Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

And By The Way, Which One’s Pink?


*It’s sad to me that the only painkiller I can currently use is Tylenol. Which may help, I suppose, someone who has never tasted sweet, sweet Vicodin or even Ibuprofen, but for me? My blistering headache is laughing, LAUGHING at my pathetic use of Tylenol.

*Despite being a full-grown woman, I’m terrified of the stomach flu. It’s honestly closer to a complete phobia, and when Ben barfed all over, well, the world on Friday night, I might have maybe flipped out. Like a lot.

*And maybe it’s closer to a fear of puke. Like a fear of other people’s puke. Okay, and a fear of puking myself, too. I have no adenoids, which means that anything that is shot through my mouth invariably goes out through my nose. Like barf. Or semen.

*I have taught Alex what I consider the pinnacle of things to teach someone who still wears a diaper: I have taught him to yell “GOAL BALL” whenever he gets near, kicks, or thinks about soccer balls. What IS IT with kids and balls?

*Dave and I had made a bet back when I was pregnant with Alex about the flavor of the baby. I said boy, he said girl. If I won, he was supposed to wear a baby doll Britney Spears shirt out in public for a day and if I won, I was supposed to wear a Chicks Dig Linux shirt. I won, obviously, and he never was forces to ante up. Has the statute of limitations passed? Oh, and No. I don’t know what flavor of baby this is, yet.

*I may or may not be having a love affair with my spot lifter. Holy crap does that little thing suck up stains. Like a Hoover, only wetter.

*I’m not certain I’ll ever be able to look at bacon again for a good long while. Like perhaps years. Or at least months. I can’t believe I cured myself of a Bacon Obsession.

What’s on YOUR (addled) mind today, Internet?

34 Comments to

“And By The Way, Which One’s Pink?”

  1. On August 6th, 2008 at 10:52 am mandy Says:

    Does that mean a girl? Did I read it right?

    I hate it when I puke through my nose. Yuk-o. Sucks big time. I’m a spitter, so no fear of the other.

    I hope you are doing well and why did you go and cure yourself of the bacon need anyway?

  2. On August 6th, 2008 at 10:58 am Badass Geek Says:

    What’s on my mind? That I had 38 feeds to read/comment on after two days away from the computer.

  3. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am Tiffany Says:

    Oh puke thru the nose is never good…

    I am wondering how many peeps out there do NOT believe in god(yeah, way deep for a Wed morning)

    I am hoping to GOD I can get our car loan approval before saturday…

    I am also wondering WHY it is so impossible for an 8 year old boy to listen to his MOTHER..

    also, did you know that little boys dressed in full football gear are quite possibly the CUTEST thing in the universe. EVER.

  4. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am Ahuva Batya Says:

    Why, for the love of God, can’t I get myself to eat even moderately healthily? I can’t seem to even choke down a vegetable each day. It’s pathetic.

  5. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:18 am Maria Says:

    My son is really into the Monster Detectives Backyardigans episode. So he runs around yelling “SOCCER!!!!” and doing this crazy monster pose. Then he yells “BE A SOCCER MAMA! SOCCER DADDY!” until we do it with him.

  6. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:36 am Kristine Says:

    Tylenol laughed at me too.

    I am afraid of puking anything but water. I can handle water.

    I wonder why I was able to complete a week’s worth of work in 3 hours at home, yet feel guilty about filling outmy timesheet for 10 hours (my normal day) because I did spend some of the day on other homely type things.

  7. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:46 am Ms. Moon Says:

    I call Tylenol the “placebo drug.” It’s just about useless in my experience.

  8. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am Brooke Says:

    I’m contemplating right now why there is a cartoon reality show. I actually just blogged about that. And I’m contemplating the mystery of the IPod (no, I haven’t joined the rest of the world yet) because I now have an hour commute to work each day. I think I need to invest in an IPod.

    I don’t think the statute of limitations on the Britney Spears baby tee ever expires. He needs to ante up!

