her current nickname of “Macaroon.” Carson is “Car Key” or “Car Car,” Brendan is “Bren” and Farren is “Fairy.”

    Inexplicably, my sister calls her son Cole “Hair” and her son Jett “Cookie Can.”

    God damn AIR!

  10. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am Melissa Says:

    My friend is doing a Candyland 1st birthday for her twins in December. And I believe that Cakewrecks had a candyland cake within in the last couple of months that freaking rocked!!
    As for weight watchers, good luck. I started in May and I’m still loving it. I found a great message board full of wonderful tips that has been super helpful also.

  11. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:06 am C @ Kid Things Says:

    You know, I’ve never played Candyland. WHAT KIND OF CHILDHOOD DID I HAVE?!

  12. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Your Monday sounds like my Sunday. A day so riddled with my own stupidity that the shame hasn’t worn off as of this fine Tuesday. I’ll spare you the details (because it’s just too embarrassing to share), but sucky days seem to be ruling this week.

    Hope yours gets better.

  13. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:11 am Nel Says:

    First, I vow to renew my commitment to Weight Watchers and exercising every day.

    Second, Candy Land is the shit. Best game ever invented.

    Third, you should try this headache medicine called Maxalt. It is non-narcotic and works wonders.

  14. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:14 am Madame Queen Says:

    Now see, I just KNEW this post was going to have something to do with that song Moto Moto sings in Madagascar 2. How do I know this song, you ask? Because my six year walks around singing “I like ’em round, I like ’em plumpy (plumpy!).” Good times. Good times.

  15. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am Sunny Says:

    Lord Licorice gave me NIGHTMARES. I remember I had a “newer” version of the game (which was what, 1989?) that made him look a little too real, a little too detailed, a little too child molester. Not that I could understand it back then, but I just KNEW somehow. *shiver*

  16. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm Caroline Says:

    Dude! I always wanted to be Queen Frostine! Screw tht princess crap.

    Also, Philip’s nephew is Ben, “Benners.” And, now they call Nate “Naters.”

  17. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:28 pm Christa Says:

    My niece had a big CandyLand B-day party last year. It was great! I have tons of pictures and ideas if you are wanting any inspiration.

  18. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:33 pm Kristina Says:

    “The Good Stuff is kind of off limits when you’re parenting 3 children”… I’m confused…. I thought this was the BEST reason to take the good stuff…

    Sorry you had a crap day, hope today was better.

  19. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:41 am Jenn Says:

    It’s Candy Land to the death around here. Sigh.
    Plumpy is totally my favorite character though.

  20. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:43 pm The Mom(aka Amy) Says:

    crap, now I want some licorice.

  21. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:46 am Kim Says:

    I agree with RJ- is the place to go for themed parties. Although I honestly don’t know if they’ve got anything specifically CandyLand. Just make sure you’ve got a few hours to dedicate to being sucked into the website, it’s awesome.

    I, too, was traumatized by Lord Licorice. Totally wanted to be Queen Frostine, though.

  22. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:54 am Shannon Says:

    Sucky is the theme of the week.

    Although I feel much more human today than I have in about a week.

    Candy Land theme birthday – I’ve never thought of that and I’ve wracked my brains trying to think up themes before. I’ll have to remember it, although my youngest turned 4 yesterday so I’ll probably never get the chance to use it… Until I have grandkids… OMG, I think I might hurl.

    Sending you xanax laced hugs!!

    – I love spelling xanax… I love saying it too… x-a-n-a-x… mmm…

    I like palindromes.

    I’m a dork. The first step is admitting it.

  23. On August 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am Regina Says:

    My younger daughter’s nickname was “Goo”, because she actually said, “Goo goo” when she was a baby, like cartoon babies.

  24. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:06 pm a Says:

    I think a stomach virus totally trumps Weight Watchers and exercise.

    I don’t believe I’ve ever played Candyland, but can I be Gramma Nut?

