Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

And Now You Are Two


Dear Alex,

Today at 5:18 you will turn 2 years old. I always hate it when people are all like “where does time go?” but seriously, kid, this getting too big too quickly has got to give your poor bedraggled mother a break. Stop getting so big!

(Pictures, for the interim, can be found here, at my Flickr account. I tried to upload a picture of me holding Amelia, and it was so big that it made my armpit look like a vagina)

The first thing I thought when I saw you was “OHMYGOD, I gave birth to Elmer Fudd” (but since I thought “OHMYGOD I gave birth to a statue” when I birthed your sister, I think you have it pretty good. I was in too much pain–no epidural for pushing and subsequent hemorrhage from his gigantic melon–when your brother was born, so I was barely conscious) but the first thing other people thought (besides your father, who may have gotten slightly teary while waxing poetic about your beauty) was “Holy Shit, he looks like Dave.”

And you do.

But, my love, you also look like your mother. And if people don’t see it, all they have to do is to hang out with you for an hour or so to realize that even if you’re not my spitting image–that honor was bestowed upon your sister, poor girl–you’re my clone. Your personality is all mine and I’m more than pleased to take credit for it.

Sure, you might be able to destroy a room faster than, well, a tornado, and maybe your screams of joy and horrifying temper may drive other people away (I’m looking at your grandmother on your father’s side) or to drink, but in every shriek of your gigantic mouth, I can hear me.

You’re 100% boy, all rough and tumble and stinky feet and throwing rocks, (although I just claimed ownership for your personality, I am not a dude. My sweater kittens and ability to shoot kids from my nether regions says as much.) which pretty much makes you your brothers exact opposite. You’re born opposites in every way I can think of besides the sweet streak that is obviously of your father.

I know it’s a lot to put on a child, and trust me when I tell you that it’s not something you’ll ever be able to change, no matter what happens, but you, my son, you are the one who made me feel like a mother. Your brother, as you’ll learn, was blessed with some pretty interesting issues and sits pretty squarely on the autistic spectrum. One of his challenges and one of the hardest things about parenting him is that he lacks a real ability to show his emotions. It’s okay in day to day life (who needs an emotional basketcase for a 7 year old?), but as a mother, it broke my heart so often I cannot believe it’s whole.

Then you came along, Sweet Baby J, and you reminded me that it wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t just a lousy mother. While that certainly translated into a relationship that you couldn’t bear to be apart from me for even a single moment, it rarely bothered me. Nothing can top seeing you vibrate with joy, your little legs pumping up and down when you see me at the top of the stairs. You fill up the house with your “MMOOOOOOMMMMYY!!” and jump into my arms when I open them to you.

Nothing, not even a brand-new Prada purse can top that feeling.

I’ll admit, Mr. Jubbs, that I was highly nervous about bringing your sister home from the hospital, as you are an admitted Momma’s Boy. I was terrified that you’d try and club her to death with one of your many soccer balls (GOOOOAAALLL balls, as you call them, you soccer nut you) or poke out her eyeballs like a bird, but you seem….okay with her. You’re not really sure what to make of her which I cannot blame you for, but you know she’s yours.

I know that you think of her often because your mantra is this “Mommy, Dada, MeYA” and you chant this when you’re:

1) Happy
2) Sad
3) Mad
4) Hurt
5) Jubilant
6) Furious George HULK SMASH>

Your poor brother, who thinks that the sun rises and sets on you, has earned the name of “EW.” Which sounds nothing like “Ben,” nor has it ever been anything we’ve called Ben, EVER. But you call him “EW,” you drag him by the shirt or pants from room to room, occasionally insisting that he get on the floor so that you can jump on top of him and wrestle him silly. He doesn’t object–he loves it–and it’s one of your favorite things to do.

Last year, if you remember, I wanted to pay tribute to the little lives of babies I’ve met who have been lost too soon. I urged my readers to do something nice for someone–even themselves–in the name of these lost little souls and their parents, who wait here on Earth without them. The kindness that I saw was unbelievable and amazing: I have some of the best, sweetest readers on the planet.

So today, as I celebrate my son, I celebrate the lives of my lost nieces and nephews with kindness to others. I urge you to help me to spread the love. Do something, anything, kind for someone else. Leave me a comment, let me know what you do. I’ll randomly select someone to send something to.

Join me in remembering:



Baby JP



Isabel Grace


William Henry









Olive Lucy

Seth Milton

Abigail Hlee

JoeJoe Sherman

Baby Nick

Gabriel Anton



Devin Alin

Jacob and Joshua

Baby K, Gabriel Connor, Christian Elliot


Baby Kuyper

Mara S.

(Please let me know via comment or email to becky (at) dwink (dot) net if you’d like me to add another to my posts of remembrance.)

So, Alexander, here’s to another year behind us. I can hardly wait to be your mother for another whole year.

