Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

An Open Letter To Netflix


Dear Netflix,

I’m not entirely certain why you added to my list of recommendations, the show Hoarders, but since you did, I had the compulsion (see what I did there?) to watch it. I’d never seen the show, Netflix, because I figured that seeing 10,000 empty bottles and rotted animal carcasses was not exactly my idear of a good time. Now, if they’d showed people eating their weight in Captain Crunch, that’s another story. In fact, you should make that a show. I’d so be there.


For the first time ever, I chose to watch the show.

First, let me say that watching mentally ill people do wacky things isn’t my idea of a good time. I know mental illness. I HAVE a mental illness (PTSD IN DA HOUUUUSE!). I work with mental illness on Band Back Together. I’m intimately familiar with it and generally have no need to watch other mentally ill people be, well, mentally ill.

But you got me there, Netflix. You did. Since you told me I “should” watch it, I did.

I’m going to be honest here – I wasn’t as horrified as you might think. I’m not sure that’s an entirely good thing, though.

But I will give you some props, Netflix, for suggesting I watch Hoarders. Never, ever, have I wanted to get up at 11PM and clean my house. Never. Ever. And the only reason I haven’t done so yet is that I realized I’d wake up sleeping children which, Netflix, isn’t exactly full of the awesome.

Frankly, Netflix, I’m in debt to you. It’s like you somehow read my blog and knew that I had a super sekret (read: lame) resolution this year. No, not the whole, “not become Lil Wayne” thing, because that’s sorta a given. It would take a hell of a lot of sizzurp to turn me into that….um…thing.

But it’s made it hella easy for me to WANT to go down to the basement and somehow dry out 9,473 cans of ancient green paint to throw away. I suddenly cannot WAIT to donate my old clothing to charity. My children’s toy bins full ‘o’ crap shall be emptied!

(I think, Netflix, I’m going to donate some of the nice kids clothes to the Band Back Together auction this spring, because an Internet Garage sale seems awkward)

My resolution, thanks to you, Netflix, will be fulfilled.

So to you, Hoarders (and Netflix), I am forever indebted. Although, you do owe me some bleach for my eyes.


Aunt Becky

P.S. If you recommend I watch Intervention, I’m canceling your ass.

P.P.S. You should know better than to suggest I watch the Super Mario Brothers Super Show. That’s just cruel.

35 Comments to

“An Open Letter To Netflix”

  1. On January 25th, 2012 at 12:19 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    Hhaha I hear ya. After i watch Hoarders I tend to look around and go GET RID OF ALL THE THINGS!!!!! and freak out about crumbs because they lead to bugs and AH OMG RATS AND COCKROACHES.

    It’s not healthy. (my reaction, i mean. clearly the hoarding isn’t either…)

  2. On January 25th, 2012 at 12:19 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    Also, thank God for being too poor for netflix.

  3. On January 25th, 2012 at 12:37 pm LDiggitty Says:

    Hoarders makes me itch, but I LOVE that show. My favorites (aka the most disgusting) are the animal or food hoarders. *shudder*

    As for the paint cans, the Sherwin Williams dude told me last week that you can do some combo of half paint/half kitty litter to dry it out, and then you can just put it out at the curb. He also said you could paint it onto cardboard (if there’s just a little left in the can) and dry it out that way… but it sounds like you have way more paint than that…

  4. On January 25th, 2012 at 12:53 pm Jacinta Says:


    *Turns on the Wii right away*

  5. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:18 pm Dianne Says:

    OMG since you watch Hoarders you should so watch Freaky Eaters. last night I watched it and some lady ate in 1 year 9,996 ice cream bars.

  6. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:22 pm DiatribesAndOvations Says:

    Couldn’t make it to 10,000?! Wimp.

  7. On January 25th, 2012 at 2:37 pm Dianne Says:

    I know!!!!! come on whats another 4 more bars.

  8. On January 26th, 2012 at 3:18 pm Pete In Az Says:

    An explosion?

  9. On January 26th, 2012 at 11:03 am Brett Minor Says:

    I was disgusted by the one where a woman was eating the ashes of her dead husband.

  10. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:18 pm Just Me Says:

    That hoarders show is just painful. I can’t even watch it. It doesn’t make me want to clean… it makes me want to use a sledgehammer on my tv, as well as the show producers. In no particular sequence.

  11. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:24 pm PishPosh Says:


    Their recommendations lead to definite stealing of time the b-turds.

    I have never seen hoarders. I couldn’t bear it – but I bet the worst episode would be DOLL HOARDERS!!

  12. On January 25th, 2012 at 3:10 pm Kate Says:

    There was an episode where a woman hoarded dolls (just dolls, there have been other episodes where the dolls were only part of it) and it was equal parts sad and creepy.

  13. On January 25th, 2012 at 6:34 pm AuntPony Says:

    What about a DOLL that hoards??? Here’s what Barbie did to her Dreamhouse:

  14. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:25 pm DiatribesAndOvations Says:

    Not a fan of the NetFlix here. Was a loyal customer for many years but dumped them when they doubled the price. Turns out I don’t miss it at all.

    I love “Hoarders”. I find it morbidly entertaining. On the other hand, I can’t watch any Kardashian stuff. So, that being said, I’d rather see dead animal carcasses and swarms of bugs on old food on my television than a Kardashian. That’s normal … right?