  25. On August 11th, 2009 at 1:12 pm lonek8 Says:

    A) my son can’t say Sophie, so he calls his baby sister Oopie – leading ME to call her oopie goopey, which may not ba the most charming nickname, but it is fun to say and will ikely stick with her through highschool. B) candyland is an EXCELLENT birthday theme for sure. I may have to steal it for my daughter’s 4th this spring. C) I can’t believe you actually get to PLAY Candyland. At our house the kids just want to stack the cards neatly and have me read the “story” on the box. because they are crazy

  26. On August 11th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Becky Says:

    Am I the only one who thinks The Daver looks about 15 in that picture?

    Hope your Tuesday is ever so much better than your Monday!

  27. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Aunt Decepticon Says:

    I was shocked by how young he looked in that snap too! Holy shit.

  28. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:26 pm Employee No. 3699 Says:

    I never really got into Candy Land, but I did want to be Miss Scarlett. ..of course hanging out in the Billiard Room with a candlestick.

  29. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm daisybv2 Says:

    Aww so happy for the Goo babies Candy land Bday that is an awesome theme now come up with one for me for my lil man for his Xmas Birthday

    Yeah still can’t believe I have a Kid 12-31-04 and a kid born 12-25-08 that is crazy… so anyways..

    I think Ben is adorable… and I love the name ben as it is my hubbys name and my Xander’s middle name

  30. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm daisybv2 Says:

    Oh and I got some pills for you yo!

  31. On August 11th, 2009 at 1:44 pm Kristi Stevens Says:

    I bow to your Party Planning Prowess. I suck at that gig. Hard.

  32. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:44 pm Kelly Says:

    My oldest daughter Mackenzie (17) has been Mackamoo, since she was about 7, and my bff’s 3 year old nicknamed her. She thinks it is soooo cool to be called Mackamoo in front of all of her friends, and when I send her messages on her wall on facebook and myspace. I even made it her email address. Oh, boy, she’s gonna hate me forever.

  33. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:45 pm Alicia Says:

    Okay, so this is where we diverge, Aunt Becky. You worry that you only have six months to plan Amelia’s birthday party where I celebrate that I only have six more months to worry about SIDS. See? It’s a total glass is half full/empty thing.

    Off to order some tapeworms…

  34. On August 11th, 2009 at 1:58 pm Nicole Says:

    YEAH for party planning to make a shitty day better! And planning 6-months ahead of time?! You are on the ball, woman!

  35. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:26 pm Badass Geek Says:

    But… I kind of wanted to be Plumpy.

  36. On August 11th, 2009 at 1:44 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Ladies and gentlemen – THIS is how to win at life!

  37. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:45 pm Kate Says:

    HEY!!! My oldest daughter’s nickname is “Goo”, too! For reals!

    When she was a few days old, my dh said she looked like Mr. Magoo. Nice, honey. Anyhow, I told him he couldn’t call our daughter MR. Magoo, so he just callled her Magoo, which got shortened to Goo. She is almost 18 years old and still responds to the name, which has garnered dh & myself some very odd looks when one of us calls her “Goo” in public. You can see the wheels a’turning as people try to figure out WHAT name on earth is “Goo” a nickname for?!?

    I don’t tell ’em the story. It’s more fun to keep ’em guessing. 🙂

  38. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:56 pm Lucy Says:

    What’s a reed difuser thing?
    And, you’re planning a Candyland theme party for a 1-year old? It doesn’t matter what character you want Amelia to be – she’ll end up being Princess Poopy Diaper and you’ll end up being Queen Why Did I Go To All This Trouble For A Child Who Just Wants To Stick Her Hands In The Cake.
    Funny, I never imagined Aunt Becky and crew with a dining room, complete with matching furniture! Next thing you’ll tell me is that you registered for a set of fine china before the wedding!

  39. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:46 pm Creepy Mommy Says:

    That sounds like the bestest birthday theme evahhhh! I freaking love it!

