Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

A Portrait Of The Mother By A Young Child




Thanks, Amelia.

P.S. I’m writing you out of the will for this.

P.P.S. HA! Like I have a will.

P.P.P.S. I’m actually giving your inheritance to out of work actors so they can howl at my graveside.

P.P.P.P.S. No, I’m not kidding.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
22 Comments to

“A Portrait Of The Mother By A Young Child”

  1. On July 5th, 2011 at 11:10 am Genevieve Says:

    Hmm, the jauntiness of the promised cat’s bung, but with the subtle piquancy of projected self-loathing.

    Most excellent indeed, Aunt Becky.

  2. On July 5th, 2011 at 11:16 am marie Says:

    In all seriousness, it is a HUGE accomplishment to draw a person as a circle with dots for eyes and nose and a line for a mouth. Many kids don’t do this in preschool. Yay for baby genius Amelia!

  3. On July 5th, 2011 at 12:10 pm Sarah P Says:

    The bitch had it coming.

  4. On July 5th, 2011 at 12:48 pm Brooke Says:

    The other day my 6 year old said to me (as I dressed up for a formal dinner) “Mom…even though you don’t look pretty all the time, I still think you are beautiful.” I know what she was trying to say but still….

  5. On July 5th, 2011 at 1:13 pm Melinda Says:

    Don’t feel bad, when my son was 5 he drew a picture of my ex, naked, the teacher told him ‘we only draw people with clothes on at school’. Then he drew me. With a mustache.

  6. On July 5th, 2011 at 3:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s fucking AWESOME.

  7. On July 5th, 2011 at 2:14 pm liz Says:

    That looks like a skull with nails on it. Or an egg – sunny side up!

  8. On July 5th, 2011 at 2:46 pm linlah Says:

    Oh, I think you might want to keep Amelia in the will look how close she got your hair right.

  9. On July 5th, 2011 at 3:12 pm Beth Says:

    Sexay. Or potato-like. Depends on how hard you squint.

  10. On July 5th, 2011 at 3:58 pm Tracy Says:

    My 4-year-old doesn’t know how to write very many words, so when she showed me what she wrote her “journal” I sobbed like a baby. It read, “MOM, I (a heart) U. Then she wrote her name. Pure, innocent love.

  11. On July 5th, 2011 at 4:26 pm Jennifer June Says:

    True Story:

    My daughter is instructed to draw her parent doing what they love to do. She draws a picture of me on stage singing because it’s what I do.

    Teacher tells her that everyone wishes their parents were rock stars but to draw me doing something I really do.

    My kid: “that is what she does. She’s a singer”

    Yay! My kid is the best!

    Teacher: “Sure sweetie, why don’t you draw her reading or something?”

    My kid: “She doesn’t know how to read”

    Um… Thanks kid.

  12. On July 5th, 2011 at 4:35 pm katrina Says:

    Mz AmeliaPrincessoftheBells….she’s amazing! That picture emanates LOVE. of course it’s you!

  13. On July 5th, 2011 at 4:41 pm Pete In Az Says:


    You’re a spleen, eh?

  14. On July 5th, 2011 at 4:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    (I started the book. I remembered what you said to me and I started)

  15. On July 5th, 2011 at 5:19 pm Nico Says:

    Look at the eyelashes on that kid!

  16. On July 5th, 2011 at 8:10 pm Nanette Says:


    My gal did something similar recently —

  17. On July 5th, 2011 at 8:37 pm Jormengrund Says:

    I have to admit, she’s got an eye for art that most kids her age wouldn’t EVER have..

    I mean, to know that we are all cells, and is just drawing you in your most basic form is AMAZING!

    Of course, knowing that you’re an amoeba instead of a “regular” protozoa is kind of scary, but then again we’re all different!!

  18. On July 5th, 2011 at 8:59 pm Sarah Says:

    The first picture of a person my daughter drew was a GIANT blobby thing with 4 legs/arms and a tiny little circle with blond hair(?). I asked who they were and she said that the big one was me and the small one was her.
    I was insulted and touched at the same time.
    I kept it.

  19. On July 6th, 2011 at 12:47 am Kristin Says:

    Look at that…you have a budding Picasso! Seriously, its at least as good as his weirder shit.

  20. On July 6th, 2011 at 8:00 am Angie H Says:

    Sort of looks like a skull. I’m not sure if I should be really intrigued by her innate sense of anatomy or be worried that she sees you as a skull with obvious shatter patterns? Either way, the girl’s got skills! 🙂

    By the way… She’s adorable! Nice work Mom and Dad!

  21. On July 6th, 2011 at 9:52 am Joker_SATX Says:

    Seems to me that she is saying you have eyes everywhere…

  22. On July 6th, 2011 at 7:04 pm SharleneT. Says:

    It is what it is. Don’t leave her out of the will. Don’t you remember Mommy Dearest? Do you really want the world to know her truth?!?!?! Hmmm?!?!?! Enjoy. And, come visit when you can.

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