Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Mail Box Fail + Bloggies


I read an article recently about how passing the blame was contagious. The article sited a couple of boring studies where people were told some stuff which I’d recount for you but it was BORING so I stopped paying any attention because HELLO, I’m not being TESTED on this stuff any more because I am an adult and not in school.

I can only imagine that it’s no one’s fault that my mailbox now looks like this:

My Mailsbox

Perhaps it was an act of GOD that sheared the mailbox from it’s wee little mailbox perch atop that piece of wood where it has happily lived for well over 5 years. Because clearly, no one else is to blame. Certainly not a snow plow.

This, my friends, is a Mail Box FAIL.

I still snicker every time I see it because it’s really funny. Trashy, but funny. Nothing to be done about it until the ground dries out, though. I’m sure my neighbors are thrilled. It sure adds something to the neighborhood.


I don’t know quite how to thank you for this, but last night I was roused from my near-catatonic state on the couch to be informed by my friend on Facebook (who shall remain nameless because I don’t that she wants me to shout her name out here) I have actually made it to Bloggie nominations and am on the ballot for Best Humor Blog.

Seriously, you guys, THANK YOU.

I know that you did it, because I voted for myself exactly once because I was all *scoff* “YEAH RIGHT, LIKE I COULD GET A BLOGGIE NOMINATION.” So I pretty much shit myself when I saw that I was on the ballot.

I’ll never make it, which isn’t something I’m saying to be coy or shy, but because my competition is miles beyond me.

Let me put it this way: if each of you told every single person YOU knew to vote for me, I’d still not win because I am up against the greats. And that? I am completely okay with. Because when I lose I will be all “awesome, I lost to xxxx, and I respect them.” It doesn’t mean I won’t beg you to vote for me because that’s the kind of bitch I am, but you know, I won’t expect to win. There’s simply NO WAY.

But my name is on the ballot and I am shocked and honored and this is me loving on you up and down and left and right. Thank you.

Marry me?

74 Comments to

“Mail Box Fail + Bloggies”

  1. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:14 am Melanie Says:

    Aww!! Congrats!!

  2. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:15 am Alex Says:

    Hell, yes! I’ll marry you. Especially because you probably wouldn’t make me get hurricane shutters on the windows of my very traditional house. Shudder…..

  3. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 am Alex Says:

    oh, yeah- and yay!! for the nomination! You totally deserve it!!!

  4. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:20 am mepsipax Says:

    Wow, that is awesome. I will totally vote for you… however, the bloggess is a pretty big deal. Just saying. Congrats.

  5. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:27 am Titanium Says:

    I voted for you about fifteen minutes ago and went screaming around my office, shouting at all my coffee-less coworkers to do the same. When the put down their pitchforks and have some caffeine, I’m sure they’ll see the light.

    Congratulations! You rock.

  6. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:30 am injaynesworld Says:

    Congrats, Aunt Becky.

  7. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:38 am denise Says:

    really??? youre surprised???? you are one high-larious mofo………now it will be all the more recognized 🙂


  8. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:39 am Jill Says:

    I voted for you!!! AND after I Tweeted about how I was torn between voting for you and The Bloggess because you are both so full of teh funny awesome, The Bloggess herself DM’d me and told me to vote for you!!!

    Also, that happened to our mailbox last year too. Well, not exactly that. Just the box part got knocked off of ours, so it was fixable. And it was 100% the work of a snow plow. But several weeks ago our neighbors’ mail box was completely torn off it’s stand and they still haven’t replaced it. I am absolutely baffled by this because HOW DO THEY GET THEIR MAIL? Do they actually have to drive 5 minutes every day to pick it up at the post office?

    Anyway, good luck with the Bloggies. You totally deserve it!!

  9. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:39 am Maria Says:

    You’re gonna have a lot of us bitches to marry, yo! Hee.

  10. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:45 am Christa Says:

    Looks to me like you are a few zip ties away from being that neighbor on the block that everyone “loves”.

  11. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:53 am Shell Says:

    I see how you are. Asking every person you come in contact with to marry you. Hrmph. See if let you use my word now.

    I’ll still vote for you, though.

  12. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:56 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Congrats! I voted for you!

    I think the mailbox is your fault because you used a wood post instead of a steel one or had one of those elaborate brick mail box tombs constructed. Around here boys with bats in cars often make mailboxes look like yours and our complaints to law enforcement are met with “well you do just have a plastic box sitting on a wooden stick.” Like we’re asking for it or something

  13. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:01 pm Working Mommy Says:

    If I was your neighbor…I’d walk away with the entire thing…just to see what you’d say! Hahahaha!