I love you bigger than the sky, my sweet baby boy.


posted under The Sausage Factory
40 Comments to

“And Now You Are Two”

  1. On March 30th, 2009 at 5:35 pm heather Says:

    Am I the first? How ’bout that?

    *`~**HaPpY BiRtHdaY, AlEx?**~`*

    from your soon-to-be loved (you got that baby boy? LOVED.) mother-in-law.

  2. On March 30th, 2009 at 5:37 pm jerseygirl89 Says:

    What a great birthday post – happy birthday, Alex!

    And as usual your remembrances made me tear up.

    I’m not sure what nice thing I’ll do, but I promise to do something.

  3. On March 30th, 2009 at 5:39 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Happy birthday to all the mamas.

  4. On March 30th, 2009 at 6:47 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Hey! I never knew Alex and my daughter share a birthday! (She turned four today.)

    Happy Birthday Alex. Just be patient… soon Amelia will be old enough for you to torment her like a big brother should.

  5. On March 30th, 2009 at 6:16 pm Cathy Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

    And happy birthday to you, too, Becky, because once you’re a mom you realize how special THEIR birthdays are for YOU, too.

    Sad to remember all those lives.

    I’d like to think of something nice to do for someone else, but right now I’m so exhausted in doing for others. But tomorrow (or Wednesday), I will be doing something nice for myself (like, long-term happiness nice, not eat a cookie nice) … and hopefully it will turn out to be nice for others too.

  6. On March 30th, 2009 at 6:26 pm Kristen Says:

    I can not believe that a whole year has passed already since that Alice in Wonderland first birthday party!!!!! Wow! Happy birthday Alex!
    I couldn’t help but thinking of a teenage Alex, reading his mother’s words to him at two. Blushing furiously while snort-laughing.
    And thanks again for remembering our sweet lost babes.
    Love ya,

  7. On March 30th, 2009 at 6:32 pm mumma boo Says:

    Happy Birthday, Alex! And to you, too, Mama! What a wonderful love letter to your son and tribute to the lost little souls. Your compassion knows no bounds, Aunt B. You are one amazing chick.

  8. On March 30th, 2009 at 7:41 pm heather... Says:

    I don’t know who the fuck that other Heather is, but she’d better STEP OFF. Alex and Maddie are already in love.


  9. On March 30th, 2009 at 6:50 pm Emily Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex! I will remember to do something nice for someone tomorrow in memory of the angels who were taken too soon.

  10. On March 30th, 2009 at 7:00 pm mandy Says:

    Drew turned two recently, he is still my baby. I can’t imagine having another one and how big he would suddenly seem! Alex is SO cutie! Happy B day to him;)

  11. On March 30th, 2009 at 7:02 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Happy birthday to your sweet Alex, and to you, too! I imagine after reading this fantastic tribute to him, that he’s the perfect blend of baby brother and older brother!

  12. On March 30th, 2009 at 7:31 pm Fancy Says:

    Happy bday, sweetie. A little of that brought me a flashback of telling my son I love him bigger than the sky, and the moon and the universe. At 14, I can barely tell him I love him at all, never mind that I’ll like him for always…

  13. On March 30th, 2009 at 8:41 pm Leslie Says:

    You are a fantastic writer. I am pretty new to your blog and I love it… I lost my baby boy at 28 weeks in 2002, and am a very proud mommy to an almost 5 year old queen of the universe from China.

    I followed all the links, and have spent the better part of 2 hours reading and feeling sad and inspired. Thanks.
    ~happy birthday, Alex!~

  14. On March 30th, 2009 at 9:34 pm Meghan Says:

    Happy Birthday Little Man!! May the world know you are coming by the pounding of your little feet and tremble by the awsomeness of it. You will do tremendous things in this world of ours.

    Becky you are a truly gifted writer and I look forward to your posts..keep them coming;)

    (I rememer the one I lost too early, over a year now..and no she never had a name. Add her to your list my baby butterfly. I will have a tattoo done for her this year..)

  15. On March 30th, 2009 at 9:49 pm kalakly Says:

    Oh Alex, How is it your mom can make me giggle until I’m dizzy and then cry so many tears that I almost use them all up?

    The world could use a lot more like your mom. I’m so glad to hear you will be smashing your way through life right behind her.

    Happy Birthday you beautiful hunk of love.
    Auntie Kalak

  16. On March 30th, 2009 at 11:25 pm kate Says:

    happy birthday alex.

  17. On March 31st, 2009 at 4:45 am quietgirl Says:

    That was beautiful. You are NOT helping my baby fever one bit. But that was beautiful 🙂

  18. On March 31st, 2009 at 5:34 am Ames Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex, you have one AWESOME mama (don’t ever forget that!).

    On another note, I plan to donate all of our preemie boy clothes back to the NICU where Carter spent his first few weeks of life. Preemie clothes are hard to come by, and now that we no longer need them I can’t think of a better place for them than on another sweet baby who was born too soon. Clothes are packed and NICU bound as we speak!

