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A Bunny, Now That’s Fucked Up


It’s been brought to my attention by the letters O, C, and D that I have posted a decided lack of pictures since my new wordpress upgrade fails to allow me to scale my pictures appropriately. But, in the name of Rotavirus, I will say “eff THAT shit” and post it anyway.

Easter has long been one of my favorite holidays, in spite of the fact that April always seems to be An Asshole of a month (February is always the worst, though). I love it anyway, and I’m ever-optimistic that This Year Will Be Better. It never is, but my glaring stupidity and utter inability to learn from past experiences allows me to become excited about it every year, like clockwork.

This year was no different. I was hopeful and happy to be hosting my annual Easter Brunch. Then, the stomach flu hit us and suddenly, I was not so happy.

You might even say that I was UN-happy.


See, now, this was what Daver and I did on Easter Eve: we filled a fucking ton of small eggs with the sorts of candy that my grubby hands will leave alone. Like jelly beans *shudder, shudder.*

Also: we drink heavily.

And we mock the fact that I routinely forget that I’ve already bought stuff for (insert holiday here) and I buy more. Until it looks like I might, perhaps, have a soccer team of children. Which I assure you will never grace my uterus.

The following morning however, the joke was on us. Because my eldest had gotten sick during the night yet again, we had to postpone the Easter Egg hunt. So now I have a fucking ridiculous ton of small eggs in a bag in my closet simply waiting for the Right Time For A Hunt.

Or maybe I’ll just throw them back in my Easter Bin in the basement for next year. It’s not like anyone actually EATS the candy.

Then, the oven I needed to cook the delicious (pre-packaged) morsels of goodness (read: cinnamon rolls) simply refused to turn on. Fucking asshole oven. I will punch that bitch in the face.

So, then Ben was off with his father rather than force him to sit around and watch other people eat the deliciousness that is my Easter Brunch. That somehow seemed crueler to me than merely sending him off. He was happy, I should rightly add, to go.

We were down a kid, sadly, the one that was most excited about Easter.

This is a stock photo, taken on Tuesday of last week, because I had no desire to document for posterity the barfiness that was poor Benny.


My middle son, he was just thrilled by a ball. The eggs, the baskets, the candy, they were stupid and boring. Especially compared to a big red ball.


And my wee daughter, she would simply like to tell The Internet that her mother is both cruel AND unusual. Why else would she be forced to wear this?


Or one of those Head Garters everyone hates?


Ah, the therapy they will all need.

43 Comments to

“A Bunny, Now That’s Fucked Up”

  1. On April 13th, 2009 at 5:25 pm Ames Says:

    Great pics!

  2. On April 13th, 2009 at 5:00 pm Andy Says:

    Very nice! too bad the pictures are too small to really see the details! 😉

  3. On April 13th, 2009 at 6:06 pm Sarah Says:

    That’s so weird… we drank way too much tequila while we set up the Easter stuff and then ate brilliant pre-packaged cinnamon rolls Sunday as well… creepy. Or… interesting?? You be the judge. Ha! At least my bitchy oven had the decency to turn on.

    The fake flower thing is brilliant. I expect to see more of that in the future. It almost balances out the over-powering adorableness of sweet Amelia. But not quite. And I’d like to read the blog that would follow up you trying to pin fake flowers on the boys to balance out their overall adorableness. If you’re looking for ideas.

  4. On April 13th, 2009 at 5:14 pm Kerrie Says:

    Awesome. Now….which kid gets the bottle of Jack for Easter. Because I’m SURE that’s what Jesus intended….”And Let Us All Get Thou Children Plowed And Puke Before Me”….

  5. On April 13th, 2009 at 5:35 pm Jenn Says:

    What the hell are you doing to that poor girl?! Hahahah… she is so damn cute though! That look on her face in the first flower-head photo is so funny! Hehe.
    I always buy a shitload of stuff for here too. Then it just sits around until I throw it away. Easter is my second favorite holiday for some crazy reason (after Halloween) and it baffles my husband that I could like those 2 holidays better than Christmas. Anyway!
    Yay, pictures! All of your kids are so adorable. Is Ben too old to be adorable? I’m not sure what the cutoff age for that is. xoxo

  6. On April 13th, 2009 at 6:57 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    April sucks.

    But wow, those are great pictures. Especially the last one. Do you think it would scar my youngest a lot if I got one of those for him?

    Your kids are so adorable.

  7. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:12 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Next year, just get some chickens. I swear, everyone will be happy.

  8. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    I don’t know about Illinois, but I believe up here putting THAT large a flower on a baby’s head comes with a mandated visit from CAS, plus an unscheduled followup.