  14. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 pm a Says:

    Why yes, I will marry you…on the condition that I can immediately quit my job and laze around the house all day. I’m sure the kids will raise themselves.

    Congrats on the nomination! You are faintly amusing. 🙂

  15. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 pm gaylin Says:

    My mailbox is in the lobby of my apartment building – completely safe from snow plows. Oh wait, we haven’t gotten any snow yet this winter!

    I figured out years ago that is bugs the crap out of my boss when I admit I made a mistake, totally own up to it. Then he can’t yell at me! Ha, big loser.

    Yes, I will marry you, it will be an international event!

  16. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:08 pm moonspun Says:

    oh that mail box looks so so sad! OUr first winter ours got completely covered in snow and we had to go pick up our mail for three weeks in town. It’s in a bucket of concrete and is hell to move…
    And congrats…you go, funny girl!

  17. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:09 pm a Says:

    And, my city took out my mailbox once – I think with the snowplow. They took it away, got it welded back together and put it back in place rather quickly! But, then, they know me at the village hall because I like to call and complain about stuff. Especially about snowplows. Especially when they put 6 foot snow mountains at the entrance to my driveway.

  18. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:11 pm The Crazy Suburban Mom Says:

    I totally voted but I did think we were getting married…

  19. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:18 pm monique Says:

    yes. I totally accept your proposal. Where is my sparkly rock?

  20. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:19 pm carissajaded Says:

    Congrats Congrats Congrats!!!!! I voted and I will do it again!!! I think we can win this!!

    And ewwwwww to the person who did that to your mailbox. Although I would also enjoy the fact that it was annoying my neighbors…

  21. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:20 pm Chris Illuminati Says:

    May your ballot box be as stuffed as my sister’s training brazier

  22. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:23 pm Melissa Says:

    I voted for you! Well it will finish voting I guess when I get home on my home account. They send you an e-mail or some shit like that.

    My WV over there was To Barium! To Barium indeed..

  23. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:31 pm Brooke Says:

    I’m going to respectfully decline my proposal because I just got real married 3 months ago. Ask me again in 6 months 🙂 I voted for you, of course.

  24. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:44 pm Miss Spoken Says:

    You dirty whore …


  25. On January 22nd, 2010 at 12:59 pm amber Says:

    Well, I’m not much into polygamy, so I don’t think we can be married, but I’ll totally let you buy me a vacation home in the Caribbean when you strike it rich…which is, of course, only a matter of time.

    I’ve always thought it would be kind of nice to be a kept woman…

  26. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:06 pm Patty Punker Says:

    i have a dowry and these other people don’t. you’re mine all mine. so voted for you! congrats!

  27. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:17 pm Kristin Says:

    HUGE CONGRATS…you totally deserve it!

  28. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:22 pm DG at Diaryofamadabathroom Says:

    Congratulations! I will get out there and vote for you. I don’t read any of the “big names”, so no worries here.

  29. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:23 pm Laura Says:

    Congratulations that is awesome! Also congrats on ticking off your neighbors with your PWT mailbox!

  30. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:37 pm GingerB Says:

    You deserve it, snookums.

  31. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:37 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Does this mean our engagement is off? I already have the dress picked out, permission from Mr. Soup and the church reserved. Even have matching outfits for our matching daughters….and now you go get someone else?

    You bitch.

  32. On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:53 pm Rebecca Says:

    I just voted for you and if I can, I’ll do it tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that …..

  33. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:00 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Sure I’ll marry you. We can be like that family on Big Love. Only we’re way cooler, funnier, and hotter than those chicks. And why does that one chick always dress like she’s in little house on the prairie anyway?? Hmph. Going to vote right now. 🙂

  34. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:03 pm Kelly Says:

    Voted. Jealous of multiple proposals…will you still be my Aunt?

  35. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:04 pm Sharon Says:

    Re: mailbox
    No doubt you have been cursed by your voodoo pact with the devil.

    Off to vote for you now.

  36. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:05 pm KeepingYouAwake Says:

    Look, it’d be a whole lot easier to admit the truth, don’t you think?

    Your mailbox couldn’t handle the weight of all your fan mail and it was crushed. You’re going to NEED one of the brick tombs that stacey@Havoc&Mayhem suggested, or park a flatbed next to it.

