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A Fish With No Eyes? Impossible!


10:52AM, my neurologist’s office.

Man, I hope that fish eats some more rocks. That’s hiLARious when he spits ’em back out.

I’d really like a fish tank. Salt water, tho. Freshwater fish poo too much. Shit, I’d probably kill them. Then I’d be depressed for months.

10:55AM, my neurologist’s office.


Man, fish are hilarious.

11:05AM, my neurologist’s office.

Fuck, this is gonna be some shitballs news. I really should’ve put this off another day.

OH, hell, he’s asking me a question about my headaches. LOOK AWAKE. Nod. Yeah! Nodding is always good. WAIT, I just told him my headaches are getting better. RETRACT, RETRACT, RETRACT.

11:10AM, my neurologist’s office.

He really does look like a cowboy from a spaghetti Western. Wait, what the hell does “spaghetti Western” mean? Either way, he totally does.

Shit, more drugs. And these side effects. If the headaches won’t kill me, the treatment fucking will.

11:12AM, my neurologist’s office.

Is he still talking about side effects? I’m getting depressed. I know, I should think about something else.

Why is Jessica Simpson, reported to be due “this spring” so huge? I don’t believe it. I bet she’s popping out a kid any moment now.

11:17AM, my neurologist’s office.

Did Jay-Z and Beyonce REALLY shut down an entire NICU for their baby? That’s some bullshit.

hums, “it’s a hard knock life.”

11:22AM, my neurologist’s office.

He’s yelling at me for not getting a blood test done. Fuck. What was the test again? I love tests. Just yesterday I took an IQ test – I’m pretty sure I failed.

Should I tell him about my IQ test and ask if that’s what he wanted? NO. Bad call, SHUT UP BECKY.

11:24AM, my neurologist’s office.

Damns. More drugs. And a side effect that can kill me – another one. Lords.


Not working. Imagining my funeral.

People better be crying at my funeral. None of this – “celebrate my life” bullshit – I want tears. REAL TEARS. I will PAY people to cry if I have to.

Shit, I wonder what the going rate is for funeral criers.

Hrms. Would I find them on Craigs List? That seems to be the best place to find ’em. Fuck. They took out Craigs List personal ads. Fuck. Now I’m gonna have to find a real job.

11:36AM, my neurologist’s office.

Ooooh! My brain is rewiring itself to become better at circumventing my migraine meds. That’s almost robotic.

Wait. No. That means my brain is becoming resistant to it. That’s not good.

11:42AM, my neurologist’s office.

Woah, he gave me a lot of instructions and all I can think is: “when is Jessica Simpson REALLY having her baby?” This is not good.

Ooooo! Bubbles!

posted under Abby Normal
22 Comments to

“A Fish With No Eyes? Impossible!”

  1. On January 17th, 2012 at 12:57 pm Caroline Says:

    I have super-dooper-pooper fish that eat the neon blue and black gravel resting at the bottom of the tank. And it is frickin funny watch them do that. I get your brain.

  2. On January 17th, 2012 at 12:59 pm Brandon Says:

    The ‘fish with no eyes’ joke is the first one my oldest son ever learned.

    There’s nothing quite funnier than a 2yo coming up to you and going “What do you call a fish with no eyes?? FSSSHHH!!!”

  3. On January 17th, 2012 at 12:59 pm Caroline Says:

    PS- I just got a bullshit message saying I was posting responses like I am the fucking Flash. Really, internet server thing? Really? When have I done anything fast except when I am running from a spider.

  4. On January 17th, 2012 at 1:15 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    I hope he wrote down the drug instructions for you. 😛

  5. On January 17th, 2012 at 1:39 pm leigh Says:

    damn fish can be so distracting!

    my father informed me years ago that spaghetti westerns are a style of westerns that emerged in the 60s… they were directed by Italians… so ya… bit of a non-PC nickname 😉

  6. On January 17th, 2012 at 1:42 pm Lisa Says:

    My thoughts exactly. Or Jessica Simpson is having triplets. She is a house.

  7. On January 17th, 2012 at 9:39 pm Amy Says:

    Naw, just enjoying the whole ‘it’s ok to be hugely fat’ for a change if you ask me. Heck I did it, twice!

    Hope your office visit was somewhat fruitful Becky. Migranes suck.

  8. On January 17th, 2012 at 1:43 pm magpie Says:

    Gah – what’s going on with you? Hope you get better. Soon.

  9. On January 17th, 2012 at 2:15 pm Melissa Says:

    Spaghetti Westerns are Westerns that were written and produced by Italians. You probably know that already, but you made me wonder so I did the google dance.

  10. On January 19th, 2012 at 9:06 am ColinP Says:

    Many of them were also filmed in remote areas of Italy.

  11. On January 17th, 2012 at 2:31 pm PishPosh Says:

    Seriously she is a house..

    Sorry you have to go through all this – but its awfully cute how you put it 🙂

  12. On January 17th, 2012 at 3:10 pm Pete In Az Says:

    You take the meds before, or after the office visit?

    I barely passed my last blood test. I stayed up all night studying for it too.

  13. On January 17th, 2012 at 4:50 pm chrisinphx Says:

    Oh Ab, I wish I could punch your migraines right in the tit. Big Hugs, but not to tight to make your head burst

  14. On January 17th, 2012 at 5:29 pm L Says:

    Blasted Migraines! I hate them – I hope your meds don’t have any horrid side effects and your Migraines get less frequent and less painful. Hugs!

  15. On January 17th, 2012 at 6:27 pm katrina Says:

    Stupid neurologists!! why ARE they so borrrrrrring?? is that a required course to be a head doc??? really? I hope you get some meds to help you through this……you must be suffering. But damn girl! you’re still funny as shit!

  16. On January 17th, 2012 at 7:41 pm Evil Twin's Wife Says:

    I’ve had both my children tested for their IQs….Which is why I will never take the test myself. I know I won’t score higher than either of them.

  17. On January 17th, 2012 at 7:59 pm Andrea Says:

    I rerally hope the doctor was telling you how much he enjoys your blog, and how you bring the funny, and that the headaches will go away with ythe new easy to take meds. I am a good crier…just so you know…

  18. On January 17th, 2012 at 8:26 pm Andrea Says:

    I’m also meansister777 on twitter, by the way. I have had migraines literally as long as I can remember. I know having unsolicited advice is a real pain in the ass. It really pisses me off when people tell me what to try, because I have tried about 30 to 40 medications over nearly 30 decades of treatments. None have worked for very long. If you would like someone to bitch with, I would be glad to share with you the treatments I have tried over the years. My email is

  19. On January 17th, 2012 at 9:23 pm Andrea Says:

    Ha ha! How about 30 years of treatments not decades! I am not that old!

  20. On January 19th, 2012 at 12:10 am Kay Says:

    It only FEELS like 30 decades when you are having migraines. 😉 (migraines suck btw).

  21. On January 20th, 2012 at 2:32 am Gwen Says:

    Funeral criers! SO WANT!!
    Also, yeah migraines are wretched..

  22. On January 20th, 2012 at 7:07 am Liz Says:

    I will come and cry and not even ask for money – just photo credits or something like that. I look ugly when I cry though, and you probably want pretty criers.

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