  15. On January 25th, 2012 at 3:11 pm Kate Says:

    I don’t know about normal but I agree with you 😉

  16. On January 25th, 2012 at 3:52 pm chrisinphx Says:

    Im in total 100% agreement. ANYTHING has to be better than watching that K-trash

  17. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:28 pm Jeans Y Says:

    Hahaha! That show can be really hard to watch sometimes… it’s not that all the stuff doesn’t bother me (I do purge things from the house pretty much every time I watch) but what really bothers me? The dirty and *shudder* the bugs.

  18. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:39 pm Caro Says:

    OMG! I had to turn that show off the other night when they showed the woman with jugs of piss in her living room. Thought I was gonna puke!

    In other news, my house has never been cleaner. I discovered my baseboards are white and not wolf fur gray.

  19. On January 25th, 2012 at 1:41 pm Sandy Says:

    Watching episodes of Hoarders has been my kickinthepants for getting rid of crap around my house. Did you know that shredding stuff is therapy? Yeah, found that one out when I took my aggression out of the stupid thing when it took an hour to un-jam it!

  20. On January 25th, 2012 at 2:07 pm thepsychobabble Says:

    oh god. I can’t watch hoarders. It terrifies me.

  21. On January 25th, 2012 at 2:49 pm Mrs. One Day Says:

    When we had cable I watched Hoarders…once. I did the same thing you did and started cleaning immediately. I’m positive that I threw out things of importance such as: My birth certificate and marriage certificate. Copies, of course. I had them out because I needed to get a new driver’s license. Stupid DMV!! Damn you, Hoarders! I had to buy copies of those…again! Sheesh!

  22. On January 25th, 2012 at 3:05 pm Suniverse Says:

    I now need to clean out my office closet. And my cedar closet. And the laundry room.


  23. On January 25th, 2012 at 3:46 pm Kristin Says:

    Hoarders gives me the heebie jeebies.

  24. On January 25th, 2012 at 4:53 pm Nelli Vaughn Says:

    What the hell, auntie! Intervention is awesome. Every time I watch that program, I forget I am not turning tricks behind Walmart. I forget I am not a crackhead with one tooth left to the side of my gum, hanging on by yesterday’s gum. The show is THAT good. I can do without Hoarders. That show makes me feel jealous. I am too broke to hoarde a damn thing. I can barely form a pile.

  25. On January 25th, 2012 at 6:26 pm Fearless Fibro Warrior Says:

    I watched Hoarders once with my husband, and I found myself arguing the points of the Hoarder. Now, I am only allowed to watch the really bad filthy ones, so there is less chance I will commiserate and feel all empathetic.

    Why is it that mental illness makes us look like such whack-jobs? Oh, wait….I think i answered my own question…..

  26. On January 25th, 2012 at 7:36 pm Mommaexpat Says:

    Here’s a Netflix nugget for you Aunt Becky…. The Wild & Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.

  27. On February 15th, 2012 at 10:09 pm kittyn Says:

    Late to the game, but seconded. Just watched this yesterday and it is strangely… I don’t know. Morbidly amusing?

    I love Hoarders -and- Intervention though, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Hoarders has the ability to be both reassuring (‘See, my mess isn’t -that- bad’) and make me feel the need to wash and fold all fifty million loads of laundry at 4 am.

  28. On January 26th, 2012 at 11:05 am Brett Minor Says:

    Hoarders is disgusting but I love it. It was playing once and work and it sucked me in.

  29. On January 26th, 2012 at 6:10 pm Jen C Says:

    Hoarders allows me to feel ok about my purging tendencies. I throw out EVERYTHING to the point that sometimes I throw away crap I really needed. LOL I am the opposite of a hoarder 🙂

  30. On January 26th, 2012 at 7:11 pm meg Says:

    hoarders has the same effect on me! It makes me want to clean out my 13 junk drawers. O and my son found Super Mario Super Show. It’s a cruel cruel world.

  31. On January 27th, 2012 at 1:47 pm Grace Says:

    Ah Hoarders. How I love that show! I think I was sort of headed that way at one point in my life, but moving out of state to a smaller home while pregnant made me ruthless about throwing crap out! Now I love the state of my home – very few things that need to be dusted, and I can straighten the main rooms of my house very quickly now. I still have one room that has way too much stuff in it, but I’m working on getting it cut back. Hoarders is really good for motivating me to do that.

  32. On January 27th, 2012 at 5:25 pm Meg at the Members Lounge Says:

    I am in way way shape or form a hoarder; but every time I watch that show I clean out a closet or drawer and become obsessed with the Container Store. Also, I feel the need for an asthma inhaler.

  33. On January 27th, 2012 at 5:26 pm Meg at the Members Lounge Says:

    Uhh that should definitely say “in no way shape or form”.

  34. On January 28th, 2012 at 11:27 am Christine Says:

    Whole post: AGREED! Sometimes my Netflix confuses me on what it *thinks* I should watch. Just because I looked at 1 show, 1 time, it will suggest that I would *like* other things like it. Now, if I had watched more than 10 minutes of said show, along with mayhaps the rest of the season(s) of it, I would understand. But. No. Whatever collection of people they have hard at work on the psychology of Netflix users, these people are being overpaid for being complete asshats. Just my opinion, of course! 😉

  35. On January 31st, 2012 at 1:34 pm Elizabeth Says:

    Fabulous post! I have yet to watch that show, but you may have inspired me. I have a few bags of clothes that need to get donated, baskets of old shoes, hat, bags…. to think.. I might be able to open the closet with nothing falling out!

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...