    For reals, you’re pretty awesome. My vote IS NOT in yet, so add one to the stack, baby.

  37. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:12 pm existentialwaitress Says:

    Congrats! You totally deserve it! i love your blog and I’m voting for you.

  38. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:13 pm WebSavvyMom Says:

    –>You’re my favorite Aunt Becky for sure!
    Well, I don’t have an Aunt Becky but if I did, you’d still be my favorite!
    Congrats and good luck!


  39. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:13 pm Kathleen Says:

    Good luck! You have my vote. 🙂

  40. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:16 pm Joanna Says:

    Fuck yeah! Just voted!

  41. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:18 pm mumma boo Says:

    See what happens when you yell at the kids to get off your lawn? Damn kids.

    Congrats on the nomination! You know you’ve got my vote, baby. Even if you are cheating with the rest of the internet. Harrumph.

  42. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:21 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    That picture is hilarious!

    Congrats on being nominated! Don’t sell yourself too short, you never know what could happen!!

  43. On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:22 pm Mystern Says:

    Gratz on the bloggie nomo!

    And yeah . . . that mailbox . . . um . . .

    That sucks that it happened . . . but it uh . . .

    Yeah I didn’t have anything to do with it.

  44. On January 22nd, 2010 at 3:06 pm Mikey D Says:

    I was going to vote for you… but then I got distracted by the cake blog… maybe next year!

  45. On January 22nd, 2010 at 3:16 pm linzm0 Says:

    I was born in Utah, so I *might* be able to have multiple spouses. Fuck yeah I’ll marry you!

    …and I totally voted for you! Woohoo!

  46. On January 22nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm Badass Geek Says:

    Talk about a snow plow fail, too.

  47. On January 22nd, 2010 at 3:23 pm Choleesa Says:

    no proposal necessary, the humping was enough.

  48. On January 22nd, 2010 at 4:03 pm Elly Lou Says:

    …and it all started by blogging about your vag. I hope you take her out somewhere nice to celebrate. She’s earned it.

  49. On January 22nd, 2010 at 4:08 pm Liz in Virginia Says:

    So with all the marrying and what-not, apparently you are going to have to be some sort of Fundamentalist Mormon polygamous lesbian which I don’t even think they make yet so you can be the first. So that’s a plus.

  50. On January 22nd, 2010 at 4:39 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    Don’t say “there’s no way”!! Say, “I fucking rock and I deserve this Bloggie!” Because you do! So there. Kiss my ass.

  51. On January 22nd, 2010 at 5:51 pm linlah Says:

    Don’t underestimate yourself.

  52. On January 22nd, 2010 at 6:08 pm Toni Says:

    See, if you had NOT mentioned it, I would not have known that I was supposed to vote. So not only did you get my vote (although, I do like People of Walmart – you just can’t make that shit up) – and I voted for some other blogs 🙂

    Congrats for the nomination. Perhaps they’ll at least send you a badge for your sash!!

  53. On January 22nd, 2010 at 6:43 pm joann Mannix Says:

    I voted and i spread the word all over town to vote, vote, vote for Aunt Becky. You are the queen of fun and the vajayjay. Congratulations and start tooting your horn, girl!

    Last month, we found our little flag snapped off our mailbox, bent in pieces and thrown on the ground. I think it was our mail lady. She got pissed off when my husband used an old stamp and she sent it back with the request for a cent more. He taped a dollar to the envelope, with the bold print, “Really? Keep the change for the rest of the old stamps I might use.”

    I don’t think she liked that very much. She also won’t deliver our mail if our garbage men throw the cans too close to the mailbox. She leaves a note on the box saying the cans interfered with her delivery. But, she can leave a note, just not the mail?

    I think she might need a new job. I’m afraid for the other postal workers, with her anger issues.

    Once again, Big Love for your nomination. Becky rules.

  54. On January 22nd, 2010 at 6:47 pm avasmommy Says:

    Of course I’m voting for you, you sexay bitch. 😀

    We’ll discuss compensation later.


  55. On January 22nd, 2010 at 7:52 pm blueviolet Says:

    You’re loved and you totally deserve it!!!!

  56. On January 22nd, 2010 at 8:38 pm Trista Says:

    Congratulations – that’s fantastic!

    And those snowplough guys are fuckers. They smashed our recycling bin to bits, and now we can’t figure out how to get the garbage truck to take away our recycling bin because it’s GARBAGE now.