  9. On April 13th, 2009 at 6:43 pm RhoRho Says:

    Yes! April is an asshole of a month, yet we always expect great things from April..well I do anyway…and you totally spoil your kids on Easter! Note to self: Do not let my kids see these photos..

  10. On April 13th, 2009 at 6:59 pm giggleblue Says:

    you are 100% wrong for that head wrap you have on that poor baby! she’s totally going to be dragging this picture to therapy in like 25 years…

    meanwhile, the middle child is looking like he’s on an Easter Egg Hunting Mission. fantastic! i’m liking.

    now, lets get well soon.

  11. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:19 pm Fancy Says:

    I don’t care how much therapy they need, the are simply adorable! All of them. Including the Daver and his bottle of JD. Please go hug them twice for me, m’kay?

  12. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:20 pm Amy Says:

    Awww, Becky…I love the pics of the kids! That Alex has my heart!!!
    I’m not a big fan of the “baby headbands”….always seemed like little brain squishers to me. But I have a boy…wait till I have a girl….It’ll be disgusting how girly I make her;)

  13. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:22 pm Fancy Says:

    Crap, I forgot to tell you to kiss yourself for me, too. I swear I just washed my hands, but use Purrell first if it makes you feel any better.

  14. On April 13th, 2009 at 7:50 pm Betts Says:

    She looks pretty happy about her fashion… she, with the sweet milky smile.

  15. On April 13th, 2009 at 8:15 pm Elizabeth Ann Says:

    Awesome! I played Sedaris’ “Jesus Shaves” for my family this weekend. They were….appalled. It was the best Easter in my memory.

  16. On April 13th, 2009 at 8:16 pm Mrs.spit Says:

    I’m coming to your house for chocolate next. . .

  17. On April 13th, 2009 at 8:43 pm kate Says:

    holy hell. those flowers? they are beautiful, but i’m pretty sure they’re scaring the hell out of her. her future boyfriends can than YOU for her loathing of all things floral.

    just kidding. i love them. i wish i’d had them when i still had the power to MAKE the Girl wear things. now she’s allowed to pick out her own clothes, within certain parameters. i can’t think of a reason to disallow hannah montana and jonas brothers t-shirts.

  18. On April 13th, 2009 at 9:38 pm Swirl Girl Says:

    If you made me wear one of those brain crushing corset thingies…I , too, would give you a mouth full of baby spittle!


    they are too adorable (the kids, I mean – not the brain crushing corset thingies)

  19. On April 13th, 2009 at 10:43 pm Lola Says:

    Oh, my GOD, woman! Those giant flowers are just not right 😉

    Daver looks totally wasted, which is exactly how I looked at 1 AM when I was tackling a giant pile of empty eggs and candy and tons of crap I forgot I bought at Target, of course. Then I started eating the candy, lots and lots of candy. By the time I finished up at 2 AM hiding the eggs, I was a MESS!

  20. On April 13th, 2009 at 11:19 pm kalakly Says:

    Aw Jeezus becky, she’s downright delicious. And the boys are mighty yummy looking too. Not a bad lookin lot for someone who isn’t from Cali!:)

  21. On April 14th, 2009 at 1:16 am baseballmom Says:

    Hahaha! She looks horrified in the first picture. And, it’s really not fair that Daver can have jackblack and you can’t…I think you might want to punch him too. Although, at least he stayed up to help you stuff eggs and baskets…which is more than I can say for Coach. I was up ’til 2. It’s sinful how much stuff our kids got from various people, almost as bad as Christmas! I have to confess to eating all of the red Mike & Ikes out of the eggs before I closed them up–they’ll never know!

  22. On April 14th, 2009 at 6:02 am Badass Geek Says:

    Therapy, schmerapy. What fun would parenting be without putting silly hats on your infant children?

  23. On April 14th, 2009 at 5:38 am Karen Says:

    I love the hats on the baby. She is amazing. And I love that the Easter Bunny left some the Jim Beam. That is my kind of Bunny!

  24. On April 14th, 2009 at 5:48 am Madame Yu See Says:

    I’m glad to see you playing ‘dress up’ with your girl baby. Dressing boys up just isn’t the same.
    My daughter knew this at 4, when my father-in-law got her the last Cabbage Patch doll on the shelf, and it was a boy. Initially she was all excited, but when I put her to bed that night, she said ‘but, Mommy, I really wanted a girl.’
    Please don’t ever show your daughter these pictures.

  25. On April 14th, 2009 at 6:37 am Stacey Says:

    She looks deeply concerned by the hats.