    PS. You are so totally cute.

  40. On August 11th, 2009 at 2:53 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    Obviously I didn’t play enough Candyland as a child, because I never knew they had names! I’m calling my mother to bitch her out.

    So, whatcha gonna do for the party?

  41. On August 11th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Honey, you just crack me up. Now do something about those headaches. Go get a massage and I MEAN it.

  42. On August 11th, 2009 at 4:34 pm Caron Says:

    I want on the crappy bandwagon as I am having a crappy week and hoping it becomes better fast. Obviously I didn’t play Candyland because I also had no idea they had names. I thought I had. I am pounding this out on my phone as I try to get 4 miles in before…oh hell. Whatever. My point is that on my phone, I didn’t get a good look at The Daver, but I really thought the photos were of kids. AAnd if this post has typos…screw it. I am walking a fast pace and typing on a leprechaun’s keyboard. soooorrrryyy!

  43. On August 11th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Lindsey Says:

    So funny! We call Luisa Goo Goos. (Goo Goos turns one in less than a month. I AM WAY BEHIND!!!)

  44. On August 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm Barbara Says:

    I agree with Lucy. The party will just be for you guys anyway…so do what you want. Little Miss Goo will just stick her fingers in the cake and then start crying as soon as everyone bursts out in laughter thus scaring the poor dear within an inch of her life. Hows that for a run on sentence? LOL! Seriously though…my SIL never bought b-day presents for her kids until they were old enough to realize that she was just wrapping up stuff from their toy box.

  45. On August 11th, 2009 at 4:29 pm Coco Says:

    I wanna be Gramma Nut. Because NUT.

  46. On August 11th, 2009 at 4:41 pm Lisa Says:

    You must read The Metabolism Miracle to see if you have what the author terms “metabolism B” syndrome. I did weight watchers and did not lose. I have been on this diet (phase one is TOUGH) for three weeks, and have lost ten pounds. Last week the weight watchers lady told me that it is not safe to lose weight so fast, and that if I wasn’t careful I would need galbladder surgery. I just gloated.

  47. On August 11th, 2009 at 5:11 pm heather Says:

    I love Candyland because it’s the one game we own that my 3 yr old niece can play AND understand what’s going on. She calls Gramma Nut, Mr. Nut though. Which is funny.

  48. On August 11th, 2009 at 5:20 pm Inna Says:

    I was robbed of my childhood, since I never played Candyland. A themed first b-day party sounds awesome! Amelia will love it, I’m sure.

  49. On August 11th, 2009 at 5:26 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Oh crap….less than 6 months to plan. You are so far ahead of me! I need a theme! Crapcrapcrappola….

    And what was it about yesterday? It sucked ass for so many people…

    I hope the disease moves out of your butt soon! <3

  50. On August 11th, 2009 at 5:28 pm mountainmomma18 Says:

    Crap I was just thinking that I would have liked a Candyland themes b-day party, but I just had my birthday, and I was 34 so I don’t know if people would have gotten it- but as long as their were drinks I assume that everyone would still come.

  51. On August 11th, 2009 at 7:22 pm Jane Says:

    Hey Aunt Becky… I was totally going to post something about that man-child photo. Seriously, the Daver looks *almost* 15. Oh, and to confess just how happy I am that our Candyland days are over! Girl child (AKA petunia, boodley-boo, baby lulu, etc.) was patient and cooperative enough to play it. Boy child (AKA tookie, pete, toot, et al) not so much.

  52. On August 11th, 2009 at 6:36 pm Kristine Says:

    Oh – I’m sorry for the day and the headaches – I’m having similar issues, massive headaches – I assumed they were light related – they fixed the light over my cube and all of the sudden headaches, but then it happens at home, so now it’s maybe allergies.

    Also I tried to comment from work and while I can read your blog at work, the comments were blocked for porn. Very very odd.

