Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

And So On, And So On, And Scooby-Dooby Doo


Last night it was deemed to be Let’s Let Ben Make A Scummy Ring Around The Tub Night, and so The Daver threw the Big One into the bathtub (the Little One had just been bathed, Bon Jovi mullet and all). I sat downstairs on my (shrinking!) ass playing Free Cell obsessively while Alex thought of new and ingenious ways to make my life difficult. Well, that, or just obsessively go from room to room pointing out Balls! and Wind Chimes! and Kitty-Cats!

Eventually Alex made his way to the bottom of the stairs where he could see his father and brother shamelessly hanging out WITHOUT HIM, and his patented Rage ™ began. HE wanted to be with THEM upstairs! HOW DARE THEY HANG OUT WITHOUT HIM?

Sensing his mewling plight, I plucked him up from the bottom of the stairs and carried him up to see what was going on with the Elder Sausages.

I plopped him onto the 70’s tile floor and he looked as happy as a pig in shit. Ben was close, Dad was close and Mom was RIGHTTHERE next to him. Life was good.

Ben suggested that I give Alex some of his old bath toys to play with (although Ben is NOT too cool to play with Alex’s new walker-thingy he IS too cool for bath toys. Whatever.), so I craned my body over (our upstairs bathroom is not quite a model of elegance or size) to select one that was not too dingy looking for Alex to bang incessantly on the ground.

In this process, I edged myself over to the door, where Alex noticed his new favorite toy, a DOOR! and promptly began to shut it on me.

At 11 months old, Alex has now begun requesting politely insisting upon Dude Time. No Vagina’s Allowed.

Shit, I need a daughter.

25 Comments to

“And So On, And So On, And Scooby-Dooby Doo”

  1. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:14 am Doc Says:

    You should be happy now that you will have extra time to yourself… Just think of all teh stuf you will be able to get done!

  2. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:25 am Ashley Says:

    No kidding. Now you can just be like, sorry Daver, no Giners allowed. I’m going back downstairs and the offspring are ALL YOURS!!!

  3. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:37 am kim Says:

    Free Cell til you Pop! Enjoy it, the wind will change direction, and you’ll be “it” again!

  4. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am b Says:

    I say take you and your vagina to a secret quiet room in the house and play free cell until your fingers cramp. They’ll come looking for you eventually. Here, have a diet coke..on me.

  5. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:58 am Andria Says:

    LOL. Be careful what you wish for.

    I did not appreciate the girl free zones when I had them. All that peace. Now I have a girl who only wants to hang with me. 24/7 hanging with me. I am so very tired.

  6. On March 13th, 2008 at 11:59 am KC Says:

    I’m with everyone – enjoy the sausage-free time.

  7. On March 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm Don Mills Diva Says:

    Better start working on that!

  8. On March 13th, 2008 at 12:56 pm Cricket Says:

    Humph. More time for Free Cell!

  9. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:08 pm Joann Says:

    Enjoy this. I have 3 boys ( Men now)
    I will never forget the same feeling, but my deer
    this will pass. And you will get used to it. I think it is so sweet how the boys love to be with there dad.
    My oldest (28) they still bound with there father.
    My middle son ( 27) does not live home but is @ our house
    after work & has coffee with his dad ever night
    Works good for me if I’m going to be late he dosn’t even notice.

  10. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:23 pm Jenn Says:

    You can have mine. She shrieks incessantly though. Just a warning.

  11. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:27 pm Ahuva Batya Says:

    This whole post just made me LMAO.

  12. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:40 pm Kristine Says:

    Wait a minute…we skipped this…how could we have skipped this? I need this…when do I get my sausage free time?

  13. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm Rayne of Terror Says:

    Let them have it and run like hell, I say!

  14. On March 13th, 2008 at 1:51 pm kbreints Says:

    oh yeah. Doors are Sam’s favorite toy right now. That and our tupperware of course. So much for expensive light up toys ehh?

  15. On March 13th, 2008 at 2:24 pm SaraS-P Says:

    Tee hee.

    Makes me think of my friend’s husband declaring “There’s just too much vagina in this house!” in reference to his 3 daughters.

  16. On March 13th, 2008 at 2:31 pm As American as Apple Pie Says:

    Enjoy your free time! Daughters are just mini-over dramatic-versions of you. Or at least mine are.

  17. On March 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    Sounds like you have quite the sausage fest going on over there.

    Come to my house where my daughter and I like to torment our boy with our estrogen-induced super powers…


  18. On March 13th, 2008 at 2:58 pm kalakly Says:

    Things I like about closed doors, me time. Things I don’t like about closed doors, opening them = me having a huge mess to clean up time.

    Hope you are on the mend and congrats on the shrinking thing, what’s that line, “I’m just a stomach flu away from my goal weight!”

  19. On March 13th, 2008 at 3:24 pm Heather Says:

    Your ‘girl’ could be like mine and think she’s one of the guys – they both prefer hanging with Dad (perhaps because I’m a cranky ass by 5pm? No….). Given that, take the break and RUN!

  20. On March 13th, 2008 at 5:12 pm Angela Says:

    You can mine. The short one. I’ll have her packed and ready to ship, priority mail, within the hour. Where am I sending her?

  21. On March 13th, 2008 at 5:13 pm Angela Says:

    You can *have* mine. See what she’s doing to me?

  22. On March 13th, 2008 at 6:01 pm Amy Says:

    I say enjoy the sausage free time while you can. My daughter would much rather hang out with her dad than me…however when he’s not around she’ll hang on me for hours. I enjoy the first hour after he gets home from work when she forgets I exist for a little while…

  23. On March 13th, 2008 at 7:46 pm Jessi Louise Says:

    I hear you loud and clear on this one.

  24. On March 13th, 2008 at 8:28 pm honeywine Says:

    Breaks your heart just a little, don’t it? Me too until I realized I got through an entire shower alone yesterday because Pas & M. were playing without me. Wooo!

  25. On March 13th, 2008 at 9:45 pm TheRamblingHousewife Says:

    YES!! YES!! YES!!

    Me too!

    The only problem, I am finding is sweet, precious, beautiful babies . . .

    Grow into bratty, annoying, kids!!

    What’s up with that??

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...