  57. On January 22nd, 2010 at 10:46 pm Chris Mancini Says:

    Congrats! You should see who the other nominees are and see if any of them live near your mailbox. I’m just saying, there are no coincidences.

  58. On January 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 pm Krissa Says:

    Wow! Could you scratch a little to the left? OK, OK, I’m off to vote for you!

  59. On January 23rd, 2010 at 12:07 am The Expatresse Says:

    I voted for you on the Bloggies. (The Bloggess is in two categories, so I got her covered, too)

    BUT, I just passed you on the poll. It is a lesser competition, of course.

    However, I have to admit I did a little dance and posted on FB “just passed Mommy Wants Vodka (who is a well-known blogger!)!!!!”

  60. On January 23rd, 2010 at 1:10 am Randa Says:

    I went and voted, but I might have to try again because I didn’t get the confirmation email. And I love you and the Bloggess so I voted for her in the other category that she was in. The rest of it was Greek to me. Because I don’t have a huge list of bloggers that I read and most of them are not on that list. So I just chose at random. I’m crossing fingers that you get the award!

  61. On January 23rd, 2010 at 11:30 am Fizzle Says:

    1) When my sister first started driving, she was leaving for work and backed out of the driveway… swinging the front end of her car into our STEEL mailbox post (cemented in the ground with about a million gallons of concrete). She continued on to work and called my mom to say that “she may have bumped the mailbox”. She drilled the thing TO THE GROUND.

    2) This was not the first time we had a jank mailbox– OH no. The local talent bashed in our mailbox with a baseball bat when I was 6 or so. My dad hammered it back out, and then LEFT it there… all shitty and bash-y and paint-peel-y. Finally, when I was about 12, I noticed at the store that a new (cheap, black, aluminum) mailbox cost like… FIVE dollars. So I complained that it would ruin my life if my friends came over and saw our horrid excuse for a mailbox. So 6 years later… New box.

    Just think– it adds character to your loverly home. 🙂

  62. On January 23rd, 2010 at 11:42 am Zakary Says:

    The mailbox makes me laugh. I can just see the mailman trying to deliver your mail and shaking his fist at your house.

    And I so already voted for you. Like on Wednesday. Get with it. 🙂

  63. On January 23rd, 2010 at 11:59 am Will Says:

    Congrats! You deserve it!

  64. On January 23rd, 2010 at 12:13 pm Sarah @ Spilled Sweet Tea Says:

    Whoa, congratulations on the nomination! I am bebopping over there right now to vote for you!

  65. On January 23rd, 2010 at 4:37 pm Minnie Says:

    Go you! So glad. You’ve got my vote.

  66. On January 23rd, 2010 at 5:39 pm Christina (Apron Strings) Says:

    God’s is just mad because you are funny than he is.

  67. On January 23rd, 2010 at 8:43 pm MommyNamedApril Says:

    yay 🙂 i totally voted for you. but i won’t marry you. maybe just a tawdry affair?

  68. On January 24th, 2010 at 9:11 am Collette Says:

    Love the mailbox! You may need to jazz it up a bit or at least point it out so the mail carrier sees it. (My DH is one so I KNOW how they are…heehee) Maybe some lights & a neon sign to show where it’s at…lol. (((HUGS)))

  69. On January 24th, 2010 at 12:19 pm Soxy Deb Says:

    Your mail carrier must love it! LMAO!

    I’ll vote if I can get a little more of the up, down, left and right action.

  70. On January 24th, 2010 at 3:35 pm Jessica Says:

    Mailbox fail = shitty. The bloggies?!? Awesome…which in your brain pretty much = “what mailbox?…”


  71. On January 24th, 2010 at 9:20 pm Melisa Says:

    totally voted for you, because you are my long lost soul sister, and that’s what sisters do. I would like to cast my opinion on here right now: YOU WILL WIN! Just step aside, all non-believers!

  72. On January 25th, 2010 at 10:21 am S Says:

    Yay for you!
    Call your highway dept and they should be able to tack a 2×4 on the side to hold it up. 🙂 Speaking from experience………..

  73. On January 25th, 2010 at 1:39 pm The Only Girl Says:

    That’s awesome! Congrats. I’ll head over now and throw you a vote.

  74. On January 29th, 2010 at 1:41 pm kckarla Says:

    I wasn’t surprised to see you nominated…I was totally not surprised! At the risk of sounding totally like a geek…you’ve already won in my book. You rock sister!

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