  53. On August 11th, 2009 at 7:02 pm Amanda Says:

    Your Monday sounds like my today (two words: Grease Fire). Maybe I caught it from you?

  54. On August 11th, 2009 at 8:19 pm Susan Says:

    Okay, I’ll play. But I want to be Goddamned Gumdrop.

  55. On August 11th, 2009 at 8:42 pm Summer Says:

    Note to self: 32nd birthday theme MUST MUST MUST be Candyland. MUST.

  56. On August 11th, 2009 at 7:43 pm Becca Says:

    Your Monday sounds like my Tuesday (which is really my Monday), gack! All the idiots were out in force at the prison today, and I mean staff NOT offenders. Who knew there were this many ignorant people breathing oxygen along side me…

    And yes, I did want to be Ms. Scarlett! No Candyland sillyness for me…:)

  57. On August 11th, 2009 at 7:50 pm Io Says:

    Dude. I want an invite to the candyland party. I will even agree to play the part of fatso or whatever you want. Just invite me and feed me candy.
    Hope you feel better soon. Viruses up the ass stink.

  58. On August 11th, 2009 at 7:57 pm Kristin Says:

    Oh no, Dave can’t be Gloppy. He just has to be Lord Licorice. Watching Dave run around acting like prissy pants himself (that’s how I always thought of Lord L) would be a hoot.

  59. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:14 pm Lola Says:

    I call Queen Frostine!

    Monday was one of my worst days in a long time, by the way. Our hormones must be synched up or something.

  60. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:26 pm eden Says:

    I bet you posted those pics and just waited for him to see them as he was reading this post. Love it.

    Ummm, and, also? I don’t mean to insult you … but you are so YOUNG. I saw it and thought, oh look, there’s Aunt Becky playing Candyland … when she was a kid. Then I noticed YOUR kid in the picture. Wow. I wish I looked that young!!

  61. On August 11th, 2009 at 9:32 pm Lori Says:

    That’s a hoot about the birthday party plannin’! I am the same way…in fact the other day I called my sister at work to ask her about her daughter’s first birthday party (she’ll be a year old in November)..LOL She thought it was hilaroius. What can I say? I’m a planner by nature.

  62. On August 11th, 2009 at 8:52 pm Vinomom Says:

    I love reading your blog. But I feel so ADD when I can’t stand to read all 57 comments that came before mine.

    So you are married to a 12 year old? Cuz thats about how old Daver looks in that pic. I’m not judging though.

    Also when it comes to nicknames? Lady H was The Dog to my gfriends for the longest time. She still is, sorta, but it faded when we got an actual dog, making the whole conversation confusing. Like if they walk in and don’t immediately see Lady H they say “Where’s The Dog at?” and I’m like “dude, he’s right here, sniffing your crotch” and then they’re like “no, not THAT dog.”

  63. On August 11th, 2009 at 10:22 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    MQ nearly has a meltdown if she does not get Queen Frostine

  64. On August 12th, 2009 at 12:13 am ZDub Says:

    OMG, I want to have a Candyland party for MYSELF.

    Best idea ever.

  65. On August 12th, 2009 at 4:26 am SciFi Dad Says:

    Are you sure this isn’t Mommy on Vicodin?

  66. On August 12th, 2009 at 4:45 am Ames Says:

    OMG that is going to be the best birthday party EVER!

  67. On August 12th, 2009 at 6:43 am charmedgirl Says:

    i used to LOVE candyland…but why, for the love of baby jesus, do they change the boards????? i fucking HATE THAT! i buy a game for the kids, i take it out with bubbling anticipation, and the freakin board and cards and pieces are different! it makes me so mad that i hand the whole game over to the ravaging hyenas and let them tear and scatter it to bits until it disintegrates.

    that partay is going to be awesome. i’m currently planning a willy wonka party for january myself…but believe me, i’m in no way shape or FORM even considering making the chocolates. you…are…CRAZY!!!

    and, all that talk of medicines and bowls filled with rock candy lollipops and chocolates reminds me of a bachelor party marc went to in college. it was for a guy who was becoming a pharmacist. all his pharmacist friends lined up bowls full of pills on a cafeteria-style table with directions taped in front of each one…directions for combinations, dosing, effects, etc. uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh…MOMMY WANTS THAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!!