  9. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:50 am Ames Says:

    Everytime I puke it comes out my nose too… and it SUCKS!

    and today I’m wondering why bad things always happen to good people… yeah it’s one of THOSE days…

  10. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:54 am SciFi Dad Says:

    … semen …
    … baby doll Britney Spears …
    … Like a Hoover, only wetter …

    Am I the only one who feels like he needs a cigarette after that post?

    (Oh and seriously? No sausagebyro anymore? Now what will we call your baby?)

  11. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:08 pm apathetic bliss Says:

    What is it about puke?
    I myself have and always will be a puker. I get stomach flu like most people get colds. But I puke and most of the time it’s over. And at least you get relief once you puke.
    I am hoping to win the lotto tonite and if I don’t will be totally upset and then hope to win it on saturday. Positive manifest this mofo!!!

  12. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:15 pm kate Says:

    there was a lot of stuff on my mind today, but now? only this:

    Like a Hoover, only wetter

    that’s like porn.

  13. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:31 pm Kristen Says:

    Tylenol only? That is mean! My docs allow me to use ibuprofen through the first two trimesters, as it is considered safe, but because it acts as a blood thinner, they do not want it used in the third. And with the headaches I get when hormonal, it is a freakin’ good thing.

    Oh, can you tell me some more about your spot lifter? That made me feel strangely excited. I have some terrible stains…

  14. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:38 pm The Mommy Says:

    On my mind:

    How am I going to tell my boys that just because they planted apple seeds from their apples, watered them and gave them sunshine, they might not grow? And if they do? Daddy is planning to, uh, make sure they dont…

    How the hell do I get out of the Amish Friendship Bread nightmare? I mean, I only have three friends, and I used them up with the last batch! I’ve got 4 frickin’ bags of bread goo on my counter and no one to pawn it off on. I mean share with.

    How am I going to win this year’s round of Operation: Fruit-Fly Annihilation?

    Also, why must you make me spit coffee out of MY nose every time I read your blog?

  15. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm giggleblue Says:

    if i throw myself out the training room window at this hotel, will they cease classes for the day?

    if so, can i offer myself up on the alter or should we cast lots???

  16. On August 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm -Seraphimred- Says:

    °kinda excited that my body is finally starting to work right. Very possible I have pcos. like really sure I have it.

    °if husband and I are going to have a kid, I need to get to the doctor.

    °am terrified of said doctors.

    °had a fight with the hub last night. I kinda don’t know what it was about. still.

    °considering going back to jewelry making instead of cleaning house. I heart my dremel. Oh and how I heart rocks.

    °A lady came to give my husband a bill while I had my dog outside. she was freaked that my dog was gonna kill her! oh, I forgot to mention my dog is a five pound TOY POODLE! My dog loves everyone. She lucked out that my dad drove up at that time. Damn him..that was too funny.

  17. On August 6th, 2008 at 1:05 pm Jenn Says:

    *Or semen. Ahahahaha. I love you!

    *Um. No way has the statute of limitations passed! Get that man into a babydoll Britney shirt, STAT! (Oh and take LOTS of pictures!) 🙂

    *When do you find out the flavor? ‘Cause my bets for this one are seriously on ‘girl’ and I will wear any kind of shirt you want if I’m wrong. 🙂

    *It’s not just kids and balls. It’s ALL MALES and balls. Seriously.

  18. On August 6th, 2008 at 1:05 pm Vered Says:

    I’m not sure. My mind is pretty much empty today. I guess I should make that second cup of coffee.

    I almost never take painkillers and Tylenol still doesn’t really help when I do need one.

  19. On August 6th, 2008 at 2:20 pm Mumma Boo Says:

    Daver needs to wear the shirt. To work. For at least two days. It’s like paying taxes late – there are always penalties for not doing it on time.

  20. On August 6th, 2008 at 3:16 pm Don Mills Diva Says:

    Your headache sounds awful – hope you feel better soon!

  21. On August 6th, 2008 at 3:38 pm birdpress Says:

    I have no adenoids but I don’t seem to have that problem. That’s odd.

    So the cure for bacon cravings is overeating bacon? How come the cure for other things isn’t overindulgence? Cause, yeah, that didn’t work for me, LOL.