  19. On March 31st, 2009 at 5:54 am Kendra Says:

    Happy birthday, lovely Alex!

    That was an amazingly beautiful tribute to your little boy and to your family. I’ve only been reading your blog for a few months, but I’m amazed at what a special family you have–and what a gift you have for sharing it with us.

    My beautiful sister just gave birth to her second daughter on Saturday. Today, in remembrance of all the babies who can’t be with us, I will do something special for my nieces. And I will take time to remember how lucky I am to have them, and my own three marvelous children, with us here.

  20. On March 31st, 2009 at 7:08 am stacey Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

  21. On March 31st, 2009 at 7:34 am Kristine Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

  22. On March 31st, 2009 at 7:45 am Heather Says:

    As I may have said last year, I totally love you for this. Thank you for sharing the sweet letter to your son, and for including our little angels in a post so full of love. You’re the best Aunt Becky ever!

  23. On March 31st, 2009 at 7:56 am Two Weeks « Yummy Sushi Pajamas Says:

    […] also wanted to drop by my sadly neglected blog to say thanks to Aunt Becky for today’s post.  Not only does she share a beautiful birthday letter to her son, but she […]

  24. On March 31st, 2009 at 8:12 am g Says:

    Happy birthday little man!

  25. On March 31st, 2009 at 9:33 am Sara Says:

    Happy Birthday (a day late) Mr Alex!
    Be nice to your sister, because one day, she will be able to kick your butt because she’s a GIRL, and you can’t hit girls!

  26. On March 31st, 2009 at 11:59 am Miss Grace Says:

    Happy birthday to your sweet boy! I know I’m late, but better late than never right?

  27. On March 31st, 2009 at 1:01 pm ParentingPink Says:

    Happy Birthday to your cute baby boy!

  28. On March 31st, 2009 at 1:33 pm Betty M Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

  29. On March 31st, 2009 at 1:41 pm zelzee Says:

    Every day spent with our little ones is a gift from God. Hold them close, love them, breathe in their scent,cherish them,…….
    for they are grown and gone………
    in a New York minute………

  30. On March 31st, 2009 at 3:24 pm birdpress Says:

    I can’t believe I’ve been reading your blog so long! Happy Birthday, Alex! I promise to do something nice, and I will try to post back if it is worth sharing.

  31. On March 31st, 2009 at 5:43 pm baseballmom Says:

    Awwwwe-Happy Birthday to Alex, from the other Alex’s mama!!!!

  32. On March 31st, 2009 at 5:45 pm baseballmom Says:

    I forgot-my something nice will be to send a gift card to baby Stellan’s family…they are so hurting right now, and hoping for a miracle. Go check it out at

  33. On March 31st, 2009 at 7:40 pm Susan Says:

    Lovely. Just lovely. Happy birthday to all the moms and to your big boy.

  34. On March 31st, 2009 at 6:53 pm tash Says:

    Belated birthday wishes, Alex!!! (I totally got the “Ew,” by the way, no translation necessary.)

    And thank you so, so much for remembering in celebration. It means an awful lot.

  35. On March 31st, 2009 at 10:14 pm Denise Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

  36. On April 1st, 2009 at 12:58 am Jenn Says:

    I love this letter. It’s so YOU and I love that you say whatever you want regardless of who it is addressed to. Lots of people leave out the hard stuff or they pretty up their language (i.e. don’t say “shit”) when they are writing their letters to their kids. You are so awesome and your kids (all 3 of them!) are crazy lucky to have you as a mom. xoxo

    Happy Birthday to Alex!

  37. On April 1st, 2009 at 7:44 am kim Says:


    thanks for never forgetting my Jonathan. You made me proud and cry all at the same time.

    Of course I am OFF of my meds and that HAS to be rectified right away.


    Happy B Day Little Dude, Your family rocks!

  38. On April 1st, 2009 at 8:04 am lady lemon Says:

    Happy Birthday, Alex. Eat lots of cake.

    I will try and find something I can do for someone else.

    How nice of you to remember those whose babies aren’t here to celebrate birthdays this year.

  39. On April 1st, 2009 at 2:11 pm Coco Says:

    Happy Birthday Alex!

    In honor of your birthday, I am donating items to be sold at a rummage sale benefitting the March of Dimes. I will be marching for babies along with my son and husband on April 25th. We will be contributing all of our spare change (and we have a lot – hub hates coins) in a “Dime War” that also benefits the March of Dimes.

    I hope you had a wonderful day turning 2. Many virtual cupcakes are coming your way from Sin City.

  40. On April 5th, 2009 at 10:15 am CLC Says:

    Happy belated Birthday Alex! You have such a sweet Momma, you don’t even know how lucky you are (well, maybe you do!) And thanks for remembering all of our babies who aren’t here on such a special day.

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