  68. On August 12th, 2009 at 6:52 am Kendra Says:

    I love Candyland. I loved it myself, and my 6- and 3-year-olds now love it. Though the oldest wants to play by the rules and the younger wants to play “his way,” so it often ends in tears. But it’s fun for a minute or two!

    Somehow I always wanted to be Mr. Mint. He just looks so damn happy in his candy cane forest! Maybe it’s just that I always wanted a candy cane forest.

    I love the nicknames. I can’t seem to stick with actual nicknames, and I realize that at some point I’m going to have to stop calling my daughter (17 months old, so she doesn’t object yet) “stinky.” It started out as “stinker,” but I spend so much time dealing with her butt, “stinky” just seemed like a more appropriate name!

  69. On August 12th, 2009 at 8:03 am niobe Says:

    omigosh. I was just looking up the Candy Land characters yesterday. And I was crushed to see that that Gloppy the Molasses Monster was renamed something like Gloppy the Chocolate Monster.

    Cause I guess kids these days are too sheltered to know what molasses is. And don’t even get me started on “treacle” (one of my favorite words EVAH)

  70. On August 12th, 2009 at 8:08 am Elisabeth Kelly Says:

    Just came across your site in a search of my own Candyland themed birthday party for my soon to be 3 year old son. I’ve only really left myself a little over one month to plan- yikes!

    You crack me up! I’m sure you’ve heard it before..

    Having a pretty sucky week here too! Hope yours gets better!

  71. On August 12th, 2009 at 10:12 am deb Says:

    Although I can’t be there, can I be Gramma Nut in spirit? I look just like her. Swear!
    And I hate to correct you (yeah whatever Deb) but it was Princess Frostine and Lolly was like a little fairy or something.
    I bet I really can’t come now can I?

  72. On August 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm lauren Says:

    Good luck with WW! Everyone I know IRL that’s on WW has had success with it.

  73. On August 12th, 2009 at 1:49 pm Beautiful Mess Says:

    Oh I can’t wait to see all the pictures! That party is going to ROCK!

  74. On August 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm Mwa Says:

    Now I see why your day wasn’t good. I’m so glad it ended better than it began.

    I may steal that being angry with the air trick. Sounds great. I don’t take it out on the kids either, but I’m always tempted to take it out on the bad, bad alcohol. Air would be much better.

  75. On August 13th, 2009 at 1:48 am 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why Says:

    We have at least one of those nonsense nicknames at our house: the Poose isn’t just his blog nickname, we actually call him that (except for the first year when his brother called him “Baby Poosy” LOVED that in Wal-Mart. Oh, the sideways looks we got…) Also, the Poose calls my dad B-Da instead of Grandaddy and my mom is Dweeb instead of Grammie. I don’t know where those came from (but you know Hubby gets a chuckle out of “Dweeb”).
    Fuckin’ air. and people.
    PMS-ing much? Me too.

  76. On August 14th, 2009 at 5:17 pm Venti Vixen Says:

    That’s an awesome theme. I’ve started thinking about my kid’s already and his birthday in in June. So you’re not THAT neurotic.

  77. On August 23rd, 2009 at 7:04 pm Betts Says:

    Reminds me of when my daughter said she wanted a Queen Frostine doll. Can you believe that Hasbro has jumped on that money making bandwagon or creating dolls for all the character? I had to make one! I found a light blue skinned Barbie (some sort of fairy) and made a shimmery light blue queen dress and fur trimmed matching cape. I got a silver Barbie crown from ebay… and we had Queen Frostine. The shit we go through for our kids!

    That’s the coolest idea, ever. Seriously. Bar none.

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