  22. On August 6th, 2008 at 4:49 pm sara Says:

    That is too funny what you said about anything shooting in your mouth coming out your nose (including semen)! I couldn’t agree with you more – who ever thought that tylenol could take away a headache obviously was never pregnant, LOL! It must have been a man. I’m wondering if I eat peanut butter and jelly non stop I’ll cure myself of that obsession, like your bacon one? I eat it twice a day now…craziness.

  23. On August 6th, 2008 at 4:54 pm chris Says:

    Food! I’m hungry
    Cubs! I hope they win a World Series before I kick the bucket
    Work! I have a lot
    My Project! The school that I’m starting is hitting some snags
    Sex! I’m a guy

  24. On August 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pm baseballmom Says:

    I got used to puke when my first kid had the flu as a toddler…it was ugly. I’m immune now. Poop is what bugs me! I had a not-so-proud mommy moment a little while ago in the car, when I LOST my shit because Alex spilled a herkin’ 32 oz. sprite–full–all over the back floor of my Tahoe, and it also splashed on the seats. It SUCKED, and I had to pull over and clean everything up with a wet beach towel, because we came from the pool, and luckily I had wet windex wipes in the center console. I feel, sometimes, like I’m too trailer trash to own that car. I picture gray stains on the carpet after it dries, and becomes sticky and picks up all the dirt from the various cleats that ride in my back seat. Hellfire.

  25. On August 6th, 2008 at 6:52 pm trish Says:

    I took public transportation today and saw this guy who had no teeth, but has had no teeth for so long that his lips are sunken in and he looked like he just had a hole in his face and his tongue would flick out like a lizard.

  26. On August 6th, 2008 at 7:10 pm Valerie Says:

    I hope you have a girl!

    I am thinking about an ex-boyfriend, and wonder what I feel for him. And then I think about his new girlfriend, and I think that if they decide to get married, unlike other ex-boyfriends where I sort of feel “I told you so!” well, if he does that, I feel like I will be broken-hearted. Then I wonder, does that mean that I really do love him and I just thought I loved those other guys? Boy it is tough to tell!

  27. On August 6th, 2008 at 7:50 pm andria Says:

    But just think of the vidocin scrips you’ll receive after you give birth. AAAHHH.

    When I was pregnant with my boys I was actually relieved of my usual weekly headaches the entire time but with the girl, horrendous headaches at least three times a week. The only way I could get relief was with vapo-rub and one of those vicks vapo-snorters. I went through three vats of the stuff. I also did a lot of tylenol PM at double doses because I figured if it couldn’t kick the headache at least I could sleep through it.

  28. On August 6th, 2008 at 9:23 pm Maire Says:

    Ew Ew Ewwww I hate puke too especially on hard wood floors. We have a deal at my house. I get the poop and he gets the puke.

  29. On August 6th, 2008 at 11:26 pm Lola Says:

    I was thinking about a lot of different things until I read about semen shooting out of your nose. Can’t really clear my mind of that image. Thanks!

    I’m also thinking pink.

  30. On August 7th, 2008 at 9:00 am always home and uncool Says:

    Wait until you score some Tylenol with codeine. You won’t need stain remover then. It’ll just seem … to happen. Cheers!

  31. On August 7th, 2008 at 10:24 am Kyddryn Says:

    Are you kidding me? My brain’s so crapped out, I let the Evil Genius write today’s post.


    Want to come liven up the dog days of a Georgia summer??

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  32. On August 7th, 2008 at 11:22 am ScienceMama Says:

    I’m thinking about having a beer after Bean goes to sleep tonight. Is that wrong at 9:30 in the morning?

  33. On August 7th, 2008 at 12:41 pm honeywine Says:

    Well thanks to you! Now it’s NOSE SPERM! 🙂 Thanks. *hug*

  34. On August 7th, 2008 at 10:53 pm Amanda Says:

    Ohhhhhhhhh I hate barf so much! Coming from me or anyone else over the age of 1. Ewewewewewewewwwwwwww.

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