  26. On April 14th, 2009 at 8:40 am kbrients Says:

    Love the photos… I wish I had a girl to ruin with hats like that! That photo of Alex is SO SWEET! He has the BEST HAIR! Sam is jealous!

  27. On April 14th, 2009 at 9:11 am electriclady Says:

    Alex is such a big boy now! Also totally adorable. Can we betroth him and BG right now, please?

    I’m jealous of his hair, too. BG’s has filled in but it’s still on the thin side. Uh-oh, does that make you not want her to marry him?

  28. On April 14th, 2009 at 9:15 am Kristine Says:

    I’m not alone! I am always buying more stuff because I either forgot I already bought it or I can’t remember where I put it to keep it safe – in which case I find it when I get home with the replacement stuff.

    Hope you are all recovering…puking blows.

  29. On April 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Your poor poor daughter. It must be rough having to wear a potted plant on her head. She may forgive you….possibly.

    I love Easter. The candy is the best…and even though my daughter is only 12 weeks old, I still bought her an Easter basket full of it….for me to eat. I figure I’ll eat it in the future anyways, might as well get started early!

  30. On April 14th, 2009 at 11:32 am Eva Says:

    I use Paint to resize them before uploading them in WordPress.

    April blows, but cute pics.

  31. On April 14th, 2009 at 10:54 am Coco Says:

    OK, now see, I am digging the glorious floral crocheted cloche and the fabulous head garter with extra large blossom attachment!

    Does she have a little birthmark on her forehead just above her nose? Bean totally has one just like it. I think it means they should get married. Or that they both have a similar birthmark which has no other significance. But the first choice seems so much more romantic.

  32. On April 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am zelzee Says:

    Great pics.

    So what if they need therapy??

    Taking pictures of them in large, loud headgear is in the fine print of parenthood! Right alng with the half naked in the tub pics.

    Beautiful family!!!

  33. On April 14th, 2009 at 11:56 am Kendra Says:

    Since I have the misfortune to live in Minnesota, I kind of hate all the months between November and May. Why don’t I move? Because once you live in Minnesota, you’re committed to it for life. It’s the law.

    I am in love with the flowers (and of course the beautiful girl they’re attached to). It would never have occurred to me before, but now I am overwhelmed with the urge to attach inappropriately big flowers to all my daughter’s clothes. And I live in fear of the baby headband. After I nearly beheaded a doll trying to put one on, I swore I would never subject a human to it; I’m impressed that you did it without injuring her, since I know I would never manage it!

    I hope all the tummies are better and that you can have a fun egg hunt soon.

  34. On April 14th, 2009 at 12:04 pm Marly Says:

    Egads, Aunt Beck, I almost forgot how absolutely darling your kids are! It has been a while… 😉

  35. On April 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm Danielle Says:

    Awesome pics! Feel better soon!

  36. On April 14th, 2009 at 3:32 pm birdpress Says:

    That is the cutest hat in the bottom pic! She looks straight out of the cabbage patch. All three of your kids are adorable.

  37. On April 14th, 2009 at 7:36 pm shay Says:

    We coulda used some of that candy. I’m crazy (yes I said it – crazy) about how many people we invite to the Easter events at our house. We had 24 kids for the hunt and 50 for dinner. YES we did!

    oh and the kids (despite the hat) are beautiful!!!!

  38. On April 14th, 2009 at 8:41 pm michelle Says:

    We call them the “Sex in the City” Head Gear around here. You are just getting her ready to play Carrie Bradshaws daughter in some future Hollywood movie. She will have to be completely comfortable in insane and ultra-puotrageous cotumes. Those flowers are nothin.

  39. On April 15th, 2009 at 7:11 am mumma boo Says:

    Oh the cheeks! The cheeks! Must nosh on those cheeks! But you can keep the flower roughage. 🙂 Great photos! Hope Ben is feeling better. And who says you can’t have an egg hunt this weekend? Just tell him you’re celebrating Greek Orthodox Easter this year instead. Have you tried Jack Daniels in scrambled eggs? With a side of bacon, of course. Now that’s my kind of Easter brunch.

  40. On April 15th, 2009 at 9:33 am deb Says:

    YOu have no shame. That poor baby girl.

    Hope all are feeling better!!!

  41. On April 15th, 2009 at 12:42 pm Emily R Says:

    with that hat, she can sing at an inauguration

  42. On April 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    The last two pictures are priceless! Especially with the milky smile. I don’t like jelly beans, either, but the Nerds jelly beans are fuckin’ awesome!

  43. On April 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm Nit Says:

    She is adorable!!! Even with the head gear 🙂

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